Five Tools For Managing Loneliness and Building Connection

It’s normal to feel lonely. 

The problem with loneliness is that it tricks us into thinking we’re the only one who feels that way, that everyone else is happy and connected and supported by their friends, loved ones, and community, and out of shame we end up isolating, only making the loneliness worse. But the truth is most of us feel lonely every now and then. Sometimes it’s short lived, and other times it lingers, making it harder to break out of. 

Instead of withdrawing, here are seven things you can do when you’re lonely.

Ending a relationship  with a friend is difficult for a number of reasons, one of which is the feeling of loneliness that comes from that loss. Just like in a romantic breakup, where you once had the routine of going to that person with news and plans and jokes and stressors, you now have to find somewhere new to turn, and build new routines and relationships without them. Even when that’s the right choice, it can feel very lonely for a while. 

Relationships take time to build, so there is a period after ending a relationship, where you do feel less supported and resourced than when you had someone to fill that role. The grief that comes with that loneliness is common, and nothing to feel shame about. The loneliness is also common–and remember it’s temporary. 

For more support on managing that loneliness, read 4 tips for dealing with a friend breakup 

Strong friendships are some of the most fulfilling and supportive relationships we can have. But if you’re struggling with loneliness, making new friends can seem impossible. It’s hard to be so vulnerable like that as an adult. When you’re a child, it’s natural to enter a new space and find new friends in it–and, because of the way your life is constructed, it’s easier to find yourself surrounded by peers as a child. As an adult, a conscious effort must be made to go out into new places and to connect with new people. And that can be scary! 

It’s okay to admit it’s hard to meet new people you connect with. And when you’re ready, here are some ideas on what to do about it. 

Friendships occupy a very important place in our lives and communities. They are the family we choose, and those relationships can be just as close, supportive, and intimate as romantic or familial relationships. But it doesn’t happen without work. Just as you have to work with a romantic partner to understand and care for one another, the same work is required of intimate friendships. 

While having these intimate friendships only enriches our lives–giving us more opportunities for joy, for connection, for feeling seen and heard, for providing and accessing support, etc–most of what we hear about in regards to relationship work is about romantic relationships. 

You need a variety of support in your life, and learning to tend to your friendships with intention is a wonderful way to provide that for yourself. 

When addressing loneliness it’s also important to look at the larger picture outside of your individual relationships. What does your relationship to your community look like? Do you feel connected to your community, the resources and opportunities and connections it offers? Or do you exist alongside your community, without feeling familiar enough to claim a place in it?

Strong communities offer not just one option, but a garden of options for support; through building relationships with friends, family, neighbors, local businesses, community organizers & artists you open yourself up to a world of possibilities. You create a world full of people who can help you creatively, financially, professionally, spiritually, domestically, medically, etc. 

The basic function of cultivating a strong community is to make sure you don’t have to face any aspect of life alone. 

Taking steps to reduce feelings of isolation can be hard, but you don’t have to do it alone. Get in touch with our office today to get started with one of our expert clinicians. 

How Can Therapy Help Me Navigate Big Life Changes?

Why are life transitions so stressful?

It’s a cliche but it’s true: change is the only constant. So why does it always feel like such an insurmountable task? Change can be exciting, but more often than not, we find ourselves fixated on everything stressful about change: how we’ll soon be navigating something unknown, how we’ll be saying goodbye to things that are not only familiar to us, but comforting. 

Sometimes it’s not until our routine is disrupted that we realize having a routine isn’t the same as being in a rut; our routines can give us structure, provide us with resourceful ways to meet our needs, and give us the comfort of knowing how to take care of ourselves. So it’s natural that when our routines are disrupted with some big life change, we feel apprehensive in the face of losing that comfort and stability. This is just one of the reasons big life changes–even ones we want–are so stressful to us. 

Transitions require a lot more from us than our regular day to day lives. 

The stress of building new routines, the grief of saying goodbye to familiar parts of our lives, the fear of the unknown we have to trust ourselves to make peace with when starting something new–emotionally, life transitions require a lot of us. 

Preparing for specific life transitions isn’t always possible–some changes in life are sudden and unexpected and we have to find ways to navigate them quickly and without hesitation. But preparing for life transitions in a general sense is a key component of the therapeutic process. 

In therapy, along with navigating crises as they come up and exploring your internal experience, you get the chance to practice skills that make it easier to navigate life transitions when they come up. These skills can include: 

• Learning how to stay present when stress comes up 

• Remaining centered and grounded when problem solving and exploring feelings

• Effective and productive stress management 

• Prioritizing self compassion as you navigate stressors and learning to manage them productively

• Examining stress as a means of moving toward the life you want, rather than avoiding it whenever it comes up

• Learning to look critically but compassionately at your own behaviors: which maintain the stress you experience, and which help you break free of them?

