Thanksgiving Survival Guide

Thanksgiving is nearly here, and with that can come a lot of complicated emotions. 

If you’re feeling anxious about the upcoming holiday season, kicked off by Thanksgiving this week, you’re not alone. To help, we’ve gone through our blog to date and gathered up posts we think will help you get through this season: 

For managing a fraught relationship with your body: 

The holiday season is a tough time for folks who struggle with their body image, disordered eating, or compulsive exercising. So much of the season is focused on food, so if you have a hard time treating your body with kindness and meeting its needs regularly, being surrounded by food and food talk can be triggering. Here are some blogs to help you incorporate some kindness toward your body into the season: 

• Keeping Peace with Your Body During the Holiday Season

• Can I Have a Healthy Relationship with My Body Without Loving it?

For help navigating uncomfortable conversations: 

Family gatherings can be wonderful, but they can also remind us how not everyone we encounter will share our world view or values. When hard subjects come up, it’s up to you whether or not it’s the right time to really dive into things, but when you do, remember to do it with care and intention. These blogs can help you move through hard conversations with compassion and respect–for yourself and who you’re talking to. While some of them explore difficult conversations between romantic partners, the basic ideas can be applied to any relationship. 

• 7 Ways to Communicate More Effectively in Your Relationship

• 8 Tips for Hard Conversations in Your Relationship 

• How to Tell Someone They’ve Hurt Your Feelings

• Setting Boundaries: Why You Should & What to Say

• 4 Ways to Practice Accountability in Your Relationships

For moments of high anxiety or emotional disregulation: 

Big gatherings don’t always go smoothly, and it’s possible that when surrounded by family with complicated relationships to one another, that there may be moments where you feel anxious, tense, or like your emotions aren’t quite in your control. Use these blogs to help you work through those moments with self compassion and intention. 

• 5 Strategies for Overcoming Social Anxiety at Holiday Gatherings

• How to Make a Coping Skills Toolbox

• How Grounding Techniques Can Help with Anxiety

Remember, the holiday season doesn’t last forever, even though it seems endless when you’re dreading it. If you’re struggling with social anxiety this holiday season, working with a therapist can help. Contact our office today to make an appointment!

7 Tips for Dealing With Travel Anxiety

Does traveling stress you out? 

Traveling can be a lot of fun, and it’s a wonderful way to learn more about the world, make new memories, and get away from your everyday routine. Traveling can also be a major source of stress and anxiety, even when you’re looking forward to your trip. Traveling involves a lot of logistics and even discomfort at times, which can be stressful to stay on top of. It can also be overwhelming to navigate new places, meet new people, and check off everything you want to do while you’re traveling. 

It’s important to note that some people have concerns about accessibility and even safety while traveling. Women, BIPOC, LGBTQ+, and disabled individuals often face unique barriers, risks, biases, and concerns when visiting new places.

If travel triggers anxiety for you, you’re not alone! There are things you can do to manage travel anxiety and still enjoy your trip. 

Why is travel so stressful?

It’s easy to see why so many of us feel a sense of unease when planning or embarking on a trip. Travel asks us to let go of control—to trust the journey, the destination, and the unknown people we’ll meet along the way. And while we may look forward to new experiences, many of us feel deeply vulnerable when we leave our comfort zones.

For women, safety is a constant concern, especially in unfamiliar areas. The need to stay vigilant, observe cultural customs, and remain aware of personal safety is real and valid. For BIPOC travelers, experiences of racial or cultural bias can add another layer of stress, leaving travelers wondering if they’ll be welcomed or treated fairly. 

LGBTQ+ travelers may face countries or cities with restrictive views and laws about gender identity or sexual orientation, raising concerns about safety and respect. Disabled folks may be unable to access appropriate accommodations to allow them to visit the places they want to see and experience, and travel can often be debilitating physically with the constant stress and sensory overload. All these fears are valid, and recognizing them is an essential part of addressing travel anxiety.

Even though it’s stressful, travel has many benefits

Despite the challenges, travel offers benefits that can outweigh the concerns. Stepping into new environments can lead to inspiration, and personal growth. For many, travel acts as a reset button, creating space to experience life in a different light and take a break from day-to-day stressors. Having time away from the daily stresses of life can help you feel more refreshed and resourced when you return home. 

Studies have shown that time away from work and familiar routines can relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety, provide a boost in creativity, and increase emotional resilience. Even just the act of planning a trip—dreaming about a new destination, setting goals, and picturing yourself there—can uplift your mood and contribute to your overall quality of life. Travel can also spark feelings of independence and confidence as you navigate new places and learn to rely on yourself. It’s powerful to realize that you’re capable of doing the things you’ve dreamed about. 

So, how can we cope with travel anxiety?

If anxiety has been holding you back from exploring the world, there are things you can do to ease the stress and make travel more enjoyable. Whether you’re setting off on a long journey or planning a weekend getaway, here are some techniques to try:

Plan, But Leave Space for Flexibility

Having a detailed plan can give you a sense of control, which helps reduce anxiety. Knowing where you’re staying, how you’ll get around, and what you’ll do on your trip can ease some of the mental load. Figuring out how you’ll cope ahead of time can help you feel less on edge with all of the unknowns that travel can bring. Instead of being too rigid with your plans, though, allow yourself some flexibility on your travels. You might find that what you thought you’d want to do and what you actually want to (or are able to) do are different things. Allowing yourself to be flexible can help you feel like you’re making the most out of your trip instead of rushing to check things off a list. 

For example, you can book your accommodations, outline a general itinerary, practice the language, and research how to get around. But remember to leave space for unexpected detours, which can bring joy and surprise to your travels.

