Supporting Your Mental Health During Your Freshman Year of College

Starting your freshman year of college is an exciting time, and it can also be overwhelming. 

Going to college is a huge transition, even if it’s one you’re ready for. For many, it’s their first time living on their own and being in charge of their own time. The academic work is harder. You have to learn how to manage your time and meet your own needs in a way that might be new to you. You might be living in a new city where you don’t know anyone, or even how to get around. And all of these changes happen in a few short weeks!

Life transitions, like starting college, can make a big impact on your mental health.

Why are life transitions, like going to starting your freshman year of college, so hard?

Even though change is a reality of life, it’s still hard to go through. You can even be really excited about the change and still have a hard time adapting to it. That’s because our brains love routine. When we interrupt the routine that our brain knows, it feels uncomfortable. It takes time to establish a new routine that feels safe and comforting, the way your old one did. 

You’re probably going to feel like a totally different person in a few months once your first semester of college is over, because college is an intense experience. In addition to the academic side, the social side of college and tasting adult independence for the first time can make a big change in how you move through the world. You might gain confidence, understand yourself better, and feel more capable than you do right now. 

Of course, not every college freshman is 18 years old and brand new to adulthood. Even if your freshman year of college isn’t the first time you had a taste of independence as an adult, finding a school-life balance that works for you might take some trial and error. 

Finding the right ways to take care of your mental health as an adult takes some trial and error. If you’re working on supporting your mental health during your freshman year of college, here are some things to keep in mind to help you: 

Put yourself out there

While college is academic, the social experience of higher education is an important piece for many people. It can be intimidating to have to build up a whole new social circle out of thin air. The nice thing about going to college is that everyone is kind of in the same boat - most people don’t know each other. Most people are looking to make new friends and social connections to help them through the next few years of school, and maybe beyond. The first few weeks of college, there will be numerous opportunities for you to meet new people. Even if you’re not typically a super social person, making the most of those first few months at school and going to events that interest you can help you meet new people. You don’t have to go to every little thing, but try to pick a few groups or clubs that interest you, and start there. 

If you’re living on campus, go to the activities your dorm throws until you meet some people and can plan your own activities. Keep your door open when you’re able to so people can drop by in the first few weeks of school and you can get to know them. If you’re living off campus, it can be especially important to go to events to meet people because you don’t have the opportunity to meet people in the dorms.

Don’t overload yourself 

While it’s important to join groups or try new things in college, it’s also critical that you don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Don’t take more classes than you can handle. Don’t join more groups than you can actually commit to. Don’t stretch yourself too thin. You’ll have time to do the things you want to do. You don’t have to do it all fall semester freshman year. 

Setting boundaries can be helpful when you’re working to not overwhelm yourself. Whether it’s with your roommate(s), your friends, study partners, coworkers, or family, it’s okay to let people know what you’re able to do and what you’re not available for. 

Remember that everyone is feeling the same pressure 

The first few weeks of college are weird and they go by really fast. Everyone is feeling the same pressure to make friends and figure out who they are on campus. You’re not the only one who is going through this intense experience, and you’re certainly not the only one struggling. It might be helpful to remind yourself that most people are probably feeling pretty vulnerable, even if you find them intimidating. Be compassionate with yourself as you navigate this major transition. 

Lean on your support system

Freshman year of college is one of the first times you can lean on your support system as an adult. We all need sources of support in our lives, and knowing who your support system is can help you in moments when you’re struggling with your mental health. Think ahead of time who you can call or text for help when you need a friendly shoulder to lean on. Maybe it’s friends from home, family, a therapist from home if you have one, a former coworker, a former teacher, a family friend, or a spiritual leader. 

Your support system can also include yourself, and things that you do for yourself. It might also feel comforting to lean on things that make you feel better when you’re overwhelmed, like hobbies that calm you down or self care activities that help you feel replenished. 

Utilize campus resources

One of the great things about most college campuses is that they have tons of resources for students. In addition to clubs and student organizations, your college might offer mental health support on campus, whether it's with a therapist in the student health center or with a peer support person. Look into what kind of resources your school offers before you get there so you have an idea of where you can turn to for help. Try to familiarize yourself with where they are and how you can get an appointment so that’s one less thing to do when you’re emotionally activated. 

Go back to basics 

Life transitions are tough on our mental health, and going back to the basics of self-care can be a buffer against distress during this time. Make sure to get enough sleep, even when there’s a million things to do. Get enough to eat, stay hydrated, and move your body if you can in a way that feels good to you. Take your meds if you have any. Get outside if the weather allows for it. 

Make time for creativity and mindfulness, even if it’s just doodling for a few minutes between classes. Establishing good self care habits as you transition to college can help you have a more positive experience. 

Think big picture

It can be shocking to get to college and struggle academically or socially (especially if you didn’t struggle that way in high school), and it can make you feel like you’re messing things up or that you’re sticking out like a sore thumb. Try to keep in mind that not everything you’re concerned about will end up being a big deal to you. 

It can be hard to talk yourself down when you’re in a panic over a bad grade or a big exam but try to think if this will matter in 5 minutes, 5 months, and 5 years. Most situations aren’t actually going to knock you off track even if they feel intense at the time. You can acknowledge that this is tough right now, in the moment, and recognize that it likely will not totally ruin your life in the big picture. 

Work with a therapist 

If you’re starting your freshman year of college (or any year of college), it’s important to have a good support system in place, and that can include a mental health provider. Working with a therapist as your college experience begins can help you adjust to the change while still taking care of your mental health. It can also you give you at least one hour that’s just focused on your wellness every week, which can be helpful. 

Our team of therapists at Hope+Wellness can help you with the major life transition of starting your freshman year of college. Whether you’d prefer a virtual appointment or to come into one of our offices in Northern Virginia or D.C., our clinicians have experience supporting college students during this time of change and growth. Contact us today to get started. 

How Routines Can Support You in Tough Times

What does your day-to-day routine look like these days? 

