5 Signs CBT is Right for You

The decision to start therapy can be the beginning of a meaningful journey that leads to transformation and growth. However, searching for a therapist can be tricky sometimes, for a number of reasons (including insurance, finances, scheduling, and stigma, to name a few). It can also be the start of a confusing search to figure out what type of therapy is the best fit for you. Is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy the right choice or should you choose something else, like Gestalt Therapy or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy? There are many valuable different therapy frameworks today, and it can be a little overwhelming to narrow down your choices while you search for a therapist.

One of the benefits of our increased understanding of the brain and of human behavior in the last hundred or so years is that there are a lot of different approaches to therapy. Even though there are many different frameworks that therapists use, in general, the goal remains the same: to help the person in therapy. The gold-standard of treatment is an evidence-based method of treatment, which means that the approaches to therapy are backed up by research and data.

Evidence-based therapy has been tested, using the scientific method, and shown to be effective. Some examples of evidence-based treatments include therapies like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Psychoanalytic/Psychodynamic Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and Emotion-Focused Therapy. These are just a few examples of the frameworks out there for you to choose from.

At Hope + Wellness, we use a variety of approaches, including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The main idea of CBT is that anxiety, depression, and problems with mood are related to unhelpful behaviors and thought patterns. Therefore, CBT teaches us to learn new, healthy ways of thinking and coping to effectively relieve symptoms and improve our lives. The skills are taught in CBT include learning how to face fears, problem-solving difficult situations, recognizing unhelpful thought and behavior patterns, and ways to calm the mind and body. Since it is focused on teaching you specific coping skills, CBT tends to wrap up in a time-limited number of sessions, instead of lasting indefinitely.

So, how do you decide if CBT is right for you? Read on for some signs that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy can help you:

1. Your problems are related to your thoughts and behavior

Remember, CBT is focused on the way unhelpful thoughts and behaviors impact our lives. Since the main focus of treatment is reframing the way we think and behave, if your problems aren’t related to your thoughts and behaviors, CBT probably won’t be the modality for you. If your problems are more existential or relational in nature, or if you’re looking for a long term relationship with a therapist, a different modality might be a better fit for you.

2. You tend to expect the worst

One of the most important takeaways from CBT is that our patterns of thoughts and behaviors impact our mental health. CBT teaches us that while we can’t change what happens around us, we can change the way we react to it. If you tend to be the kind of person who expects the worst from every situation, then CBT might be a good match for you. As you learn the skills taught in CBT, you will see that changing your thoughts and beliefs to help you cope can also lead to better outcomes overall. Once you get used to the idea that the rug isn’t going to be pulled out from under you, you can start to manage your expectations in a more realistic light.

3. You are willing to commit to the process of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

CBT can’t be taught in one session. This type of treatment is a process, and you have to be willing to put in the work to see the results. If you’re looking for a therapist to make your problems disappear without having to change the way you act or think, CBT probably won’t be helpful for you. If, however, you’re ready to commit to the work (and time commitment) of CBT, you can expect to see better results.

4. You learn in a number of different ways

CBT is one of the most frequently used therapy modalities, and that means that there are a ton of different ways to digest the information. If you decide to move forward with CBT, you can ask your therapist for recommendations for books, videos, podcasts, apps, groups, and worksheets to help you master the concepts. You can soak up the information from all of these sources and more, or you can just stick with the ones that complement the way you learn best.

5. You want the skills to help work through a relapse

CBT therapy does tend to be shorter term than traditional talk therapies because it is focused on teaching you practical coping skills to deal with your problems now and any that might come up in the future. Instead of lasting indefinitely, CBT tends to wrap up in a time-limited number of sessions. That means that you leave CBT therapy with the skills you need to manage a relapse, instead of having to learn further skills after a relapse. You can continually call on the CBT skills you learn in therapy to help you move throughout life, whatever it throws at you.

