3 Simple Ways to Cultivate Kindness and Self-Compassion

Sometimes we make mistakes that we beat ourselves up for to no end. The voice in our head gets louder and louder and just. wont. stop. Why did you think that was a good idea? it says. How could you have been so selfish? Often times, these thoughts lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and depression. It isn’t surprising to learn that those of us who experience this may have had childhoods deeply impacted by abuse or chronic stress or family dysfunction.

How then, do you learn to love yourself, to change the internal voice and feelings about yourself from criticism and loathing to one of love and compassion? It may be counter intuitive for many of us to feel as if it is okay to love oneself, rather than to judge or criticize. But in fact, to love oneself with kindness and self-compassion, with warmth and gentle support is healthy.

No you’re not perfect. You’re human. And you make mistakes. And that’s okay! You’re loved and valued, and this is unconditionally true, no matter what you’ve done or what you’ve been through. You’re so much more than your worst mistakes.

So how do you begin cultivating kindness and self-compassion?

1. Practice mindfulness.

   Mindfulness is being aware of the present moment, non-judgmentally, and with acceptance. Mindfulness is a powerful way to cultivate kindness and self-compassion because it helps you realize that you’re not your thoughts. Instead, you are the person observing your thoughts. You are the observer. The harsh self-critical thoughts are just that — thoughts — and not necessarily true. Moreover, mindfulness helps increase calm and reduce suffering and stress.

2. Practice Loving Kindness

   As you meditate, send feelings of loving kindness toward yourself and for your loved ones, friends, or others. To do this, in your mind you can try reciting loving and kind wishes to yourself or others in your life. For example, you could say, “May I experience peace today, and greater awareness of the goodness of others.” “May I practice gratitude and take time to slowly enjoy my day.” You can also think of what you would say to a small child or a friend, and say them to yourself. For example, “You’ve been through a lot this past year. It’s okay if you’re feeling down. I’m here for you. I love you.” Practice this for at least one minute each day and slowly you’ll feel more compassion and connectedness.

3. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Know that it’s okay to be human and to be imperfect. Actually, there is no one in this world who is perfect and we are all flawed and in this together. Know that there is a beauty in imperfection and vulnerability and in our humanity that is far greater than any perfection. Vulnerability not only increases our connectedness with others, but it allows us to see others and ourselves with softer, kinder eyes. Not eyes of harshness or judgment, but of love and humanity.

The process of becoming the people we are fully meant to be and toward being kinder and more compassionate and loving to ourselves is a lifelong journey. It isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. These three tips help provide a beginning point, but it can help to work with a supportive therapist to provide a safe space to work through some of these difficult emotions toward greater health and wholeness.

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Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

29 Life Changing Quotes from Eckhart Tolle to Help You Cultivate Peace and Awaken to Your Life's Purpose

Eckhart Tolle is a spiritual teacher with multiple New York Times bestselling books, including The Power of Now and A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. What is powerful about his books is the element of his own personal lived experience, in which he discusses his many years spent in a deep depression to a state of inner transformation and peace. Although our culture often promotes happiness as the result of reaching towards future goals, Eckhart Tolle teaches that happiness is available in the present and now, and that in fact, the gift of the present moment is all that really exists.

On the Present Moment

“The past has no power over the present moment.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Always say “yes” to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? what could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say “yes” to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love - even the most simple action.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Focus attention on the feeling inside you. Know that it is the pain-body. Accept that it is there. Don’t think about it - don’t let the feeling turn into thinking. Don’t judge or analyze. Don’t make an identity for yourself out of it. Stay present, and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you. Become aware not only of the emotional pain but also of “the one who observes,” the silent watcher. This is the power of the Now, the power of your own conscious presence. Then see what happens.”

— Eckhart Tolle

On Anxiety and Peace

“Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Is there a difference between happiness and inner peace? Yes. Happiness depends on conditions being perceived as positive; inner peace does not.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“All the things that truly matter, beauty, love, creativity, joy and inner peace arise from beyond the mind.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Whenever you become anxious or stressed, outer purpose has taken over, and you lost sight
of your inner purpose. You have forgotten that your state of consciousness is primary, all else secondary.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“In today’s rush we all think too much, seek too much, want too much and forget about the joy of just Being.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Don’t look for peace. Don’t look for any other state than the one you are in now; otherwise, you will set up inner conflict and unconscious resistance. Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender”

— Eckhart Tolle

“With stillness comes the benediction of Peace.”

— Eckhart Tolle

On Change

“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.”

— Eckhart Tolle

On Gratitude

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Pleasure is always derived from something outside you, whereas joy arises from within.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“The significance is hiding in the insignificant. Appreciate everything.”

— Eckhart Tolle

On Awakening to Yourself

“What a liberation to realize that the “voice in my head” is not who I am. Who am I then? The one who sees that.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others. You won’t die. You will come to life. And don’t be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it’s their problem. Whenever you interact with people, don’t be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence. You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Death is a stripping away of all that is not you. The secret of life is to “die before you die” —- and find that there is no death.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“All true artists, whether they know it or not, create from a place of no-mind, from inner stillness.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“When you don’t cover up the world with words and labels, a sense of the miraculous returns to your life that was lost a long time ago when humanity, instead of using thought, became possessed by thought.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Even a stone, and more easily a flower or a bird, could show you the way back to God, to the Source, to yourself. When you look at it or hold it & let it be without imposing a word of mental label on it, a sense of awe, of wonder, arises within you. Its essence silently communicates itself to you and reflects your own essence back to you.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“You are here to enable the divine purpose of the Universe to unfold. That is how important you are!”

