4 Tips to Help You Cultivate Optimism

What does it mean to be optimistic?

Being optimistic is being able to find a positive outlook–even in negative situations. 

Did you just roll your eyes a bit? It can be hard to commit to optimism. The world today is filled with natural disasters, poverty, war, and various political and social crises. It can be hard to balance all of that news–news that we now get at the speed of light thanks to social media–and still remain optimistic. And that’s not even considering the events of your daily life. 

But, as far fetched as it might seem, being optimistic can not only allow you to enjoy your day to day life more, through finding those silver linings, but it can also: 

• Boost your physical health

• Boost your emotional health

• Facilitate greater achievements

• Decrease stress

• And even increase longevity 

What makes up an optimistic mindset?

Is it just ignoring bad things when they happen? Is it ignoring the bad feelings we get? Or pretending that things are great when they’re not?

Nope. 

Optimists aren’t in denial. They don’t ignore when negative things happen, nor do they refuse to let themselves feel any sort of negative or uncomfortable emotion. The difference between optimists and pessimists, is that when such a negative event occurs, optimists allow themselves to see both the negatives and the positives. 

Let’s say you’re going up for a new job. 

A pessimist might think, “What’s the point? Nothing good ever happens to me anyway.” Then, if they don’t get the job, that thinking would just be reaffirmed. They would see the negative outcome as an inevitability, and a pattern they can’t escape, rather than a one time instance. 

An optimist on the other hand, might think, “What’s the worst the could happen? I might as well try.” And then, if they didn’t get the job, instead of thinking “See? Trying is pointless.” they might think something like, “That stinks, but this must not be the right fit for me. Let’s see what I can use from the experience going forward for the next thing I try.” 

See the difference? 

It’s not denying the unfortunate event or ignoring the feelings of disappointment. Optimism in this case is seeing that not getting that job is an isolated incident, and one that can be reflected on and learned from. 

So, how can you shift your thinking?

It would be great if you could just say, “Okay! I’m going to be an optimist now!” Unfortunately, as is the case with any shift in mindset, it’s going to take a bit more work than that. Below are 4 things you can do to start reflecting on and shifting your own mindset to a more optimistic one: 

1). Examine where you find happiness: 

One reason pessimists are pessimistic is because happiness for them is attached to some external source, rather than an innate sense inside of them. They will be happy if they have the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect partner, the perfect social life, etc. The pressure for perfection leads to stress, can exacerbate anxiety and depression, and completely hinders their capacity for happiness when things aren’t perfect. 

Instead, learning to be happy as you are–and seeing those other things as wonderful, happy bonuses–can stop the catastrophizing thinking that comes with negative events (not getting a job, a break up, etc.) 

2). Practice Kindness:

It’s been shown that being kind or helpful to others can actually improve your mood. But kindness doesn’t have to be reserved to just acts of charity, it can also be about questioning your perspective. Kindness can be just imagining that everyone is trying their best, at any given time. We all have bad days. Keeping that in mind can help you offer more compassion and kindness to everyone you interact with. If someone isn’t friendly or accommodating to you, maybe it’s not because they are rude or hate you. Maybe it’s because they are having a terrible day. 

When you allow this room for compassion for others, you are also able to start to judge yourself less harshly. And, when things do go “wrong” it gives you a new perspective. Maybe the person hanging up abruptly actually had nothing to do with you. De-centering yourself like that can help to remind you that there are things outside of your control and that all you can do is make the best of the situation you’re in. 

3). Take time to notice what affects your mood: 

Are there things that make you feel happier and more optimistic? Add more of those into your life. Are there things that drag your mood down, and make you more pessimistic? Consider how to limit those things, if not remove them from your routine completely. 

For example: are you overwhelmed by negative sentiments as soon as you log into Twitter? Maybe it’s time to cut down the list of people you’re following. Narrow it down to people who post things that don’t sour your outlook or make you feel bad. 

4). Keep a gratitude journal: 

It can be easy to overlook all the things we love about our lives. Many of the things we’re grateful for go ignored and unacknowledged until we lose them. 