If this list has you feeling intimidated, don’t worry! You don’t have to have all of the answers. You can do your own research if you want, but you can also seek expert help. If you are able, talk to a trusted healthcare provider who knows you for a referral they think is appropriate.

---

therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a psychotherapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

Mindfulness for Stress Relief

What is Mindfulness? 

What does it mean to cultivate a mindfulness practice? Is mindfulness the same as meditation? There is a lot of uncertainty surrounding the idea of mindfulness–but it’s actually quite straightforward. Being mindful is the simple act of being aware of the moment you are in, while you are in it. 

When you’re mindful, you take notice of things like: 

• What sounds are you hearing?

• What smells are around you? Where are they coming from?

• What is it that you’re doing? Is your attention focused on that act, or is your mind wandering?

Most of us are so used to being stretched in a hundred different directions, that we rarely take time to be fully present. Practicing mindfulness helps you refocus on where you are, how you’re feeling, and the elements of the environment around you. Instead of trying to multitask to get many things done in a short period of time, a mindfulness practice asks that you center yourself in one experience at a time. By doing this, you are able to commit stronger energy and mental focus to what you’re doing, accomplish it to the best of your ability, and not feel so worn out that you can’t accomplish something else. 

The good news is: we all have the ability to cultivate a mindfulness practice. The multitasking, and stretching your mental energy across too many things is a practice we learn as we grow up, and just as we learned it, we can unlearn it! With focus and intention, mindfulness can become part of our routine, and help us increase our productivity, improve our quality of work, and reduce our stress!

How does mindfulness aid with stress relief?

There are four core components to mindfulness. These work as the pillars holding up your mindfulness practice, allowing it to function. They are: 

• Awareness: simply, what is happening around you? Call your attention to your senses: what do you see, feel, hear, smell, taste? A core part of mindfulness is being aware of the immediate world around you.

• Focus: if you are doing something, such as a project or activity, where is your focus? Is it split between two, three, or more things? In order for mindfulness to be truly effective, keeping your focus on the thing you are doing at the time, dismissing wandering thoughts as they come, is necessary. 

• Acceptance: this one can be tricky for many of us, but part of mindfulness is accepting the way you are feeling, or the thoughts you are thinking without passing judgment on them. Remember: feelings are not facts. They give us valuable information about ourselves, but they do not necessarily reflect reality. Accept your thoughts & feelings without judging them, and remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with your natural reactions. 

• Observation: when you do feel these negative or unpleasant thoughts and feelings, don’t try to block them or push them aside. Observe what you’re feeling, and explore why you’re feeling it. Learn what you can, and then allow yourself to let them go, and observe what comes next. 

So, what does this mean for stress relief? 

Mindfulness helps you to switch gears from your “doing” mode to your “being” mode, which in turn helps you to reduce your stress responses.  With a strong mindfulness practice, you are able to observe a situation without immediately reacting to it. You give yourself a moment to gather your thoughts and find the best solution. And when you are more aware of yourself, your body, and your environment, you are more aware of your needs. This awareness helps you to spot problems early on before they get so bad that you’re burned out or unable to function as usual. 

And, one of the key “selling points” of cultivating a mindfulness practice, is that your sleep & focus improve. This means that your energy is much better restored each day, and when you are working, you are able to commit yourself to whatever it is you’re working on without a million tiny distractions that take up your attention and contribute to your stress. 

Practicing mindfulness for stress relief:

So how can you get started? 

1. Start with guided meditations: When you’re new to mindfulness, it can feel daunting to just jump in on your own. So don’t! There are apps that will curate a feed of guided meditations for you. If you don’t want to commit to an app, search YouTube for guided stress relief mindfulness videos! As you practice with guided meditations and find what works for you, you may be able to create your own, unique practice. 