Establish a Personal Safety Plan

Having safety strategies in place can reduce fear, especially in unfamiliar or high-stress environments. When you practice what to do in a dangerous situation ahead of time, you make it easier to take that action in the moment. When you’re afraid or in shock, it’s hard to think of what to do, so the more your safety plan is ingrained in your muscle memory, the better prepared you will be. 

Research your destination’s safety for women, BIPOC, disabled, and LGBTQ+ travelers. Download local emergency numbers, share your itinerary with someone you trust, and stay in areas known to be safe for your identity. Apps like Sitata and GeoSure can provide real-time safety information for travelers so you can monitor things as you go. 

Practice Relaxation Techniques on the Go

During moments of stress, it can be hard to break out of the overwhelm. Techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, and grounding exercises can help you to soothe anxiety when it arises.

Try grounding exercises, such as the 5-4-3-2-1 technique (naming five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste). Progressive muscle relaxation or deep breathing exercises can also help you connect to your body and calm your mind, especially before flights or upon arrival.

Pack a Comfort Kit

Having what you need on hand as you travel makes the experience infinitely better. Sleep and digestion often go haywire during travel, so make sure you have what you need to get a good night’s sleep and to relieve any digestive discomfort you experience. In addition, bringing a few familiar items can help you feel connected to home and grounded during your journey, especially if you’ll be traveling for an extended period. 

Bring all of your medications and any over the counter remedies you rely on to get through the day. Also include items that soothe you, like a cozy scarf, a favorite tea, a travel journal, or a comforting playlist. Having a few go-to items can make unfamiliar surroundings feel a bit more like home.

Set Boundaries with Social Media

It can be hard to balance enjoying your time traveling with the pressure to show off how much fun you’re having online. Constantly updating others on social media or feeling pressure to share every experience can add to travel stress and prevent you from enjoying the present. 

Before you leave, think about how much you want to share and when. You might try uploading all your photos and updates at the end of each day or even waiting until you’re back home to post. Giving yourself this boundary can take away the pressure to “perform” your trip for others. Remember, your trip is for you. Do you want to have memories of looking at your phone, or of experiencing what’s around you? 

Learn Grounding Phrases for Language and Self-Advocacy

Feeling prepared can help you feel less anxiety around travel, and that includes knowing how to communicate where you’re going. Knowing some basic phrases in the local language, or even practicing key phrases for self-advocacy, can increase your sense of control.

If you’re going somewhere where you don’t speak the language, learn a few words or phrases before you leave. Focus on words like “please,” “thank you,” “I need help,” and “I don’t understand.” Knowing these basics can empower you in unfamiliar situations. It can also be helpful to look up cultural customs that travelers should be aware of before you visit, so you can be as respectful of your location as possible. 

Talk Through Your Concerns Before You Go

Sometimes, talking about your anxiety can help you feel better. Discussing your anxieties with someone you trust provides reassurance and validation, and reminds you that you have people who care about you. Talking to others about your concerns can also give you new tips and insight on traveling from people who have been there before. 

Reach out to a friend, family member, or therapist to share your worries. You might talk through worst-case scenarios and how you’d handle them, or get advice from someone who’s been there before. Verbalizing concerns can reduce the power they hold over you. 

If you’re overwhelmed with travel anxiety, working with a therapist can help. We work with folks in the McLean, Great Falls, Falls Church, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC regions, as well as offering online services in DC, MD, VA, and all PSYPACT states. If you would like to talk to one of our therapists, please contact us here.

6 Practical Ways to Cope with Post-Election Anxiety

If you’ve spent this week worried about your future and the future of the people you love, you’re not alone. 

The aftermath of this election probably feels heavy for many, especially when the stakes are as high as they are for women, BIPOC, LGBTQ+ individuals, and other communities that have faced marginalization in the United States. The mixed emotions people feel after election results—fear, anxiety, frustration—are valid.

Many people are deeply concerned about what these results may mean for women’s rights, bodily autonomy, immigrant rights, trans rights, marriage equality, healthcare, and more. By practicing compassionate self-care, building resilience, and finding ways to support our communities, we can help ease this anxiety, protect our well-being, and create hope for the future.

First of all: post-election fear and anxiety is valid

It’s understandable to feel afraid or anxious in the coming days and weeks, as we grapple with the results of this election. If you’re feeling unmoored, you’re not the only one. Many of us are concerned about the future of human rights, the potential rollback of protections for our families, workers, and the environment, and what this means for our loved ones and communities. Fear about state violence, endless war, immigration policies, and the safety of LGBTQ+ individuals—particularly trans folks—is grounded in the lived realities of many. 

When basic rights and freedoms are on the line, it’s natural to feel shaken. It makes sense to feel afraid when things are frightening. 

These concerns can be especially pressing for women, BIPOC, and LGBTQ+ communities, who may have experienced the impact of restrictive policies or harmful rhetoric in the past. If you’re feeling like your mental health is taking a hit from all this uncertainty, know that you’re not alone. While it’s natural to feel uncertain, getting stuck in a state of despair and fear isn’t actually going to help anyone at this moment. GIve yourself time to feel your feelings, but make sure that you don’t stay in grief-mode forever. 

Second: remember that there’s power in community and resilience

While the current landscape can seem bleak, there are things to be hopeful about. One of the most powerful tools we have is our ability to come together, lean on one another, and work toward a future that reflects our values as communities. The concerns we have about what’s coming can bring us closer to our communities, who share those fears. As humans, we are social creatures, and we crave being with others. We often find strength, resilience, and support in others, and building connections with other people can help us feel like there is more good in the world than bad.