Developing a routine that you enjoy might seem like tired old advice, but it’s a classic for a reason. Routines really do make a difference, especially during tough times. 

Whether you’re going through a stressful time in your work or personal life, or if there’s something upsetting happening in the news, a routine can help you stay grounded and help manage stress. 

Why are routines good for mental health? 

Routine can help you feel a sense of control and give you structure during times when you feel powerless or confused. When things are unpredictable or stressful, a routine can help anchor you and give you ways to take care of yourself. 

The holiday season is a great example. During the holidays, many people have to make plans to travel or host family members; find childcare, petcare, or house sitting services; find the cash to buy gifts for your friends and family; make time for work and personal celebrations; take time off work or cover shifts for people who are taking time off; and more, on top of everything else already on their plates. That’s stressful! It can be hard to get everything done that needs to be done while still taking care of yourself. 

Part of why routines are so supportive is that they become habitual. When something is a habit, it takes less brainpower to get it done, leaving your mind free to focus on other things. That can be a big help in tough times! 

What makes up a routine?

A routine is something that you do regularly, whether it’s on a daily, weekly, monthly basis (or another timeframe entirely). For the purposes of this post, we’re focusing on daily and weekly routines, which can help you more in day-to-day life. The things you add to your routine should be things that you know you can do, which can help build confidence and support your self-esteem. 

To develop a routine that supports your mental health in tough times, you don’t need to make drastic changes. Your routine should be unique to you and your needs. Some people might prefer a routine as simple as this: 

• Take medication

• Eat 3 meals and snack in between 

• Move your body

• Do something creative

• Go to sleep around the same time every day

There are some people who like to have their days planned down to the minute, but for some people that causes more stress than it relieves. However you structure your routine, it should work for you. 

Here are 3 ways routines can help support you in tough times:

Support your overall wellbeing

Routines can help support your mental health by making sure you’re meeting your needs, like taking your medication or making sure you have enough to eat. The small daily tasks that keep us functioning well can often be some of the first things to go during times of stress, and that make stress feel even worse. 

By following a routine that works for you, you’ll be able to meet your needs without having to focus too much time and energy on them. When your basic needs are met consistently, life is a lot less overwhelming. 

Give your days structure

A lack of structure can make dealing with things like depression or anxiety even more difficult. Our brains love to focus on the negative if we give them nothing else to do. This used to be helpful, when we were scanning around for threats as hunter-gatherers, but it’s less than helpful when the focus on the negative becomes all you can think about. 

Having structure in your day to day life can help you break out of the negative thinking patterns and focus on the things that are important to you. 

Provide comfort when you’re struggling

A routine is one aspect of a support system, and it can be a valuable piece of the puzzle. When you’re struggling, a routine can help you figure out exactly how you’ll get through each day. In tough times, you’re much more likely to be closer to the edge of your window of tolerance, and it takes less to get pushed over the edge. 

A routine can give you comfort in knowing that you have a plan. When life feels like it’s out of control, going through your daily routine can help you ground yourself and regain some sense of control back, even if it’s just on a personal level. 

Developing a routine that is supportive to you can take some time to find what works best for you. Working with a therapist can provide even more support during tough times. Contact our office today to schedule an appointment. 

Strengthen Your Relationship with Your Body With These Six Blogs

What does it mean to have a strong relationship to your body?

Does it mean you need to be body positive? What about body neutrality? Or body trust? What do all these different terms mean? Do you have to embody all of them to have a strong relationship between yourself and your body? Where can you even start?

Having a strong relationship to your body helps your health holistically. It helps you tune into your physical and your emotional needs, and tend to them consciously and intentionally. But getting there isn’t an easy journey and it can be hard to know where to start. 

These six blogs are our starting point for you if you’re looking to strengthen your relationship to your body. 

They’re all about reflecting on your relationship to your body, learning to adjust your perspective and expectations, and practices you can take with you as you learn to engage with your body's needs and cues moving forward. Check them out below:

What Does it Mean to Engage in Self Care When You’re Chronically Ill

Your practice doesn’t have to be perfect all of the time. No one is keeping score at how well you’re taking care of yourself or what you’re falling behind on.

Determine for yourself what you can maintain, and try your best to maintain it–and trust yourself to know when you need to just relax.

Keep reading. 

3 Ways to Build Trust with Your Body

You might not even realize the messages that you’ve taken in about bodies throughout your life. There may be cultural messages that you disagree with on an intellectual level but have a hard time disconnecting from for yourself. You’re not alone. It’s hard to disengage from the constant messaging that your body is not good enough and that you can’t trust what it’s telling you.

When you don’t trust your body, you might have a harder time picking up on body cues like hunger or thirst. You might ignore your body’s needs, like needing to take a break, because you feel you should push through.

Keep reading. 

Separating Healing from Healthism

Your health is not insignificant–when you are sick or injured or unwell in any way you deserve care and medicine and support. The rejection of healthism isn’t a rejection of taking care of yourself, but shifting the motivations behind it.

Instead of caring for yourself because you want to be healthy so you can deserve love and care and support, can you care for yourself because you are alive and deserve it? Can you shift your habits of caring for yourself so they come from a place of love and joy, rather than guilt and shame?

Keep reading. 

Learning How to Connect Emotions & Body Sensations

Do you know how emotions feel in your body?

Emotions aren’t only felt in the mind. Our bodies react to our environments just like our brains do, and it can be helpful to connect emotions with body sensations so we can better understand what’s going on within us.

Keep reading. 

Can I have a Healthy Relationship with my Body Without Loving it?

While it would be wonderful to get to a point where your relationship with your body is a loving one, it’s possible to have an emotionally healthy relationship, even a caring relationship, without love. Think of human social relationships–you might not love your coworker or your neighbor or your barista, but you’re likely able to at least provide them the respect and dignity they deserve, and possibly even have a positive, friendly relationship with them. You care about not being rude to them, you don’t think they are unreasonable for having boundaries, and you probably don’t think they’re shameful for asking for what they need!  