• Building a stronger sense of self empowerment

These skills are taught and practiced over and over again in therapy. 

While you may start therapy for support in one area of your life, you’re also building the foundation you need to go back and practice those skills. And every time a new life stress or transition comes up, you get the chance to practice and strengthen those skills once again. These practices help us not just in single instances, but with lots of obstacles we face, like: 

• academic stress (starting a new school, applying for programs, keeping up with requirements, etc.)

• workplace stress (balancing responsibilities, navigating difficult professional relationships, feeling pressure to perform, burnout, etc.) 

• housing stress (finding housing, affording housing, keeping up with housing responsibilities like bills and chores, etc.)

• relationship stress (ending a relationship, starting a new relationship, navigating relationship milestones, managing relationship conflict, etc.)l

• chronic health concerns

We work with kids, teens, young adults, and adults going through various types and times of stress and life adjustment concerns, including academic stress, work stress, divorce, the end of significant relationships, moving, job changes, and chronic health stressors.

If you would like more support in coping with life transitions, our therapists at Hope+Wellness can help.

How to Improve Sleep When You Deal With Chronic Pain

If you deal with chronic pain, you know how important sleep can be to helping you feel better. 

When you get a poor night’s sleep, your symptoms might feel worse. You might have a harder time regulating your emotions, and find it harder to complete everyday tasks. Improving sleep quality is often a process of trial and error, but it can be an especially important part of the chronic pain toolkit. 

Why is sleep so important?

Sleep is one of our basic biological functions, and we can’t survive without it. Sleep is essential to our physical and mental functioning. Sleep allows our bodies time to repair and to reset for the next day, and can even support our immune functioning. 

Chronic sleep deprivation can lead to serious health problems like diabetes, heart disease, and stroke. In addition, when you don’t get enough sleep, it can be harder to think clearly and to do the everyday things that are required of you. 

Chronic pain impacts many areas of life, and sleep is no exception. Chronic pain can make it harder to get comfortable enough to fall asleep, and pain can wake you up during the night, reducing the amount of sleep you get.

If you’re dealing with chronic pain, a good night’s sleep might feel impossible. Here are some things to try to improve your sleep when you deal with chronic pain: 

Talk to your doctor about sleep 

Sleep is a critical bodily function, and when you have sleep issues it’s best to make your doctor aware. That might seem overwhelming, especially as someone who deals with chronic pain and has to deal with many medical providers already. There are some medical interventions that can make sleep easier, though, so it’s important to bring it up with your primary care physician to see if there are any options that can help you.

For example, sleep apnea can make it harder to sleep deeply, and wearing a CPAP machine while you sleep can help you sleep more deeply. Get a sleep study done if possible. You can do sleep studies from home a lot of the time now. They may also be able to help you find a medication that works for you to help you sleep better. 

Use light filter settings on your devices

There’s a lot of advice out there about not using screens in the evening because of the exposure to blue light that interrupts sleep. However, it’s much easier said than done to put down your devices after a certain time. Has anyone ever actually stopped using their phone before bed? Sometimes that’s not reasonable. 

If you are looking at your phone or at a device before bed, try using the built in color filters that most devices have to help block out the blue light. You can also try wearing blue light blocking glasses if you don’t have a filter on your device. 

Develop a wind down routine 

Developing a routine that signals to your brain that it’s time to wind down can be helpful in improving your sleep. See how it feels to stretch, meditate, journal, or read as you wind down before bed. 

If you’re able to, taking a hot bath with epsom salts can help you become more sleepy and help with winding down. If you don’t have a tub, try soaking your feet in some warm water with epsom salts to help you begin to wind down. You can also try drinking a warm beverage, like tea (make sure to choose a kind of tea that doesn’t have caffeine) to help signal to your brain that it’s time for sleep. 

Try to stick to a general bedtime

Another way to help signal to yourself that it’s time to sleep is to stick to a specific bedtime. It can be hard to go to sleep at the same time every night when your symptoms are causing you pain, but over time it gets easier. It’s going to be hard to sleep when your brain is wired, so it might take some time to get to a bedtime that works for you. Try shifting things by 5 minutes at a time and work toward the time you’d ideally like to go to sleep. 

It’s also important to be kind to yourself when you can’t stick to that bedtime. Being hard on yourself isn’t going to make it any easier to sleep. 

Use pillows to help support your body

Waking up feeling worse than when you went to sleep isn’t a fun experience. Sometimes movement during sleep can help contribute to pain during the day. Try using pillows to help support you as you sleep. 

