Finding Meaning When Life Is Scary or Confusing

 Finding Meaning When Life Is Scary or Confusing

It’s no secret that life for the past 18 months have been a lot different than any of us could have imagined. When life is scary or confusing (or both!) it can seem like it will go on like this forever. We’ve now spent the better part of 2 years putting our lives on hold because of the pandemic, which is still raging on. Tensions seem to be at an all time high. We’re all sick of the way things are, and we’re all trying to deal with it in our own way. Gone are the days when we all baked bread and stayed home - we all have had to find ways to move forward in this new reality, and that can be exhausting. If you’re feeling tired or numb right now, you’re not alone. 

When life is overwhelming, it can sometimes seem like there’s no point to anything. There is a sense of overwhelming hopelessness that can get out of control quickly. While there are plenty of things to be confused or concerned about right now, it is possible to still feel a sense of purpose.

Finding meaning can look different for everyone. Some people find meaning through creativity. Others use religion to make meaning of the world around them. Many people find meaning in their communities or in nature.When life is scary, restoring your sense of purpose can be a deep comfort. 

If you’re looking for ways to find meaning in life right now, here are 5 ideas: 

Join a community

Humans are social creatures. We are wired for connection! When things get tough, community can be a valuable resource for support. It might not be as easy to join an in-person community right now, but there are many options out there for virtual communities. Try local Facebook groups or Meetup groups. If there are any causes out there that are important to you, look into joining a community focused around that. Working together with other people who care about something as much as you do can go a long way to restoring your faith in humanity. 

Explore your values

When was the last time you explored what’s important to you? Values are what we consider to be important in life. Everyone’s values are different. Some people value privacy, and others prefer to share. Some people value promptness, and others are chronically late. There are a million different values that we can have, but it can be a helpful exercise to make a list of values that are especially resonant for you. Your values may shift over time, and that’s okay! Change is natural. That’s why it’s helpful to explore your values every so often, so you know what is important to you. Understanding your values can help you make decisions, come up with goals, and manage uncertainty. 

Try acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean approval. For example, you might feel frustrated that you’re caught in a rainstorm. But spending time being frustrated that you’re soaked doesn’t do anything to change the fact that it’s raining. Accepting that it’s raining doesn’t mean you approve of the rain - it just means that it’s happening. When you stop struggling against something, sometimes it has less power. Instead of spending your time focused on what is bringing you distress, what would shift if you accepted it? 

It’s also important to note that acceptance doesn’t mean that nothing will ever change or improve. Acceptance just means you’re not struggling against reality. To follow the rainstorm example, acceptance doesn’t mean that it will rain forever. 

Check cognitive distortions 

Sometimes what your brain tells you is not the truth. We all deal with faulty thinking sometimes, but it can be distressing when we don’t realize it’s happening. When you notice yourself thinking in extremes or having distressing thoughts, take a moment to check your thoughts for cognitive distortions. 

Cognitive distortions are patterns of thinking that aren't true, but that we believe. They can sneak up in a number of ways - “should” statements, all or nothing thinking, personalizing minimizing, jumping to conclusions, and discounting the positive are just some of the ways that cognitive distortions can show up. Remember, thoughts aren’t facts! 

Get to know yourself

Have you gotten to know the new you? We’ve all changed over the last year and a half, and many of us are still getting to know these new versions of ourselves. Crisis and chaos can lead to shifts in the way that we interact with the world and with ourselves, so take some time to explore what’s changed for you over this time. Are your values the same, or have they shifted? Do you have the same friends? What’s been meaningful to you over the past 18 months? 

Some ways to get to know yourself better are to journal, go to therapy, get an assessment, practice mindfulness, and try new things. 

As mentioned above, people find meaning in all sorts of ways. Spiritual practices or religion may help you find the meaning you’re looking for. Other people find meaning out in nature or spending time outdoors. What makes you feel inspired and curious? Follow that thread to find meaning. 

If you’re still struggling to find meaning when life is scary or confusing, therapy can be a great option. A trained therapist can help you find insights and solutions that work for your specific situation so you can get back to feeling like your old self again. Get in touch today to book a session. 

