How to stop social media from making you feel bad about yourself

When you think of self care practices, do you ever consider your social media? 

While social media is great for so many things (keeping up to date with friends who live far away, finding new music or movies or other cultural events, staying on top of local events, just to name a few) it’s not something we should use mindlessly. 

And for every positive aspect of social media, there’s an equal and opposite negative action. Yes you’re able to keep up with friends, but do you remember that their lives aren’t as perfectly curated or posed as they seem on social media? Do you forget to check in with loved ones because seeing a facebook update makes you feel like you’ve already caught up? Do you get stressed from the information overload that can come with mindless social media scrolling? 

Just as with all other social interactions, social media requires a bit of intentional effort. We have to find out what works for us and what doesn’t, and we have to learn to take a step back when things aren’t working. But because social media is so ingrained in our culture, it’s easy to forget that this effort needs to be put in. 

If you’re finding yourself feeling bad more often than you’re feeling good when you use social media, it might be time for some major social media self care. Below are our top 4 tips for how to practice self care with your social media:  

1. Curate Your Feed

Who are you following on twitter or instagram? When you scroll through your feeds do you feel at ease, or anxious? Because we are able to take in so much information and content in a short time with social media, it’s important to make sure we’re being careful with exactly what kind of content we’re consuming. If you find yourself constantly frustrated or upset at a certain account's posts, remind yourself there is no social obligation making you follow them. 

Have you heard of the tidying method from Marie Kondo? The basic idea is that you decide what sparks joy for you from your possessions, and get rid of those that don’t. You can do the same thing with your social media feeds! While you scroll through, think to yourself, is this account bringing joy? Is it adding something positive to my life? Unfollow or mute accounts that aren’t. It will help keep your social media as a positive space, and leave you less anxious or tense after scrolling. 

2. Be Intentional with Your Social Media Presence

There is this idea that if we stay plugged into social media all day long, we’ll be better informed. But really, all this does is feed into our own anxiety and create a compulsion to keep checking and checking and checking our feeds. And when we’re too busy checking our feeds, we’re not actually engaging with the life, culture & experiences around us! Social media, after all, is meant to be a platform where you share parts of your life, not the main way you live your life.

So, like curating your feeds, taking time to decide which platforms spark joy can be hugely beneficial. You don’t actually have to be on every social media platform. Decide which ones actually add joy to your life. Do you like instagram because you can keep up with local events, or see how friends far away are doing? Or does it stress you out to see pictures of what everyone else is doing because it makes you get caught up in the comparison game? Leave the platforms that leave you upset after visiting them. 

3. Use it After Leaving Social Events

There is often a compulsion to keep everyone updated with everything you’re doing as you’re doing it. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to share a picture of you and your friends! But try to keep your social media time to the times when you aren’t otherwise socially engaged. Do your best to be present when at a party or event, and wait until you’re back home to share a post about it. That way you’ll be able to focus on actually having a good time wherever you are instead of just making it look like you had a good time on facebook. 

4. Take a Break

Sometimes, what you need is a good old fashioned social media vacation. You don’t have to delete your accounts, but try deleting the apps off of your phone. See if you can stay off them for a week. When we’re so used to being “on” all of the time, it can be hard to imagine a total break like that, but it might be just what you need. It will help to remind you that the satisfaction you get from scrolling through your social media feeds isn’t the only way you get social satisfaction in your life. And when you do get back on the apps, you’ll be able to keep it in perspective and moderate your time a bit more than before. 

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Hope+Wellness is a psychotherapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

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4 Tips for Coping with Depression

Everything feels harder when living with depression. You drag yourself out of bed and force yourself to get through the day. Friends invite you to go out, but you find yourself preferring to stay in. You try to participate in your usual activities, but they no longer spark joy. Around you, everyone seems to know where their life is heading, and what it all means. You feel empty, as if life is meaningless.

Depression can be tough to live with, but the good news is that there are ways to manage symptoms and improve your life.

Get active

Emotions and behaviors are related. For example, when you’re feeling depressed (i.e., emotion), you may prefer to isolate from friends and family (i.e., behavior). In this way, emotions can lead to behaviors. However, the opposite is also true. This means that engaging in behaviors and positive activities such as spending time with friends, can lead to improvements in mood. Try it out — create a list of positive activities to do when you’re feeling depressed, and get active.

Improve Sleep

Research demonstrates strong associations between sleep and mood. For instance, depression is linked to insomnia and sleep disruption, and individuals with insomnia are at higher risk for depression. Improvements in sleep hygiene can thus help, including having a regular sleep routine, turning off electronics an hour before bed, and implementing regular sleep and wake times.

Increase Social Support

Depression can make you want to isolate from others, but the opposite — spending time with friends and family — is what can actually help. Spend time developing stronger connections with others and get help and support.

Challenge Negative Thinking

Negative thinking is a hallmark feature of depression. Oftentimes depression can cause you to believe these thoughts and over identify with them. It is thus important to begin identify negative thoughts, to challenge and replace them with more balanced or positive thoughts. This can be tough to do since depression can color your thoughts and mood. However, treatments such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help either manage negative thoughts or form new perspectives on them.

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Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

16 Calming Quotes to Relieve Stress and Anxiety

We all experience stress and anxiety in our lives, but when it begins to interfere with the quality of our lives, it’s time to let go. We worry about our relationships. We get anxious about work and what colleagues think of us. We worry about all that we say or do — things we’ve done in the past, things we might do in the future. Soon, many of us get caught into this trap of worry that we forget to live our lives as it was intended. We lose our flow.

So let go of all the ways you thought life would unfold. Let go of the struggle and fear. Let go and find a place of peace and transformation. Below are 16 stress-relieving quotes and perspectives to help.

“In the end, just three things matter: How well we have lived. How well we have loved. How well we have learned to let go.”

— Jack Kornfield

“The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.”

— Henry Miller

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”

— Lao Tzu

“The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.”

— Confucius

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was ending, he turned into a butterfly.”

— Proverb

“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.”

— Wayne W. Dyer

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”

— William James

“Its not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.”

— Hans Selye

“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”

— Eleanor Roosevelt

“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

— Joseph Campbell

“There are times when we stop, we sit still. We listen and breezes from a whole other world begin to whisper.”

— James Carroll

“Within you, there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat at any time and be yourself.”

— Hermann Hesse

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.”

— Oprah Winfrey

“The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.”

— James Allen

“To experience peace doesn’t mean that your life is always blissful. It means that you are capable of tapping into a blissful state of mind amidst the normal chaos of a hectic life.”

— Jill Bolte Taylor

“The power for creating a better future is contained in the present moment: You create a good future by creating a good present. ”

— Eckhart Tolle

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clinical psychologist in mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!