Consider using a neck pillow for neck pain or a body pillow to help keep yourself propped up in a way that won’t increase your pain. Some people also sleep with a heating pad or an electric blanket on the parts of their body that tend to cause pain. Some of them have timers so you can make sure it keeps you warm all night. 

Set up your sleeping place for success

Studies show that sleeping in a cooler room can help with getting deeper sleep, so try sleeping with your thermostat turned down a bit lower or with a fan on you. You can also try using white noise, either from a fan or a noise machine, to help create an environment where you can sleep. 

Something else that might help is to be able to turn your electronics or lights on and off from your phone or using a remote. That way, when you’re comfy in bed, you don’t have to get back up to turn off the lights. 

Use your pain relief toolkit

When you’re dealing with chronic pain, sometimes you need to try multiple ways to manage it so you can make it through the day and night. 

As someone with chronic pain, you probably have your go-to ways to manage your pain, like using a TENs unit or using a pain relief gel. See what you have on hand that can help make you more comfortable through the night. 

Are you looking for more support as you deal with chronic pain? Our therapists can help. We have therapists who can support you with chronic illness, chronic pain, &  medical stressors. Contact us today to make an appointment! 

9 Commonly Asked Questions About The Therapeutic Process

Deciding to start therapy is an amazing and brave step. 

But it’s also one that comes with a lot of questions–mental health is only beginning to be openly talked about, but even though we seem to be willing to talk about seeking care a little more openly, the process and everything that goes into it is still a mystery for a lot of people. And that uncertainty can make an already vulnerable experience feel even more frightening. 

Since therapy is already a vulnerable experience, we want to help make it as easy and supportive to begin the process as we can, so we’ve put together this list of common questions and further resources for each to help you get started. 

How do I find a therapist that’s right for me?

This is often the biggest hurdle in the process. Even without accounting for things like location,  hourly cost or accepted insurance, it can be daunting to find someone to sit with you while you’re at your most vulnerable, to listen to your areas of insecurity or where you need support or thoughts you wouldn’t share with anyone else. First: remind yourself that it’s okay to feel nervous about this possibility. Don’t try to shove that feeling away out of shame. In fact–when you’re starting the process of therapy, that can be a helpful place to begin. Let your therapist know what apprehension you’re feeling and why–the two of you can explore the fears that come up and ease you into the therapeutic process as you do so. 

There’s a lot that goes into selecting a therapist that is right for you. You need to consider:

1. Your priorities; what are the areas you’re looking for the most support in?

2. Your preferences; do age or gender matter to you? Is it important to have a therapist who shares a marginalized identity that you hope to discuss?

3. What is your location? Are you open to telehealth?

4. Do you know anyone who has gone through the process of finding a therapist before? Can they recommend anywhere to start?

Follow our step by step guide on finding a therapist that’s right for you here. 

What’s the commitment involved in the therapeutic process?

Therapy is a financial and time commitment. It is an investment in yourself and in your ability to examine long-standing patterns in your life with the goal of practicing new, more effective thoughts and behaviors. Such change isn’t easy and it doesn’t happen overnight, but it can profoundly impact your quality of life, including your sense of self, relationships, work, and health. We believe that therapy is one of the most important investments of them all — in yourself and overall well being. When you feel centered, grounded, and comfortable in yourself and in who you are, the rest of your life can fall into place.

What do I need to know before my first therapy session?

When you’re going somewhere new, is it helpful for someone who has been there before to walk you through what to expect? That’s what we did in this blog–click through to read it if you’re coming up on your first therapy session. The basics are: 

1. Check if you need to do paperwork ahead of time

2. Review any contact from your therapist; if there’s anything specific you need to bring with you, they’ll have indicated so in any emails or texts, etc. 

3. Prepare to start with housekeeping; there are administrative logistics to figure out before diving into the work

4. Prepare for your own emotional experience; ask yourself what you need to feel safe being vulnerable in a new situation, and how to ease yourself back into your day after the session is complete.

What should I do with mental health content I see online?

You might be starting your therapy journey because of how social media has helped to normalize discussing mental health issues. And while there are a lot of useful tools and resources online, it’s also important to use your own therapist as a reference. Remember, you’re the expert on your emotional experience and they’re the expert on mental health in general–if you see something online that resonates, bring it up in session and discuss it with your therapist! With the expertise you’re both bringing to the table, you can figure out if there’s something more you need to explore based on the resource you found, or if there’s some context and information you’re missing. 

You can find our best practices on fact checking mental health information on social media here.

Why does the therapeutic relationship matter?

