What It’s Like to Discover You’re Neurodivergent as an Adult

Have you ever wondered if you’re neurodivergent?

In the last few years, there has been a growing awareness around neurodiversity and how some brains work differently than others. This increased understanding of what it means to be neurodivergent has helped many people realize that they themselves are neurodivergent and to seek a diagnosis later in life. 

What does it mean to be neurodivergent?

Neurodivergent means to have a brain that works differently to what is commonly considered “normal”. If that seems like a broad definition, it is. Neurodivergence is an umbrella term that encompasses a variety of different experiences and conditions, including:

• ADHD

• Dyslexia

• Dyscalcula

• Sensory Processing Disorder

• PTSD and C-PTSD

• Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

• Bipolar Disorder

• Schizophrenia

• Misophonia

Neurodivergent people may experience differences in the ways they process or express information; sensory differences; communication differences; memory differences; sleep differences; eating differences; emotional differences; and time perception differences, among others. 

Why late diagnosis is common

While some people are identified as neurodivergent in childhood, for others it isn’t until they’re adults. This is known as late diagnosis, and there’s a variety of reasons why it happens. 

One reason why it may seem like more people are neurodivergent these days is because historically, neurodivergence has been under-recognized and underdiagnosed, especially in groups that have been marginalized. 

Late diagnosis of ADHD and autism has been especially common with women and those assigned female at birth, often because these conditions can present differently in different genders, which can make diagnosis trickier. Sometimes the signs of neurodivergence were written off as personality traits or other mental health disorders like depression. Neurodivergent people also learn early on to mask, or hide, their symptoms by mimicking neurotypical behavior so they can blend in and not be seen as different or weird. Masking is a self-preservation technique that helps neurodivergent people blend in with everyone else, so they’re not singled out. 

Not being diagnosed until later in life can seriously impact a person’s self esteem and overall mental health. Many neurodivergent folks grow up recognizing that something is different about the way they move through the world, and this can lead to internalizing the idea that there is something wrong with them. 

With the recent increase in awareness and education about neurodivergence, more people have been able to spot symptoms in themselves and advocate for a diagnosis. 

What you may feel after late diagnosis of neurodivergence

If you’ve been diagnosed as neurodivergent later in life, you will likely feel a wide range of emotions, including: 

• Relief at finally having an explanation for lifelong struggles, as well as feeling seen and validated.

• Grief of mourning the past and wondering how life might have been different with earlier support or intervention. 

• Anger and frustration about feeling let down by a system that failed to listen to you or recognize your neurodivergence sooner.

• Confusion & Doubt and questioning whether your diagnosis is "real" or if things are really bad enough to warrant a diagnosis, or doubt that this time the diagnosis is accurate, when they haven’t been in the past.

• Hope that finding new tools, self-acceptance, and better self-understanding will help you improve your overall well-being.

How late diagnosis can impact your life

Finding out you’re neurodivergent as an adult can impact every area of your life. It might answer questions you’ve had about yourself for a long time and raise other questions about how to move forward. 

Finding out you’re neurodivergent can help you understand why you’ve struggled in the past at work, in relationships, with your mental health, and with your self-perception. Late diagnosis can help you advocate for yourself more effectively, especially when seeking accommodations. When you understand why you might have a harder time with something, it can help you communicate your needs more clearly to others. In addition, you can start to explore your identity and self-worth outside of neurotypical expectations. 

So, you’re neurodivergent. What comes next? 

If you find out later in life that you’re neurodivergent, you might be wondering how to move forward with that information. You’ve probably known that something was going on for a while, maybe even as far back as you can remember, but you’ve also learned how to mask your symptoms and blend in with neurotypical folks. It can take time to unlearn what you’ve had to learn to get this far in life. Here are some things that can help:

Learn about neurodivergence

Learning more about what it means to be neurodivergent can be validating and affirming, and help you feel less alone in your experiences. Look into books and podcasts that discuss the neurodivergent experience, and explore online communities to find resources and connection with other folks who get it. 

Explore accommodations 

Understanding how your brain works differently can help you advocate for accommodations for yourself. Explore accommodations and adjustments that other people with your diagnosis find helpful. Searching in online forums related to your diagnosis can help you learn from the lived experience of others who share your diagnosis. For example, if you struggle with sensory difficulties, explore how others have adjusted their spaces to be more sensory-friendly. If you struggle with executive function skills, explore tools that are designed to support your executive functioning.  