2. Do a body scan: do you feel yourself fidgeting throughout the day? Are you distracted by the tension you hold in your body? When your mind starts to wander and it gets hard to focus don’t just try to power through. Instead, take a few minutes to figure out what it is you need. Start with your toes and work your way up; are there aches in any part of your body? Do you need to stretch? Does your head hurt? Are you thirsty? Paying attention to the physical symptoms that your stress may present in your body will help you to stay on top of them, and reduce their effects. 

3. Try deep breathing: When you are feeling stressed or overwhelmed, give yourself a few minutes to focus on your breathing. Close your eyes and feel your body expand as you breathe in. Hold your breath for a moment before letting go, and then imagine yourself as a deflating balloon as you release your breath. How do you feel as you breathe deeply? This sort of exercise can help not only to calm you down in the movement, but bring yourself back to the present, refocus, and carry on without intrusive distractions.

If you're looking for support as you develop a mindfulness practice, or if you're not sure where to begin, contact us today for help!

---

therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a psychotherapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

10 Mindfulness Apps to Improve Your Life Right Now

When was the last time you felt fully immersed in the present moment? If you are having trouble pinpointing a time, you’re not alone. Mindfulness can be a transformative practice that helps you learn to sit with your thoughts and focus fully on the here and now. Mindfulness has become such a popular practice that there are even dozens of mindfulness apps available to help you get started. But what is mindfulness, anyway? 

According to the Mayo Clinic, “Mindfulness is the act of being intensely aware of what you're sensing and feeling at every moment — without interpretation or judgment.”

Mindfulness is a practice, not a one-off event, so it’s important to actually put in the time to practice this skill. However, you don’t have to practice mindfulness for a long time before you can see the effects. In one recent study, people who had practiced mindfulness for just 100 minutes reported feeling more positive emotions and less troubled by the responsibilities of their lives. Even a little bit at a time can help you feel more present and grounded. 

If you’re a mindfulness novice, jumping in without a little guidance may seem way above your head. After all, it’s not easy to go from interpreting and judging our thoughts to simply noticing them and letting them pass by. But there’s no need to give up completely! No matter what level you’re at there are mindfulness apps & tools that can help you on your journey to become more mindful.

It might seem counter intuitive to suggest seeking mindfulness through your phone, a device that is typically labeled a distraction. However, let’s be real: your phone is probably with you the majority of the time. Mindfulness support can be literally in your pocket at all times! 

Not all mindfulness apps were created equal. The boom in the wellness industry in the last few years has given rise to practices like meditation, mindfulness, self-care becoming mainstream. This means that there are tons of apps to sift through, even if you don’t know what you’re looking for or what will be helpful to you. 

Here are 10 mindfulness apps to try in your wellness practice: 

Insight Timer

Insight Timer is a free mindfulness app that’s available on both iOS and Android. It bills itself as the world’s largest free library of guided meditations, and there are over 28,000 options for you to choose from. They have meditations for everything under the sun, as well as music tracks and ambient sounds that can be used for focus or help with sleep. There’s a timer so you can customize a mindfulness session that fits in your schedule. Insight Timer also offers a free course for beginners to teach you how to meditate in just 7 days. You can track your progress with charts in the app, and the meditations are available in over 30 languages. Another feature of Insight Timer is the community - there are discussion groups and you can see how many people in the world are using the app with you. 

Calm

The Calm mindfulness app seeks to live up to its name right from when you open it up! You’ll be greeted with nature sounds to help get you in the mindset of mindfulness. They offer a variety of guided meditations, breathing exercises, and sleep stories, which you can listen to as you fall asleep. They even have a section specifically dedicated to teaching kids mindfulness. You can access some of the content with the free plan, but for newly added content, there is a subscription fee of $60 per year. They do have the option for a lifetime membership at $400. You can download Calm on iOS or Android. 