Speaking of therapy content on social media…if you can learn about mental health online, is it necessary to have a therapist of your own? Short answer: yes! Longer answer: information you find online can be a great jumping off point for learning about mental health, but therapy is more than just gaining information. The process doesn’t start and stop with diagnosis! A key part of the healing that happens in therapy? The relationship building between you and your therapist. With a relationship where you’re safe to fully express yourself you can start to learn new relational patterns and heal old wounds. 

Learn more about that here. 

How can you make the most between sessions?

Engaging in therapy is a bigger commitment than 50 minutes once a week. While that will be where you do a lot of hard and vulnerable work, if you’re only showing up in that way for yourself while you’re in session, you’re not getting the most out of the experience. In order to fully engage in the process you have to do things like take time to reflect on what was brought up in session, practice new skills learned, take small risks, etc. This is also something you can discuss with your therapist–how would they recommend you practice what you’re learning in session when you’re on your own? Or to start, check out our guide on how to make the most of your time between sessions.  

What happens when your therapist upsets you? 

Therapy is supposed to be an emotionally safe place for you–but being safe doesn’t mean you’ll never be hurt. It does, however, mean that you can be sure to address that feeling of hurt without worrying about facing repercussions. This is part of how therapy works to write new relationship scripts–it gives you the chance to learn what it feels like to have your hurt heard and honored. 

However, it can be jarring to have your feelings hurt in a place that is supposed to be emotionally supportive. It’s not an insurmountable obstacle, but it can take some patience and practice to learn how to address it when your therapist hurts your feelings. But, when you do take the risk to practice bringing it up, it gets easier to do in your other relationships. 

What to do when you’re dreading your next appointment?

Therapy isn’t always fun. But it’s important to figure out if you’re feeling anxious because the space isn’t emotionally safe for you, or because there’s something else you don’t want to face. Follow this guide to figure out what to do instead of canceling when you’re dreading your next appointment. 

How involved is therapy?

At Hope+Wellness, we believe in tailoring therapy for each individual. Some clients find it therapeutic to talk about their feelings and to explore patterns. Others seek a more active approach, involving interventions, exercises and thoughtful actions to implement outside of therapy. We try to meet each client where they are at and are able to incorporate different approaches if this is what you are looking for as part of therapy. Overall, it is important to consider that you will get out as much as you put in to your work together with your therapist.

If you’re looking for support in the process of finding a therapist, contact us and we can help personally match you to a therapist based on your needs.

The Psychology of Fresh Starts: Embracing Change in the New Year

How do you feel about change?

Some people feel strongly about change - they either love it or hate it. However you feel about it, change is inevitable in life. Whether it’s big changes, like moving to a new place, or smaller changes, like your favorite restaurant shutting down, we have to deal with changes all of the time. 

With the start of a new year just a few days away, it’s a good time to think about your relationship with change. 

Why is change so hard?

Change is hard because change is intertwined with grief. A lot of people don’t realize that change plays a big part in grief. Grief isn’t just an emotional reaction to death or loss, but . Another definition of grief is “the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” 

One of the hardest things about grief is adjusting to the new, changed reality. When things change, even for positive reasons, like getting a new job or becoming a parent, it takes time to adjust. The conflicting emotions that you feel as you adjust to the change are often uncomfortable or confusing. 

Our brains sometimes try to resist change, as a way to keep us safe from those feelings of grief that accompany change. 

Change can also be frightening. Change can represent the unknown, which can be scary to contemplate. Change can also be a reminder that we don’t have as much control as we like to think. Realizing that we can’t control everything, no matter how hard we try, can feel vulnerable or unsafe.  It’s hard to deal when you’re not sure what’s coming next. 

Change also often disrupts our routine, which can be distressing. Our routines, whether they’re conscious or not, bring us comfort, and it’s upsetting to have that interrupted. 

Even when you’re excited about change, you might deal with uncertainty, anxiety, or regret. You might wonder what life would be like if the change weren’t happening, or if you made the right choice. All of these feelings can be overwhelming. 

However unpleasant change may be at times, it’s also not often helpful to avoid change. When you avoid change, it can backfire, or lead to its own complications. Avoiding change can cause people to stay in stressful situations, for example, which can have serious effects on wellbeing. 

So, what can you do to feel more comfortable embracing change in the new year? Here are 6 tips:

Make a plan

If you know that a change is coming, make a plan for how you can take care of yourself during the period of change. If you’re dealing with an unexpected change, make a plan for how you can move forward now. Some things that may help with making a plan are writing lists, doing a brain dump in your journal, talking it over with friends, loved ones, or a therapist, and looking for advice from others who have gone through something similar. Having a plan in place can help with resilience, it helps you be as prepared as possible and can guide you in moments when you’re struggling. 