6 Ways to Cultivate Self-Compassion

6 Ways to Cultivate Self-Compassion

The way that you treat yourself matters. Have you ever noticed the way that you talk to yourself? There are lots of reasons why we’re harder on ourselves than on anyone else. Some folks experienced abuse growing up that taught them not to expect any compassion. Others had caregivers who weren’t nurturing or who constantly criticized them. We hear a lot about self-love, especially in therapy spaces, but self-love isn’t always within reach for people. Starting with self-compassion can be a great way to build up your resilience and confidence. 

What is self-compassion?

Simply put, self-compassion is being nice to yourself. The idea of self-compassion is drawn from Buddhism. Being kind to yourself might sound really simplistic, but it can be a lot harder than it sounds. Many of us have a voice in our heads that chimes in when we mess up. That voice is called the Inner Critic, and it can be hard to notice it sometimes. There are times when we’re so immersed in beating ourselves up that we don’t even consider that there’s another option. However, there is always another option. Being kind, gentle, and understanding to yourself is always a choice you can make, it just takes practice to remember that that’s an option. 

Think about it: when someone has tried to motivate you by being mean to you, did that ever work? Probably not, right? It’s hard to get people to listen to you and respect you if you’re being a jerk all the time. The same is true for your brain! If you’re constantly being mean to yourself, eventually your brain will internalize the message that there is something wrong with you. You might even get to a place where you don’t want to try anything because you're sure you’ll mess it up somehow. If this is how you’re feeling, know that there is hope. Just as you learned to be unkind to yourself, you can learn how to be kind to yourself instead. It takes practice, and it won’t happen overnight, but you can begin to change your internal narrative that you’re not good enough. 

Here are some exercises you can to do cultivate more self-compassion:

Write down what your Inner Critic says

Sometimes we don’t even realize all the negative stuff our Inner Critic is saying. A great way to start to build up your self-compassion is to start to keep track of what your Inner Critic is saying. When you know what your Inner Critic is up to, you can focus on correcting those assumptions and silencing that voice in your head. Keep a note in your phone or a page in your journal where you write down what you say to yourself. Try to keep track for a few days so you can start to see patterns in your thinking. What are the common themes that you struggle with? How can you rewrite what your critic says in a more compassionate way? 

Write a letter to yourself

Writing can help us get in touch with our feelings and lessen the sense of shame we feel for our feelings. From a place of kindness and compassion, write yourself a letter. If it helps, imagine you’re writing to a younger version of yourself. What would you want them to know? Are there things you’re ashamed of or that you judge yourself for? Try to get it all out on the page. Sometimes the physical act of writing can help us begin to process our feelings and identify patterns in our thinking. 

Pretend you’re talking to your BFF

If you talked to your best friend the way you talk to yourself, they probably wouldn’t be your friend anymore. So why do you talk to yourself like that? Try to approach yourself with the same sense of compassion and gentleness that you would use with your friends. You deserve to be treated with respect, even from yourself. 

Forgive yourself

Is there something that you need to forgive yourself for? Holding on to this feeling of guilt and shame will only make you feel worse over time. Take a look at what is bringing those feelings up for you. Remind yourself that you were doing the best you could at the time. If there are things that you could have done differently, acknowledge that and remind yourself that you’re capable of changing. It might help to write this down in a journal so you can revisit it when that old shame pops it’s head up again. You are worthy of your own forgiveness. 

Remind yourself that perfection doesn’t exist

Perfectionism can distort our thinking. The idea that we have to do everything perfectly or not at all is destructive. You don’t have to be perfect, and that’s not a reasonable expectation to have of yourself. If your caregivers in the past demanded perfection, remind yourself that that’s not the only way. Holding yourself to impossible standards is a recipe for resentment, burnout, and shame. You are good enough just as you are right now. 

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness teaches us to connect with the present moment. When you’re in the middle of a self-shame spiral, it can be a game-changer to gently remind yourself to slow down, take some deep breaths, and focus on the present. Notice your thoughts without judging them. A mindfulness practice is a great way to practice not judging yourself. If you start to slip into judgment mode, gently let those thoughts pass. Remind yourself that you don't have to be perfect. 

Do things that bring you joy

You deserve to feel joy, and sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. Make time (as in, put it on your schedule) for doing things that bring you joy. Feeling joy + motivation can let you see yourself in a whole new light. Also, doing things you enjoy can be confidence-boosting - with practice you’ll eventually improve, and being good at something can be a powerful feeling. Even just the act of trying new things can make you feel happy, no matter what your skill level is. 