Headspace

Headspace is another popular mindfulness app that is available on iOS and Android. They compare their app to a gym membership, but for your mind. With just a few minutes a day on their app, you can learn how to meditate. They offer meditations of various lengths to fit whatever time frame you have available, and they have what they call “SOS” meditations to help during a crisis. Plus, the animation style of the app is very cute! This app is not free, but they do have a 7 day free trial period if you want to try it out first. After 7 days, it costs $12.99 a month or you can pay for the full year for $95.88. 

Buddhify

Buddhify is the app for meditation on the go. In their catalog they have over 200 guided meditations to choose from that vary in their focus! Whether you’re trying to manage anxiety, stress, improve your sleep, deal with pain or difficult emotions, Buddify has a guided meditation for you. And because they’re all about working mindfulness into your unique life, you can find exercises for whatever situation you’re in–whether you’re at work, traveling, browsing online, eating lunch, etc. And no need to stick with just one guide! Buddhify offers a variety of experienced teachers so you can choose the one that’s right for you. The basic app costs $4.99, and there is an option to enroll in a membership to deepen your practice. Buddhify is available for iOS as well as Android.

Aura

Available on iOS and Android, Aura has a ton of wellness content. They offer meditations in varying lengths (including a lot of 3 minute ‘micro-meditations’ for people who don’t like sitting still!), nature sounds you can play as white noise, recorded short stories, life coaching, music, and a gratitude journal. You can advance to different levels as you meditate more, which gives the app a game-like quality. There is also a premium version with more features available. 

Ten Percent Happier

The aim of the Ten Percent Happier mindfulness app is to help you learn to meditate, sleep better, and build a mindfulness practice bit by bit. It has a library of 500+ guided meditations for you to choose from that vary in topic from anxiety, to parenting, to improving your focus. Plusm they release new content weekly so you don’t have to build your habit off of recycling the same old materials. In order to get access to the library of 500+ meditations, you do need to purchase a yearly subscription ($99/year)–but they do have a free version with a more limited selection you can try out to see if you like it! This app is available for both iOS and Android.

Mindfulness Daily

The creators of Mindfulness Daily developed their mindfulness app and continue to provide new content by working directly with scientists, physicians, and trainers. They offer a Mindful Daily Routine option which offers 3 meditation breaks a day to keep you on track. This app is especially helpful to those looking to reduce stress or improve their sleep. While this app is only available in iOS for now, they do have an Android beta testing program in the works. 

Smiling Mind

The Smiling Mind mindfulness app is broken down into categories based on age. They have specific mindfulness programs for adults, children, classrooms, and workspaces, and they offer their programs in multiple languages. The app was developed by psychologists and educators to help teach mindfulness techniques in just 10 minutes a day. This app is completely free to use for iOS and Android. 

Stop, Breathe, and Think

Stop, Breathe and Think is all about using meditation and mindfulness to boost your confidence and increase your emotional strength. It’s all in their name really–they want you to STOP: stop what you’re doing and check in with your surroundings + feelings; BREATHE: establish a mindful breathing practice to help you create space between your thoughts or emotions and your reactions; and THINK: broaden your perspective. Their library of guided meditations will walk you through this process no matter what topic you choose to focus on. The app is available for free for iOS and Android. 

Simple Habit

Simple Habit has an enormous library of meditations: 2,000+!! Their goal is to get you to work 5 minutes of mindfulness into your daily routine. So they have expert teachers who guide you through 5 minute mindfulness sessions, and a Mindful Minutes tracker that can help you keep a log of your progress. The basic app is free, but there is a premium subscription plans you can opt into if you want to level up your practice, which is purchased through either a yearly ($95.99) or monthly ($11.99) payment. It’s available for iOS and Android. 

Everyone has their own preferences, and luckily, there are dozens of mindfulness apps available for smartphones, so chances are you can find something that works for you. If you try an app that doesn’t make you want to practice mindfulness, there’s no harm in moving on to the next one! Eventually, you will find one that fits your lifestyle. 

If you're looking for support as you develop a mindfulness practice, or if you're not sure where to begin, contact us today for help!

