Quieting Your Inner Critic by Living your Values

Do you know what your values are?

Values are our roadmaps to meaningful and fulfilling lives. They tell us what is most important to us, within ourselves, within our environments, and within our relationships. They are unique to everyone; while you may have values in common with others, your personal values will be specific to you. 

And they might even shift! Values aren’t necessarily written in stone. Many unexpected changes come in life, and as you grow the things that are important to you may shift, so it’s good to check in with your values every now and then. (A good sign that you need to do this is if you frequently feel regretful or unfulfilled after making choices, even when they align with your values!)

Some common examples of values are:

• Honesty

• Kindness

• Loyalty

• Compassion 

• Integrity

• Generosity

• Courage

• Open mindedness

• Self reliance

• Curiosity

• Empathy

• Resilience 

This is by no means an exhaustive list–it’s just a few examples of common values to get you started brainstorming your own. There are many ways you can take time to explore and uncover your values; you can take the above list as a jumping off point to make your own, or you can do some thinking or journaling exercises that can help you reflect on how you’ve followed (or not) your values in the past. 

What can your values do for you?

Values are your roadmap to how to live the life you want. Just taking time to think about them helps you learn more about yourself and understand yourself a little bit better. This can benefit not just you, but your relationships too! 

Getting clear on your values helps you understand yourself more, so you can show up more fully and authentically in your relationships, and it can also give you a foundation of understanding for when someone makes a choice you wouldn’t make or can’t understand. When you are guided by your values, you can understand that your values are different from theirs, so while that decision wouldn’t be in line with your life, it may make sense for them. 

It can also help you take things less personally too–if someone does something that feels like it disregards your feelings, it might not actually be about you! 

Of course, it’s still good to communicate your feelings, so that they can know their actions had an impact, but it’s helpful to understand that even though we might have been hurt or upset by something, the decision wasn’t made with that in mind.

Beyond this, values help us feel confident in our decisions and quiet our inner critic. 

Your inner critic is that voice in your head telling you that you’re not doing things right or that you’re not good enough. This voice puts you down, demeans you, and can make you question your judgment or decision making and doubt yourself–if you can’t do anything right, how can you know that you can trust your decisions?

This is where your values come into play!

When you make decisions based on your values you don’t have to question whether you’re making the right decision or not. You take the information available to you and instead making decisions based on what you think other people want you to do or what the “right” decision is, you can see what next step is most in line with your values, and choose that. You’ve made the decision that aligns with your vision & goals for your life, so you can be confident in it

That confidence can quiet your inner critic. 

When you live life and make decisions in alignment with your values, it is harder to find things to criticize about yourself! Making decisions by values takes morality out of our choices, you’re no longer asking “which choice is right?” you’re asking “which choice aligns most with my values?” 

In doing that, you take away the possibility of a “wrong” or “bad” choice. You’ve made the choice that aligns with your values, and that means it’s a step on the path toward the life you’d like to live! Even if there is an unforeseen obstacle, that doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong choice, it just means you have to consider your values to find the best solution. 

If you’re interested in learning more ways to get clear on your values, working with a therapist can help give you the tools you need. Get in touch today to get started.