5 Things to Know if Your Teen is Dealing with Depression

It can be scary and overwhelming to learn that your teen is depressed. You want to support your child, but don’t quite know how. You watch them struggle to get up in the morning in order to make it on time to school. They aren’t getting much sleep and don’t seem to find much enjoyment in things anymore. You worry about their grades and how this will impact college admissions. Nothing you’ve tried seems to help. When they were younger, you were able to swoop in and help. But now that they are older, they don’t seem interested in it.

One of the first things to know is that you’re not alone. Many other parents are worried and experiencing similar struggles with their teen. The second thing to know is that depression is treatable and there are things that parents can do to best support their child. Below are 5 ways to help if your teen is dealing with depression.

1. Be Supportive

Listen to your teen. Let them know you are there for them to listen and support them. Try to understand things from their perspective. Empathize and try to validate their feelings without supporting any unhealthy behavior. For example, you could say, “it sounds like you’ve been feeling really low, and I know it must be difficult to get through each day. How can I support you?”

It may feel challenging to support your teen when you feel frustrated and afraid for the way their depression has been affecting them. However, your support is invaluable. Try not to be judgmental or critical, but to remain calm and compassionate.

2. Avoid Trying to Control or Fix Their Problems for Them

It may feel passive to listen and support. As a parent, you can see what they need to do and all you may want to do is problem solve and resolve their issues for them. It is natural to feel this way. However, increasing your control over their behavior and problem solving for them can come across as judgmental, controlling, or invalidating. Your teen will need to learn how to manage their feelings and problem solve on their own. Your guidance, relationship, and support are essential during this time.

3. Encourage Positive Behaviors and Coping

Depression can result from a lack of positive experience in the environment. With the pressures of high school and college admissions, this can particularly be the case. Try to notice when your teen is engaging in healthy, positive behaviors such as spending time with friends, or going on a walk to relax and unwind. Spend quality time with them and encourage them to engage in activities that will improve their activity and functioning, such as taking a run, walking the dog, spending time with friends, engaging in a hobby. Encourage these opportunities without criticism or judgment. It’s understandable that your teen may be doing less of these activities, as that is a sign of depression. Gently let them know you understand, validating their feelings, while encouraging them to continue engaging in life’s activities.

4. Learn about depression

Try to learn more about the signs and symptoms of depression. Speak with other parents and connect with resources available to you. This can help with understanding how best to support your teen, particularly if you have not experienced depression yourself. Some helpful resources include:

Child Mind Institute - Childhood and Teen Depression

Parent’s Guide to Teen Depression

Mayo Clinic - Teen Depression

5. Get Your Teen Treatment

Therapy can be a great source of support and treatment for depression. In therapy, your teen will have a safe place where they can work through their feelings and learn skills that have been found helpful and effective in managing depression. Many studies in particular, have found cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) for the treatment of depression.

Your teen may or may not be interested in therapy. This is normal. Try to involve them in your search for a therapist. Have them look through websites and meet with different therapists to get a sense of fit and connection. While the therapist will meet with teens for one on one sessions, its also important you feel comfortable with the therapist and will be able have time meeting one on one with the therapist as a parent for guidance on how best to support your child.

Overall, it can be overwhelming when your teen begins to experience symptoms of depression, but know that much can be done to help support them.

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therapist in mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

7 Ways to Cope When Life is Hard: DBT IMPROVE the moment

Sometimes painful events happen in our lives that we can’t change. Death. Serious illness. Mistakes you’ve made and now can’t take back. Disappointment. Heartbreak. In times like this, it’s hard to know what to do and how to cope. We feel helpless and out of control. We’re often tempted to avoid, to numb, to turn toward substances, self-harm, or other activities. In the short term, they help us cope. But in the long term, they are destructive and only add to our suffering.

In these circumstances, there is a certain amount of pain that is just there and which we must learn and work to tolerate and live with. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers strategies to help you tolerate distress during difficult times, in the moment — to continually turn the mind toward acceptance and healthy ways of coping with pain.

DBT Distress Tolerance: IMPROVE the Moment

Sometimes the best thing we can do in situations where we don’t have control over the outcome or the current situation is to avoid making things worse. According to DBT, one way to tolerate high levels of distress and suffering is with the acronym IMPROVE the moment, which stands for the following.

I: Imagery. Imagery is when you imagine yourself in a different situation other than the one you are in. You could imagine yourself in a safe place, a beautiful place, or simply another place that’s different than the one you’re in. Imagine a beautiful beach, a peaceful forest, in a safe place, or visualize yourself as okay and doing well.

M: Meaning. Finding meaning in the situation can help you cope with the worst of pain. This means trying to find spiritual meaning if you are spiritual. You can read books, speak to spiritual mentors or teachers, such as priests or rabbis. You can spend time writing or with friends reflecting on what the lesson could be in this, what the greater purpose might be. From finding meaning, you’ll find that you’ll have greater compassion for others in pain and better able to cope with pain yourself.

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.”

— Viktor E. Frankl

P:Prayer. Prayer can be incredibly helpful in times of crisis; it is a spiritual practice that is not necessarily religious. There are different ways to pray. One way is with words, in which you can pray to a higher power. You can talk and release some of your distress and grief. Another way to pray is by opening up. It’s not so much with words, but with your heart and emotions. Open your heart up to compassion and kindness, love and peace.

R: Relaxation. Sometimes in crises, we get tense and stressed out so it can help to relax. There are different ways to relax, including getting a massage, going on walks, and meditation. Focus on your breath and how it feels as is moves through your nose, down your throat, and your chest as it rises. Sometimes tensing and then releasing your muscles can also help.

O: One Thing in the Moment. It can help to completely and totally throw yourself into the present moment. When we’re distressed, we’re often thinking about the past, or caught up in fears bout the future. Fully bring your attention into whatever activity you are doing and participate in it completely.

V: Vacation. Vacations can help to destress and obtain some perspective on distressing situations. You can take a full vacation, a mini vacation, or a vacation around town. Vacations can be as brief as 5 minutes from the office. The key is to rest and to take care of yourself.

E: Encouragement. The things you say to yourself can affect how you feel. Try it — say “I can’t do this, I’m horrible, this is awful.’ How do you feel? Compare that to, “This is awful but I can do this. I can find my way. I’m not perfect but 'I’m strong.’ Encouragement can be very powerful.

it’s often said that the only way through grief or pain is through it — not around it, not above or below it, but through. With the IMPROVE set of DBT distress tolerance skills, you can do this, you can make it through this period of your life to greater life and hope.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

— Viktor E. Frankl

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clinical psychologist in mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!