5 Reasons You Might Consider Ending a Friendship

5 Reasons You Might Consider Ending a Friendship

Friendship is a special kind of relationship. Friendships often transcend romantic or familial relationships. Our friends may know the most intimate versions of ourselves, and that kind of intimacy is special. We often hear phrases like “friends forever!” and assume that it’s true- and for many friends, it is. However, lifelong friendships aren’t the only friendships that are worth having. Some friendships are based on proximity or common interests, and those things can change over time. It can be a source of great shame to have a string of former friendships in your past, but it’s actually very normal. There are all sorts of reasons that friendships end, but ending a friendship is a very hard choice to make. If you’re considering ending a friendship, know that it doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re allowed to voice your needs and you’re allowed to draw your own boundaries. The most important thing is to continue treating people kindly and with respect. 

When we think about breakups, we tend to think of romantic relationships. However, you can break up with friends too. There are a lot more resources out there for dealing with the end of a romantic relationship than the end of a friendship, which can make it hard to cope in the aftermath. Some friendships end with a mutual decision, some end with a disagreement, and some just sort of fade out. Each type of ending can be painful in its own way, even if you’re the one who ended the friendship. 

Ending a relationship of any kind is never easy. As humans, we are wired for connection, so it can be confusing and painful to end a connection that was special to you. Sometimes, ending a friendship will come after having conversations with each other about boundaries or expectations. You might feel better if you approach them with a conversation first instead of just ending things right there. There might also be situations where you feel better ending the friendship without talking about it first. Whatever way works for you and your situation, know that it is okay to feel a bunch of conflicting feelings about ending a friendship. You might feel relieved to not have to deal with them anymore. You might feel sad remembering the good times you had together. You might be angry at the way they treated you. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay. 

Here are a few reasons why you might consider ending a friendship: 

You feel worse after you spend time with them

How do you feel after you spend time with this friend? Do they leave you feeling rejuvenated and calm, or tense and upset? We all have bad days, but if this person regularly leaves you feeling hurt or disrespected, it might be time to have a serious conversation about how they treat you. You are allowed to have expectations for the way people treat you and if people can’t meet them, you don’t owe them a relationship.  

You no longer work together or live near one another

Many friendships are proximity-based. Think about friends from high school or college, or different jobs that you’ve had. After you leave that common space, you don’t always stay close. That doesn’t mean that the friendship wasn’t meaningful to you or important, it just means that when you no longer have things in common, the friendship might naturally fade. We all have different resources available to us, and you might not have the capacity to manage all of your friendships all of the time. It’s natural to sometimes let relationships go. 

They violated a boundary or your trust

If someone has violated your sense of trust, it can be hard to stay in friendship with them. Friendships are intimate relationships, which thrive off of trust. When that is broken, it can be difficult to stay close to one another unless you both commit to doing some serious communicating. That might not be what you want to do, and that’s okay. Trust is a basic tenent of many relationships, and its okay to end a friendship when you no longer feel that trust. 

You feel taken advantage of

Do you contribute equally to the relationship, or is your friend always asking you for favors but never reciprocating? All relationships have some give and take, but over time it tends to even out. Are you always the one initiating plans? Do they only contact you when they need something from you? If you only hear from someone when they can get something from you, it’s natural to feel frustrated and resentful after a while. Friendship is supposed to be mutual, so if you’re doing all the work, it might be time to end things. 

Your interests change

Lots of friendships start around a common interest, like hiking or games. Our interests often change over time, especially when we have new experiences. Sometimes, what interests you no longer does and you move on. It might be painful to leave people behind, but as your interests grow so will your potential pool of new friends. 

Ending a friendship is a hard and personal decision. What is right for one friendship might be totally wrong for another. If you’re considering ending a friendship, know that it doesn’t make you a bad person. Our needs change over time, including the needs we have in relationships. Friendships take work and trust, and sometimes that’s just not possible or practical.

If you’re looking for support as you decide to end a friendship, therapy can be a great place to cope with the loss of an important relationship in your life.