5 Ways to Show Some Self-Compassion

Are you nice to yourself? 

You may not know how to answer this question, and that’s okay. The idea of being nice to ourselves, also known as showing self-compassion, can be a tricky one to wrap your head around. After all - you are intimately familiar with all of your flaws and shortcomings, so how can you be nice + compassionate to yourself? 

What does being self-compassionate even mean?Self-compassion is basically how kind you are to yourself. When you're compassionate with others, you are probably caring, free of judgment, kind and gentle, right? Instead of (or in addition to) turning that toward others, self-compassion is about giving yourself that same gift. 

For the most part, being nice to yourself can look like taking care of your mental, emotional, and physical needs and being gentle and understanding with yourself. It can also look like asking for help when you need it, saying no when you need to, and continuing to learn new things. 

When things are going well for you, you might not even really notice your inner critic, or you might notice it and not think it’s too big of a problem. However, when things get tough (say, in the middle of a global pandemic where every hour brings new, confusing information), having a buffer between you and your inner critic can be the difference between feeling rotten and feeling okay. You can't pour from an empty cup, and especially in times like these, it's important for everyone to do their part to help everyone else. If you identify as someone who is a caretaker, you might feel resistance to the idea of taking care of yourself. Remember that caring about yourself makes it seem authentic when you care about others. You can start helping others by being kind to yourself. 

Self-compassion doesn't mean that you always need to feel great about yourself. It simply means that you don't fall apart when you don't feel great about yourself. Even when you're struggling, self-compassion lets you forgive yourself for struggling, understand that you're doing your best, and move on. So, here are 5 ways you can start to  cultivate self-compassion in your day to day life: 

Treat yourself like you're your best friend (or your younger self)

You might have a hard time being nice to yourself, but how about your best friend? Think about your inner critic, and the messages you tell yourself all the time. Would you talk to your best friend that way? Of course not! So don’t talk to yourself that way, either. If you don’t want to picture talking to your best friend, another option is to picture your younger self (any age you want, but 5-10 is a good range to start with). Would you be mean to little you? Or would you find a way to express yourself more kindly? 

Remember that everyone's thinking about you a lot less than you assume

This isn’t meant to make you feel bad, but you probably think about yourself more than anyone else does. After all, you’re stuck with yourself for your whole life! If you’re critical to yourself because of how you think others see you, remind yourself that everyone is probably thinking about you a lot less than you assume. Instead of making you feel unimportant, this can make you feel more confident in yourself moving in the world. 

Don’t believe everything you think

Just because you have thoughts doesn't mean they're true. When you notice a mean thought 

about yourself come through your mind, you can take a moment, notice it, and say to yourself 

"I'm so glad that's not true!" or "What a mean thought! I know that's not the truth, though," and move on with your day instead of getting caught up in a negative thought spiral. 

Feel your feelings

You don't have to pretend to stay strong all of the time - being compassionate toward yourself means that you won't judge whatever reaction you have. if you need to cry, scream, sleep, laugh, or do something else, that’s perfectly fine. Instead of avoiding your feelings or pretending they’re not there, lean into your feelings and be compassionate toward yourself for having them. 

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is a powerful tool to retrain your brain. With regular mindfulness practice, you can learn to judge yourself less. Instead of focusing on worries for the future, or regrets from the past, focus on only the present moment. Tune in with how you feel mentally, physically, and spiritually. Learn how your brain works when you are intentional with your thoughts. 

Even if you don’t feel like it, you deserve to feel self-compassion. If you need help bringing more self-compassion into your life, our therapists can help. Get in touch today!

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Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!