Keep reading.

Gentle Movement tips for a Healthier Relationship with Exercise

Gentle movement or moving our bodies in some way that feels good is important for our health–not for the reasons we often hear about in intense fitness environments, where fitness is more of a sport focused on pushing your body to extremes–but because our body and our brain feel better when we find ways to incorporate movement into our routines. Keep the purpose of feeling good at the center of your search for a gentle movement routine: if it starts to feel like drudergy or punishment, it’s time to find something new. 

Keep reading. 

If you’re looking for support as you heal your relationship to your body, therapy can be a great place to start. Contact us today and our expert clinicians can help. 

What Does it Mean to Engage in Self Care When You’re Chronically Ill?

What does it mean to engage in self care when you’re chronically ill?

In general, self-care is the habits or practices you engage in in order to meet your emotional, physical and social needs. Unlike self soothing, which is concerned with providing comfort in the moment, self care is typically some sort of proactive care that has a noticeable effect on your life. It’s basically making sure you meet what you’ve determined to be the essentials for living a fulfilling, happy and healthy life. Some simple examples of self care are: 

• Establishing healthy sleeping habits

• Finding meals that are both enjoyable to eat and provide you with nutrients you need

• Carrying a water bottle around to make sure you stay hydrated

• Putting your prescriptions on auto-refill, or having them delivered to your house if that’s an option

• Taking a walk around your neighborhood

While self soothing often focuses on things that make you feel good in the moment–taking a long shower, a mindfulness exercise, watching a favorite movie, etc–self care is more about the long term maintenance of your wellbeing. Which means it's not always (or ever) a breezy, effortless thing. It can mean using up a lot of energy, both physical and mental, which is something chronically ill people don’t usually have in excess. 

So how can you realistically engage in self care when you’re also managing a chronic illness?

First, as we’ve said before, stop all or nothing thinking:

Life is rarely all or nothing. 50% is pretty much always better than 0%.

Getting started is often the hardest part, especially when the task itself is so massive it feels like even if you start you’ll never finish.  When you tell yourself “I don’t have to finish the dishes, I just have to start them” you’re easing that pressure. Chances are? You’ll realize doing the dishes isn’t actually that bad and you’ll just finish them. And if not? Then some of your dishes are clean now when they weren’t before! 

Your practice doesn’t have to be perfect all of the time. No one is keeping score at how well you’re taking care of yourself or what you’re falling behind on. 

Determine for yourself what you can maintain, and try your best to maintain it–and trust yourself to know when you need to just relax. 

Self care practice: keeping yourself nourished.

When you look up self care, so much advice is centered around food. And food is important! It keeps us alive! But the advice you often stumble upon when looking to take better care of yourself is to cook for yourself more. Cooking is a great way to practice taking care of yourself but it’s not always a realistic solution. Maybe you only have the energy to cook once a week. Or your live with too much pain to stand in a kitchen for a long time, so cooking is extremely rare. Maybe you’re so busy with different doctors appointments that you don’t have much time for grocery shopping or meal planning. 

Chronically ill approach: find your cheats. 

What are easy, filling foods you can throw together when you don’t have more than 10 minutes of kitchen energy in you? Make a list of things like this and use the components as the starting point for your regular shopping list. For example: a bag of frozen fruit & veggies, some yogurt, and juice can be quickly thrown together for a protein rich smoothie that takes little time and effort including prep and clean up. Consider your regular schedule and think of when you tend to have the most energy/feel the best. Is there a predictable time in your week where you could make time to cook? When you do, try to cook enough to yield leftovers so you can have another filling, low energy meal later in the week. 

Self care practice: move your body every day.

Physical wellness impacts our mental wellness and our overall holistic health, so it’s good to find ways to tend to it! While exercise is often a primary example of self-care, that can be tricky to navigate for chronically ill people. What if you’re in too much pain? What if your illness inhibits exercise? 

Chronically ill approach: but listen to it first.

At the root of the advice to move your body each day is the idea that your body’s needs deserve to be recognized and prioritized with regularity. This is actually very important for chronically ill people, even if it doesn’t show up in practice as exercise. Instead, it can be waking up and doing a body scan, assessing how you’re feeling, what your symptoms are–if any sort of gentle movement or stretching would be helpful or if other needs (taking medication, getting hydrated and fed, etc.) need to be taken care of first. And if you have the physical wellness to engage in exercise, remember it doesn’t have to be the aggressive, strenuous type of exercise we often associate with gyms and workout culture. It can be taking a long walk around your neighborhood, volunteering at a community garden, tending to your own house or yard, playing with a nibling, playing with a pet, etc.  

Self care practice: develop routines. 

Having dependable routines can be great! You can learn to prioritize your time and make room for everything you need to do and practice regular rest. But routines themselves depend on you having the same energy and interests all of the time–which is not really true for anyone, but fluctuating and unpredictable health or energy is a major obstacle in life with chronic illness. 

Chronically ill approach: but prioritize your needs over your expectations. 

If you have it in your routine to cook over the weekends because you usually have more time and energy to take care of yourself, but you suddenly get a flare up over the weekend, remember it’s more important to take care of yourself and what you need right now than to live up to the routine expectations you’ve set for yourself. If you push yourself to maintain routines through poor health, you only run the risk of feeling worse for longer. Instead, know when you need to show yourself some grace and let go of your to do list in favor of taking care of the needs pressing for your attention. 

Learning that you have a chronic illness diagnosis is often a life-changing experience. Chronic illness tends to impact every aspect of life, from work to leisure time to money to relationships. Remember, chronic illness is not your fault. If you would like more support in coping with chronic illness, our therapists at Hope+Wellness can help.

6 Ways Hobbies Benefit Your Mental Health

Do you have a hobby?

Your answer to this now might be different than it was 4 years ago, before the pandemic. 

