How to Make a Coping Skills Toolbox

What’s your go-to coping skill when you’re upset or emotionally activated? 

We all have different ways that we cope in stressful or emotional times. Sometimes the ways we cope are strategies we learned when we were young to protect ourselves. Others might be skills we’ve learned as we’ve grown up and experienced different situations. Sometimes coping skills are supportive, and sometimes we outgrow coping skills that used to work. There are even times where we use coping skills that end up causing more emotional distress down the line. 

However you cope, it can be helpful to make a coping skills toolbox to use when you’re upset or emotionally activated. Keeping a dedicated container with some helpful items and reminders inside can make a big difference when you’re having an unpleasant emotional experience. Everyone is different and copes differently, so the suggestions we have for a coping skills toolbox are just a jumping off point. 

Using more supportive coping skills than the ones you’ve relied on for years can be tricky in the moment, when you’re outside of your window of tolerance and emotionally activated. It’s hard to rely on newer coping skills that we learn because the old ones are hard-wired into our brains. It takes our brains time to make the connections that help us form new habits. That’s why practice is crucial. 

One of the keys to developing new coping skills is to practice using them when you’re not already upset or emotionally activated. Your ability to think clearly lessens the further you go outside of your window of tolerance, so thinking of ways to comfort yourself in the moment can be close to impossible sometimes. Having a go-to resource that you can rely on when you’re distressed can make coping with the situation and moving forward a bit easier. 

Here are some suggestions for what to keep in your coping skills toolbox, so you can pull it out the next time you’re emotionally activated and need soothing. 

Mindfulness Exercises

When you’re upset, it is hard to focus on what is happening in the present moment. When putting together your coping skills toolbox, try adding some mindfulness exercises or activities to help you reduce your stress and worry and focus on what’s happening right now. If there’s an exercise or activity that is helpful to you, write down some instructions or a reminder of what to do on an index card or piece of paper to help guide you in the moment.

Some items that you can add to your toolbox to help you cope in stressful moments are: 

• Deep breathing exercises, like box breathing or 4-7-8 breathing

• Meditation tracks on a meditation app

• Progressive muscle relaxation exercises

• Coloring pages

• A journal to write in and a pen

Distractions

When you’re upset, sometimes the most supportive thing to do is to distract yourself until the painful or distressing emotions pass. Distraction can become unsupportive when it’s the only coping skill you use, but there’s nothing wrong with distracting yourself from time to time when you’re upset. 

Here are some items for your coping skills toolbox that may help distract you: 

• Movies to watch

• Music to listen to 

• Games to play

• Puzzles 

• A playlist of funny videos

• Hobbies, like crafting or baking

Movement Ideas

Movement can be helpful in times of high stress and emotion. Movement is not only a distraction, but it can help release feel-good hormones throughout your body that can make you feel less distressed. You don’t have to move in a way that punishes yourself or your body, but some people do find that intense movement can be really helpful when they’re super emotionally activated. 

Here are some items you can keep in your coping skills toolbox to encourage movement: 

• Yoga mat

• Foam roller or muscle massager

• Sneakers

• Gardening tools

• A list of exercise videos you like

• Guides for stretching

Calming Sensory Objects

Using your senses is a powerful way to calm down or comfort yourself during intense emotional distress. Try to engage one or all of your senses during upsetting moments by keeping some sensory objects in your toolbox. Some items might be hard to keep all in one box, so leaving yourself a reminder of what objects to grab can be helpful in the moment. 

Some ideas for sensory objects that can be comforting are:

• Candles, lotion, or other comforting scented objects

• Soft blankets or pillows

• Calming music

• A pen to click

• Fidget spinners or stim toys 

• Soft toys or a stress ball to squeeze

• Cuddly stuffed animals

• Candies, mints, lozenges, gum

• A warm beverage mix like tea or cocoa

• Silly putty or slime

• Weighted blanket

• Photos of people you care about

Reminders

If there’s a coping skill that you want to remember to use when you’re emotionally activated, write it down on an index card or slip of paper and add it to your toolbox. You can pull out the card when you need to and remember what to do to make yourself feel better. It may also be helpful to keep some affirmations handy in your coping skills toolbox that you can repeat to yourself in distressing moments. 

It may also be helpful to leave a reminder for yourself that this difficult moment won’t last forever - eventually it will pass. Emotions are like waves, and they do eventually recede, even when they’re uncomfortable. Finding ways to help yourself cope until the difficult emotions fade can help you feel more prepared for next time. 

Therapy is a great opportunity to learn and practice new coping skills that you can add to your coping skills toolbox. Get in touch with our office today to set up an appointment!