Being kind to yourself sounds simplistic, but it can be really tricky to break the habit of being mean to yourself. Cultivating self-compassion is something that takes time and effort. If you’re looking for guidance and support as you work on your self-compassion, a therapist can help you on this journey.

Our clinicians are trained in evidence-based treatments that can help change the way you treat yourself. Get in touch today to book a session!

4 Tips to Help You Cultivate Optimism

What does it mean to be optimistic?

Being optimistic is being able to find a positive outlook–even in negative situations. 

Did you just roll your eyes a bit? It can be hard to commit to optimism. The world today is filled with natural disasters, poverty, war, and various political and social crises. It can be hard to balance all of that news–news that we now get at the speed of light thanks to social media–and still remain optimistic. And that’s not even considering the events of your daily life. 

But, as far fetched as it might seem, being optimistic can not only allow you to enjoy your day to day life more, through finding those silver linings, but it can also: 

• Boost your physical health

• Boost your emotional health

• Facilitate greater achievements

• Decrease stress

• And even increase longevity 

What makes up an optimistic mindset?

Is it just ignoring bad things when they happen? Is it ignoring the bad feelings we get? Or pretending that things are great when they’re not?

Nope. 

Optimists aren’t in denial. They don’t ignore when negative things happen, nor do they refuse to let themselves feel any sort of negative or uncomfortable emotion. The difference between optimists and pessimists, is that when such a negative event occurs, optimists allow themselves to see both the negatives and the positives. 

Let’s say you’re going up for a new job. 

A pessimist might think, “What’s the point? Nothing good ever happens to me anyway.” Then, if they don’t get the job, that thinking would just be reaffirmed. They would see the negative outcome as an inevitability, and a pattern they can’t escape, rather than a one time instance. 

An optimist on the other hand, might think, “What’s the worst the could happen? I might as well try.” And then, if they didn’t get the job, instead of thinking “See? Trying is pointless.” they might think something like, “That stinks, but this must not be the right fit for me. Let’s see what I can use from the experience going forward for the next thing I try.” 

See the difference? 

It’s not denying the unfortunate event or ignoring the feelings of disappointment. Optimism in this case is seeing that not getting that job is an isolated incident, and one that can be reflected on and learned from. 

So, how can you shift your thinking?

It would be great if you could just say, “Okay! I’m going to be an optimist now!” Unfortunately, as is the case with any shift in mindset, it’s going to take a bit more work than that. Below are 4 things you can do to start reflecting on and shifting your own mindset to a more optimistic one: 

1). Examine where you find happiness: 

One reason pessimists are pessimistic is because happiness for them is attached to some external source, rather than an innate sense inside of them. They will be happy if they have the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect partner, the perfect social life, etc. The pressure for perfection leads to stress, can exacerbate anxiety and depression, and completely hinders their capacity for happiness when things aren’t perfect. 

Instead, learning to be happy as you are–and seeing those other things as wonderful, happy bonuses–can stop the catastrophizing thinking that comes with negative events (not getting a job, a break up, etc.) 

2). Practice Kindness:

It’s been shown that being kind or helpful to others can actually improve your mood. But kindness doesn’t have to be reserved to just acts of charity, it can also be about questioning your perspective. Kindness can be just imagining that everyone is trying their best, at any given time. We all have bad days. Keeping that in mind can help you offer more compassion and kindness to everyone you interact with. If someone isn’t friendly or accommodating to you, maybe it’s not because they are rude or hate you. Maybe it’s because they are having a terrible day. 

When you allow this room for compassion for others, you are also able to start to judge yourself less harshly. And, when things do go “wrong” it gives you a new perspective. Maybe the person hanging up abruptly actually had nothing to do with you. De-centering yourself like that can help to remind you that there are things outside of your control and that all you can do is make the best of the situation you’re in. 

3). Take time to notice what affects your mood: 

Are there things that make you feel happier and more optimistic? Add more of those into your life. Are there things that drag your mood down, and make you more pessimistic? Consider how to limit those things, if not remove them from your routine completely. 

For example: are you overwhelmed by negative sentiments as soon as you log into Twitter? Maybe it’s time to cut down the list of people you’re following. Narrow it down to people who post things that don’t sour your outlook or make you feel bad. 

4). Keep a gratitude journal: 

It can be easy to overlook all the things we love about our lives. Many of the things we’re grateful for go ignored and unacknowledged until we lose them. 