During the COVID lockdowns of 2020, hobbies became more popular than ever as we all looked for ways to keep ourselves busy at home. Surveys show that “59% of Americans took on a new hobby during the coronavirus pandemic.” Furthermore, “79% of consumers said they’ll continue with their hobby even after the pandemic is over.”

Why do we love hobbies?

The reason that hobbies are so popular is because they give you a chance to unwind and recharge mentally. Lots of hobbies are physically taxing, but they allow us time to get in the zone of doing something we like and get over the stress of our day. 

Having something that you care about can make a big difference in your mental health. When you have something to look forward to, it’s easier to deal with smaller day to day annoyances. 

Burnout is extremely common right now for a number of reasons. Time spent engaging in hobbies can be a source of joy and replenishment, which can be a powerful antidote to burnout. It’s like having a little happiness bubble that makes it harder for negativity to get in. 

Hobbies aren’t just for fun, they’re good for you, too! Here are 6 ways hobbies benefit your mental health: 

Level up your confidence

Learning something new helps build up confidence. While being a beginner at something can be frustrating at times, sticking with it and trying again is a way to practice resilience. Over time, as you improve, you’ll feel more confident in your abilities to handle new challenges. In moments when you’re feeling less confident, it can be helpful to remind yourself of how far you’ve come. 

Hobbies also give you a chance to experience mastery, or to feel proud of something you have accomplished. Feeling mastery happens when you can see your improvement over time, and can be a powerful mood booster.

Opportunities for mindfulness

Mindfulness doesn’t just come from meditation. Anything that gives you a chance to be engaged in the present moment is a mindfulness practice. Engaging in a hobby often teaches you to slow down and focus on what you’re doing. Hobbies can also help drown out the pressures and annoyances of the day to day world and narrow your focus down to what you’re doing. This can help lower anxiety! 

Hobbies also offer you a chance to experience a flow state. A flow state is one where you are completely absorbed and engaged in whatever activity you are doing. This state often occurs when you’re skilled in an activity and find yourself completely immersed in it, making it feel like time is flying. This feeling can help with regulating emotions, as well as increasing your sense of happiness and fulfillment. 

Improved cognition

When you engage in a hobby, you’re using your brain. You’re likely using different parts of your brain than when you’re working or in your personal life. Doing new things is helpful for your cognition because it builds new pathways in your brain. The more you use these new pathways, the stronger they become. 

Having a hobby can also help keep your brain healthy. Some hobbies, like playing instruments, have been found to support memory, while others, like puzzles, have been found to protect against dementia. 

Increased creativity

Trying and learning something new can give you a big boost of creativity. Everyone is creative, but we don’t always get opportunities to nurture our creativity. Trying new hobbies can help you nurture your creative side. Hobbies allow you to express yourself in new ways and to learn new skills to keep improving. 

Chances to build community

We’re not meant to be alone in the world, and hobbies are a great way to build community with like-minded people. When you find a group of people who are passionate about the same thing as you, it feels validating. Whether you build community virtually or in real life, increasing your social connections feels good. We all need support from others and finding people who also engage in your hobby can build up your support system. 

Building community sounds intimidating, but it doesn’t all happen overnight. Even something as simple as following a few other people with your hobby on social media can help you feel less alone and more connected to others. 

Lowered stress

After a long stressful day, engaging in a hobby can help you feel better. Hobbies give you a break from your demanding day to day life. Research has shown that when we take time to engage in hobbies we enjoy, our brains release neurotransmitters like dopamine, which feels good. One study found that making visual art significantly lowered the levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, in participant’s blood. 

A hobby can be an outlet that lets you blow off steam when you’re overwhelmed. It’s also helpful to find an activity where you can lose yourself in what you’re doing, because that can help distract you from whatever is causing you stress. 

An important note: Don’t trade rest for hobbies

While hobbies have real mental health benefits, they can also be a way that we overwork ourselves, so be careful to make time for rest. Balancing leisure time with work, life’s responsibilities, and rest can be tough. 

It’s tempting to be productive at every moment, thanks to our cultural obsession with work. Hobbies can be a way to meet that cultural expectation to be productive and fill your time with things other than rest. Focusing on the joy of experiencing your hobby, instead of on the outcome, can help you get the benefits of a hobby without forcing yourself to be useful or productive. 

Many people feel pressure to monetize their hobbies, especially in times of financial insecurity. Putting pressure on yourself to be so good at something that you can make money off of it can take away the positive aspects of engaging in hobbies. 

It takes real effort to disconnect from the idea that you need to be productive at all times, including your leisure time. It’s okay to use your free time for rest instead of finding another way to get things done.

Hobbies are just one way to benefit your mental health, but there are many others, including working with a therapist. If you’re looking for a mental health professional who can help you in Washington, DC, Maryland, and Northern Virginia, get in touch with our office today. 

What Does it Mean to Take Care of Yourself? 7 Blogs to Help You Practice

What does it mean to take care of yourself?

Is self care about making your life as easy as possible? Is it about making sure you’re always happy? Does it mean that every off feeling we have can be solved with a quick little treat? 

At this point, I think we all know self care is a little more complex than that! True self care isn’t about avoiding difficult situations or banishing “negative” feelings; it’s about making sure you’re doing what you can to provide yourself with the tools and skills you need to manage those hard moments and tricky feelings when they come up. Self care is about noticing what needs tending to, and finding appropriate, compassionate ways to tend to them. 

That’s, of course, much easier said than done. Self care requires a lot of skills we aren’t necessarily taught, and it asks us to patient and compassionate with ourselves and others as we develop those skills. Some of them are easier than others; it’s easier to get yourself to stretch or go for a walk when you feel your body to start to ache than it is to figure out how to express an unpleasant emotion to someone you care about. 

To help you practice, we’ve gathered 7 of our favorite posts that cover skills you may not even realize are self care practices: 

Do you struggle to motivate yourself to do boring life tasks?