One powerful way to address political and social anxiety is through building community. 

It’s natural to feel isolated during difficult times, but we’re often stronger together. Building community is a skill that can help buffer us from the stress and anxiety of an unpredictable future.

Community-building isn’t always easy; it involves learning to navigate conflict, respect differences, and communicate openly. But when we come together to support each other, we create networks of resilience that allow us to withstand challenges more effectively. Everyone has something to offer at this moment, whether it’s a skill, an open ear, or a comforting presence.

Every movement for change was built step by step, and we’re part of that ongoing journey. Staying connected with what matters to us, whether through advocacy, education, or supporting those affected, can give us a sense of purpose and hope.

6 Practical Ways to Cope with Post-Election Anxiety

Your feelings right now are valid, and there are certainly things to be concerned about, which can make taming anxiety difficult. These are a few ways to care for your mental health and take action.

Acknowledge your feelings

Beating yourself up for how you feel isn’t going to be helpful for anyone. Give yourself space to feel anxious, angry, or afraid without the need to “get over it” immediately. Bottling emotions can add to stress, so allow yourself to process in whatever way feels right—whether through journaling, speaking with friends, or engaging in quiet reflection. You’re allowed to have feelings. 

Set boundaries if you need to

It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by news cycles and social media, and the algorithms that they run on thrive on intense emotion, like fear. If updates are causing more stress than reassurance, set limits on how often you check them. Staying informed is valuable, but constant exposure can heighten anxiety. 

It’s also important to curate your sources to follow trustworthy, balanced reporting or advocacy-focused accounts that align with your values. In a time of mass misinformation and disinformation, it’s tricky for people to determine what’s true and what’s not. Learning how to spot misinformation, disinformation, and propaganda can help you make sense of what you see on your screen. This type of media literacy is very rare, and it is a valuable skill to both learn and share. 

Join a group or community

It might be helpful for you to narrow your level of focus from the whole country to your local area when things feel overwhelming. Learning who is doing what already in your area can help you determine what kind of community needs there are. There are groups out there doing work on things you care about! Starting with organizations that are already on the ground doing the work can help you feel more connected to the community around you. 

Community doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but it can be cultivated with intentionality. Find people who share your concerns and are also looking for ways to feel empowered in the face of adversity. Remember that community can take many forms—from neighborhood groups to online forums, advocacy organizations, or therapy support groups.

Focus on small actions

It’s easy to feel helpless, but change can begin with small, consistent actions. Consider the causes that matter most to you and think about how you can support those efforts—whether that’s through advocacy, volunteer work, supporting community initiatives, or simply having open and supportive conversations with those around you.

Taking even small actions to support a cause you care about can ease anxiety and foster a sense of control. Every effort counts, and collective action grows through individual contributions.

Here are a few ideas for taking meaningful steps forward:

• Join local or national advocacy groups focused on your concerns.

• Find or form community spaces where people can come together, share stories, and support one another.

• Commit to self-education on issues that impact your community.

• Practice “gentle activism”—actions that allow you to contribute without overwhelming yourself, such as sharing resources or creating safe, welcoming spaces for open dialogue.

Lead with compassion

Remember to show yourself and others in your community compassion right now. Elections can stir up intense emotions. Practicing mindfulness—like deep breathing, meditation, or grounding exercises—can help you feel more calm in anxious moments. 

Self-compassion practices remind us that it’s okay to feel affected by what’s happening, but it’s also okay to give ourselves a break from the weight of it. There is a ton of divisiveness out there right now, as we know all too well. 

How can you bring some kindness into your corner of the world? Let’s lean into this moment with compassion—for ourselves and for each other. We are stronger and more resilient together. 

Get help when you need it 

The world can feel overwhelming, but by balancing mental health care with intentional action, we can find ways to channel that anxiety into resilience. In challenging times, even the smallest steps toward supporting each other and taking action can make a difference.

If you’re finding it difficult to manage your emotions or cope with post-election stress, consider reaching out to a mental health professional. Therapy can provide a safe space to process feelings, develop coping strategies, and reconnect with your strengths, even when the future feels uncertain. 

Are you in need of extra mental health support in the aftermath of the 2024 election? We can help. We work with folks in the McLean, Great Falls, Falls Church, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC regions, as well as offering online services in DC, MD, VA, and all PSYPACT states. If you would like to talk to one of our therapists, please contact us here.

7 Tips for Coping with Parenting Stress

Being a parent is really hard.

It’s a lot to navigate the responsibilities and challenges of raising children, especially in a world as complicated as this one. Parenting, especially during the last four years, can be a bumpy ride. Dealing with the fallout of the pandemic and the way it strained caregivers, relationships, and mental health is no small feat. The way the pandemic strained our caregiving systems has left a lot of parents feeling overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, and burned out with little relief. 

It makes sense that a lot of parents are dealing with stress and anxiety about parenting well. The world can be a scary place, and there are so many factors that parents today have to deal with that previous generations didn’t need to worry about, like social media and gun violence. It’s already nerve-wracking to be responsible for a whole person! Adding in the complications of life right now is a recipe for stress.

Dealing with parenting stress and anxiety is necessary for so many parents, but many don’t have the resources or the time to make changes to cope. It’s not right that parents are spread so thin, and there should be more protections for parents and families coming from our government–and there are a lot of people out there working toward just that. As change comes slowly, parents feel forced to do it all, often not knowing how to rely on their communities to fill in the gaps, which leaves them stuck with bandaid solutions to help lower stress levels–so they can get up again and do it the next day. 