---

therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a psychotherapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

---

Live with Happiness by Identifying Your Values

Sometimes in life, we feel lost and confused, unsure of which direction to go in our lives. Should we go to this school or that school? Should we stay with this person or leave? Well-meaning friends and family may give us advice and feedback, but we end up feeling even more lost among all their opinions and perspectives. Many people also find it difficult to make their own decisions, as they want so much for others to be happy, that they’ve learned to set aside their own desires for that of others.

Complicating things are feelings of anxiety or stress. For instance, your anxiety may make it difficult to go out with friends or to do the things you would like to do in your life such as travel or meet new people, out of fear and avoidance.

What Are Values?

According to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), an evidence-based treatment for anxiety and depression, one of the keys to a meaningful and fulfilling life is to examine your personal values. Values are attitudes that guide your emotions and behavior. They represent what is important to you. By clarifying them, you identify what is important to you. This can help guide your life decisions and actions so that they are consistent with what you truly find important in life, even when stress and anxiety get in the way.

How to Clarify and Claim Your Values

Being aware of your values and setting specific intentions related to them can help you build a rich and meaningful life. Start with a list of common values, such as love, friendship, meaning, loyalty, wealth, acceptance, adventure, adversity. Then give yourself 5-10 minutes to read through the list and select your top values. It can be helpful to select the values that resonate with you immediately and to not overthink it. It is also important to know that you can have values in different areas of your life — including friendship, family, romantic relationships, work, education, spirituality, and personal development. Therefore, you can clarify different sets of values in each of these domains. When selecting your values, ask yourself questions such as what type of friend or family member you would like to be. What is important to you in a romantic relationship and what type of values would you like to live out?

Why Clarifying Values is Important

Values can provide a north star for you as you go about your daily life and make decisions. By clarifying and being intentional about making decisions and acting in ways consistent with your values, you are creating a meaningful and fulfilling life. When things are in alignment, you are content and feel peace with your decisions even in the face of stress or other people’s opinions. You also feel fulfilled even when experiencing anxiety, because you know that an action such as attending a party and meeting new people is something important to you even if it may provoke anxiety.

Life is Short

When it comes down to it, life is short. We each have a limited time here on this earth. It’s important to have an awareness of what you want out of life and to live intentionally with meaning, purpose, and clarity each day. Values help illuminate a path forward for you toward achieving your best life.

---

therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed therapist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

11 Mindful Quotes for Serenity and Clarity

So often we hear messages from society that we need to be fitter, prettier, more youthful, wealthier and to reach some future state of being in order to be happy but the truth is that peace and contentment are available to you in the here and now.

It takes committed insight and intention to connect with life as it is and to see reality clearly rather than your distortions of it. Mindfulness helps you cultivate an awareness and peace with life, in the present moment, as it is. It releases you from the patterns of negative thinking, feeling, and behaving that cause you pain and suffering and helps you reconnect to yourself, to become awakened to serenity and calmness that sustains you throughout life’s inevitable ups and downs.

Below are 11 Mindful Quotes for Serenity and Clarity

“Gratitude reminds us to be like plants, which turn toward, not away from the light.”

— Mary Jane Ryan

“We find out what we really value in the daily decisions that we make, so we might do well to stop occasionally and respectfully ask ourselves: What truly matters? Asked regularly and fearlessly, it is the single question that will help you get to the heart of your life.”

— James E. Ryan

“When you know who you are; when your mission is clear and you burn with the inner fire of unbreakable will, no cold can touch your heart; no deluge can dampen your purpose. You know that you are alive.”

— Chief Seattle

“When we let go of the need to prove ourselves, nothing and no one can disturb the quiet and peace of our minds.”

— Iyanla Vanzant

“Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better than the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire. This is your moment. Own it.”

— Oprah Winfrey

“If we can dance like fire, we’d never get burned.”