— Eckhart Tolle

“Only the truth of who you are, if realized, will set you free.”

— Eckhart Tolle

“To recognize one’s own insanity is, of course, the arising of sanity, the beginning of healing and transcendence.”

— Eckhart Tolle

mclean psychologist, therapist in tysons corner, merrifield, falls church, arlington and vienna

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

21 Mindfulness Quotes

Mindfulness means paying attention to the present moment, non judgmentally, with awareness, on purpose. So often in our lives, we find ourselves thinking of the past, or racing ahead with thoughts of the future that we find ourselves missing out on the present moment — which really is all we have. How wonderful would it be to be fully present in the moment with a loved one? To fully connect to the joy of being alive?

It’s all possible through mindfulness.

so How do you practice mindfulness?

Mindfulness can be learned, practiced, and cultivated through various techniques. The beauty of mindfulness is that you can practice it anywhere!

I am someone who struggles with mindfulness. It doesn’t come naturally! But my daily practice of mindfulness has helped me immensely. Here are some useful methods to practice mindfulness:

mindful breathing

One method is by focusing on your in-breaths and out-breaths. When you breathe in, recognize it is your in breath. With you breathe out, recognize it is your outbreath. Focus your mind on your breath. Enjoy your breath, savor it. Don’t force it into anything other than what it is. I like to say, “breathing in, I know I am breathing in. Breathing out, I know I am breathing out.” You can practice saying what helps you feel calm and connected to your breath.

Awareness of your body

Another way to practice mindfulness is to focus on your body on your in-breaths and out-breaths. As you breathe in, become aware of your body. Feel the peace and harmony throughout your mind and body.

mindfulness quotes

Below are some mindfulness quotes which capture some of its beauty and power in our lives. There is a wisdom that comes with mindfulness. Try it out and share any of your thoughts or what has helped for you in the comments below.

1. “Many people are alive but don’t touch the miracle of being alive.”
   – Thích Nhất Hạnh, author of The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation

2. “Live the actual moment. Only this actual moment is life.”
   – Thích Nhất Hạnh, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life

3. “The things that matter most in our lives are not fantastic or grand. They are moments when we touch one another.”
   – Jack Kornfield, No Time Like the Present: Finding Freedom, Love, and Joy Right Where You Are

4. “Meditation practice isn’t about trying to throw ourselves away and become something better. It’s about befriending who we are already.”
   – Pema Chödrön, How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind

5. “If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” 
   ― Amit Ray, Om Chanting and Meditation

6. “Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” 
   ― Thich Nhat Hanh, Stepping into Freedom: Rules of Monastic Practice for Novices

7. “Life is a dance. Mindfulness is witnessing that dance.” 
   ― Amit Ray, Mindfulness Living in the Moment - Living in the Breath

8. “Look at other people and ask yourself if you are really seeing them or just your thoughts about them.”
   – Jon Kabat-Zinn, Wherever You Go, There You Are

9. “The way to live in the present is to remember that ‘This too shall pass.’ When you experience joy, remembering that ‘This too shall pass’ helps you savor the here and now. When you experience pain and sorrow, remembering that ‘This too shall pass’ reminds you that grief, like joy, is only temporary.”
   – Joey Green

10. In today’s rush, we all think too much — seek too much — want too much — and forget about the joy of just being.”
    – Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

11. “I wish that life should not be cheap, but sacred. I wish the days to be as centuries, loaded, fragrant.”

    –Ralph Waldo Emerson, The Essential Writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson

12. “The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.”
    - Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life

13. “As you walk and eat and travel, be where you are. Otherwise, you will miss most of your life.”
    – Buddha

14. “Few of us ever live in the present. We are forever anticipating what is to come or remembering what has gone.” 
    – Louis L’Amour

15. “All you really need to do is accept this moment fully. You are then at ease in the here and now and at ease with yourself.”
    – Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

16. “The habit of spending nearly every waking moment lost in thought leaves us at the mercy of whatever our thoughts happen to be. Meditation is a way of breaking this spell.”
    – Sam Harris, Waking Up

17. “There are two types of seeds in the mind: those that create anger, fear, frustration, jealousy, hatred and those that create love, compassion, equanimity and joy. Spirituality is germination and sprouting of the second group and transforming the first group.”
    – Amit Ray

18. “You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”
    – Henry David Thoreau, Walden

19. “If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.“
    – Masaru Emoto, The Hidden Messages in Water

20. “Mindfulness is about love and loving life. When you cultivate this love, it gives you clarity and compassion for life, and your actions happen in accordance with that.”
    –Jon Kabat-Zinn, Full Catastrophe Living

21. “You have a treasure within you that is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.”
    – Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose

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stress management, anxiety treatment, and mindfulness-based therapist in mclean, falls church, arlington, and vienna

Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist providing individual therapy to children, teens, and adults. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness based therapies, and other premier evidence-based treatments, and serves the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!