HOPE+WELLNESS BLOG
little snippets and advice for
everyday challenges many people share
How to Motivate Yourself to Do Boring Life Tasks
Many of us struggle even more this time of year due to the short, darker, colder days. We’re getting less sunlight and our brain is producing more melatonin because of that, which means we’re more likely to be tired all the time!
So how can you motivate yourself to do boring self care tasks?
Do you struggle to motivate yourself to do boring life tasks?
We know that self care is not the commercialized version we so often see. (That’s often actually a form of self soothing; providing ourselves with something nice to ease the discomfort or distress of a situation. We talk about the difference between the two a little bit here.)
But, essentially, self care is about developing a life and forming habits that take care of your physical, mental, and emotional needs.
Which isn’t always as fun as the bubble bath, treat-yourself version of “self care” that we sometimes think of!
In fact, many ways in which we care for ourselves are very boring chores, such as:
Making a grocery list of foods that fill you and make you feel good (physically and emotionally–emotionally nourishing foods are also important, there should be joy in the task of eating too!)
Refilling prescriptions
Remembering to take medicine
Making doctors appointments when something is wrong
Cleaning your home; making sure your space is tidy enough not to inhibit your daily life or get you sick
Prioritizing time with people who make you happy and leave you feeling rejuvenated
Finding a method/system for remembering appointments
Some of those are more fun than others–seeing our friends for example, isn’t a very hard one to motivate ourselves to do. Making doctors appointments and cleaning our house, however, isn’t really all that fun! Tasks like those, which are important to a healthy, happy, and well rested life, often go neglected because it really is just so hard to find the motivation to do those things–especially when we’re living in a world prone to burning us out already.
And we’re now also facing the obstacles that come with the winter season. Many of us struggle even more this time of year due to the short, darker, colder days. We’re getting less sunlight and our brain is producing more melatonin because of that, which means we’re more likely to be tired all the time!
So how can you motivate yourself to do boring self care tasks?
Stop all or nothing thinking:
Is there a pile of dishes sitting in your sink? Maybe it’s been there for days and it just keeps getting bigger? And now, the bigger it is, the more daunting the task seems? Stop telling yourself you need to do it all at one time. Life is rarely all or nothing. 50% is pretty much always better than 0%! Tell yourself you’ll just start those annoying tasks (dishes, laundry, grocery prep, etc.) and after ten minutes or so, if you want to stop, you’re allowed to.
Getting started is often the hardest part, especially when the task itself is so massive it feels like even if you start you’ll never finish. When you tell yourself “I don’t have to finish the dishes, I just have to start them” you’re easing that pressure. Chances are? You’ll realize doing the dishes isn’t actually that bad and you’ll just finish them. And if not? Then some of your dishes are clean now when they weren’t before!
Select part of the day to be “productive”
You’re not going to want to spend the whole day on boring tasks. If it’s hard to even get yourself started, you’ll never want to dedicate a whole day to it! Instead, find ways to split the day into productive and non-productive chunks. Give yourself a starting time (“I’ll take a look at my to do list and decide what’s realistic to get done today at 1pm”) or a cut off time (“I’ll try to get what I can done before 3pm, but after that I’m going to rest.”)
Have a “life admin” buddy
Can you coordinate with a friend who might also struggle to get some boring self care done? Maybe the two of you can have cleaning dates where you help each other clean each other’s homes, or meal prep days where you cook or grocery shop together. You could start a monthly “tradition” of getting together to go through your calendars for the month and make sure all your appointments are in there with reminders and any info you’ll need for them. While the tasks themselves might not be fun, having a friend there can add in some joy (maybe even get you looking forward to it!) or just assure you that you’re not the only one who needs a little extra help with these “life admin” tasks sometimes.