Instead, take a few minutes each day and make a list of the things that happened that day that you’re grateful for. It doesn’t have to be anything big, it can be as simple as “someone held a door open for me while my hands were full” or “my coworker said I was doing a great job.”

Learning to recognize and appreciate all of those small, positive things in a day can help shift your mindset. Once you start noticing them you won’t be able to stop–and soon your outlook will be vastly more positive than it was before! 

Optimism, like many mindset shifts, is a fake-it-til-you-make-it kind of deal. Even if you don’t think those tips will work, pretend you do! Try it for a day, a week, a month. See what happens when you allow yourself to focus on the positive–even if it feels fake at first. If you need support in shifting your mindset to a more optimistic one, our counselors can guide you through the process. 

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Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

15 Beautiful Quotes to Inspire Gratitude

There is power in gratitude. Life gets busy and we forget what we have. Gratitude recenters us, grounds us, focuses us on the richness in our lives.

Often times, its the simple things that can bring us joy. A smile we are grateful for. Ice cream sorbet on a hot summer’s night. Time spent with a friend. A hot shower at the end of a long day.

The truth is, we need to make gratitude a priority. It’s easy to get lost in doing that we forget to simply be. Moreover, gratitude invites other positives in your life, such as greater connection with others, kindness, improved resilience, decreased anxiety, increased self esteem and spirituality, improved sleep, and happiness.

Here are 15 beautiful gratitude quotes to help you reflect and to inspire you.

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

— Marcel Proust

“Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet. ”

— Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life

“Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals. If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more.”

— Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

“Piglet noticed that even though he had a Very Small Heart, it could hold a rather large amount of Gratitude.”

— A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”

— Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose

“Forget yesterday - it has already forgotten you. Don’t sweat tomorrow - you haven’t even met. Instead, open your eyes and your heart to a truly precious gift - today.”

— Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.”

— Maya Angelou

“You pray in your distress and in your need; would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy and in your days of abundance.”

— Kahill Gibran, The Prophet

“Gratitude opens the door to the power, the wisdom, the creativity of the universe. You open the door through gratitude.”

— Deepak Chopra

“The more grateful I am, the more beauty I see.”

— Mary Davis

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

— Robert Brault

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.”

— Melody Beattie

“When we focus on our gratitude, the tide of disappointment goes out and the tide of love rushes in.”

— Kristin Armstrong

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgiving, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.”

— William Arthur Ward

“The real gift of gratitude is that the more grateful you are, the more present you become.”

— Robert Holden

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Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist providing individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments, and serves the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help develop the best treatment for you!

7 Amazing Ways to Practice Gratitude

Gratitude helps us focus on our lives in a new way. It helps us to be present with our loved ones, and present in our lives. Rather than living in one’s thoughts and feeling trapped in feelings of anxiety, stress, or depression, we’re open and receptive to new ways of thinking and feeling. There’s something freeing about gratitude, and something amazing about how it can open up and expand our hearts.

The trouble is, its hard to be grateful. Trust me, as someone who has tried for years at it, it’s not easy! But the benefits of gratitude are worth it: we’re happier and lighter. We gain perspective on our life. And we’re present for it.

7 Amazing Ways to Practice Gratitude

1. Keep a gratitude journal. Write down 3 things you are grateful for each day.

2. Think of a simple thing to be grateful for. It could be something as simple as ice cream on a hot summer day. In your mind, say, ‘Thank you for..!’

3. Observe and be mindful as you go about your day of the small things or people in life that cheer you up, make you feel better, or your life easier.

4. Smile at someone and help make their day brighter

5. Contribute your time and efforts toward a cause you care about. Over time you’ll notice that the more you give, the more you also receive. Funny how life works sometimes..

6. Choose a symbol, like a bracelet, necklace or a small stone. Whenever you touch it, think of something that you are grateful for. In this way, it serves as a meditative reminder to you throughout the day — something to help ground you no matter what the day brings. '

7. Do something nice for someone you love. It can be big or small. Sometimes its the small things that bring great joy and happiness.

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psychologist in mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist providing individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments, and serves the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help develop the best treatment for you!