5 Strategies for Overcoming Social Anxiety at Holiday Gatherings

Do you look forward to holiday gatherings, or do you await them with dread? 

The holidays can be a time of mixed emotions for many. Even when there are things to look forward to, the social pressure of the holiday season can be overwhelming. People who deal with social anxiety often have a hard time during the holidays because there are so many gatherings and events during the holiday season between work, family, friends, and kids. The fear, discomfort, and stress that people with social anxiety feel around social gatherings can make the holiday season an uncomfortable time of year. 

Even when you don’t have a lot on your calendar for the holidays, social anxiety can still play a role. It can be hard to see what others are up to on social media, and seeing others have a seemingly perfect holiday can bring up some complicated feelings. Even though we’re only seeing the highlight reel, it can be hard to keep that in mind when you’re feeling vulnerable. Remember that social media makes other people’s lives seem perfect, but they aren’t actually perfect.

What is social anxiety?

Social anxiety disorder, also known as social phobia, is more than just being shy. In fact, it’s possible to be shy and not have social anxiety disorder. Social anxiety disorder significantly interferes with daily life because the discomfort and fear that people feel often drives them to avoid social situations entirely. 

People with social anxiety may feel like they’re physically unable to participate in social situations due to the intense fear, embarrassment, and anxiety they feel. For many people with social anxiety, it’s easier to not attend at all than to go and experience all of this distress. 

So, how can you make sure social anxiety doesn’t get in the way of enjoying events you attend during the holiday season? Here are 5 strategies for overcoming social anxiety at holiday gatherings:

Get there early

If you’re nervous about a gathering over the holidays, try to get there on the earlier side. There will be fewer people there and you can get used to the environment without being overwhelmed by people all at once. It's less stressful to walk into a mostly empty room than to walk into a packed gathering. It might also be helpful to bring someone with you so that you know you’ll have a friendly face to talk to who understands your limits. 

Remember you’re allowed to have different limits than other people

Social anxiety disorder is a very real condition, but not everyone understands it. Some people might give you a hard time for not being able to handle a packed social calendar during the holiday season. Remember that it’s okay for your limits to be different from someone else’s. Just because some people enjoy the bustle of the holiday season doesn’t mean that you need to. 

You're allowed to have different boundaries and needs from others, even people you care about deeply. If you’re feeling unsure or pressured, keep reminding yourself that it’s okay for your holiday season to look different than someone else’s, because we all have different needs and capacities. 

Give yourself a hard out for gatherings you’re dreading

If you’re dreading events this holiday season because of social anxiety, giving yourself some structure can help. Sometimes events are more palatable when you have a built in reason to leave at a certain time. Maybe you need to relieve the babysitter or the pet sitter. Maybe you have a meeting or an appointment, or errands to run. Try to think of something you can do to give yourself a reason to bow out of the holiday gathering 

Think of some things to talk about beforehand

If you’re not confident in your ability to small talk, there's no shame in taking a few minutes to gather your thoughts and make a list of potential conversation topics. Sometimes it’s hard to remember the answers to questions that you know because your anxiety gets in the way of thinking clearly, so rehearsing beforehand can lower your anxiety level. You don’t need to endlessly practice or ruminate on what you’ll talk about, but having some things in mind can make you feel more confident going into a holiday gathering when you have social anxiety. 

Have a couple go-to calming techniques in your back pocket

It's helpful to practice a few coping behaviors ahead of time so you can quickly use them when you’re overwhelmed in a social situation. Excuse yourself to the bathroom, and take a few deep breaths or practice progressive muscle relaxation to lower your anxiety level in the moment. Keep a list on your phone so you have easy access when you’re not home, and add to it when you find new calming techniques that work well for you. 

Remember, the holiday season doesn’t last forever, even though it seems endless when you’re dreading it. If you’re struggling with social anxiety this holiday season, working with a therapist can help. Contact our office today to make an appointment!