— Ben Harper

“You are worthy. You are not broken; you are, in fact, beautifully whole. No matter what you’ve been through, you have the power to write a brave, new ending. It will take work. It will take courage. But healing is possible, and the gift of your trauma is that it creates resiliency and reveals your strength.”

— Liz Arch

“Mindfulness is being aware of, or bringing attention to, this moment in time, on purpose and with intention. So w hen we go for a mindful walk and really notice every little detail around us — trees, cars, little flowers growing out of small cracks, a pretty cat crossing the road — rather than creating “To Do Lists,” we may feel truly enchanted with life.”

— Patrizia Collard

“Waking up this morning, I smile.
Twenty-four brand new hours are before me.
I vow to live fully in each moment
and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”

— Thich Nhat Hanh

---

psychologist in mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna, va

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

A Blessing for Career and Work Struggles

So many of us struggle with knowing what it is we are meant to do with our lives and career. We get up and go to work from 9 to 5 and wonder — is this it? Is this what my life is meant to look like? Life is full of so many trade offs — we choose the secure job over the interest that we’re passionate about but seemingly doesn’t make as much sense. Years later, we find ourselves feeling disconnected, wondering why and how we can get back to this place where we look forward to each day with excitement, how to live a life of fulfillment.

Recently, I have been enjoying the work of John O’Donohue, who was an Irish writer and poet. My favorite book of his, To Bless the Space Between Us, is a collection of blessings to help readers through struggles and everyday concerns of life. There is something deeply kind and wise about his words, something which is encouraging and inspires hope during times of transition, challenge, new beginnings.

If you are currently struggling with questions of what to do with your life, your work and where it is all leading, read the blessing below by John O’Donohue. May your work be guided by the light of you, may you feel encouraged knowing that there is a path for you forward, a unique place where you are meant to be in this world. I find this greatly encouraging and hope that you find it encouraging too.

Blessing of your work by John O’Donohue

May the light of your soul guide you.
May the light of your soul bless the work
You do with the secret love and warmth of your heart.
May you see in what you do the beauty of your own soul.
May the sacredness of your work bring healing, light and renewal to those
Who work with you and to those who see and receive your work.
May your work never weary you.
May it release within you wellsprings of refreshment, inspiration and excitement.
May you be present in what you do.
May you never become lost in the bland absences.
May the day never burden you.
May dawn find you awake and alert, approaching your new day with dreams,
Possibilities and promises.
May evening find you gracious and fulfilled.
May you go into the night blessed, sheltered and protected.
May your soul calm, console and renew you.

---

career counseling in mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

Accepting Yourself Unconditionally, As You Are

“You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.”

— Eckhart Tolle

So many of us are able to love and to feel compassion for others, but what about ourselves? So often, we feel inadequate — we are all too familiar with our weaknesses and judge ourselves for our bodies, mistakes we’ve made, things we’ve said and done, feeling guilty and undisciplined for all the tasks we haven’t done, our level of productivity — the list goes on. We never feel quite good enough, never feel comfortable in our own skin. So we work on exercising and becoming thinner, smarter, more productive — working toward an end goal of who we ultimately want to be.

The problem is this day never seems to come. Somehow, it always feels as if it is beyond the horizon. It’s healthy to strive toward improvement, but when we are always striving for the next level or chasing an ideal, we end up on a treadmill which never seems to end. We are not able to appreciate the happiness that is available here and now. We are not able to awaken to the power that is currently within us.

What if you accepted and loved yourself unconditionally and radically? What if you directed the love that you feel so naturally for others toward yourself? And what if you did this today, here, now?

The truth is that you’re not perfect, but none of us are. Each of us longs to be seen and to be loved and valued. We each seek to find our place in the world. You’re human, and all the messy and imperfect and beautiful things that this means. Yes, you’ve made mistakes. Yes, you might be overweight. But you’re also awesome and wonderfully made as you are.