Work on acceptance 

Acceptance doesn’t mean that you approve of what’s going on. It just means that you stop fighting reality, which can add to your distress. Trying to fight change just uses up a lot of energy that you could use on helping yourself feel better. See if you can work toward accepting this change, instead of causing distress for yourself by fighting it. It might be helpful to consider the positive aspects of the change that you're dealing with to help you work toward acceptance. 

Feel your feelings 

Feeling your feelings sounds so simple, but it’s actually a process that a lot of us struggle with. Some feelings are uncomfortable, and it’s natural to try to avoid discomfort. Feelings need to be felt, though, to move past them. The only way out is through. 

Stick to your routine as much as possible

As mentioned earlier, one of the hardest parts of dealing with change is dealing with the impact it has to your routine. To try to minimize that impact as much as you can, stick to any parts of your routines that you can. Make sure you meet your own needs and practice self-care - take your meds, get enough to eat, stay hydrated, get enough sleep, move your body, and connect with others as much as you can. 

Watch out for cognitive distortions

Cognitive distortions are negative patterns of thinking. They can keep you stuck in believing negative and untrue thoughts, and contribute to your distress levels. An example of a cognitive distortion is catastrophizing, or seeing the worst in every situation. Consider if any of the thoughts you’re dealing with are cognitive distortions, and if they are, work to reframe them so they don’t control you. 

Lean on your support system

When things are hard, it’s the perfect time to call in extra support from the people who care about you. Asking for help can be uncomfortable at times, but remember that everyone needs help sometimes. You’re human! Opening up to the people who care about you can help you find solutions, feel validated and heard, and remind you that you’re not alone.  

Are you having a hard time coping with change? Working with a therapist can be a way to expand your support system and help you build resilience to change. Get in touch today to get started. 

Managing Racing Thoughts That Keep You Awake

What are racing thoughts?

Have you ever been trying to fall asleep, but your thoughts just wouldn’t stop? One minute you were sleepily dragging yourself under the covers, and the next your heart was pounding and your thoughts were racing and your breaths were coming in short and quick?

Racing thoughts aren’t uncommon–we all deal with them from time to time. Some people experience them during the day, but often our daily routines and responsibilities and the general business of life keeps our minds occupied more naturally. 

At night however, suddenly your brain can’t shut off, you’re feeling all of that stress you didn’t have time to focus on during the day all over again without anything else to occupy your mind. Now, maybe even more so because now you have the added stress of not being able to fall asleep when you need to. This can also make your racing thoughts feel impossible to fight against–you want to sleep so you just lay there, but then just laying there gives more opportunity for your thoughts to race. 

What does it feel like to experience racing thoughts? 

When your thoughts are racing, it feels like an endless spiral you can’t get out of. Any attempt to end your thoughts just leads you down a new avenue for more spiraling thoughts, and on and on and on. 

There’s a physical response as well: pounding heart, increased sweating, and breaths coming in short, quick bursts. Your body is basically in a stress response, which puts it on high alert, making it physically harder to get back to that feeling of sleepiness. 

Why do racing thoughts happen?

Racing thoughts can be a symptom of a larger mental health concern such as: 

• Anxiety or Panic disorder

• Bipolar disorder

• Post traumatic stress disorder

• Obsessive compulsive disorder

• ADHD

If you’re experiencing racing thoughts chronically, take time to talk to your therapist and doctor, because there may be a larger issue to be addressed with medicine or therapeutic treatment, or both. 

But chronic conditions aren’t the only things that cause racing thoughts. Other things that can influence the frequency of racing thoughts at night can include: 

• Times of high stress: If you’re struggling in your relationship, navigating family, financial or professional stress, trying to juggle the stress that comes up around the holidays, spikes in your stress levels can precipitate an increase in racing thoughts as you’re trying to sleep. 

• Big transitions: A new job, moving, ending or beginning a relationship, beginning parenthood, etc. can all bring on major stress, which can in turn bring on the racing thoughts. 

• Some medications: If your racing thoughts began around the time you’ve started a new medication, it’s good to bring it up with your prescribing doctor. 

• Caffeine consumption: try to avoid caffeine after 6pm, drinking coffee or caffeinated soda/tea too close to when you go to bed can stimulate your brain and make it harder for you to fall asleep. 

What to do when your thoughts are racing: 

Mindful breathing practices:

Practicing mindful breathing helps both to calm your body as it slows and steadies with your breath, but it also helps you to reroute your thoughts away from the spiral and into the present moment. Some mindful breathing exercises you can try are: 

• 4-7-8 breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold your breath for seven seconds, release for 8 seconds, and repeat. 

• Box breathing: breathe in, hold breath, breathe out, hold breath, repeat. 