Give yourself a reward
There’s nothing wrong with making boring tasks more appealing with a treat! Maybe when you go grocery shopping, you could stop by the bakery section and pick yourself up a fresh baked treat as a reward for getting groceries. Another idea could be to make plans with friends after appointments you don’t enjoy (see a friend for lunch after a doctor’s appointment, etc) to make them more appealing! While you might not enjoy actually going to the doctor, making it a “rule” that you get something fun in return can help make it a more positive experience overall–and might help you to stop putting it off.
If you're looking for more support, our therapists are trained in modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) to help you move from feeling hopeless to feeling empowered.
Processing Non-Death Related Grief
Some of us might assume that grief is exclusively reserved for death, but there are lots of ways grief can come up in someone’s life. So, if grief isn’t just the sadness that you feel after experiencing the death of someone close to you, what is it? What does it mean to be grieving?
What do you think of when you think of grief? Someone you loved + lost? Sadness? Heartache? Numbness? Charlie Brown? There are no wrong answers. Grief is experienced differently by everyone.
Grief covers a wide variety of experiences, and many of us have felt grief at some point in our lives. Grief can be felt over the death of someone, the loss of a friendship or relationship, divorce, moving, switching jobs, losing your faith, the death of a pet, anticipating a future loss, and so much more.
Some of us might assume that grief is exclusively reserved for death, but there are lots of ways grief can come up in someone’s life. So, if grief isn’t just the sadness that you feel after experiencing the death of someone close to you, what is it? What does it mean to be grieving?
Dictionary.com defines grief as: “something that causes keen distress or suffering.”
This definition works, but it doesn’t really speak to the complicated nuances of grief. Grief Recovery takes it one step further in their definition of grief: “Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”
We all experience changes in our daily patterns from time to time, and it can be a really disrupting experience. Now that we understand that grief is about more than loss of life, we can recognize the emotional process we go through during periods of extreme change as grief.
When we thinking of grief, we typically think of loss of life of some kind, but grief can be felt for a variety of reasons. Some experts call this kind of grief disenfranchised grief. Kenneth Doka coined the term, which means “Grief that persons experience when they incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, socially sanctioned or publicly mourned”.
Disenfranchised grief is the grief that comes up we feel we are not able to openly acknowledge or mourn our loss. It can be extra difficult to grieve this way, because a big part of the grief process is getting support from folks in your life, and disenfranchised grief can make you feel like you’re alone.
Here are some situations that can lead to grief:
Moving
Changing schools
Leaving a job
Starting a new job
Loss of faith
Change in financial status
Divorce
Change in health status
Ending a friendship
Loss of a home
Infertility
Estrangement from family
Things to remember about grief:
Loss is not a competition
You don’t have to prove your loss to anyone or perform grief in a certain way. If anyone gives you a hard time, that’s their problem, and not yours. Your grief is personal to you, so you get to direct your process. Some types of loss are harder for people to understand, like a loss of faith. Not everyone feels the same way about faith + religion, so folks who don’t have a religious background might not understand the unique pain that comes with a loss of faith. Remember, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.
Talk it out
Just because you feel as though you are not entitled to publicly grieve doesn’t mean that’s the case. There’s still a lot of stigma around mental health issues in this country, but don’t feel like you have to bury your feelings of grief for the comfort of other people. You can ask permission to vent or talk about sensitive subjects, but don’t feel like you can’t be open and real about your feelings just because you’re not grieving a death.
Actively process your feelings
As with most feelings, you can’t just bury grief down and expect it to pass. Grief is going to hurt - there’s no way to avoid it. Even though it feels impossible, it’s important to actively process your feelings when you’re grieving. There are lots of different ways to start the process of feeling your grief. Journaling, meditation, therapy, regular movement, and making art are a few places to start.
Take your time
Grief, unfortunately, is a long process. There’s no way around the pain of grief. Ignoring the pain will just make it worse, so its important to acknowledge your feelings. The way you feel has an impact on your health, mentally and physically, so make sure you’re not burying your feelings away. You might be feeling a whole mix of emotions, like anger, sadness, disbelief, fear, relief, numbness, devastation, loneliness, and others. Let your feelings come, without judgment.