Love yourself today, and all the things you are seeking to change. Acceptance has a paradoxical quality to it. It’s funny how it works. Because once you accept, change is able to occur. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you’re happy with where you are currently at. Nor does it mean that you will stagnate. Instead, acceptance is the very soil through which you will blossom and grow. It’s the foundation of change.

So let go of criticism and judgment. It feels so much more natural and comfortable, but it is holding you back. Let your foundation in life be one of acceptance and love. Let it flow and guide you to your highest and greatest purpose and being.

---

psychologist in mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna, va

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

5 Things to Know if Your Teen is Dealing with Depression

It can be scary and overwhelming to learn that your teen is depressed. You want to support your child, but don’t quite know how. You watch them struggle to get up in the morning in order to make it on time to school. They aren’t getting much sleep and don’t seem to find much enjoyment in things anymore. You worry about their grades and how this will impact college admissions. Nothing you’ve tried seems to help. When they were younger, you were able to swoop in and help. But now that they are older, they don’t seem interested in it.

One of the first things to know is that you’re not alone. Many other parents are worried and experiencing similar struggles with their teen. The second thing to know is that depression is treatable and there are things that parents can do to best support their child. Below are 5 ways to help if your teen is dealing with depression.

1. Be Supportive

Listen to your teen. Let them know you are there for them to listen and support them. Try to understand things from their perspective. Empathize and try to validate their feelings without supporting any unhealthy behavior. For example, you could say, “it sounds like you’ve been feeling really low, and I know it must be difficult to get through each day. How can I support you?”

It may feel challenging to support your teen when you feel frustrated and afraid for the way their depression has been affecting them. However, your support is invaluable. Try not to be judgmental or critical, but to remain calm and compassionate.

2. Avoid Trying to Control or Fix Their Problems for Them

It may feel passive to listen and support. As a parent, you can see what they need to do and all you may want to do is problem solve and resolve their issues for them. It is natural to feel this way. However, increasing your control over their behavior and problem solving for them can come across as judgmental, controlling, or invalidating. Your teen will need to learn how to manage their feelings and problem solve on their own. Your guidance, relationship, and support are essential during this time.

3. Encourage Positive Behaviors and Coping

Depression can result from a lack of positive experience in the environment. With the pressures of high school and college admissions, this can particularly be the case. Try to notice when your teen is engaging in healthy, positive behaviors such as spending time with friends, or going on a walk to relax and unwind. Spend quality time with them and encourage them to engage in activities that will improve their activity and functioning, such as taking a run, walking the dog, spending time with friends, engaging in a hobby. Encourage these opportunities without criticism or judgment. It’s understandable that your teen may be doing less of these activities, as that is a sign of depression. Gently let them know you understand, validating their feelings, while encouraging them to continue engaging in life’s activities.

4. Learn about depression

Try to learn more about the signs and symptoms of depression. Speak with other parents and connect with resources available to you. This can help with understanding how best to support your teen, particularly if you have not experienced depression yourself. Some helpful resources include:

Child Mind Institute - Childhood and Teen Depression

Parent’s Guide to Teen Depression

Mayo Clinic - Teen Depression

5. Get Your Teen Treatment

Therapy can be a great source of support and treatment for depression. In therapy, your teen will have a safe place where they can work through their feelings and learn skills that have been found helpful and effective in managing depression. Many studies in particular, have found cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) for the treatment of depression.

Your teen may or may not be interested in therapy. This is normal. Try to involve them in your search for a therapist. Have them look through websites and meet with different therapists to get a sense of fit and connection. While the therapist will meet with teens for one on one sessions, its also important you feel comfortable with the therapist and will be able have time meeting one on one with the therapist as a parent for guidance on how best to support your child.

Overall, it can be overwhelming when your teen begins to experience symptoms of depression, but know that much can be done to help support them.