Instead, take a few minutes each day and make a list of the things that happened that day that you’re grateful for. It doesn’t have to be anything big, it can be as simple as “someone held a door open for me while my hands were full” or “my coworker said I was doing a great job.”

Learning to recognize and appreciate all of those small, positive things in a day can help shift your mindset. Once you start noticing them you won’t be able to stop–and soon your outlook will be vastly more positive than it was before! 

Optimism, like many mindset shifts, is a fake-it-til-you-make-it kind of deal. Even if you don’t think those tips will work, pretend you do! Try it for a day, a week, a month. See what happens when you allow yourself to focus on the positive–even if it feels fake at first. If you need support in shifting your mindset to a more optimistic one, our counselors can guide you through the process. 

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Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

A Blessing for Career and Work Struggles

So many of us struggle with knowing what it is we are meant to do with our lives and career. We get up and go to work from 9 to 5 and wonder — is this it? Is this what my life is meant to look like? Life is full of so many trade offs — we choose the secure job over the interest that we’re passionate about but seemingly doesn’t make as much sense. Years later, we find ourselves feeling disconnected, wondering why and how we can get back to this place where we look forward to each day with excitement, how to live a life of fulfillment.

Recently, I have been enjoying the work of John O’Donohue, who was an Irish writer and poet. My favorite book of his, To Bless the Space Between Us, is a collection of blessings to help readers through struggles and everyday concerns of life. There is something deeply kind and wise about his words, something which is encouraging and inspires hope during times of transition, challenge, new beginnings.

If you are currently struggling with questions of what to do with your life, your work and where it is all leading, read the blessing below by John O’Donohue. May your work be guided by the light of you, may you feel encouraged knowing that there is a path for you forward, a unique place where you are meant to be in this world. I find this greatly encouraging and hope that you find it encouraging too.

Blessing of your work by John O’Donohue

May the light of your soul guide you.
May the light of your soul bless the work
You do with the secret love and warmth of your heart.
May you see in what you do the beauty of your own soul.
May the sacredness of your work bring healing, light and renewal to those
Who work with you and to those who see and receive your work.
May your work never weary you.
May it release within you wellsprings of refreshment, inspiration and excitement.
May you be present in what you do.
May you never become lost in the bland absences.
May the day never burden you.
May dawn find you awake and alert, approaching your new day with dreams,
Possibilities and promises.
May evening find you gracious and fulfilled.
May you go into the night blessed, sheltered and protected.
May your soul calm, console and renew you.

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Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

7 Ways to Cope When Life is Hard: DBT IMPROVE the moment

Sometimes painful events happen in our lives that we can’t change. Death. Serious illness. Mistakes you’ve made and now can’t take back. Disappointment. Heartbreak. In times like this, it’s hard to know what to do and how to cope. We feel helpless and out of control. We’re often tempted to avoid, to numb, to turn toward substances, self-harm, or other activities. In the short term, they help us cope. But in the long term, they are destructive and only add to our suffering.

In these circumstances, there is a certain amount of pain that is just there and which we must learn and work to tolerate and live with. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) offers strategies to help you tolerate distress during difficult times, in the moment — to continually turn the mind toward acceptance and healthy ways of coping with pain.

DBT Distress Tolerance: IMPROVE the Moment

Sometimes the best thing we can do in situations where we don’t have control over the outcome or the current situation is to avoid making things worse. According to DBT, one way to tolerate high levels of distress and suffering is with the acronym IMPROVE the moment, which stands for the following.

I: Imagery. Imagery is when you imagine yourself in a different situation other than the one you are in. You could imagine yourself in a safe place, a beautiful place, or simply another place that’s different than the one you’re in. Imagine a beautiful beach, a peaceful forest, in a safe place, or visualize yourself as okay and doing well.

M: Meaning. Finding meaning in the situation can help you cope with the worst of pain. This means trying to find spiritual meaning if you are spiritual. You can read books, speak to spiritual mentors or teachers, such as priests or rabbis. You can spend time writing or with friends reflecting on what the lesson could be in this, what the greater purpose might be. From finding meaning, you’ll find that you’ll have greater compassion for others in pain and better able to cope with pain yourself.

“Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.”

— Viktor E. Frankl

P:Prayer. Prayer can be incredibly helpful in times of crisis; it is a spiritual practice that is not necessarily religious. There are different ways to pray. One way is with words, in which you can pray to a higher power. You can talk and release some of your distress and grief. Another way to pray is by opening up. It’s not so much with words, but with your heart and emotions. Open your heart up to compassion and kindness, love and peace.