Practice unmasking & self-acceptance

Allowing yourself to unmask can be incredibly powerful. When you unmask, you can drop the neurotypical expectations that are around you and embrace your authentic self. The way your brain works is beautiful, even if it’s different from what’s considered “normal”. There are many, many benefits to having a mind that works differently, from creativity, to spotting patterns, to finding solutions to problems. See if you can identify some areas where your neurodivergence gives you an advantage, and remember those when you’re struggling. 

Seek community

It can be incredibly healing to connect with other late-diagnosed neurodivergent adults. Online spaces, local support groups, and advocacy organizations can all be good places to start when looking for other neurodivergent people to connect with. The validation of hearing “me too” and realizing you’re not alone is priceless!

Work with a neurodiversity-affirming therapist

Neurodivergence is different for everyone, and personalized support can help you after late diagnosis. A neurodiversity-affirming therapist can help you learn more about how your brain works, explore accommodations, and practice self-acceptance without having to worry about being judged. 

Are you looking for late diagnosis support as a neurodivergent person? Our neurodiversity-affirming therapists in Virginia, Maryland, and Washington DC can help you embrace your neurodivergence as part of who you are. We also offer neuropsychological evaluations if you’re looking to find answers. Contact us to find the option that’s right for you. 

Understanding Neurodivergence: A Starting Guide

What does it mean to be neurodivergent?

The term neurodivergent can be broken down very easily: neuro = the way your brain works, and divergent = differing from the norm. So to be neurodivergent is to have a brain that works different to what is commonly considered the “norm.” Some feel the term itself implies negativity, as though the way someone’s brain works is abnormal and therefore a problem, so some folks have begun using the term neurodiverse in its place. 

Neurodiverse as a term recognizes that there is diversity amongst all brains, doesn’t place a hierarchy of what is “normal” and actually asks us all to remember that we exist on a spectrum of neurodiversity. 

You may also have heard of the term neurotypical–while within the framework of neurodiversity, we know there is not one single way a brain functions, we can also recognize the way in which our world has been structured and designed around one type of brain functioning. This is what the term neurotypical means–it is not saying that a common type of brian functioning is ideal, just that it is typical to encounter and is already baked into how we navigate daily life. 

How does neurodiversity show up?

There are many types of neurodiverse experiences and conditions including: 

• Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder

• Obsessive compulsive disorder

• Autism

• Dyslexia 

Neurodiversity is a huge umbrella term, encompassing a world of different experiences. To get started understanding some of those experiences–and to dispel myths about them you may have heard, you can read more from the following blogs: 

5 Myths to Unpack About Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

Obsessions in OCD are the repetitive, distressing, and unwelcome thoughts and fears. Compulsions are the actions taken to help relieve the distress of obsessions. Sometimes a person with OCD will experience obsessions more strongly than compulsions or vice versa. 

Compulsions can help relieve the distress and anxiety that the person is experiencing, but usually not for long. When the distress returns, the cycle begins again. Eventually, the compulsions that are used to relieve distress become a habit, and they can often get in the way of everyday life. 

Read the full blog here. 

7 Lesser Known Signs of ADHD

It’s common for ADHD to be diagnosed in school-age children, but adults can be diagnosed with it as well, and sometimes the symptoms present differently in adults than in children. It’s also important to note that women and minorities are often underdiagnosed with ADHD, whereas white men are typically diagnosed according to the popular criteria. The way that ADHD presents in adults, women, and minorities might not be the “classic” ADHD symptoms that we’re familiar with, so it’s important to understand lesser known signs of ADHD. 

Read the full blog here. 

How ADHD Presents In Adult Women

Did you know that women experience ADHD at the same rates as men? The mainstream understanding of Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is that it makes you hyper and unable to focus. However, that’s not the only way that ADHD manifests. Part of the reason that women are underdiagnosed with ADHD is that they typically experience symptoms in a less noticeable way. We also tend to think that ADHD is only diagnosed in kids because that’s what is the most common. It’s actually possible for someone of any age to be diagnosed with ADHD. Adults, women, and minorities might not have the “classic” type of ADHD so it’s not as obvious when it comes time to diagnose what is going on. 

Read the full blog here. 

There are many ways to be neurodiverse, and many ways to experience the ways in which neurodiversity stands out in a world designed for a neurotypical brain. However one common experience many neurodiverse folks have is the experience of “masking.”

