Getting To Know Your Inner Child

Do you interact with your inner child?

We all have an inner child within us. These younger versions of ourselves can be powerful tools in understanding and healing emotional wounds from the past, which can help you feel safer and more confident in the present.  

Learning how to listen to your inner child isn’t a skill we often learn growing up, and it might seem a little strange at first. But the more you learn to tune into what this younger self wants, the easier it will be to recognize the times when your inner child needs support. For example, in moments when you find yourself reacting strongly to something minor, or feeling inexplicable sadness, your inner child might be trying to communicate with you.

What Is Your Inner Child?

Your inner child is the part of you that holds the experiences, emotions, and memories from your childhood. This mental version of yourself represents the little person you used to be—full of wonder, joy, hopes, secrets, fears, and insecurities. Your inner child carries with them both the joyful memories of childhood play and exploration, as well any pain and trauma of unmet needs, rejection, neglect, or abuse. 

As we get older, our inner child stays with us, and this younger version of ourselves can influence the way we respond to things in adulthood. Connecting with your inner child is about recognizing and honoring this younger you, as well as understanding what they need, and helping them to heal old wounds. 

Why does childhood stuff matter when we’re adults?

Childhood is a hugely significant time, where we develop, among other things, our sense of self, our beliefs about the world, and how we relate to others. We have needs as children, and it can be a matter of life or death when we don’t get our needs met as kids. In addition to our physical needs as small humans, we have emotional and relational needs when we’re young, like knowing that we’re loved and valued, that we’re safe, and that we’re good enough. 

When our childhood needs aren’t met—whether due to neglect, abuse, trauma, or even just well-intentioned but misguided parenting—we can carry these wounds into adulthood and they impact how we respond to things. 

These unresolved wounds from childhood often show up in what we believe about ourselves: that we’re not good enough, that love is conditional, or that the world is a dangerous place. These beliefs can play a role in many areas of our lives, from our careers to our romantic relationships, often in ways we’re not even consciously aware of.

Signs that inner child work can help you

We all have an inner child, so most people can benefit from inner child work or inner child therapy at some point. That being said, these are some signs that inner child work might be a good idea for you: 

• You find yourself stuck in repetitive emotional cycles—like feeling abandoned, unloved, or overly defensive—and don’t like the patterns you’re seeing

• You struggle with feelings of inadequacy, fear of failure, or constant self-criticism 

• You have trouble forming or maintaining healthy relationships with others

• You struggle with deep-seated anxiety or fears that feel overwhelming or difficult to understand

All of these can be signs that your inner child needs your attention. 

Benefits of inner child work

If you’re not in the habit of listening to your inner child, you might be wondering what the benefits are of beginning this type of work. After all, digging into old wounds and traumas can be dysregulating. If you’re going to go through the emotional rollercoaster of bonding with your inner child, you want to know that it can actually help you. 

Inner child work can help you: 

• Heal old wounds and move forward from trauma by reparenting yourself with compassion

• Build resilience and navigate your life with more ease and confidence

• Learn to trust yourself, especially with the parts of you that have been hurt or neglected

• Increase self-awareness and learn how to meet your own needs kindly 

• Develop healthier and more fulfilling relationships that aren’t driven by past wounds

When inner child work is triggering

Inner child work can bring up painful memories and emotions, which can feel overwhelming at times. If you find yourself triggered, make sure to pause and breathe deeply to ground yourself in the present moment. 

Be compassionate with yourself when you're emotionally activated. It’s normal to feel a range of emotions when you’re unpacking serious topics like childhood wounds. Working with a therapist who is trained in modalities like Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and who has experience guiding inner child work can help you move through this process safely. 

How to get to know your inner child

Getting to know your inner child is a journey of self-discovery and healing. It’s about honoring the child within you, understanding their needs, and providing the care they’ve longed for. While the process can be challenging, the rewards—greater self-awareness, emotional freedom, and a more fulfilling life—are well worth the effort. Here’s how you can start: 

Practice self-reflection

The first step to getting to know your inner child is to start to notice it, and the best way to do that is to spend time reflecting. Take time to sit quietly and reflect on your childhood. What memories come up? What do you remember struggling with back then? What emotions are present? What physical sensations do you experience? What do you wish you could tell your younger self? What did you need as a child that you didn’t receive? 

Questions like these can give you insight into the needs and wounds of your inner child so you can start to anticipate when they’ll need extra support. If you know that your inner child has a deep fear of abandonment, you can start to anticipate emotional reactions from your inner child when this abandonment wound is activated. 

Keep an inner child journal

Writing down your thoughts and emotions can help you connect with your inner child’s needs. 

You can use your journal as a place to validate and prioritize this younger version of yourself. You can journal like you’re writing as your younger self, or like you’re writing to your younger self, whichever feels better for you. It may even be helpful to record your observations from your self reflection in this journal so you can refer back to it. 

Try to use writing implements you liked when you were a kid when you use your journal. Maybe you’ll write in sparkly gel pen, or crayon, or even draw pictures to help illustrate things. 

Make time for play

Play is how we learn when we’re young, and it’s essential for our developmental well-being. You can utilize play as a way to get closer to your younger self and meet their needs. Your inner child thrives in moments of play and creativity. 

If you’re wondering where to start with play, think about the things that you enjoyed as a child.  Maybe you liked drawing, or dancing, or playing with toys. Maybe you were into playing sports. Maybe you always had your nose in a book. Whatever it is that used to bring you joy, start there to reconnect with your inner child’s joy and needs.

Keep the lines of communication open

Make it a habit to talk to your inner child regularly. Imagine speaking directly to your little self. What do they want to say? What do they need from you now? This dialogue can be incredibly healing.

When your younger self is no longer screaming for your attention, does anything shift for you? Keeping the lines of communication open with the younger versions of yourself can help you establish trust in yourself - that you won’t abandon yourself, even when it gets messy.  

If you’re interested in inner child work and need support, our therapists can help. Get in touch with us today to schedule an appointment!