R: Relaxation. Sometimes in crises, we get tense and stressed out so it can help to relax. There are different ways to relax, including getting a massage, going on walks, and meditation. Focus on your breath and how it feels as is moves through your nose, down your throat, and your chest as it rises. Sometimes tensing and then releasing your muscles can also help.

O: One Thing in the Moment. It can help to completely and totally throw yourself into the present moment. When we’re distressed, we’re often thinking about the past, or caught up in fears bout the future. Fully bring your attention into whatever activity you are doing and participate in it completely.

V: Vacation. Vacations can help to destress and obtain some perspective on distressing situations. You can take a full vacation, a mini vacation, or a vacation around town. Vacations can be as brief as 5 minutes from the office. The key is to rest and to take care of yourself.

E: Encouragement. The things you say to yourself can affect how you feel. Try it — say “I can’t do this, I’m horrible, this is awful.’ How do you feel? Compare that to, “This is awful but I can do this. I can find my way. I’m not perfect but 'I’m strong.’ Encouragement can be very powerful.

it’s often said that the only way through grief or pain is through it — not around it, not above or below it, but through. With the IMPROVE set of DBT distress tolerance skills, you can do this, you can make it through this period of your life to greater life and hope.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

— Viktor E. Frankl

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Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

12 Quotes to Inspire You to Focus on Yourself Instead of Others

Sometimes it’s hard not to compare yourself to others. Around you, everyone else seems to know what they want out of life. They’re finding the right relationships and advancing their careers, but you feel lost, unsure of yourself and what direction to head towards. It’s hard to know who you are and where you belong in the world.

You try and do your best but it never seems to be enough. There’s so much pressure to achieve and you find yourself trying to fit within certain molds or expectations.

When you’re feeling this way, it helps to go within. Spending time focusing on others drains your energy and can take away from what your own sense of purpose and passions. So focus instead on what’s important to you, and what you bring to your own life. Because you’re the only person in this world who can be you, which is awesome. We each have our own paths and contributions in life. So spend time working to discover that which is within yourself, the greatness, light, and cultivate that spark.

Here are 12 Quotes to Inspire You to Focus on Yourself Instead of Others

“The way you step up your game is not to worry about the other guy in any situation, because you can’t control the other guy. You only have control over yourself. So it’s like running a race. The energy that it takes to look back and see where the other guys are takes energy away from you. And if they’re too close, it scares you. So, that’s what I would say to my team all the time: Don’t waste your time in the race looking back to see where the other guy is or what the other guy is doing. It’s not about the other guy. It’s about what can you do. You just need to run that race as hard as you can. You need to give it everything you’ve got, all the time, for yourself.”

— Oprah

“Ask yourself if what you’re doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow”

— Unknown

“To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s trying its best to make you somebody else is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting. ”

— EE Cummings

“Sometimes it takes dealing with a disability — the trauma, the relearning, the months of rehabilitation therapy — to uncover our true abilities, and how we can put them to use for us in ways we may have never imagined. ”

— Senator Tammy Duckworth

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into the flames of achievement.”

— Unknown

“What if you simply devoted this year to loving yourself more?”

— Unknown

“I cannot say this too strongly: Do not compare yourselves to others. Be true to who you are, and continue to learn with all your might.”

— Daisaku Ikeda, Discussions on Youth

“Life on earth is a whole, yet it expresses itself in unique time-bound bodies, microscopic or visible, plant or animal, extinct or living. So there can be no one place to be. There can be no one way to be, no one way to practice, no one way to learn, no one way to love, no one way to grow or to heal, no one way to live, no one way to feel, no one thing to know or be known. The particulars count.”

— Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life

“Whatever your passion is, keep doing it. Don’t waste time chasing after success or comparing yourself to others. Every flower blooms at a different pace. Excel at doing what your passion is and only focus on perfecting it. Eventually people will see what you are great at doing, and if you are truly great, success will come chasing after you.”

— Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem

“Don’t always be appraising yourself, wondering if you are better or worse than other writers. “I will not Reason and Compare,” said Blake; “my business is to Create.” Besides, since you are like no other being ever created since the beginning of Time, you are incomparable.”