---

therapist in mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

17 Quotes on Love and Letting Go That'll Help You Move Forward and Heal Again

We all experience pain and heartbreak in our lives. It can be difficult to let go of past hurt and disappointments. With depression, we are often stuck in the past, and with anxiety, we are often worried about the future. The key to happiness is letting go and living in the present to feel more peace and enjoyment in life. Below are 17 letting go quotes that’ll help you move forward through difficult times and heal again.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.”

— Hermann Hesse

“In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.”

— Deepak Chopra

“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

— Alexander Graham Bell

“There’s an important difference between giving up and letting go.”

— Jessica Hatchigan

“ When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. ”

— Lao Tzu

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure. ”

— Oprah Winfrey

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.”

— JK Rowling

“We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

— Joseph Campbell

“People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. ”

— Thich Nhat Hanh

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”

— Steve Maraboli

“When we think we have been hurt by someone in the past, we build up defenses to protect ourselves from being hurt in the future. So the fearful past causes a fearful future and the past and future become one. We cannot love when we feel fear…. When we release the fearful past and forgive everyone, we will experience total love and oneness with all.”

— Gerald G. Jampolsky

“If you didn’t love him, this never would have happened. But you did. And accepting that love and everything that followed it is part of letting it go.”

— Sarah Dessen

“Let go of certainty. The opposite isn’t uncertainty. It’s openness, curiosity and a willingness to embrace paradox, rather than choose up sides. The ultimate challenge is to accept ourselves exactly as we are, but never stop trying to learn and grow.”

— Tony Schwartz

“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.”

— Stephen King

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”

— Ann Landers

“Most things are forgotten over time. Even the war itself, the life-and-death struggle people went through is now like something from the distant past. We’re so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past are no longer in orbit around our minds. There are just too many things we have to think about everyday, too many new things we have to learn. But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone.”

— Haruki Murakami

“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

— Deborah Reber

---

therapist in mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

25 Inspiring Quotes That'll Help You Cultivate More Peace, Presence, and Joy in Your Life

As we go about our days and work toward happiness, success, and freedom, we often forget to tune into life itself. We fall out of touch with our connection to others and to something larger than ourselves. We become stuck in thoughts about the future or past that we forget that life is happening now.

These 25 quotes on mindfulness and spirituality remind us how to increase greater wisdom, peace, presence, and joy in our lives.

“The past has no power over the present moment”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Step out of the circle of time and into the circle of love.”

— Rumi

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practise compassion. ”

— The Dalai Lama

“One of the most spiritual things you can do is embrace your humanity. Connect with those around you today. Say, “I love you”, “I’m sorry”, “I appreciate you”, “I’m proud of you”…whatever you’re feeling. Send random texts, write a cute note, embrace your truth and share it…cause a smile today for someone else…and give plenty of hugs. ”

— Steve Maraboli

“You and your purpose in life are the same thing. Your purpose is to be you.”

— George Alexiou

“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Part of spiritual and emotional maturity is recognizing that it’s not like you’re going to try to fix yourself and become a different person. You remain the same person, but you become awakened.”

— Jack Kornfield

“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in this life has a purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from.”

— Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is.”

— Albert Einstein

“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”

— Kahlil Gibran

“It is the inner life that is to spark the change in consciousness that will permit us to advance. ”

— Brother Wayne Teasdale

“Acceptance looks like a passive state, but in reality it brings something entirely new into this world. That peace, a subtle energy vibration, is consciousness.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? what could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Love is a state of Being. Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“In today’s rush we all think too much, seek too much, want too much and forget about the joy of just Being.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude. ”

— Denis Waitley

“At any moment, you have a choice, that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it. ”

— Thich Nhat Hanh

“The moment one gives close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself. ”

— Henry Miller

“Being at ease with not knowing is crucial for answers to come to you. ”

— Eckhart Tolle

“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this. ”

— Henry David Thoreau

“When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love. ”

— Marcus Aurelius

“Awakening is not changing who you are, but discarding who you are not. ”

— Deepak Chopra

---

Therapist in mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!