Are you struggling with parenting stress and anxiety? You’re not alone. Below are some ways to cope with parenting stress and anxiety so you don’t feel so drained.

Be nice to yourself

It's easy for parents to be overly critical of themselves, feeling like they should be doing more or handling things better, especially during times of increased stress. However, it's important to remember that no one is perfect, and it's okay to cut yourself some slack. 

Practicing self-compassion involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding, especially during difficult times. Acknowledge your efforts, even if they feel small.

Remember, you’re doing the best you can with the tools that you have, in challenging circumstances. It’s not possible to be a perfect parent, so learning how to be nice to yourself when you don’t get things right or struggle can help lower your stress levels. 

Remember to have fun

Being a kid is fun, and finding ways to connect with your child that make you both happy can help you feel more resilient to stress and anxiety. There are a lot of un-fun things about being a parent, but there’s also so many fun things to cherish. It can also be healing to take some time to look at the world the way that a child would, and rediscover that childlike wonder that makes being little so magical. 

It’s also important to carve out some time that’s just for you to have fun for yourself. It might seem frivolous to make time for fun when you’re stressed out, but denying yourself moments of joy can make stress feel worse. Moments where you’re happy and having fun can be rejuvenating to your well-being. Making time for yourself to enjoy things also sends the message to your kids that taking care of yourself is worthwhile and necessary, which is hugely important as they grow up. 

Manage your expectations

Don’t be hard on yourself for not getting more done in times of stress and anxiety. When things aren’t going well, it’s easy to feel like you need to do more and to be more, especially for your kids. It's natural for parents to want the best for their children, but it's also essential to set realistic expectations for yourself and your family. You may not be able to accomplish everything you normally would when you’re overwhelmed with stress, and that's okay. 

It’s okay to prioritize the most important tasks and let go of the need for perfection. By setting goals that feel more doable, you can reduce feelings of overwhelm and increase your sense of accomplishment.

Lean on your community 

We need community to survive so many things, and parenting is no different. It’s increasingly hard to raise a family without help from your community, whether that be family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, or someone else. Leaning on others for support can be incredibly beneficial in times of stress. It’s validating to talk with other parents who can relate to what you’re going through. 

Having a support system in place can provide emotional validation and practical assistance when you need it. Don't hesitate to reach out for help when you need it, and offer your support to others in return when you’re able to. Remember, you're not alone in this journey. 

Use resources available

It’s not right that parents have to work so hard to find resources for support, but there are options out there to try to help parents manage things. Your city might have resources for parents on their website, or there might be a local childcare council you can work with. 

There are also organizations, like Chamber of Mothers that are working to advance paid leave for all parents, quality, affordable childcare, and improve maternal health to try to approach these problems at the source. Parenting groups on social media, whether they’re local or widespread, can help parents find creative solutions to problems and also help them feel less alone. 

Work on mindfulness

Incorporating mindfulness practices and stress-relief techniques into your daily routine can help you manage stress more effectively in the moment and overall. 

Whether it's meditation, deep breathing exercises, yoga, or simply taking a few moments to focus on the present moment, mindfulness techniques can help you cultivate a greater sense of calm and resilience, which are powerful against stress. Find what works best for you and make it a regular part of your self-care routine.

Limit media exposure

It's important to stay informed about what’s going on in the world, but consuming excessive amounts of media can contribute to feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. Try to set boundaries around your media consumption, to give yourself a break. When you do consume media, prioritize sources that provide accurate information without sensationalizing or causing unnecessary distress. Consider taking regular breaks from screens and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation instead. 

When the world is scary, it can be hard to stop scrolling because you don’t want to be unaware of what’s going on, but sometimes that can just heighten your sense of panic and stress. Remember that no one person can fix everything. Seeking out local organizations that are doing work to make the world a better place can help you feel like you’re taking meaningful action without just causing distress for yourself. 

Are you looking for more support with parenting stress and anxiety? Working with a therapist on parenting concerns can help you find more ways to cope and build your confidence as a parent. Get in touch with our office today to get started.

The Psychology of Fresh Starts: Embracing Change in the New Year

How do you feel about change?

Some people feel strongly about change - they either love it or hate it. However you feel about it, change is inevitable in life. Whether it’s big changes, like moving to a new place, or smaller changes, like your favorite restaurant shutting down, we have to deal with changes all of the time. 

With the start of a new year just a few days away, it’s a good time to think about your relationship with change. 

Why is change so hard?

Change is hard because change is intertwined with grief. A lot of people don’t realize that change plays a big part in grief. Grief isn’t just an emotional reaction to death or loss, but . Another definition of grief is “the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” 

One of the hardest things about grief is adjusting to the new, changed reality. When things change, even for positive reasons, like getting a new job or becoming a parent, it takes time to adjust. The conflicting emotions that you feel as you adjust to the change are often uncomfortable or confusing. 

Our brains sometimes try to resist change, as a way to keep us safe from those feelings of grief that accompany change. 

Change can also be frightening. Change can represent the unknown, which can be scary to contemplate. Change can also be a reminder that we don’t have as much control as we like to think. Realizing that we can’t control everything, no matter how hard we try, can feel vulnerable or unsafe.  It’s hard to deal when you’re not sure what’s coming next. 

Change also often disrupts our routine, which can be distressing. Our routines, whether they’re conscious or not, bring us comfort, and it’s upsetting to have that interrupted. 

Even when you’re excited about change, you might deal with uncertainty, anxiety, or regret. You might wonder what life would be like if the change weren’t happening, or if you made the right choice. All of these feelings can be overwhelming. 

