6 Ways to Build Self-Respect

Do you respect yourself?

Self-respect is one of those buzzwords that you might hear about often, but it’s one that can get lost in the shuffle of self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence, and other self-focused beliefs. All of these beliefs have a role to play in mental wellness, especially self-respect.

What is self-respect?

Having self-respect means that you value and accept yourself, regardless of what’s going on around you. Self-respect is like the foundation of all of your other self-beliefs, because it’s generally unchanging. 

When your self-respect is low, you might think that there’s something wrong with you, or that you don’t bring any value to the world. When your self-respect is high, you recognize that who you are and what you care about matters, and you offer that sense of acceptance to yourself, no matter what happens. 

How is it different from self esteem or self worth?

Self-esteem is about having a high regard for yourself. Having high self esteem means that you think highly of yourself and love who you are as a person, which is very important! It is, however, different from self-respect. Self-worth is believing that you are loveable, no matter what other people think. Believing that you are loveable can play into how much you value and accept yourself, but it is not entirely the same. Self-esteem and self-worth are often influenced by outside factors, like other people, whereas self-respect is more internal. 

Why self-respect matters 

Having a strong sense of self-respect can be protective in times of uncertainty or stress, because you know that you have your own back. 

If you struggle with self-respect, you might find it harder to understand and live in alignment with what matters to you. You might find yourself bending your boundaries and trying to please everyone, instead of saying no when you need to. You might feel like you can’t make decisions or that you don’t know what matters to you. Feeling this way can add to distress when you're upset or under stress. 

Whatever your current level of self-respect, there are ways to increase it. Start here: 

Understand your values

One of the ways to start feeling more respect for yourself is to understand what means the most to you. What matters, and what doesn’t? What do you value, and what do you not care as much about? 

When you understand what the core values are that matter to you, it’s easier to try to live in alignment with them. It will be easier to know what a yes feels like to you and what a no feels like. 

Try to live in alignment with your values

When you live in alignment with your values, it means that you do your best to prioritize those values, and make decisions based on those values. You don’t need to be perfect, but when you’re making decisions, try to consider what’s important to you. Would one choice line up more with your values? Do what you can to practice what’s important to you. 

Be kind to yourself when you do things that are out of alignment with your values

Remember to be kind to yourself, even if you do something that doesn’t line up with your values. We all do things that aren’t in alignment with our values from time to time. It’s a part of being human! Remember that even if you do something that doesn’t line up with what’s important to you, you can always learn from that experience. 

You can consider what made it hard to stick to your values, and how that might impact you in the future. You can make a plan for the next time something like this comes up, so you know what you want to do. Even people you respect can let you down occasionally, but that doesn’t mean you need to change how you feel about them entirely. Offer that kind of grace to yourself. 

Keep your promises to yourself 

It’s hard to respect people who let you down, so do your best to not let yourself down. Work on keeping the promises you make to yourself. Set the boundary, work on that new habit, or do whatever it is that you have told yourself that you would do. 

Knowing that you can rely on yourself to meet your needs can make a huge difference when it comes to building self-respect. Over time, all the little things will add up, and you’ll see how good it feels to know you can count on yourself, no matter what. 

Listen to the people who love you

We’re almost all harder on ourselves than we should be, and that can make it hard to notice all the good things about ourselves. It can be helpful to listen to what the people who care about you have to say. They probably notice things about you that you don’t always pick up on or dismiss easily. While your sense of self-respect doesn’t come entirely from how other people see you, it can help to remind you of what a good person you are, especially when you’re having a tough time remembering. 

Work on living a life that you enjoy

At the end of their lives, people have some common regrets: that they spent too much time working, and not enough time doing the things they enjoyed; that they should have stayed closer to their friends; that they should have lived a life that was true to themselves, instead of doing what others expected of them; that they wished they had the courage to express how they felt; and that they wish they had let themselves be happier. 

Think about how you’re living your life right now. Do you think any of these regrets will ring true at the end of your life? One way to help prevent having those kinds of regrets at the end of your life is to work on living a life that you enjoy and that brings meaning to you. 

Building a life that you enjoy is the ultimate way to show that you respect yourself. It means that you know what’s right for you and you’re not afraid to go for it, even if others question it. It means that you take care of yourself when you need it. It means that you say no when you need to, and know that the people who love you will still be there. 

Building self-respect takes time, and it can bring up lots of feelings. If you’re looking for more support as you work on how you feel about yourself, working with a therapist can help. Our therapists are currently accepting appointments, so contact us to get started today.