If you’re struggling with your grief, know that it’s often a painful process and there’s no shame in asking for help. Our counselors can help you find a way to process your grief that works for you.
20 Journal Prompts for Grief + Loss
Journaling can help with meaning-making during the grief process. Here are some prompts to help you get started.
Do you take the time to journal?
Journaling can be a very valuable practice, and best of all it’s a pretty cheap way to process your feelings. You can start a journal that’s specific to your feelings of grief, or you can keep a general journal for all of your thoughts. There are also no rules on the actual how of journaling: you can journal by hand, via an app, in a note on your phone, or wherever works for you. Your journal, however you decide to keep it, is just a private space for you to write down what you’re feeling. It can take whatever form you want it to, whether it’s exploring and releasing the emotions you’re feeling, coming up with ways to cope, or tracking the things that are making you anxious. Journaling can be a fantastic, active way to engage with our emotions without letting them overpower us, especially complex emotions like grief that we don’t always have a ton of experience with.
Grief is something that we all experience from time to time, but it’s a hard thing to talk about. It’s also important to remember that grief can be a response to all kinds of things, not just losing someone. While most folks are familiar with the grief associated with loss or death, there are many kinds of grief out there - you can grieve after a divorce, career change, loss of a pet, or even after a move, and that’s not a complete list. As a matter of fact, the definition of grief is not only the reaction to loss, but it can also encompass “the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” You can also experience anticipatory grief, which is grief caused by the anticipation of a loss. This kind of grief can be the result of losing someone after a long illness, worrying about loss as someone ages, or even after anticipating the kind of loss and destruction that a global pandemic can bring. Grief is a pretty universal experience, but everyone reacts in their own way to grief.
Journaling can help with meaning-making during the grief process. An important task during the grieving process is to figure out what your new life looks like after experiencing loss. Using a journal to work through your thoughts and feelings can help you construct a new self-narrative. If writing about tough topics like grief and loss has you feeling emotional, that’s totally normal. In fact, crying is a natural way to relieve stress and regulate emotions - it’s a physiological function that we’re born with, so if you have the urge to cry or get upset, try to allow yourself to feel those feelings. Taking the time to journal your feelings can help you explore your internal world, express yourself in a safe, judgment-free zone, and make meaning of the situation causing you grief.
If you’re grieving and looking to start a journal, you might be stuck on where to begin. Here are some prompts to help you get started:
Today, I miss…
When I feel upset, I can call…
Today, I remembered…
This experience has taught me…
Do I have any regrets about this situation?
If I could say something to you, I would say…
What are some ways you’ve expressed grief in the past? Did they feel helpful to you?
What feelings am I looking forward to? What feelings do I want to leave behind?
Write a list of activities that you can engage in to make yourself feel better
Do I feel comfortable asking for help? Why or why not?
Who is in my support system?
Make a list of ways you feel taken care of both by yourself and by others.
What’s a positive memory I have of this person or situation?
How did this person or experience make you feel?
If you are grieving the loss of a person, write down a list of things specific to them that you admired.
What creative ways do I use to express my feelings? If I can’t think of any, what are some I can try?
Make a list of a few different ways you can honor your loved one or your loss.
When I am overcome by grief, here is a mantra or affirmation I can use to comfort myself:
Here are five ways I can be compassionate with myself today…
Do I know anyone else who is grieving? How can I try to make them feel better today?
You don’t need to write something for every one of these prompts, just pick one or two that speak to you and start there. You don’t have to write anything profound or perfect - just write what comes to you and try not to judge yourself too harshly. If a lot of complicated feelings come up while you do this, know that that’s okay. Journaling is a fantastic tool for self-reflection, but it can be an emotional process, especially when you’re journaling about something as emotionally fraught as grief, so be gentle with yourself. Remember, you’re doing this to help yourself feel better, so don’t make yourself feel worse during the process.
