3 Ways to Celebrate Platonic Relationships This February

3 Ways to Celebrate Platonic Relationships This February

Romantic relationships get a lot of attention this time of year, because Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. When we think of demonstrating our love for others, we usually think of romantic relationships first. There are lots of cultural scripts that encourage us to prioritize romantic relationships above platonic ones. It’s becoming more and more common for folks to celebrate friendships, but it can also be hard to find the time or the energy, especially in the middle of winter. 

There’s only so much energy to go around right now. We’re coming up on our third spring in this pandemic, and burnout is everywhere. When you’re burned out, the idea of doing anything, let alone the emotional labor required to maintain relationships, can be too much. If you’re feeling that way right now, you’re not alone. It’s okay to reassess what you’re able to handle relationship wise right now, and set new boundaries if necessary. 

It’s also important to note that some people simply aren’t interested in romance for whatever reason. Some folks like their independence as a single person, others might be aromantic or somewhere else on the ace spectrum. It can be jarring sometimes to see someone not following certain cultural expectations, like getting married and having 2.5 kids, but it’s also helpful for everyone to see that there’s not just one way to live your life. It’s possible to deviate from the script, and seeing someone do that can be eye opening and even give you permission to do that yourself. 

Another cultural expectation is that friendship goes on the back burner once you reach adulthood and start forming a life of your own. Some folks certainly prefer to search for a romantic partner and prioritize that relationship above the other ones in their lives, especially if they have a family together. That’s not the only way to manage relationships in adulthood, though. Some people prefer to focus on non-romantic relationships, and that’s a fine choice too. But because it’s kind of expected for folks to overlook friendships, it can be hard to find resources for how to nurture those relationships. 

Investing in our platonic relationships can help us feel more confident and secure in romantic relationships. As you nurture the relationships and connections you have outside of your romantic life, it will feel less scary being abandoned by a romantic partner. It’s often frightening to imagine what you’ll do without your partner or without a future partner, but romance isn’t the only way to make connections that can support you during hard times. Family, friends, and even coworkers can help you see that there are lots of people out there who care about you and who you can lean on, even if your romantic relationship ends. 

However you choose to structure and prioritize your relationships, it can be fun to celebrate them every once in a while. It’s pretty easy to find lists or ideas for how to celebrate romantic love, but it’s tougher to find ideas for non-romantic relationships.

If you’re looking for ways to celebrate the platonic loves in your life, here are 3 ideas to consider:

Along with Valentine’s Day, celebrate Palentine’s Day

There’s no rule saying you can’t celebrate all kinds of love this February! Enjoy Valentine’s Day, but consider celebrating your buddies too. Palentine's Day is a made up holiday focused on celebrating friendship, inspired by Galentine’s Day, a fictional holiday from the TV show Parks & Rec, that is focused on “ladies celebrating ladies.” Palentine's Day is a gender neutral way to celebrate the pals in your life (after all, not everyone’s pals are ladies!). You don’t have to throw a party or make everything perfect, but setting aside a specific time to celebrate friendships can really lift the spirits. Even if you can’t meet in person, you can send love notes to your pals telling them what you love about them. 

Make a scrapbook or online photo album with some of your cherished memories

Most of us have thousands of pictures on our phones, but how often do we go back and remember what we were taking photos of? If it’s been a while since you’ve held physical photos, getting some favorites printed can be a sweet way to remind yourself of the people you love. Deciding what photos to print can also be a nice excuse to go scrolling through your pics and reminisce about your memories. If you’re not into printing physical copies or if that’s not accessible for you, try creating an online scrapbook or photo album every once in a while to give you a reason to revisit your memories, especially with the people you love. Sharing photos, whether physical or digital, is another nice way to show people you’re thinking of them. 

Send your friends a love note

At this point, we’re all pretty tired of meeting up with our people virtually or over the phone. We’ve been semi-isolated for a few years now, and all our usual methods of communication are kind of getting old. To spice things up, send your loved ones some snail mail! It’s always fun to get an unexpected surprise in the mail, and getting a little love note from someone you care about can make someone’s whole week! Sending snail mail also lets you be a little more creative than an email, text, or video call. You can include more than just a note, you can decorate the envelope, write on fancy paper, even seal it with wax! Have fun with it and your loved ones will have fun receiving it. 

If you’re looking for more ways to nurture your relationships, whether romantic or platonic, talking with a therapist can help you discover what your needs are and how to ask for them, as well as give you a safe space to process any issues that come up in your relationships.