However unpleasant change may be at times, it’s also not often helpful to avoid change. When you avoid change, it can backfire, or lead to its own complications. Avoiding change can cause people to stay in stressful situations, for example, which can have serious effects on wellbeing. 

So, what can you do to feel more comfortable embracing change in the new year? Here are 6 tips:

Make a plan

If you know that a change is coming, make a plan for how you can take care of yourself during the period of change. If you’re dealing with an unexpected change, make a plan for how you can move forward now. Some things that may help with making a plan are writing lists, doing a brain dump in your journal, talking it over with friends, loved ones, or a therapist, and looking for advice from others who have gone through something similar. Having a plan in place can help with resilience, it helps you be as prepared as possible and can guide you in moments when you’re struggling. 

Work on acceptance 

Acceptance doesn’t mean that you approve of what’s going on. It just means that you stop fighting reality, which can add to your distress. Trying to fight change just uses up a lot of energy that you could use on helping yourself feel better. See if you can work toward accepting this change, instead of causing distress for yourself by fighting it. It might be helpful to consider the positive aspects of the change that you're dealing with to help you work toward acceptance. 

Feel your feelings 

Feeling your feelings sounds so simple, but it’s actually a process that a lot of us struggle with. Some feelings are uncomfortable, and it’s natural to try to avoid discomfort. Feelings need to be felt, though, to move past them. The only way out is through. 

Stick to your routine as much as possible

As mentioned earlier, one of the hardest parts of dealing with change is dealing with the impact it has to your routine. To try to minimize that impact as much as you can, stick to any parts of your routines that you can. Make sure you meet your own needs and practice self-care - take your meds, get enough to eat, stay hydrated, get enough sleep, move your body, and connect with others as much as you can. 

Watch out for cognitive distortions

Cognitive distortions are negative patterns of thinking. They can keep you stuck in believing negative and untrue thoughts, and contribute to your distress levels. An example of a cognitive distortion is catastrophizing, or seeing the worst in every situation. Consider if any of the thoughts you’re dealing with are cognitive distortions, and if they are, work to reframe them so they don’t control you. 

Lean on your support system

When things are hard, it’s the perfect time to call in extra support from the people who care about you. Asking for help can be uncomfortable at times, but remember that everyone needs help sometimes. You’re human! Opening up to the people who care about you can help you find solutions, feel validated and heard, and remind you that you’re not alone.  

Are you having a hard time coping with change? Working with a therapist can be a way to expand your support system and help you build resilience to change. Get in touch today to get started. 

Managing Racing Thoughts That Keep You Awake

What are racing thoughts?

Have you ever been trying to fall asleep, but your thoughts just wouldn’t stop? One minute you were sleepily dragging yourself under the covers, and the next your heart was pounding and your thoughts were racing and your breaths were coming in short and quick?

Racing thoughts aren’t uncommon–we all deal with them from time to time. Some people experience them during the day, but often our daily routines and responsibilities and the general business of life keeps our minds occupied more naturally. 

At night however, suddenly your brain can’t shut off, you’re feeling all of that stress you didn’t have time to focus on during the day all over again without anything else to occupy your mind. Now, maybe even more so because now you have the added stress of not being able to fall asleep when you need to. This can also make your racing thoughts feel impossible to fight against–you want to sleep so you just lay there, but then just laying there gives more opportunity for your thoughts to race. 

What does it feel like to experience racing thoughts? 

When your thoughts are racing, it feels like an endless spiral you can’t get out of. Any attempt to end your thoughts just leads you down a new avenue for more spiraling thoughts, and on and on and on. 

There’s a physical response as well: pounding heart, increased sweating, and breaths coming in short, quick bursts. Your body is basically in a stress response, which puts it on high alert, making it physically harder to get back to that feeling of sleepiness. 

Why do racing thoughts happen?

Racing thoughts can be a symptom of a larger mental health concern such as: 

• Anxiety or Panic disorder

• Bipolar disorder

• Post traumatic stress disorder

• Obsessive compulsive disorder

• ADHD

If you’re experiencing racing thoughts chronically, take time to talk to your therapist and doctor, because there may be a larger issue to be addressed with medicine or therapeutic treatment, or both. 

But chronic conditions aren’t the only things that cause racing thoughts. Other things that can influence the frequency of racing thoughts at night can include: 

• Times of high stress: If you’re struggling in your relationship, navigating family, financial or professional stress, trying to juggle the stress that comes up around the holidays, spikes in your stress levels can precipitate an increase in racing thoughts as you’re trying to sleep. 

• Big transitions: A new job, moving, ending or beginning a relationship, beginning parenthood, etc. can all bring on major stress, which can in turn bring on the racing thoughts. 

• Some medications: If your racing thoughts began around the time you’ve started a new medication, it’s good to bring it up with your prescribing doctor. 

• Caffeine consumption: try to avoid caffeine after 6pm, drinking coffee or caffeinated soda/tea too close to when you go to bed can stimulate your brain and make it harder for you to fall asleep. 

What to do when your thoughts are racing: 

Mindful breathing practices:

Practicing mindful breathing helps both to calm your body as it slows and steadies with your breath, but it also helps you to reroute your thoughts away from the spiral and into the present moment. Some mindful breathing exercises you can try are: 

• 4-7-8 breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, release for 8 seconds, and repeat. 

• Box breathing: breathe in, hold breath, breathe out, hold breath, repeat. 

• Diaphragmatic breathing: Breathing from your diaphragm, inhaling as fully and slowly as possible, exhaling and repeating. 