• Diaphragmatic breathing: Breathing from your diaphragm, inhaling as fully and slowly as possible, exhaling and repeating. 

Get up and do something (then go back to bed): 

There is nothing else for your mind to latch onto when you’re trying to go to sleep, so it’s easy to get trapped in racing thoughts.If mindful breathing doesn’t help slow your body and mind down, pick something small to get out of bed and do. Get something to eat, a glass of water, read a chapter of a book, do a few stretches. Give your mind an opportunity to get tired, then get back in bed and go back to your breathing exercises to help sleep come faster. 

Establish better sleep hygiene:

Create a routine that helps you slow down your thoughts and relax your body before bed. Adding a few minutes of calming stretching can help slow and deepen your breathing and allow your body to relax and it can also help you practice mindfulness which will in turn help you manage racing thoughts in the future.

Explore the root cause and long term treatment options with your therapist:

Whether you’re going through a period of high stress or a big life transition, getting curious about what is prompting your racing thoughts in therapy can help you better learn how to manage them. Or, if a more chronic condition is at the root, they can help guide you through the next steps for treatment. 

If you need more support, contact us today! Our therapists can help you address and resolve your racing thoughts. 

I'm Dreading My Next Therapy Session, What Now

Therapy is a wonderful, vulnerable and sometimes difficult process. 

It can be incredibly rewarding to go through when you commit to the process, but that doesn’t make it an easy thing to do. There is a lot of vulnerability involved in learning to trust your therapist, and building a relationship where you can spend intentional time talking about your fears, things you feel ashamed about, skills you want to work on to improve the relationships most important to you, conflicts you wish you showed up better in, etc. 

It takes a lot of bravery and a lot of patience with yourself. You might say something you’ve never shared with anyone, or bring up something you’re particularly sensitive about, and your therapist might respond in a way that hurts your feelings. 

Sometimes, even if you’re doing great work and you typically leave therapy with a new understanding of yourself (no matter how small), you might start to feel a little dread come up at the thought of going to your next session. 

If that feeling comes up, it’s important to take a step back and get curious about it. Your initial reaction might be to cancel it, but before sending your therapist a text or an email letting them know you “can’t make it” ask yourself a few questions to make sure that’s really what is best for you. 

When did this feeling start?

Was there something that came up between your last appointment and now? Was there something you didn’t handle well and don’t want to talk about? Or, was there something said in your last appointment that made you feel unseen, unheard, or abandoned in some way? While obviously never the intention, therapists are just human and might respond incorrectly once in a while. It can be extremely beneficial for the relationship to address and explore it–and doing so in therapy can give you practice in a safe space for when similar conversations need to take place in your day to day life.  

Where in your body are you feeling this the most?

When your feelings are so strong, it can be hard to figure out exactly what it is you are feeling. But our emotions don’t show up just in our minds, and learning how to connect the body sensations you’re experiencing to your feelings can help you decipher what is happening for you and what you need. For example, maybe you get nauseated when you’re anxious, or feel a certain type of headache when you’re frustrated. If you can identify what it is you’re feeling, you can use your next appointment to explore it–where it’s coming from, how it’s showing up, what you and your therapist can do to prevent or address it in the future, etc. 

 How often does this feeling come up?

Having the occasional feeling of not wanting to go in and do some hard emotional work is not a red flag in itself. Modern life is very busy, and it does take a significant amount of energy to show up in therapy, not to mention the logistical time it eats up. If you’re having a super busy week where it feels like there’s not enough time to get everything done, of course you’re going to wish there was one less thing on your plate. Or maybe you’ve had a couple unexpected expenses, and you’d rather save a little bit of money this week. 

But, if you’re constantly feeling dread before going to your appointment, there could be a deeper issue. You might not feel the safety you need with your therapist to get into the work that would help you the most. Depending on why there’s a lack of safety for you, it’s up to you to decide if it’s best to address the issues with your therapist, or let them know it’s time for you to move on and find a better fit for your care needs. 

If you’re looking for support in the process of finding a therapist, contact us and we can help personally match you to a therapist based on your needs. 

End of the Year Toolkit: 9 Blogs to Help You Make It to January

We’re in the final stretch of 2023. But the end of the year rush can be some of the most stressful few weeks of the season. While it can be a time of togetherness and generosity, it’s also a time that requires more from us, socially, financially, and emotionally. 

This is our end of the year tool-kit; all of the blogs we’ve written that can help get you through the last few weeks. 

To help get ready for family gatherings:

Family parties and traditions can be some of our favorite moments of the holiday season, but that doesn’t mean they come without their own set of worries. Because holiday events are often big parties, you’re likely to be in close quarters with not just the family and loved ones you’re close to, but some you have some rocky relationships with as well. 