Getting started is often the hardest part, especially when the task itself is so massive it feels like even if you start you’ll never finish.  When you tell yourself “I don’t have to finish the dishes, I just have to start them” you’re easing that pressure. Chances are? You’ll realize doing the dishes isn’t actually that bad and you’ll just finish them. And if not? Then some of your dishes are clean now when they weren’t before! 

Read How to Motivate Yourself to Do Boring Life Tasks. 

When you think of self care practices, do you ever consider your social media? 

For every positive aspect of social media, there’s an equal and opposite negative action. Yes you’re able to keep up with friends, but do you remember that their lives aren’t as perfectly curated or posed as they seem on social media? Do you forget to check in with loved ones because seeing a facebook update makes you feel like you’ve already caught up? Do you get stressed from the information overload that can come with mindless social media scrolling?

Read How to Stop Social Media from Making You Feel Bad About Yourself. 

Waking up with a ball of anxiety in your stomach every morning is not ideal.

It can leave you feeling like you don’t even want to get out of bed. That’s why it’s helpful to establish habits that you can use every day to carry you through on the days when your anxiety is spiraling out of control. It can be almost impossible to snap yourself out of an anxious spiral, especially without practice. That’s why it’s important to find anxiety-relieving methods that work for you and then practice them until they’re second nature to you. That way, the next time you’re feeling anxious and out of control, you have something to reach for to soothe yourself. 

Read Daily Habits to Help Manage Anxiety in a Healthy Way

Telling someone you’re upset by something they’ve done takes a lot of courage.

It can feel like a risk–like they could be mad or upset or maybe even react unpredictably. It’s important to remember that while their feelings matter, you can’t control them and it’s not your job to prevent them from experiencing unpleasant emotions. It’s only your job to be honest about how you’re feeling and stick around to work through it if that brings up unpleasant emotions. 

Read How to Tell Someone They've Hurt Your Feelings

How do you react when you feel angry?

For a lot of people, anger is a confusing emotion. Everyone feels anger, of course, but we often aren’t taught how to deal with anger in a healthy way when we are young. It can feel like the only way to respond to anger is through yelling or violence, but that’s a myth that stems from our anger-phobic culture. 

Read 6 Safe Ways to Express Anger. 

How does comparison harm us?

Most obviously, comparison usually makes us feel inadequate. Particularly when we’re comparing ourselves to a carefully curated version of someone else's life (like their instagram feed). We see amazing or exciting things people are sharing, and if we’re not in the middle of something amazing or exciting ourselves, it can make us feel like we fall short. 

But it isn’t just us that it harms. Too much comparison can also be damaging to your relationships. When you’re constantly putting yourself up against someone else–out of either admiration or jealousy–you’re not seeing the other person as a full person. You’re only seeing the one thing that is provoking an emotional reaction out of you (a picture of their vacation, a post about their promotion, etc.) It can lead to jealousy, even resentment in your relationship.

Read How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others. 

Do you know how emotions feel in your body? 

Emotions aren’t only felt in the mind. Our bodies react to our environments just like our brains do, and it can be helpful to connect emotions with body sensations so we can better understand what’s going on within us. 

Read Learning How to Connect Emotions and Body Sensations.

Learning to care for yourself is a process and it can feel hard to do it alone. Working with a therapist can help teach you new ways to explore what your needs are and find healthy, supportive ways to tend to them. Get in touch with our office today to get started with one of our expert clinicians. 

7 Things to Do When You’re Lonely

Do you struggle with feeling lonely?

We all feel lonely from time to time, but studies show that loneliness is an increasingly large problem for mental and physical wellbeing. Since the pandemic, loneliness has increased.

Loneliness and social isolation are often thought to be the same thing, but there’s actually an important difference. As the CDC explains, “Loneliness is the feeling of being alone, regardless of the amount of social contact. Social isolation is a lack of social connections. Social isolation can lead to loneliness in some people, while others can feel lonely without being socially isolated.” You can become lonely from social isolation, but social isolation is not a requirement for loneliness. 

Why are we lonely?

Everyone has moments where they feel lonely. When loneliness doesn’t pass, it can be very distressing. Part of the reason why loneliness is so prevalent is that, as a culture, we tend to value independence, often at the expense of our health. Humans are meant to live and be supported in communities, as we’re social creatures. When society tells you that success means being able to do everything on your own, it can be hard to let go of that message. 

A study from Harvard shows that “36% of all Americans—including 61% of young adults and 51% of mothers with young children—feel “serious loneliness.” While we were lonely before the pandemic, the stress and isolation of the early pandemic days and the way it shifted how we live and work had a serious impact on loneliness. It was hard enough before the pandemic to get everything done that you needed to and make time for social connections. Now 3 years later, we’re exhausted mentally and physically from coping, and it might feel even harder to maintain the social connections that keep us from feeling lonely. 

It’s also been shown in studies that marginalized groups, like Black, Indigenous, and People of Color, immigrants, LGBTQ folks, and disabled people, tend to feel loneliness at higher rates than non-marginalized groups. Discrimination, oppression, barriers to healthcare and other services, and stigma are some reasons why marginalized groups are more likely to experience loneliness and social isolation. 

What does loneliness feel like?

You probably already know that loneliness doesn’t feel great. Feeling lonely is a negative emotion, so it can be distressing and painful. Remember, you don’t have to actually be socially isolated to feel lonely. You can be surrounded by people and feel lonely. 

Often, loneliness isn’t actually about not having people in your life, but not having strong connections to the people in your life. We all like to feel seen and like we matter to other people. When you don’t have a lot of people who you can connect with in a real way, it can feel like no one understands you.

Being lonely has real, measurable effects on health and wellbeing. Loneliness can lead to: 

• Depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

• An increased risk for dementia

• Heart disease and stroke

• Thoughts of suicide

• Premature death

• Sleep problems

• Substance use

Loneliness has a serious impact on our lives, but there are things you can do to cope with loneliness and to minimize its effects. 