Get up and do something (then go back to bed): 

There is nothing else for your mind to latch onto when you’re trying to go to sleep, so it’s easy to get trapped in racing thoughts.If mindful breathing doesn’t help slow your body and mind down, pick something small to get out of bed and do. Get something to eat, a glass of water, read a chapter of a book, do a few stretches. Give your mind an opportunity to get tired, then get back in bed and go back to your breathing exercises to help sleep come faster. 

Establish better sleep hygiene:

Create a routine that helps you slow down your thoughts and relax your body before bed. Adding a few minutes of calming stretching can help slow and deepen your breathing and allow your body to relax and it can also help you practice mindfulness which will in turn help you manage racing thoughts in the future.

Explore the root cause and long term treatment options with your therapist:

Whether you’re going through a period of high stress or a big life transition, getting curious about what is prompting your racing thoughts in therapy can help you better learn how to manage them. Or, if a more chronic condition is at the root, they can help guide you through the next steps for treatment. 

If you need more support, contact us today! Our therapists can help you address and resolve your racing thoughts. 

5 Myths to Unpack About Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

What comes to mind when you think of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?

Many people who don’t have OCD imagine that it is a disorder that compels you to keep things neat and organized. This common misunderstanding of what OCD actually is can be traced back to the way it’s portrayed in the media, especially on TV. 

Characters on TV are often written as “a little OCD” for a laugh. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder isn’t a comedy bit, it’s a common mental health diagnosis impacting millions of people in the United States. 

What is OCD?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a disorder characterized by a person experiencing distressing, unwanted intrusive thoughts. These thoughts are unwelcome, and are often disturbing to the person experiencing them. The distress caused by these thoughts is often relieved through behaviors called compulsions, which only help temporarily. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), around 2.3% of adults in the United States will develop OCD during their lifetime. 

There are two aspects of OCD - obsessions and compulsions. 

Obsessions in OCD are the repetitive, distressing, and unwelcome thoughts and fears. Compulsions are the actions taken to help relieve the distress of obsessions. Sometimes a person with OCD will experience obsessions more strongly than compulsions or vice versa. 

Compulsions can help relieve the distress and anxiety that the person is experiencing, but usually not for long. When the distress returns, the cycle begins again. Eventually, the compulsions that are used to relieve distress become a habit, and they can often get in the way of everyday life. 

For example, someone with OCD might have repetitive, unwelcome thoughts about experiencing a break in control and hurting themselves or someone else. Unwanted thoughts like this can be very disturbing and scary. To deal with the intensely distressing emotions brought on by the thoughts of harming themselves or others, they might check repeatedly to make sure that the oven is off, or that the car is in park, or that the doors are locked, or that everyone is safe. The amount of time and energy that it takes to keep up this cycle can have a huge impact on other areas of life, like work or relationships. 

So, what isn’t OCD? Let’s unpack these common misconceptions about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder:

OCD means you clean a lot or are organized

Chances are, when you think of OCD, you think of this misconception because it’s so popular. On TV or in movies, we often see characters identify as “so OCD” because they keep things clean. Remember that OCD is a disorder, not a personality trait. People commonly mistake OCD for being neat and organized. While some people who have OCD do experience compulsions around cleanliness, many do not. 

You can be “a little OCD”

You either have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or you don’t. It’s not something you can have “a little” or only experience once in a while - it’s a serious disorder that has a major impact on people’s lives. It can be frustrating for people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to hear people who don’t deal with the distressing aspects of OCD claim to have the disorder just because they’re a little Type-A. 

OCD is a slight inconvenience or something to laugh about 

Everyone experiences things differently, but for many folks OCD is much more than a slight inconvenience, the way it’s portrayed on TV. OCD can be extremely debilitating and impact all areas of a person's life. OCD is not something to laugh about, even though it’s commonly played for a laugh on the screen. 

Statistics from the NIMH show that 50.6% of people with OCD had serious impairment, 34.8% of adults had moderate impairment, and 14.6% had mild impairment. It’s difficult to cope with a disorder that causes so much distress, and it can be upsetting to people with OCD to constantly see their struggle downplayed. 

Stress causes OCD

Some people believe that OCD pops up in moments of stress, and goes away when your stress level goes down. In fact, OCD is present with or without stress. Eliminating stress won’t make OCD go away, if you even can eliminate stress. Being a human is inherently stressful, so it’s going to be hard to be completely stress-free at all times. Like many mental health disorders, stress can exacerbate symptoms, but that doesn’t mean that the stress itself is causing the symptoms. 

There’s nothing you can do about having OCD

Since the seriousness of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is commonly misunderstood, many people believe there’s little to nothing that you can do about having OCD. In fact, OCD is very treatable. Therapy and medication are two of the ways that OCD can be treated. The therapy approaches that counselors typically use for people dealing with OCD include: 

• Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), which helps the person confront the intrusive thoughts in a controlled environment.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which can help you to identify negative patterns in your thinking and redirect your thoughts in more positive ways. 

Are you struggling with intrusive thoughts or other symptoms of OCD? Our clinicians at Hope+Wellness have experience supporting clients who have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Contact us today for more information or to make an appointment! 

5 Ways to Deal with Rumination

5 Ways to Deal with Rumination

Have you ever felt like you were stuck in the same thought loop, no matter how distressing it is? 

When you get stuck in a never ending loop of negative thoughts about a situation, you might be ruminating. This distressing pattern of thinking can be hard to break out of, but there are things you can do to help yourself when you find yourself stuck in rumination. 

What is rumination?

Rumination is “obsessional thinking involving excessive, repetitive thoughts or themes that interfere with other forms of mental activity.”

Rumination is different from other kinds of thinking in that it keeps you focused on the negative and is hard to break out of. Rumination becomes a problem when you can only focus on the negative parts of situations or when your thoughts become excessive or overly repetitive, because it causes distress. 