Adult relationships can get messy sometimes, and it can be a relief knowing that you’ll be able to talk it all through with someone who gets it. Get in touch with us today to get started!

6 Tips for Having Difficult Conversations with Your Partner

Every relationship has ups and downs.

No lasting relationship exists without conflict, so knowing how to address it in a healthy way is crucial for a healthy, lasting relationship. It requires a deep vulnerability and a commitment to be honest, which can be very scary! The more vulnerable and honest we are, the more we feel others have the power to hurt us, even unintentionally. And it can be hard to go to your partner and tell them you’re unhappy about something in your relationship. 

But the truth is, if you didn’t care about the relationship, you wouldn't say anything at all! You would probably just go your own way, and the relationship would be over. It shows how important a relationship is when you’re willing to take that risk to be vulnerable in an attempt to be seen and understood–and hopefully it will allow you and your partner to grow closer.

However, we know that it does feel scary to broach a difficult conversation with a partner.

So to help you, we’ve put together 6 tips for having difficult conversations with your partner: 

Remember your partner is human: 

Even if they have done something that upset you, it’s likely their intention was not to cause you any harm. Remind yourself of a time when you let someone down without intending to, and consider how you wish they had engaged with you. This doesn’t mean to excuse behavior that is a problem, just to go into the conversation with the assumption your partner didn’t mean to hurt you, that they want to learn to be the best partner they can be, but that they will sometimes mess up. 

Understand your own feelings first: 

Take a moment to make sure you understand why you’re upset. Are you upset because your partner is on their phone anytime you watch TV together, or are you upset because it feels like there is very little time where the two of you feel present together? When you figure out what it is you’re actually having an emotional response to, you can communicate your needs much more clearly. And it helps to make sure you’re having a conversation about what actually matters–in this case, it’s not so much about phone usage, but feeling disconnected from one another. So the solution might be to put your phone away at certain times, but it might be something different. Focus on the root of the issue, not just the incident that felt like the tipping point. 

Understand your intention with the conversation: 

What is it you want to happen when you open up to your partner like this? Are you looking for them to just hear your feelings, or do you want them to help “solve” the problem? Sometimes, things are small one-time occurrences, and we might feel that all we need to do is point out what upset us and trust our partner to hear us. But sometimes, the issue is larger or more ongoing. In that case, if your intention is problem solving, remember that you and your partner are a team, and it’s the pair of you vs the problem, not you vs them. 

Be intentional about when you talk: 

When you need to have a serious conversation, you don’t want to feel like you’re just barely squeezing it in. You also don’t want you or your partner to be distracted or pulled away while in the middle of the conversation. So find a time that you are both free to sit and talk for a long time, so you can really focus on one another and not feel rushed or like you weren’t able to really get into it. 

Commit to understanding their side: 

Just as you want them to hear and understand you, give them space to talk so you can do the same. And don’t just listen to respond–really sit and actively listen. What are they saying? What are they hoping you’ll understand? Was this something you knew before? 

Fight fair:

Don’t bring up little annoyances you’ve let slide under the rug. Don’t dredge up an old argument to help “prove your point.” If you feel things getting too heated, suggest a break so that you can both take time to cool off and come back when you’re ready to hear one another.  

If you need some extra support in having difficult conversations with your partner, we can help. Contact us today! 

5 Tips to Start Journaling for the First Time

5 Tips to Start Journaling for the First Time

Have you ever tried to keep a journal?

It can be a hard practice to keep up. And it can feel intimidating to start! If you’ve been on Pinterest or Instagram in the past few years, you’ve surely seen some bullet journals–a huge new trend in the world of journaling! 

Bullet journaling is meant as a mindfulness practice, and a method of rapid journaling dependent on shorthand so it can remain simple and easy to understand at a glance. However, the trend has taken off massively, especially amongst creatives, who have taken the basics of the bullet journal and made them much more elaborate or decorated records of their day to day life. 

This method of bullet journaling can be intimidating to start with. It requires a lot of forethought to figure out how you will lay out your month’s pages, what you want to keep track of, etc. So it’s easy to start out with big ambitions, and eventually get overwhelmed. 

But bullet journaling isn’t the only option out there for a regular, mindful journaling practice. And, it’s better to pick a method that can easily fit into your existing routine, until it becomes a habit for you. Eventually you may like journaling so much you might want to take all of that time to set up your pages for the month ahead! But until you know that will fill your cup, try to give yourself a more accessible goal for a beginner. 