Masking: What It Is and How It Shows Up

While masking can make it look like folks are adapting to the expectations of different settings, all that is really happening is certain people are learning to suppress parts of themselves. It’s motivated by fear and shame and a desire to avoid isolation. Because of this, folks on the spectrum can start to feel as though they are the issue, rather than our culture’s unwillingness to make space for them. It can start to feel as though people are overly burdened by your own natural and soothing behaviors, which causes you to suppress them, to feel shame about them, and consequently to feel shame about yourself. Folks who mask experience higher levels of stress, increased anxiety, increased depression, and have higher rates of suicidal thoughts than they’re neurotypical peers. There is also significant emotional burnout that comes from masking, leaving little to no energy for anything other than trying to be “normal.”

Read the full blog here. 

Here at Hope +Wellness we test all people but one of our specialties is in testing girls and women. We are here to help you with this — many of the individuals we test are women who have experienced many years of symptoms going unrecognized, undiagnosed, untreated, and all the associated emotional impacts — looking for answers and relief.

Take a look at our testing & evaluation services if you’re looking for support!

Masking: What It Is and How It Shows Up

Do you know what masking is?

“Masking” is a term that refers to the process of suppressing your natural behaviors in order to blend in with those around you. It’s a self preservation technique for neurodivergent people, where they work to mimic the behaviors of neurotypical people around them in order to both fit in and avoid punishment for not blending in. 

For folks on the autism spectrum, they often learn through harsh, negative, even possibly traumatic feedback from those around them that they’re behaviors are seen as annoying, inappropriate, or unwelcome in some way. Masking is the attempt to fit in without punishment or ridicule, by hiding the unpalatable of “difficult” parts of yourself. Because so many social rules are unspoken, neurodivergent folks, particularly folks on the autism spectrum, may need to rely on mimicking the behavior of the people around them in hopes of not violating those social rules when it isn’t clear what they are.  

Masking might be so ingrained in the way someone behaves that they don’t even realize they’re doing it. Things like forcing yourself to make eye contact, even when it’s naturally very distressing, or clenching your hands in fists in your pockets to avoid fidgeting or stimming in some way are both common examples of how masking shows up. Some people don’t realize that they are masking their behaviors, they just have a persistent feeling that they are constantly trying and failing to meet uncommunicated expectations. 

The habit of masking is a survival habit in a way–because so many behaviors associated with neurodivergence are stigmatized, and due to the ableism built into our culture, neurodivergent folks may find it necessary to mask in order to avoid bullying or harassment or even discrimination. 

While masking can make it look like folks are adapting to the expectations of different settings, all that is really happening is certain people are learning to suppress parts of themselves. It’s motivated by fear and shame and a desire to avoid isolation. Because of this, folks on the spectrum can start to feel as though they are the issue, rather than our culture’s unwillingness to make space for them. It can start to feel as though people are overly burdened by your own natural and soothing behaviors, which causes you to suppress them, to feel shame about them, and consequently to feel shame about yourself. Folks who mask experience higher levels of stress, increased anxiety, increased depression, and have higher rates of suicidal thoughts than they’re neurotypical peers. There is also significant emotional burnout that comes from masking, leaving little to no energy for anything other than trying to be “normal.”

Masking also presents a unique challenge when it comes to recognizing and diagnosing ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and ADHD (attention hyper deficit disorder) in young girls and women. It’s not that young girls aren’t neurodivergent, but the way they’re socialized makes it harder to recognize the traditional criteria in their behavior.  

For example, being hyper aware of their body and expectations of how they should act is something frequently socialized into girls, so how can you distinguish masking and the pressures of a patriarchal society?

Adding race in also complicates the ability to recognize traditional criteria. Just as women are required to make themselves small in our culture; people of color often feel required to make themselves palatable for their white peers. Black women have to be composed in all situations or they’re labeled the Angry Black Woman and if Black men are loud or large, they’re labeled dangerous. 

The diagnostic criteria for ASD and ADHD was modeled after young white men, and didn’t take sexist or racist social factors into account. ADHD, ASD, and other neurodevelopmental conditions often look different in girls or women and go unrecognized by clinicians. 

Here at Hope +Wellness we test all people but one of our specialties is in testing girls and women. We are here to help you with this — many of the individuals we test are women who have experienced many years of symptoms going unrecognized, undiagnosed, untreated, and all the associated emotional impacts — looking for answers and relief.

Take a look at our testing & evaluation services if you’re looking for support!