The key to rumination is that no action is taken to lower the feelings of distress - it just becomes a cycle of obsessive thinking without a solution. 

Why is ruminating unhelpful?

It's not always a bad thing to focus on something. Sometimes, it’s helpful to do some deep thinking about a situation. Thinking about things from the past can help you learn lessons from past mistakes and increase your level of self-awareness. Considering future situations can help you prepare yourself for what’s coming. 

Ruminating doesn’t help with any of these things, because it relies on inaction. When you don’t take action to either apply the lessons you’ve learned or prepare yourself for what’s coming, it’s hard to get out of this negative thought process. Rumination keeps you stuck in a state of worry and distress, instead of allowing you to move forward. 

The next time you get stuck ruminating on a situation, remember you don’t have to stay there. Here are 5 things you can do to stop ruminating and lower your distress: 

Distract yourself

When something distressing is happening to you, it’s okay to distract yourself from it. Distraction isn’t always the best solution to dealing with feelings, because it can lead to ignoring or repressing them, which can have negative consequences. When you’re stuck in a thought pattern that you can’t get out of, though, sometimes the best thing you can do is distract yourself. 

Distraction can help redirect your attention onto something less distressing, so you can break the cycle of rumination. Try watching a new show or movie that has an interesting plot or something complicated you can follow to take your focus away from what’s upsetting you. You can also try exercise, listening to music or a podcast, reading a book or listening to an audiobook, chatting with a friend, making art, cleaning, doing a house project, or even taking a nap. 

Make adjustments as needed 

Sometimes it can be hard to break out of rumination because you wish you had done something differently. Regret is complicated, but it can feel tempting to focus your attention on what went wrong instead of what you can do to prevent it from happening again. 

If this is the case for you, make a point of acknowledging what is painful about the situation. You can even say to yourself, “Wow, I wish I would have done that differently.” Instead of getting stuck in a shame spiral, though, remind yourself that there are things you can do to learn from this experience. Keep those lessons in mind and then try to forgive yourself for what happened. It might take time, but remember that everyone makes mistakes. You’re allowed to make mistakes too, and it doesn’t make you a terrible person. It just makes you human. 

Try a grounding or mindfulness exercise

Rumination is tricky because we often don’t realize it’s happening until we’re in the middle of it. One way to help is to try to bring yourself back to the present moment. A mindfulness practice can be helpful with this, as can grounding exercises. 

Not only will grounding or mindfulness help in the moment, practicing them regularly can help you in the future to redirect your thoughts  before you get too distressed. Grounding can help you become reacquainted with your body in the present moment. One common grounding practice is to use your senses to focus on what’s happening in the moment. Try naming 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This exercise will not only distract you from the distress of rumination, but it will also help you step out of the negative thought pattern you’re stuck in. The more you practice the easier it will be to use these skills when you need them! 

Stick to a time limit

Even when we have the best intentions to not ruminate on something, it’s easy to find yourself stuck in your thoughts. If you really feel like you need to ruminate on something for a bit, give yourself permission to do so, but set a time limit for yourself. 

Remember, rumination isn’t actually productive or helpful, it just keeps you stuck in the negative. Give yourself 20 minutes to focus on this, and then when the timer goes off, stick to your boundary and move on to something that will actually be helpful. 

Trust and believe in yourself 

Rumination can lead to lowered self-esteem because it keeps you second guessing yourself instead of moving forward. One powerful way to interrupt rumination is to remind yourself that you are capable and to believe in yourself. Think about it: you’ve survived every bad situation or mistake you’ve ever made. Even if you’d do things differently, you still made it through. You’re much more capable than you think and give yourself credit for. Having the confidence in yourself that you can get through anything can be like armor that protects you from the negative effects of rumination. So, you made a mistake. Who hasn’t? You’re still amazing, and you can still handle everything that comes your way. 

If you’re struggling with obsessive or distressing thoughts, working with a therapist can help. You don’t have to say feeling this way forever. Get in touch with our office today to make an appointment and get started. 

5 Coping Strategies to Try When You’re Feeling Anxious

Do you struggle with anxious thoughts?

Anxious thoughts can be hard to control–and when they start to spiral they only grow in their intensity which makes it even harder to pull ourselves out of that loop. We all go through times occasionally where it feels like our thoughts are running the show–like they control us instead of us just observing them–but when you live with anxiety this feeling could be happening all the time. 

So how do you manage it?

Managing anxious thoughts is hard work. It’s not going to be a simple one-size-fits-all solution. For a long term plan, talking to your therapist about treatment options, including ongoing therapy and medication, is a great idea. But anxiety doesn’t always wait until the one hour a week you’re in session. And while your therapist will definitely be able to work with you to determine what coping strategies are the most useful for you, it’s helpful to have a few already in your back pocket to try. 

It’s also important to remember that just because something works to ease one person’s anxiety, doesn’t necessarily mean it will be effective at easing yours. We are all unique, so if a recommended method doesn’t work for you, that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. It just means that there is a better, more effective way for you to manage your anxiety out there, and whichever method didn’t work just isn’t right for your specific case. 

And often, not every method will work every time. That’s why it’s helpful to have a few different ways to try pulling yourself out of those anxious thought spirals. When one doesn’t work, you can try something else instead of working harder at something that isn’t helping you. 