Taking a little time to prepare for those encounters can help reduce your anxiety about them overall, and allow you to focus on what you can control. You can find ways to both care for yourself and your needs, and make time to be with those you care about. 

Read: How to Gently Set Boundaries With Your Family or: 5 Strategies for Overcoming Social Anxiety at Holiday Gatherings

To help manage seasonal depression: 

Winter is a tough time for a lot of us. The days are shorter and colder, we don’t want to be outside as much, and with the darkness falling so early in the day, it’s normal for us all to slow down a bit during winter. 

But when does it go from slowing down in a slower season to something to be concerned about? 

Read: 4 Signs That Your Funk Could Be the Result of Depression or: Self Care for Days You Can't Get Out of Bed

Give yourself the gift of self kindness this season:

Because we can be under so much stress in the final crunch of the year, and we’re often faced with awkward conversations with people we only see once a year at holiday parties, it can be easy to fall into self criticism during the holidays. 

Taking time to build in some body neutral practices and preparing yourself to slow down can help you offset that slide into criticism. 

Read: Keeping Peace with Your Body During the Holiday Season and: 4 Ways to Accept a Slower Pace in the Winter Season

To get ready for the new year: 

Whether you’re a new year, new start kind of person, or someone just looking to get to January so the holiday season will be wrapping up, we’ve got something for you! And, as the COVID rates are surging again, it never hurts to revisit old boundaries for managing your health. Use the new year as an excuse to reaffirm them. 

Read: 4 Ways to Deal with New Year Overwhelm or: 8 Ways to Upgrade Your Self-Care Routine in the New Year and Managing Covid Anxiety in the New Year

Remember, the holiday season doesn’t last forever, even though it seems endless when you’re dreading it. If you’re struggling with social anxiety this holiday season, working with a therapist can help. Contact our office today to make an appointment!

5 Myths to Unpack About Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

What comes to mind when you think of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)?

Many people who don’t have OCD imagine that it is a disorder that compels you to keep things neat and organized. This common misunderstanding of what OCD actually is can be traced back to the way it’s portrayed in the media, especially on TV. 

Characters on TV are often written as “a little OCD” for a laugh. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder isn’t a comedy bit, it’s a common mental health diagnosis impacting millions of people in the United States. 

What is OCD?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a disorder characterized by a person experiencing distressing, unwanted intrusive thoughts. These thoughts are unwelcome, and are often disturbing to the person experiencing them. The distress caused by these thoughts is often relieved through behaviors called compulsions, which only help temporarily. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), around 2.3% of adults in the United States will develop OCD during their lifetime. 

There are two aspects of OCD - obsessions and compulsions. 

Obsessions in OCD are the repetitive, distressing, and unwelcome thoughts and fears. Compulsions are the actions taken to help relieve the distress of obsessions. Sometimes a person with OCD will experience obsessions more strongly than compulsions or vice versa. 

Compulsions can help relieve the distress and anxiety that the person is experiencing, but usually not for long. When the distress returns, the cycle begins again. Eventually, the compulsions that are used to relieve distress become a habit, and they can often get in the way of everyday life. 

For example, someone with OCD might have repetitive, unwelcome thoughts about experiencing a break in control and hurting themselves or someone else. Unwanted thoughts like this can be very disturbing and scary. To deal with the intensely distressing emotions brought on by the thoughts of harming themselves or others, they might check repeatedly to make sure that the oven is off, or that the car is in park, or that the doors are locked, or that everyone is safe. The amount of time and energy that it takes to keep up this cycle can have a huge impact on other areas of life, like work or relationships. 

So, what isn’t OCD? Let’s unpack these common misconceptions about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder:

OCD means you clean a lot or are organized

Chances are, when you think of OCD, you think of this misconception because it’s so popular. On TV or in movies, we often see characters identify as “so OCD” because they keep things clean. Remember that OCD is a disorder, not a personality trait. People commonly mistake OCD for being neat and organized. While some people who have OCD do experience compulsions around cleanliness, many do not. 

You can be “a little OCD”

You either have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or you don’t. It’s not something you can have “a little” or only experience once in a while - it’s a serious disorder that has a major impact on people’s lives. It can be frustrating for people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder to hear people who don’t deal with the distressing aspects of OCD claim to have the disorder just because they’re a little Type-A. 

OCD is a slight inconvenience or something to laugh about 

Everyone experiences things differently, but for many folks OCD is much more than a slight inconvenience, the way it’s portrayed on TV. OCD can be extremely debilitating and impact all areas of a person's life. OCD is not something to laugh about, even though it’s commonly played for a laugh on the screen. 