If you need more ideas for journaling prompts or questions to ask yourself as you go through the grieving process, our counselors can help you reflect + work through your grief in a way that works for you.
therapists in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va
Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!
Hope+Wellness is a mental health practice specializing in the treatment of depression, mood, stress, and anxiety in kids, teens, and adults. This is a blog about living well and finding meaning and purpose in the face of difficult challenges. This is a blog about finding hope.
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- Aug 21, 2020 7 Ways to Remember Your Lost Loved One Aug 21, 2020
- Aug 17, 2020 6 Ways People Have Described What Depression Feels Like Aug 17, 2020
- Aug 10, 2020 4 Ways to Support Someone Struggling With Infertility Aug 10, 2020
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July 2020
- Jul 31, 2020 Mindfulness To Help Anxiety Jul 31, 2020
- Jul 30, 2020 Learning to Reparent Your Inner Child Jul 30, 2020
- Jul 17, 2020 Daily Habits to Help Manage Anxiety in a Healthy Way Jul 17, 2020
- Jul 1, 2020 Racial Justice Resources Jul 1, 2020
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June 2020
- Jun 19, 2020 Processing Non-Death Related Grief Jun 19, 2020
- Jun 5, 2020 How Creativity Helps Mental Health Jun 5, 2020
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May 2020
- May 29, 2020 20 Journal Prompts for Grief + Loss May 29, 2020
- May 22, 2020 4 Ways to Add Mindfulness to Your Daily Routine May 22, 2020
- May 15, 2020 How Grounding Techniques Can Help With Anxiety May 15, 2020
- May 3, 2020 6 Journaling Prompts to Help You Examine Your Relationships May 3, 2020
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April 2020
- Apr 18, 2020 5 Ways to Show Some Self-Compassion Apr 18, 2020
- Apr 5, 2020 Why Conflict In Your Relationship Can Be A Good Thing Apr 5, 2020
- Apr 5, 2020 4 Tips to Help You Cultivate Optimism Apr 5, 2020
- Apr 1, 2020 How to Craft a Joyful Daily Routine Apr 1, 2020
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March 2020
- Mar 6, 2020 Feeling Stuck? Try These 6 Things Mar 6, 2020
- Mar 5, 2020 How to Figure Out What You Want in a Partner Mar 5, 2020
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February 2020
- Feb 23, 2020 How to Cope With Losing Relationships as a Result of Your Chronic Illness Feb 23, 2020
- Feb 7, 2020 Well Rounded Wellness: Exploring the Health Benefits of Spirituality Feb 7, 2020
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January 2020
- Jan 28, 2020 Ways to Cope with Depression After Pregnancy Loss Jan 28, 2020
- Jan 16, 2020 Is Perfectionism Holding You Back? Jan 16, 2020
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December 2019
- Dec 28, 2019 5 Ways Chronic Illness can Affect Your Mental Health Dec 28, 2019
- Dec 20, 2019 How to stop social media from making you feel bad about yourself Dec 20, 2019
- Dec 6, 2019 How to Tap Into and Listen to Your Intuition Dec 6, 2019
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November 2019
- Nov 26, 2019 7 Ways to Communicate More Effectively in Your Relationship Nov 26, 2019
- Nov 15, 2019 What parents of anxious children should know about anxiety Nov 15, 2019
- Nov 9, 2019 5 Signs CBT is Right for You Nov 9, 2019
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October 2019
- Oct 30, 2019 Mindfulness for Stress Relief Oct 30, 2019
- Oct 22, 2019 10 Mindfulness Apps to Improve Your Life Right Now Oct 22, 2019
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September 2019
- Sep 2, 2019 Live with Happiness by Identifying Your Values Sep 2, 2019