— Brenda Ueland, If You Want to Write: A Book about Art, Independence and Spirit

“You are perfect. To think anything less is as pointless as a river thinking that it’s got too many curves or that it moves too slowly or that its rapids are too rapid. Says who? You’re on a journey with no defined beginning, middle or end. There are no wrong twists and turns. There is just being. And your job is to be as you as you can be. This is why you’re here. To shy away from who you truly are would leave the world you-less. You are the only you there is and ever will be. I repeat, you are the only you there is and ever will be. Do not deny the world its one and only chance to bask in your brilliance.”

— Jen Sincero, You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

— Thich Nhat Hanh

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Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

3 Ways to Find Meaning and Purpose in Your Life

Some days, it can be hard to feel a sense of purpose in our lives.

We go through our days on autopilot. Everything feels as if it is a box to be checked. We have the job we want. The cars and the house. And yet somewhere inside, we wonder, what is this all leading to? What is the point of any of this? Where is the meaning in life?

In fact, meaning and purpose are adaptive and associated with improved emotional and physical outcomes. Meaning and purpose do not only arise out of discovery and development of your own unique gifts and talents, but also through service and connection to others and the greater community.

Here are 3 ways to cultivate passion and purpose in your life.

1. Use your pain and suffering for something greater

Sometimes life brings difficult events that are difficult to overcome. We walk through deep and dark places, grappling to make sense of the pain. Pain that seems senseless can be especially difficult to bear.

It’s counterintuitive, but you can use pain to grow and to discover your greater purpose. By turning toward the pain and embracing it, you can find the greater lessons within them, using them as an opportunity to turn wounds to wisdom. Sorrow and pain don’t have to be life defining, but instead, used as opportunities to move in a different direction.

So rise above the pain to use it for something greater. Oprah suffered a miscarriage at 14 to become one of the most influential women in the media. Charlize Theron grew up with an abusive father to become a celebrated actress. Amy Bleuel founded Project Semicolon, a mental health nonprofit presenting hope to individuals struggling with suicide, to honor her father’s passing due to suicide. There is a greater purpose to your pain, and your job is to find it. Struggles happen to strengthen you.

“Your purpose is hidden within your wounds.”

— Rune Lazuli

2. Focus on Running Your Own Race

Everyone has their own unique purpose in life. The truth is that you’re awesome — a collection of billions of cells, made of stardust. There’s only one person in this world who has the life and destiny you can live and its you. So spend time running your own race as hard and as well as you can.

“You are the only you that will ever be. You’re kind of a big deal.”

— Jen Sincero

3. Tell Your Story

Research shows that those who are able to create meaning out of suffering, and to create a new narrative of their lives after loss, live with greater purpose and fulfillment. Spend time thinking about how struggles and loss have helped you change and grow to overcome life’s adversities. Work to make sense of your experiences. Share your journey to help others feel less alone. Along the way, you’ll find connection, community, and purpose. To see this in action, check out The Mighty, which features a community of individuals, blogging and facing chronic health issues and mental illness together.

“Hardships prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary life.”

— C.S. Lewis

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Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist providing individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments, and serves the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help develop the best treatment for you!

7 Amazing Ways to Practice Gratitude

Gratitude helps us focus on our lives in a new way. It helps us to be present with our loved ones, and present in our lives. Rather than living in one’s thoughts and feeling trapped in feelings of anxiety, stress, or depression, we’re open and receptive to new ways of thinking and feeling. There’s something freeing about gratitude, and something amazing about how it can open up and expand our hearts.

The trouble is, its hard to be grateful. Trust me, as someone who has tried for years at it, it’s not easy! But the benefits of gratitude are worth it: we’re happier and lighter. We gain perspective on our life. And we’re present for it.

7 Amazing Ways to Practice Gratitude

1. Keep a gratitude journal. Write down 3 things you are grateful for each day.

2. Think of a simple thing to be grateful for. It could be something as simple as ice cream on a hot summer day. In your mind, say, ‘Thank you for..!’

3. Observe and be mindful as you go about your day of the small things or people in life that cheer you up, make you feel better, or your life easier.

4. Smile at someone and help make their day brighter

5. Contribute your time and efforts toward a cause you care about. Over time you’ll notice that the more you give, the more you also receive. Funny how life works sometimes..

6. Choose a symbol, like a bracelet, necklace or a small stone. Whenever you touch it, think of something that you are grateful for. In this way, it serves as a meditative reminder to you throughout the day — something to help ground you no matter what the day brings. '

7. Do something nice for someone you love. It can be big or small. Sometimes its the small things that bring great joy and happiness.