How can you cope with feeling lonely? Here are 7 suggestions: 

Join things 

One of the best ways to build connections with people is to put yourself out there and join things. This might seem like something you will never do, but it really does make a difference. It’s going to be impossible to build new connections if you don’t try some new things, or you would have made those connections already. Even though it seems intimidating, try joining a club, organization, hobby group, or class. Start small, and go from there as you build confidence in your ability to put yourself out there. 

The key here is to find something that is important to you or that you really connect with. If you really love animals, call your local animal shelter or humane society to see if they need help, or sign up to be a part time pet sitter. If you like to read, check out your local bookstore to see if they have any upcoming events, or a book club you can join. If you’re interested in art, see if there are any art classes or events at local galleries that you can check out. 

Be kind to yourself 

Being lonely is tricky enough, so try not to be hard on yourself for feeling the way you feel. Even though it’s painful, it’s okay to feel what you feel. You deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion, from others as well as from yourself. 

Social media also has a big impact on loneliness. When you can see an endless stream of pictures of other people having fun together, it can make you feel even more alone. Remember that you’re not seeing the full picture of what’s going on through someone’s social media posts. Don’t compare yourself to others, especially on social media. 

Explore the reasons behind your loneliness

Coping with the feeling of loneliness can be such a big task that it’s easy to forget to explore why loneliness is there in the first place. However, it’s worth looking into the reasons behind your loneliness so you can prevent it in the future.

Do you feel like you don’t have friends or loved ones who understand you? Are you having interpersonal problems? Does social media make you feel left out or less than? Do you worry that everyone is judging you and that is what makes it hard to reach out? When you can pinpoint the reasons behind why you feel lonely, you can make some changes. If no one understands you, it might be time to explore some groups that have similar interests. If you are having interpersonal problems, working with a therapist can help you find new ways to relate to people and how to explore conflict in a healthy way. It will take a lot of introspection and compassion, but exploring what’s behind your loneliness gives you a road map of how to fix it. 

Invest in your current relationships

When you’re lonely, it can be easy to talk yourself out of reaching out to the people in your life. You might feel like they don’t want to hear from you or that they’re too busy for you. Remember that you can’t read minds, though! Your assumption about how they’ll respond might be way off, and the only way to find out is to ask. Reach out to the people you already know to connect and make plans, or even just to share that you’re feeling lonely and thinking of them. 

When your loved ones reach out to you to ask how you’re doing, it’s okay to let them know that you’re feeling lonely. Talking about it can release some of the shame that you may not even realize you were holding onto. It’s also easier to ask for help from someone who already knows what’s going on. You might be surprised to find out that the people in your life are also feeling lonely, as it’s extremely common these days. 

Find something you like to do solo

Spending time by yourself is more enjoyable when you have something you like to do. Explore some new hobbies or activities to see what you like doing on your own. Maybe you really like taking your dog for long walks, or maybe doing a puzzle is more your speed. Try things like: playing an instrument, collaging, painting, drawing, knitting/crocheting, crossword puzzles, reading, thrifting, gardening, cooking or baking, hiking, journaling, bird watching, 

Ask for help

Loneliness doesn’t have to last forever, but it can feel hard to break out of feeling isolated. When you’re struggling with being lonely, it’s okay to reach out for support. Friends and family can probably relate to what you’re going through, and the people that care about you probably want to help. We’re not meant to go through life alone, and it’s okay to ask your community for support. 

If you don’t feel comfortable talking to friends or loved ones, try talking to your primary care physician about what you’re going through. They might even have some resources to point you toward so you can meet new people and strengthen your current connections. A therapist can also be a great resource when coping with loneliness, because you can explore the reasons behind your feelings as well as new ways to cope. 

Go out of your comfort zone

This is such frustrating advice, because no one wants to really go outside their comfort zone. It’s uncomfortable! However, you don’t always have to go too far out of your comfort zone to make new connections. Start with a little baby step out of your comfort zone. 

Instead of keeping to yourself the next time you walk around your neighborhood, try leaving your headphones at home and saying hi to anyone you walk by. Pick one social event a month that you’re going to check out. Google free events in your area or through interest groups that you care about. Many cities and towns have event calendars on their websites so you can find things going on, and you can also find events listed on Eventbrite and Facebook. See if you can pick one new thing to try and see how that feels. 

Coping with feeling lonely can be hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. Working with a therapist can help teach you new ways to cope and explore ways to build community and support. Get in touch with our office today to get started with one of our expert clinicians. 

Balancing Self and Community Care

We know that self care is important. 

With so much conversation surrounding burnout in the last few years, we’re maybe more aware than ever how essential self care is! 

Unfortunately, the root of burnout often can’t be addressed on the individual level. By nature, burnout isn’t just feeling tired, it’s a complete depletion of your mental, physical and emotional energy, often as a result of being overworked, underpaid and burdened with responsibilities beyond what you can reasonably manage on your own. This isn’t something that just resting more can fix. While it certainly doesn’t hurt, it’s important to remember that it’s not personal failure when you can’t self-care your way out of burnout. 

So if individual changes can’t fix burnout why bother?

Reading that may have felt disheartening. It can make it feel like it’s pointless to put real effort into taking care of yourself–if there’s a larger system burning you out, why bother putting your energy toward trying to counter it when it’s not your lifestyle causing the problem? 

In one sense, it’s not fair to have to do extra work to counteract the effects of an unruly system. It’s reflective of healthism–turning systemic or collective issues into problems for the individual to solve. It’s a common predicament that doesn’t just apply to mental health. Think back to the controversy following the banning of plastic straws in certain states–while fossil fuels and corporate giants are the ones causing the most damage to the environment, the burden of the “solution” was put onto the individual consumer, when it turns out straws are actually a very small part of the problem. 

Because we live in such an individualistic culture, it can be hard to find the line between “this problem is caused by something bigger than me, so it’s not my problem” and “it’s my job to sacrifice my own well being for the good of my community.” We often think it has to be one or the other, but in reality it’s a blend! Caring for ourselves requires a healthy community, and we can’t have a healthy community when it’s completely neglected due to lack of a sense of collective responsibility. 

