What It’s Like to Discover You’re Neurodivergent as an Adult

Have you ever wondered if you’re neurodivergent?

In the last few years, there has been a growing awareness around neurodiversity and how some brains work differently than others. This increased understanding of what it means to be neurodivergent has helped many people realize that they themselves are neurodivergent and to seek a diagnosis later in life. 

What does it mean to be neurodivergent?

Neurodivergent means to have a brain that works differently to what is commonly considered “normal”. If that seems like a broad definition, it is. Neurodivergence is an umbrella term that encompasses a variety of different experiences and conditions, including:

• ADHD

• Dyslexia

• Dyscalcula

• Sensory Processing Disorder

• PTSD and C-PTSD

• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

• Bipolar Disorder

• Schizophrenia

• Misophonia

Neurodivergent people may experience differences in the ways they process or express information; sensory differences; communication differences; memory differences; sleep differences; eating differences; emotional differences; and time perception differences, among others. 

Why late diagnosis is common

While some people are identified as neurodivergent in childhood, for others it isn’t until they’re adults. This is known as late diagnosis, and there’s a variety of reasons why it happens. 

One reason why it may seem like more people are neurodivergent these days is because historically, neurodivergence has been under-recognized and underdiagnosed, especially in groups that have been marginalized. 

Late diagnosis of ADHD and autism has been especially common with women and those assigned female at birth, often because these conditions can present differently in different genders, which can make diagnosis trickier. Sometimes the signs of neurodivergence were written off as personality traits or other mental health disorders like depression. Neurodivergent people also learn early on to mask, or hide, their symptoms by mimicking neurotypical behavior so they can blend in and not be seen as different or weird. Masking is a self-preservation technique that helps neurodivergent people blend in with everyone else, so they’re not singled out. 

Not being diagnosed until later in life can seriously impact a person’s self esteem and overall mental health. Many neurodivergent folks grow up recognizing that something is different about the way they move through the world, and this can lead to internalizing the idea that there is something wrong with them. 

With the recent increase in awareness and education about neurodivergence, more people have been able to spot symptoms in themselves and advocate for a diagnosis. 

What you may feel after late diagnosis of neurodivergence

If you’ve been diagnosed as neurodivergent later in life, you will likely feel a wide range of emotions, including: 

• Relief at finally having an explanation for lifelong struggles, as well as feeling seen and validated.

• Grief of mourning the past and wondering how life might have been different with earlier support or intervention. 

• Anger and frustration about feeling let down by a system that failed to listen to you or recognize your neurodivergence sooner.

• Confusion & Doubt and questioning whether your diagnosis is "real" or if things are really bad enough to warrant a diagnosis, or doubt that this time the diagnosis is accurate, when they haven’t been in the past.

• Hope that finding new tools, self-acceptance, and better self-understanding will help you improve your overall well-being.

How late diagnosis can impact your life

Finding out you’re neurodivergent as an adult can impact every area of your life. It might answer questions you’ve had about yourself for a long time and raise other questions about how to move forward. 

Finding out you’re neurodivergent can help you understand why you’ve struggled in the past at work, in relationships, with your mental health, and with your self-perception. Late diagnosis can help you advocate for yourself more effectively, especially when seeking accommodations. When you understand why you might have a harder time with something, it can help you communicate your needs more clearly to others. In addition, you can start to explore your identity and self-worth outside of neurotypical expectations. 

So, you’re neurodivergent. What comes next? 

If you find out later in life that you’re neurodivergent, you might be wondering how to move forward with that information. You’ve probably known that something was going on for a while, maybe even as far back as you can remember, but you’ve also learned how to mask your symptoms and blend in with neurotypical folks. It can take time to unlearn what you’ve had to learn to get this far in life. Here are some things that can help:

Learn about neurodivergence

Learning more about what it means to be neurodivergent can be validating and affirming, and help you feel less alone in your experiences. Look into books and podcasts that discuss the neurodivergent experience, and explore online communities to find resources and connection with other folks who get it. 

Explore accommodations 

Understanding how your brain works differently can help you advocate for accommodations for yourself. Explore accommodations and adjustments that other people with your diagnosis find helpful. Searching in online forums related to your diagnosis can help you learn from the lived experience of others who share your diagnosis. For example, if you struggle with sensory difficulties, explore how others have adjusted their spaces to be more sensory-friendly. If you struggle with executive function skills, explore tools that are designed to support your executive functioning.  

Practice unmasking & self-acceptance

Allowing yourself to unmask can be incredibly powerful. When you unmask, you can drop the neurotypical expectations that are around you and embrace your authentic self. The way your brain works is beautiful, even if it’s different from what’s considered “normal”. There are many, many benefits to having a mind that works differently, from creativity, to spotting patterns, to finding solutions to problems. See if you can identify some areas where your neurodivergence gives you an advantage, and remember those when you’re struggling. 

Seek community

It can be incredibly healing to connect with other late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults. Online spaces, local support groups, and advocacy organizations can all be good places to start when looking for other neurodivergent people to connect with. The validation of hearing “me too” and realizing you’re not alone is priceless!

Work with a neurodiversity-affirming therapist

Neurodivergence is different for everyone, and personalized support can help you after late diagnosis. A neurodiversity-affirming therapist can help you learn more about how your brain works, explore accommodations, and practice self-acceptance without having to worry about being judged. 

Are you looking for late diagnosis support as a neurodivergent person? Our neurodiversity-affirming therapists in Virginia, Maryland, and Washington DC can help you embrace your neurodivergence as part of who you are. We also offer neuropsychological evaluations if you’re looking to find answers. Contact us to find the option that’s right for you.