Here are 5 coping strategies to try when you’re feeling anxious: 

Develop a mindfulness practice

Mindfulness is a practice designed to teach us how to be in the present moment. This is great for anxiety because frequently, anxious thoughts will take you out of the present moment, and drag your thoughts through lots of hypotheticals about things you can’t control or things that may happen in the future. By practicing mindfulness, you’re practicing the skill of resisting those thought spirals in order to stay grounded in the present moment. If you’re unsure where to start, try one of these 10 mindfulness apps!

Grounding techniques: 

Grounding is a practice that is intended to allow you to connect your body back to the earth. It is similar to mindfulness, and uses many of the same skills. When you are focused on your connection to the earth (ex. how the bottoms of your feet feel resting against the ground) you are forced to stay in the present moment, just as you are with mindfulness. You can find examples of grounding techniques to try here.

Don’t take the anxious thoughts at their word: 

Your anxiety is telling you that all of those anxious thoughts running through your head are true or realistic, but stop and ask yourself: is that really the case? Ask yourself: Is this thought true? What evidence do I really have to support it? What could a different possibility be? 

Get the thoughts out: 

When we sit with our anxiety, sometimes it builds. Instead, having a healthy outlet for those thoughts can help release them, reducing their power over us and allowing us to move on instead of fixating on them. You can do this with a therapist, but a method you can use outside of session is to journal about them! Don’t worry about whether the thoughts are true or if your writing makes sense, just use the journal as a space to expel those anxious thoughts. 

Move your body: 

You might not notice your thoughts getting anxious. Instead, you might experience physical symptoms of your anxiety (sweating, headaches, stomachaches, trouble sleeping, difficulty breathing, feeling shaky, etc.) But movement is a simple, easy way to release that tension in the body. It can be as simple as jumping up and down, or turning on some music and dancing. You can find other ideas for ways to move your body to help with anxiety here. 

If you need help creating a plan for your next bout of anxiety, our clinicians can help you find one that works for you. 

Exploring Perfectionism and Being Ok With ‘Good Enough’

Do you feel a lot of pressure to be perfect? In a world that is increasingly scary and confusing, it’s tempting to try to control as much as we can. However, the pressure to be perfect can be overwhelming and lead to a lot of distress. After all, perfect isn’t an achievable goal for most things. We’re humans. We’re messy, we make mistakes, and sometimes we do the best we can and it’s still not “perfect”. You may associate perfectionism with being hyper-focused on details and always getting things done, but a lot of people who struggle with perfectionism actually have a hard time even getting a project started, let alone finished.

Perfectionism doesn’t always manifest itself in real life the way it’s depicted in the media. One powerful way to fight against the idea of perfectionism is the idea that we can be good enough. We don’t have to be perfect, and perfection isn’t an achievable goal. We can learn to be okay with being good enough.

What is perfectionism

Perfectionism can be traced back to cognitive distortions, like all-or-nothing thinking. As a refresher, cognitive distortions are faulty ways of thinking that we learn to believe are true. All or nothing thinking is a cognitive distortion that means you tend to think in extremes. You’re either successful or a failure. You’re smart or stupid. Instead of leaving room for all the nuance of being a human, all or nothing thinking paints things in black and white. 

It makes sense that we would believe our thoughts, because in general we like to think that we can trust ourselves. However, sometimes our thoughts aren’t true. Sometimes we get so used to thinking one way that we forget there are other ways to think. Striving for perfection doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, lots of people encourage others to strive for a sort of “healthy” perfection as a way to motivate themselves to do their best. 

The trouble with this is that it’s easy to slip from trying your best because you want to to trying to be perfect because you want to be seen by others as perfect. 

Brene Brown has written about this phenomenon in her work on imperfection, vulnerability, and shame: 

“Perfectionism is a self destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”

Shame, judgment, and blame are painful feelings. It makes sense that we want to avoid those feelings! In our search to avoid those painful feelings, though, we often end up feeling that way anyway. When you try your best because you want to, you might feel a sense of pride. However, most of the time we’re trying to be perfect to please someone else. Feeling like you have to prove yourself to be worthy of respect and kindness is a recipe for burnout and shame. 

Some folks who struggle with perfectionism deal with things like procrastination. It might sound counterintuitive that someone who is a perfectionist would struggle with getting started, but some folks struggle with the idea that if they can’t do it perfectly, they don’t want to do it at all.  

What does “good enough” mean? 

Good enough means that we don’t have to do everything perfectly at all times. Good enough means that sometimes the job that gets done isn’t pretty, but it’s effective. For example, you don’t need to have the perfect storage containers and pantry layout before you organize your kitchen. You just need to be able to see what you have in your cupboards so you can put a meal together. You don’t have to always have the perfect materials or perfect plan to get things done. Instead of striving for perfect, we can learn to be happy with the freedom that “good enough” gives us. When you don’t have to spend all of your time worrying about how you’ll do everything exactly right, you have more time to spend on things that make you happy and revitalize you.  

Good enough doesn’t have to mean the same thing from situation to situation. 

There might be things you want to do a really really good job on. There might be things that you realize don’t need quite as much of your attention. Letting go of perfectionism and embracing the idea of good enough means that you can assess each situation as it comes up and decide what is good enough for that particular thing. You might still put lots of effort into work projects or connecting with your friends, but spend less time planning your grocery list or organizing your things. 

Being good enough doesn’t mean that you’re lazy either. It means that you know how to prioritize your energy and protect your boundaries so you can actually enjoy your life. 

Learning to be ok with good enough takes a lot of practice. After all, we live in a culture that prizes folks for being exceptional. It’s natural to want to feel successful and like you matter. However, trying to do everything perfectly just leaves you feeling drained and less than.

If you’re looking for more support overcoming perfectionism, our therapists are trained in modalities like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help you move from feeling hopeless to feeling empowered.