How do we find balance between individual responsibility and collective care?

Take the environmental example. Yes, large corporations, billionaires, fossil fuels, and agriculture are the largest contributors to climate change. No, recycling or reducing individual waste won’t tip the scales or undo the damage caused by all those entities larger than you. Does that mean you have no responsibility to your environment or community? But if everyone takes that stance, the damage will only get worse and worse. And the mindset of “it’s someone else’s problem” gets culturally stronger every time we decide not to think of our community when we act. No, it won’t reverse climate change to clear the garbage off of your yard, but it will help make your neighborhood a nice place to walk around and spend time, which can in turn increase your sense of community and belonging, improving your mental health (and probably your physical health–you’ll want to be out and active more if it’s a nice place to be!)

Taking time to identify your values can help you find the balance between caring for yourself and caring for your community. What is important to you? 

For example, maybe body positivity is something that you’re passionate about. While cultivating practices for yourself such as gentle, joyful movement, intimate touch, prioritizing filling and delicious meals, etc. are all wonderful expressions of self care, you can also find ways to cultivate community care for the same thing. Maybe there are local groups you can help coordinate plus size clothing swaps for so plus size members in your community can get fresh additions to their wardrobe without financial burden. Or maybe there’s an organization like Food Not Bombs you can volunteer for to help others achieve food security–a key component for a good relationship with one’s body. 

Caring for your community is caring for yourself. 

None of us can survive on self care alone. It’s just not possible! You didn’t bring yourself into this world, and just about everything since then has required the help of others. No matter how self-sufficient you are, there will be times when you will need the support of others. 

If you’re interested in learning more ways to get clear on your values, and balance self & community care, working with a therapist can help give you the tools you need. Get in touch today to get started. 

5 Practices for When You Feel Off and Don't Know Why

Have you ever had one of those days where you’re just feeling off and you don’t know why?

Maybe you feel a bit tired, even if you got enough rest. Maybe you’ve got no appetite, even though you have a fridge full of food you enjoy eating. Maybe you just feel a bit down and aren’t sure why. 

When we’re not feeling good, the best thing to do is to tend to whatever it is that’s causing it. But when we don’t know why we’re feeling off, it can be hard to figure out what self care practices would be helpful, and which would be nice but ultimately ineffective in helping you address the problem. 

While much of self care relies on regular habits–refilling your prescriptions, taking your medication, feeding yourself with food that nourishes your body and soul, making intentional space for relationships, finding joyful and gentle ways to move your body, taking dedicated time outside of your comfort zone, etc–we can still do as needed self care in addition to all of these wonderful habits when we need a little extra care and intention. 

So what can we do when we’re feeling off and don’t know why?

1). Try a body scan 

It might seem silly, but there may be tension, pain or discomfort that you’re not noticing in your body, but that could be impacting you all the same. Something like a headache, if it’s mostly affecting your eyes you may just think you feel tired. Taking time to breathe deeply and go over each part of your body slowly to check in with how it feels can help bring your attention to things you may have been overlooking. This is also a good self-check in practice to incorporate into your regular routine! Try starting or ending your day with one. 

2). Get water and a snack and check in with yourself in 15 minutes 

Being hungry or dehydrated can impact your energy levels, your ability to focus, it can give you head or stomach pains, leave you feeling achy all over, worsen your mood and more. When you can’t figure out why you’re feeling “off” get yourself a big glass of water and a filling snack, like peanut butter toast or a protein bar. Then check in with yourself in ten or fifteen minutes to see how you’re feeling. It may just be that your attention wasn’t present in your body and you weren’t noticing your hunger or thirst cues. 

3). Release what’s on your mind

If there’s something nagging at the back of your mind, it could be throwing you off. Even if you think it’s not a big deal, pushing away our feelings never makes them go away. It’s possible that neglected emotional discomfort could be yelling for your attention through physical discomfort. Take a few minutes to write a stream of consciousness in a journal, or call a friend you can vent to, in order to release those feelings. Choosing someone you trust to talk to about it can also help you gain perspective on whatever you’re experiencing, but even just voicing the feelings out loud helps to relieve how all consuming they can feel. 

4). Try to sit with the feeling

Instead of brushing it off as an “off day” after you’ve given other self care a try, really take time trying to sit with that feeling to find where it’s coming from. Are you unhappy? Are you resentful? Are you bored? Maybe that off feeling isn’t so much about something happening right now, but a more general discontentedness with some area of your life. Ask yourself, what parts of the day do you feel this “off” feeling the most strongly? Is there anyone who helps to ease it? Anyone to exacerbates it? Are there parts of your daily routine where you can’t seem to focus on anything but that “off” feeling? You may need a change in your life. Getting curious about when and how you feel that “off” feeling can help lead you to areas of your life that maybe need more intention from you. Perhaps the communication in your relationship hasn’t been as intimate or connected as you would like, and that’s leaving you feeling off centered, even if nothing is technically “wrong.” For this sort of exercise, remind yourself there is no right or wrong way to feel. If you’re not feeling content with something, that doesn’t mean you’re greedy or ungrateful, it just means you’re ready to find something that will work better with you. 

5). Take the day off from your regular responsibilities 

A sick day or a mental health day, or just a day where you turn your phone off and don’t look at any notifications that pop up. Clear your day for rest and rejuvenation. When you’re not bogged down by responsibilities, where are you naturally drawn? Maybe you sincerely do want to do some mindful chores, to take care of your space as a way to thank it for taking care of you. Maybe you want to focus on your physical wellbeing and have a nice long shower, go for a walk, do some stretching, and cook a big nourishing meal. Instead of trying to solve the problem of what’s “wrong”, give yourself permission to follow what calls to you–you may be unknowingly meeting some of those neglected needs!  

If you want some extra figuring out where this feeling is coming from, working with a therapist can help you. Give our office a call today to get more information or to schedule an appointment. 