Statistics from the NIMH show that 50.6% of people with OCD had serious impairment, 34.8% of adults had moderate impairment, and 14.6% had mild impairment. It’s difficult to cope with a disorder that causes so much distress, and it can be upsetting to people with OCD to constantly see their struggle downplayed. 

Stress causes OCD

Some people believe that OCD pops up in moments of stress, and goes away when your stress level goes down. In fact, OCD is present with or without stress. Eliminating stress won’t make OCD go away, if you even can eliminate stress. Being a human is inherently stressful, so it’s going to be hard to be completely stress-free at all times. Like many mental health disorders, stress can exacerbate symptoms, but that doesn’t mean that the stress itself is causing the symptoms. 

There’s nothing you can do about having OCD

Since the seriousness of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is commonly misunderstood, many people believe there’s little to nothing that you can do about having OCD. In fact, OCD is very treatable. Therapy and medication are two of the ways that OCD can be treated. The therapy approaches that counselors typically use for people dealing with OCD include: 

• Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), which helps the person confront the intrusive thoughts in a controlled environment.

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which can help you to identify negative patterns in your thinking and redirect your thoughts in more positive ways. 

Are you struggling with intrusive thoughts or other symptoms of OCD? Our clinicians at Hope+Wellness have experience supporting clients who have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Contact us today for more information or to make an appointment! 

How Routines Can Support You in Tough Times

What does your day-to-day routine look like these days? 

Developing a routine that you enjoy might seem like tired old advice, but it’s a classic for a reason. Routines really do make a difference, especially during tough times. 

Whether you’re going through a stressful time in your work or personal life, or if there’s something upsetting happening in the news, a routine can help you stay grounded and help manage stress. 

Why are routines good for mental health? 

Routine can help you feel a sense of control and give you structure during times when you feel powerless or confused. When things are unpredictable or stressful, a routine can help anchor you and give you ways to take care of yourself. 

The holiday season is a great example. During the holidays, many people have to make plans to travel or host family members; find childcare, petcare, or house sitting services; find the cash to buy gifts for your friends and family; make time for work and personal celebrations; take time off work or cover shifts for people who are taking time off; and more, on top of everything else already on their plates. That’s stressful! It can be hard to get everything done that needs to be done while still taking care of yourself. 

Part of why routines are so supportive is that they become habitual. When something is a habit, it takes less brainpower to get it done, leaving your mind free to focus on other things. That can be a big help in tough times! 

What makes up a routine?

A routine is something that you do regularly, whether it’s on a daily, weekly, monthly basis (or another timeframe entirely). For the purposes of this post, we’re focusing on daily and weekly routines, which can help you more in day-to-day life. The things you add to your routine should be things that you know you can do, which can help build confidence and support your self-esteem. 

To develop a routine that supports your mental health in tough times, you don’t need to make drastic changes. Your routine should be unique to you and your needs. Some people might prefer a routine as simple as this: 

• Take medication

• Eat 3 meals and snack in between 

• Move your body

• Do something creative

• Go to sleep around the same time every day

There are some people who like to have their days planned down to the minute, but for some people that causes more stress than it relieves. However you structure your routine, it should work for you. 

Here are 3 ways routines can help support you in tough times:

Support your overall wellbeing

Routines can help support your mental health by making sure you’re meeting your needs, like taking your medication or making sure you have enough to eat. The small daily tasks that keep us functioning well can often be some of the first things to go during times of stress, and that make stress feel even worse. 

By following a routine that works for you, you’ll be able to meet your needs without having to focus too much time and energy on them. When your basic needs are met consistently, life is a lot less overwhelming. 

Give your days structure

A lack of structure can make dealing with things like depression or anxiety even more difficult. Our brains love to focus on the negative if we give them nothing else to do. This used to be helpful, when we were scanning around for threats as hunter-gatherers, but it’s less than helpful when the focus on the negative becomes all you can think about. 

Having structure in your day to day life can help you break out of the negative thinking patterns and focus on the things that are important to you. 

Provide comfort when you’re struggling

A routine is one aspect of a support system, and it can be a valuable piece of the puzzle. When you’re struggling, a routine can help you figure out exactly how you’ll get through each day. In tough times, you’re much more likely to be closer to the edge of your window of tolerance, and it takes less to get pushed over the edge. 

A routine can give you comfort in knowing that you have a plan. When life feels like it’s out of control, going through your daily routine can help you ground yourself and regain some sense of control back, even if it’s just on a personal level. 

Developing a routine that is supportive to you can take some time to find what works best for you. Working with a therapist can provide even more support during tough times. Contact our office today to schedule an appointment.