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psychologist in mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist providing individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments, and serves the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help develop the best treatment for you!

3 Life Changing Poems That You Need to Read

Walk Slowly by Danna Faulds

It only takes a reminder to breathe,
a moment to be still, and just like that,
something in me settles, softens, makes
space for imperfection. The harsh voice
of judgment drops to a whisper and I
remember again that life isn't a relay
race; that we will all cross the finish
line; that waking up to life is what we
were born for. As many times as I
forget, catch myself charging forward
without even knowing where I'm going,
that many times I can make the choice
to stop, to breathe, and be, and walk
slowly into the mystery.

Let it Go by Danna Faulds

Let go of the ways you thought life would unfold:
the holding of plans or dreams or expectations – Let it all go.
Save your strength to swim with the tide.
The choice to fight what is here before you now will
only result in struggle, fear, and desperate attempts
to flee from the very energy you long for. Let go.
Let it all go and flow with the grace that washes
through your days whether you received it gently
or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders.
Take this on faith; the mind may never find the
explanations that it seeks, but you will move forward
nonetheless. Let go, and the wave’s crest will carry
you to unknown shores, beyond your wildest dreams
or destinations. Let it all go and find the place of
rest and peace, and certain transformation.

Allow (Danna Faulds)

There is no controlling life. 
Try corralling a lightning bolt, 
containing a tornado. Dam a 
stream and it will create a new 
channel. Resist, and the tide 
will sweep you off your feet. 
Allow, and grace will carry 
you to higher ground. The only 
safety lies in letting it all in – 
the wild and the weak; fear, 
fantasies, failures and success. 
When loss rips off the doors of 
the heart, or sadness veils your 
vision with despair, practice 
becomes simply bearing the truth. 
In the choice to let go of your 
known way of being, the whole 
world is revealed to your new eyes.  

If you enjoyed these poems, check out Dana’s books, including Go In and In: Poems From the Heart of Yoga, Limitless, From Root to Bloom, and Breath of Joy.

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psychologist in mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist providing individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments, and serves the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help develop the best treatment for you!

15 Inspirational Mental Health Quotes That Will Help You Feel Less Alone

15 Inspirational Mental Health Quotes That Will Help You Feel Less Alone

It’s hard to live with depression, anxiety, and stress and it can feel lonely at times, as if others cant or dont understand. But the truth is that there are people out there who do, who have been through their own journeys and struggles. Here are some quotes that will help you feel less alone.

“I fight for my health every day in ways most people don’t understand. I’m not lazy. I’m a warrior.”

“Gardens are not made by sitting in the shade.”

— Rudyard Kipling

“Failure is a great teacher and, if you are open to it, every mistake has a lesson to offer.”

— Oprah Winfrey

“If you stumble, make it part of the dance.”

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

— Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

“Your illness is not your identity. Your chemistry is not your character.”

— Pastor Rick Warren

“Even if we don’t have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.”

— Charlie from “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”

“’I wish it need not have happened in my time,’ said Frodo.
‘So do I,’ said Gandalf, ‘and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.’”

— J.R.R. Tolkien from “The Fellowship of the Ring“

“You are valuable just because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because you are.”

— Max Lucado

“In the middle of winter I at last discovered that there was in me an invincible summer.”

— Albert Camus

“It’s up to you today to start making healthy choices. Not choices that are just healthy for your body, but healthy for your mind.”

— Steve Maraboli

“One of the things that baffles me (and there are quite a few) is how there can be so much lingering stigma with regards to mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder. In my opinion, living with manic depression takes a tremendous amount of balls. Not unlike a tour of Afghanistan (though the bombs and bullets, in this case, come from the inside). At times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of.
They should issue medals along with the steady stream of medication.”

— Carrie Fisher, Wishful Drinking

“There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn’t.”

— John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

“There is no standard normal. Normal is subjective. There are seven billion versions of normal on this planet.”

— Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive

“But no matter how much evil I see, I think it’s important for everyone to understand that there is much more light than darkness.”

— Robert Uttaro

“Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”

— Joubert Botha

“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.”

— Amy March

Which of the quotes was your favorite? Did any of them resonate with you? Let us know in the comments below; we’d love to hear from you.

therapist serving mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist providing individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments, and serves the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help develop the best treatment for you!