Here are 5 tips for first time journalers getting started: 

You don’t have to have a paper journal: 

While it’s always nice to take a break from screens, and having a physical paper journal can help you ground yourself in the present moment, if you don’t want to go out and buy one before you’re a constant journal-er you don’t have to! You can keep a journal in your phone, in a notes app, or on your laptop in a blank word document. 

Give yourself some “rules”: 

Forming a daily journaling habit can seem daunting at first. You might think, what will I write about every day? What if I can’t think of anything? That’s why it can be helpful to have some sort of guide of what you want to get in your journal. Maybe you write one thing you struggled with, one thing you enjoyed, and an update about something in your life. That’s three quick sentences and you can say you’ve written in your journal that day! It doesn’t have to be those questions, pick ones that work for you. You can use those “rules” for what to write about everyday or just days when you can’t think of what to write! It’s totally up to you. 

Schedule it into your day: 

Leaving your journaling practice for “whenever you have time” will quickly turn into you never having time to journal. So pick ten minutes of your day, and block them off in your calendar. Those are your journaling minutes! It can be whenever works for you, but make sure you commit to including it in your schedule. 

Don’t be afraid to try new techniques: 

There are a lot of journaling techniques out there that people have written all about. If one style of journaling just feels frustrating and fruitless, allow yourself to let that style go! You’re not obligated to journal the same way forever, just because you tried it once. Follow your own needs, and give yourself permission to try different styles until you find one you like.  

Pair it with something you enjoy: 

Journaling shouldn’t always feel like a chore. As you’re getting started it might feel a little chore-like, but as the habit develops it should be something you enjoy! Treat it like something special; maybe you have some fancy chocolates you can pair with your journaling habit, or make yourself a warm cup of coffee to savor as you reflect on your day. Make journaling a pleasure! 

If you need some extra support in figuring out how to start your journey of self care and self reflection, we can help. Contact us today! 

Reaffirming Your Covid Boundaries

Welcome to the New Year! 

As we enter 2022, it’s a good time to take a moment to pause and reflect on your boundaries. We’re still in a pandemic, so boundaries are something that have been shifting and changing for all of us over the last two years.

It’s natural for boundaries to shift and change over time.

And it’s not a sign that the boundary isn’t working or hasn’t served you. But as time goes on, much of our lives change! Even if we don’t notice it, as it happens gradually day to day, we’ve changed a lot in a year. And as we change, we need to consider which of our habits and boundaries are serving us, and which we should let go of. 

And, as Covid cases rise and fall, it’s important to know where your boundaries are, so you can make choices based on your own feelings of comfort and safety, and not based on what you think others want you to do. 

When was the last time you reconsidered your pandemic boundaries? You probably do it without noticing day to day, when you decide where you need to mask up, and where your risk is lower. But it’s always a good idea to take some time to really intentionally reflect on your comfort levels and what will make you feel safe as we continue to navigate this pandemic. That way you can feel confident when you need to communicate and enforce them, because you’ve taken the time to really understand your needs. 

Questions you can ask yourself to reflect on your Covid boundaries:

• What are the cases looking like in my local area?

• What are the recommended precautions in my area?

• How many people do I intend to see on a regular basis?

• Do I know (in general) how many people they interact with daily?

• Do I know who of my social circle is vaccinated? 

• Will I be around anyone who cannot get vaccinated?

• Do I have underlying health risks I need to be concerned about?

These are all questions you’ve probably asked yourself before. But taking time to sit with them again as circumstances change throughout the pandemic can help ease anxiety, as it’s a way for you to take control of what you’re able to, when so much else is out of your control. 

Now that we’re so deep into the pandemic, some of our boundaries are becoming more relaxed, so it can feel tough to reinforce firm boundaries.

It can be so hard to go back to strict boundaries after relaxing them a bit, especially if you worry it will offend your loved ones. But not sticking to your boundaries can make it even harder to enforce new ones when you need to. While it may be uncomfortable it’s important to communicate that your boundaries are not up for negotiation. 

If you need help figuring out how to word your boundaries as you communicate them, you can find examples here! 

If you need support setting and communicating your boundaries, we can help. Our clinicians are trained in evidence-based treatments that can help change the way you treat yourself. Get in touch today to book a session!