Separating Healing from Healthism

A lot of language around health focuses on should’s.

What habits we should have, what foods we should eat, how much media we should consume, how we should engage with our bodies, when we should be active and productive, how active and productive we should be, and on and on and on. 

But why? And, maybe more importantly, what if in centering our health and all of those “shoulds” we were actually getting in the way of really caring for ourselves?

What is healthism?

Healthism, essentially, is the cultural idea that being healthy is the most important thing; that healthy is equivalent to good, hardworking, educated, and valuable, while unhealthy means bad, lazy, stupid, and expendable.

Healthism was an idea introduced to popularity by an economist, Robert Crawford, in the 1980s, in an essay published under the title “Healthism and the Medicalization of Everyday Life.” The essay was written in response to a cultural rise in self care movements in the seventies, but is still relevant in this new wave of individualist and commercialized self care. An excerpt from it reads: 

“…healthism situates the problem of health and disease at the level of the individual. Solutions are formulated at that level as well. To the extent that healthism shapes popular beliefs, we will continue to have a non-political, and therefore, ultimately ineffective conception and strategy of health promotion. Further, by elevating health to a super value, a metaphor for all that is good in life, healthism reinforces the privatization of the struggle for generalized well-being.”

Basically, healthism asks: if you’re sick or unwell, what did you do wrong? And the follow up: if you can’t make good or healthy choices, why should you get care?

What healthism overlooks:

There is a lot left ignored in this understanding of health. In fact, very little of your “health” is determined by personal habits. Your health is influenced by your genetics, your socioeconomic status, the environment you live in, your access to medical care and nutrient dense food, experiences of racism, sexism, homophobia or transphobia, medical discrimination, bias or neglect, and more. All of these things are outside an individual's control! 

We put so much importance on individual habits and choices because those are what we can control in our day to day life, but that also makes it easy for us to be blamed for our own poor health, or sold something that says will make us better, but really only exists to make someone else a profit. 

The healthism we see on an individual level (rather than a structural level, like being denied insurance for a pre-existing condition) also often focuses more on the aesthetics of health, than on health itself. One major example of this would be the health risks fat people face just by actually going to the doctor. The anti-fat bias within “health” centered spaces is so damaging, that when actually going to attend to their health, fat patients risk having their health harmed by abusive medical professionals, who often only tell them to lose weight without actually tending to their medical needs–and without acknowledging both that rapidly losing weight is dangerous to your health or that being underweight is actually more dangerous to health than being overweight. 

The other obvious thing that is overlooked by healthism is mental health. Healthism believes your health is your responsibility, but your genetics and your brain chemistry are not within your control! While yes, moving your body and nourishing yourself are good for your mental health but mental health cannot be exercised or dieted away! That prompts the question, if you are physically “healthy” but are treating depression, are you still “healthy”? Can anyone really be fully “healthy” when we step back and think about it holistically? And if we can’t, why do we place so much importance on striving for perfect health above all else?

What shifting away from healthism can do for your healing: 

This isn’t to say your health is insignificant–when you are sick or injured or unwell in any way you deserve care and medicine and support. The rejection of healthism isn’t a rejection of taking care of yourself, but shifting the motivations behind it. 

Instead of caring for yourself because you want to be healthy so you can deserve love and care and support, can you care for yourself because you are alive and deserve it? Can you shift your habits of caring for yourself so they come from a place of love and joy, rather than guilt and shame?

Removing morality from health means when your health declines, you know your worth does not. 

When you are unwell, you have value and deserve everything you have when you’re well. Rejecting the healthism mentality means recognizing this–even if the reason you are unwell is the result of a choice you made. This means caring about and for yourself isn’t dependent on how healthy your habits are. Instead it’s coming from a place in your mind that is asking, “okay, how can I both nourish myself and feel good in this body and life?”

Want a weird, real life example of this? Look at kinksters. In kink and alternative sex communities there is an acronym RACK, which stands for risk aware consensual kink. This means that all participants understand that there is no 100% safe way to practice kink as there is always some sort of risk, even if it’s very small. But they have made themselves aware of those risks, and decided that the benefits of what they would get out of the experience outweighs those risks, so they still enthusiastically consent. 

We can think of our choices with health in the same way–you don’t always have to choose what is healthiest if another option offers something else to you; it’s about being aware and making choices based on your own needs and desires. 

Rejecting healthism also helps to ground you back in your healing. Healthism is a tool of capitalism! You don’t need to be constantly buying things to make yourself “better”; you need to tune back into yourself to listen to what your needs are, and respond to what you’re exploring internally, not what’s being sold to you externally. Take the CEO of Whole Foods saying:

“We are all responsible for our own lives and our own health. We should take that responsibility very seriously and use our freedom to make wise lifestyle choices that will protect our health.” 

We know of course, that that’s not true! Like we discussed above, there are many factors to health, very few of which are influenced by personal choice and habits. But we can also see that he’s clearly selling something to us here. He’s saying: if you want to be healthy and live a good, long life, shop at Whole Foods! But that’s not the only way to achieve health–and for people who can’t afford to shop there, that economic strain would actually impede their health. 

Rejecting healthism takes guilt away from seeking joy, and gives you back the power to determine your purpose. Instead of feeling shame over “indulging” in things you “shouldn’t” or not putting all of your effort into achieving peak physical health, you can spend your time and energy in ways that rejuvenate you. 

How therapy challenges healthism 

Healthism says: whatever health or wellness problems you have in your life, they’re your fault. If you had made better choices, you would be better off. 

Therapy says: there are so many things that make you who you are and that impact how you are. Let’s explore them and see what motivated your choices, what needs you were meeting, and give compassion to you for taking care of yourself as best as you could. It says being unwell doesn’t always come from one thing, and it’s not your job alone to be healthy or well–relationships and support systems are a huge part of taking care of yourself, and you deserve access to them. 

Shifting away from a mindset based in healthism can be hard, but we’re here to support you. Get in touch with our office today to get started with one of our expert clinicians.