Navigating Relationship Shifts on Your Healing Journey

Have your relationships changed as you’ve gone further on your healing journey?

If so, you’re not alone. Embarking on a healing journey is a transformative experience for many. Whether you’re diving into therapy, growing your self-awareness, or making lifestyle changes to support your mental health, personal growth often leads to profound shifts in how you see yourself and your relationships.

Personal growth can be empowering, but it can also be isolating when you realize that the people you care about may not be on the same path or might not understand why you’re working toward healing. Perhaps they’re in a different stage of their own healing, or they’re not interested in exploring personal growth at all. These differences in goals and values can sometimes cause frustration and lead to misunderstandings and even conflict. Navigating the relationship changes that accompany your healing journey with compassion—for yourself and for others—is essential.

Why aren’t they growing with me?

One of the hardest parts of healing is accepting that not everyone is ready or able to take the same journey. Some of the reasons that people might resist personal growth or healing include: 

Fear of change

Personal growth requires vulnerability and discomfort, and that’s a hard thing for people to sign up for. Some people may feel safer sticking to familiar patterns, even if they’re unhealthy, because it’s what they know. 

Cultural or familial norms

Sometimes, societal or family expectations discourage self-reflection or emotional work. If there is a long history of family dysfunction, being the one to choose to heal can make you the outcast in the family. In some cultures, seeking therapy or talking about emotions might still carry stigma.

Unrecognized trauma

Not everyone is aware of how their past experiences shape their current behaviors, even if it seems obvious to others. Without developing awareness of how their trauma impacts them now, they may not see a need to change or grow. 

Limited resources

Healing, sadly, is often a privilege. Time, money, and energy can all be barriers to healing. Someone who is overworked, financially strained, or simply surviving day-to-day might not have the capacity to focus on personal growth.

Understanding why people resist growth and healing doesn’t mean excusing harmful behaviors, but it can help you approach others with compassion and empathy. When you’re upset at feeling misunderstood, remember that their reluctance isn’t a rejection of you, it’s a reflection of their own circumstances. Healing and personal growth often comes with new boundaries, values, and perspectives. While these changes feel positive to you, they can feel threatening to people who knew the “old” you. 

It’s painful when loved ones question your decisions, resist your boundaries, or dismiss your progress. Here’s how you can navigate these moments:

Acknowledge how they feel

Change can be unsettling for the people around you. Acknowledge that your growth might be confusing or even painful for them. For example, a friend might feel left out when you’re no longer available for late-night vent sessions, or a family member might struggle to understand why you’re setting firmer boundaries.

You can say: “I know this is a change, and it might feel unfamiliar. I really value our relationship and want to keep growing in a way that’s healthy for both of us.”

Explain why healing is important to you

Sometimes, sharing your "why" when it comes to healing can bridge the gap of understanding for your loved ones. If it feels safe to you, let them in on what you’re learning and how it’s helping you. You might say:

“I’ve been reflecting on how I’ve handled stress in the past, and therapy is helping me find healthier ways to cope. I’m working on setting boundaries so I can take better care of myself and keep my important relationships strong.”

Be kind but firm with your boundaries

Your boundaries are about protecting your well-being, not punishing others. They allow you to maintain relationships that matter to you over long periods of time. When you communicate your boundaries, be clear and consistent, even if loved ones push back. Then, make sure to follow through so that you can benefit from the boundary. For example:

• Boundary: “I will not be responding to text messages or phone calls shaming me for going to therapy.”

• Response to Pushback: “I understand that you feel strongly about this, but my mental health is my business, not yours. If this topic comes up again, I will hang up the phone / end the conversation.”

Be compassionate, if you can

It’s natural to feel hurt or frustrated when others don’t support your healing. But it’s also important to remember that their resistance often stems from their own wounds, not a lack of love for you. Compassion—both for yourself and others—is key. Try to remember that you probably both want the same thing - to figure out a way to have a relationship with each other that feels good. 

When close relationships feel strained in response to your healing, remind yourself that you’re doing your best. Healing is important work, and it makes sense that you want to grow. Your desire for personal growth is valid, even if others don’t understand it. Journaling, therapy, or talking to supportive friends can help you process these emotions.

Acknowledge their pain without taking it on yourself 

If someone lashes out or questions your choices, it’s almost always about them and not about you. Do your best to see the pain beneath their reaction. For example, a loved one might feel abandoned if your healing highlights areas where they feel stuck or have shame about their actions. While their feelings aren’t your responsibility, acknowledging them can defuse the tension.

Try saying something like: “It sounds like this change is hard for you. I’m working on this because it matters to me and my happiness. I care about you very much, and I’m here to listen.”

Practice how you’ll respond

It can be helpful to have some responses in mind when loved ones who mean well question your choices. Here are some polite but firm ways to respond when that happens: 

• “Why are you in therapy? Is something wrong with you?”

• What you can say: “I’m actually doing really well, and therapy is helping me stay that way. It’s a great tool for personal growth.”

• “You’ve changed.”

• What you can say: “I have changed, and I think it’s been for the better. I hope you can recognize that I’m still me, even if I do some things differently.”

• “You don’t have time for me anymore.”

• What you can say: “I’m sorry that it feels that way. I’m working on balancing my time better. Let’s find a way to spend time together that works for both of us.”

What can you do when relationships can’t adapt?

Unfortunately, not all relationships will survive your healing journey. Some people may be unwilling or unable to accept your growth. While this is painful, it’s okay to let go of connections that no longer align with your well-being. Letting go doesn’t mean you’ve failed; it means you’re honoring your needs. If this happens, give yourself permission to grieve the loss while sticking to what matters to you. 

Navigating relationship shifts during your healing journey is challenging, but it’s also an opportunity to deepen your connections with those who can grow alongside you. Remember, healing is a gift you give to yourself, and your experience can inspire those around you. 

If you’re looking for more support in your relationships with yourself and others as you work toward healing, our therapists can help. Reach out to our office today for more information or to schedule an appointment with one of our clinicians.