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July 2019
- Jul 21, 2019 11 Mindful Quotes for Serenity and Clarity Jul 21, 2019
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June 2019
- Jun 18, 2019 A Blessing for Career and Work Struggles Jun 18, 2019
- Jun 2, 2019 Accepting Yourself Unconditionally, As You Are Jun 2, 2019
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May 2019
- May 26, 2019 5 Things to Know if Your Teen is Dealing with Depression May 26, 2019
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February 2019
- Feb 24, 2019 17 Quotes on Love and Letting Go That'll Help You Move Forward and Heal Again Feb 24, 2019
- Feb 17, 2019 25 Inspiring Quotes That'll Help You Cultivate More Peace, Presence, and Joy in Your Life Feb 17, 2019
- Feb 10, 2019 35 Positive Affirmations for Anxiety and Depression That Will Transform Your Life Feb 10, 2019
- Feb 3, 2019 18 Beautiful Quotes About Intimacy and Love Feb 3, 2019
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January 2019
- Jan 28, 2019 18 Quotes to Inspire Self-Kindness and Self-Compassion Jan 28, 2019
- Jan 20, 2019 4 Tips for Coping with Depression Jan 20, 2019
- Jan 14, 2019 19 Powerful Brene Brown Quotes on Embracing Vulnerability, Love, and Belonging Jan 14, 2019
- Jan 6, 2019 16 Calming Quotes to Relieve Stress and Anxiety Jan 6, 2019
- Jan 3, 2019 7 Ways to Cope When Life is Hard: DBT IMPROVE the moment Jan 3, 2019
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December 2018
- Dec 27, 2018 4 Ways to Train Your Brain for Greater Happiness and Success Dec 27, 2018
- Dec 18, 2018 19 Inspiring Acceptance Quotes on Moving Forward and Letting Go Dec 18, 2018
- Dec 3, 2018 3 Simple Ways to Cultivate Kindness and Self-Compassion Dec 3, 2018
- Dec 2, 2018 29 Life Changing Quotes from Eckhart Tolle to Help You Cultivate Peace and Awaken to Your Life's Purpose Dec 2, 2018
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November 2018
- Nov 22, 2018 12 Quotes to Inspire You to Focus on Yourself Instead of Others Nov 22, 2018
- Nov 20, 2018 15 Beautiful Quotes to Inspire Gratitude Nov 20, 2018
- Nov 18, 2018 3 Ways to Find Meaning and Purpose in Your Life Nov 18, 2018
- Nov 14, 2018 7 Amazing Ways to Practice Gratitude Nov 14, 2018
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October 2018
- Oct 30, 2018 3 Life Changing Poems That You Need to Read Oct 30, 2018
- Oct 28, 2018 5 Things You Need to Know About Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Oct 28, 2018
- Oct 16, 2018 15 Inspirational Mental Health Quotes That Will Help You Feel Less Alone Oct 16, 2018
- Oct 10, 2018 24 Resources for Children and Teens with Anxiety and Their Families Oct 10, 2018
- Oct 5, 2018 3 Tips for Parenting a Child with Chronic Pain Oct 5, 2018
- Oct 4, 2018 12 Quotes That Describe What It's Like to Live with Bipolar Disorder Oct 4, 2018
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September 2018
- Sep 29, 2018 27 Inspirational Quotes That Will Give You Hope and Strength During Hard Times Sep 29, 2018
- Sep 26, 2018 List of Emotions Sep 26, 2018
- Sep 24, 2018 21 Mindfulness Quotes Sep 24, 2018
- Sep 19, 2018 26 Depression Resources for Kids, Teens, and Parents Sep 19, 2018
- Sep 18, 2018 28 Anxiety Resources for Adults Sep 18, 2018
- Sep 16, 2018 15 Quotes That Describe What Depression Feels Like Sep 16, 2018
- Sep 13, 2018 How to Find the Right Psychologist for You Sep 13, 2018
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August 2018
- Aug 8, 2018 3 Ways to Grow from Pain Aug 8, 2018
Caring for an animal can be a lot of work, so why do so many people adopt pets? There are lots of reasons, but a big one is that pets are good for your mental health! Here’s why.