Helpful Tools for Managing Adult ADHD

We’ve talked about ADHD a bit before on the blog; both how it presents in adult women, as well as lesser known signs of it to watch out for. So we know that ADHD can present in multiple ways, and that the experience of living with ADHD will vary from person to person. And, as we’ve said before, there is more than one type of ADHD: 

“The most well known type is hyperactive/impulsive, which includes the “classic” symptoms mentioned above. This type is more common in men. Another type of ADHD is inattentive, which is more common in women and girls. The last type is a combination of the first two types. Hyperactive/impulsive ADHD can look like fidgeting, interrupting, constantly moving, restlessness, talking a lot, mood swings, and impatience. Inattentive ADHD can look like trouble focusing, forgetting, disorganization, and lack of attention to detail. ”

When it comes to treating and coping with ADHD symptoms, it’s important to take into consideration your specific experience with ADHD. While some general tips may be helpful for a large number of people, they might not be specific to you. Don’t get discouraged if one thing doesn’t work, it might just be the wrong coping mechanism for you. 

Many of the common signs we typically associate with ADHD are ways it presents in children. They aren’t all exclusive to kids–there is overlap between how adults experience ADHD symptoms and how it shows up in kids–but it’s good to remember that it may show up differently in adult life than in childhood.

Some common signs of ADHD include: 

• Constantly fidgeting

• Talking without waiting for their turn

• Short attention span or easily distracted

• Being forgetful or misplacing things

• Interrupting

• Unable to sit still

• Constantly talking or moving around

• Seems unable to follow instructions

• Acting without thinking of consequenceSwitching from task to task frequently

Some lesser known signs which may occur more frequently in adults can include: 

• Hyper focus

• Time management difficulties 

• Emotional sensitivity

• Sleep problems

• Difficulty controlling emotions

• Low tolerance for boredom

• Impulsive shopping

So, what can you do?

The first thing is, if you believe you have ADHD, you should seek diagnosis and treatment. If you are currently working with a therapist, this would be great to bring up with them! They can help come up with a treatment plan or refer you to a psychologist who can conduct an evaluation for ADHD or a psychiatrist who can prescribe appropriate medication for you. They also would have insight on what coping strategies may benefit you the most if they already have a history of working with you. 

Working with a therapist and a psychiatrist or obtaining a ADHD evaluation can help get you a diagnosis as well as a treatment plan including medication and therapy. However, if you have already been diagnosed, and are already working with a therapist or psychiatrist to manage your ADHD, you still may need some extra support now and then. That’s where coping strategies and tools come in handy! While treatment and medication can help lessen the intensity and disruptiveness of any symptoms you may have, these tools can help you manage what does still come up for you. 

Here are tools many adults with ADHD find helpful in managing their symptoms: 

Calendar/planner: 

Having a calendar or a planner allows you to both keep track of what you have when, as well as break things down into smaller, more manageable tasks. If you need something to be physically in your line of sight in order to remember to do it, having a physical calendar or planner can be helpful. If having lots of clutter around just means you’re really good at ignoring sticky notes or reminders, a digital version that sends reminders to you automatically might be a better option! 

Pill organizer: 

Not sure if you took your medication today? Weekly pill organizers can help keep you on top of it so you make sure you take your meds every day. As long as you can remember to fill the organizer weekly (or monthly–they do make monthly versions) you will have an easy way to be sure you take your medications every day. And if you know you’ll struggle to remember to fill it, you can set  a recurring alarm on your phone or in your calendar to remind you when it’s time to refill! 

Task manager

There are a lot of task management tools out there! One may be just right for you. Consider what the hardest part of staying on top of all of your tasks is. Is it remembering what they are? A simple to do list task manager can help with that. Is it remembering all the steps you need for each? Maybe find a task manager that lets you break things down into smaller tasks. Is it remembering when things need to be done by? Find one that lets you set due dates and reminders! Or, if all of that seems to be too much, try at least organizing your tasks into to-do lists. They can help give you a clear idea of “this is what needs to be done and this is when it needs to be done by.” 

A decluttering habit

When things start to pile up, it can get overwhelming to try to deal with them. Have a filing system in place for papers so you can have some sort of decluttering routine to deal with it before it gets too overwhelming. For example, you can go through mail daily and decide what needs to be: gotten rid of, filed away, opened immediately. Then every week just file your stack of papers where they go. This sort of system helps you stay on top of what needs to be done by reducing clutter and keeps you organized proactively. 

Automatic payments

It can be hard to keep track of bills. If you’re able to do so, having automatic payments set up will take the stress of it away. Your payments will just go through every month, you’ll get a receipt emailed to you for your files, and you never wonder if you’ve paid a bill on time again.  It also helps to go paperless and reduce clutter and mail sent to you, which can help keep you organized in the long term! 

If you’re interested in an evaluation from a psychologist to determine if you have ADHD (or something else), you can get tested at Hope+Wellness. We will leave no stone unturned to look at questions you have but also questions you don’t even know you have — so that you can walk away from the evaluation with definitive answers you are seeking, along with a personalized roadmap ahead. 

7 Ways to Get To Know Yourself Better

7 Ways to Get To Know Yourself Better

When was the last time you learned something new about yourself? One of the wonderful parts of being a person is that the journey to get to know yourself is never-ending. We grow and change all the time, depending on what’s going on in the world, our relationships, and how we feel about all of it. It’s not always easy to keep up with the changes, even when they’re happening to us. 

Do you have to get to know yourself? It’s not required, but understanding yourself on a deeper level can increase your overall happiness, reduce the sense of inner conflict you feel, and help you feel more empowered. The better you know yourself, the better decisions you can make. You know what your boundaries are and what your needs are. You’ll be able to resist peer pressure or comparing yourself to others, because you’re confident that the path you’re on is right for you (and if you’re not on the right path, you’ll have a map to it when you understand yourself on a deeper level). Not only will it be easier to make decisions and exercise self-control when you get to know yourself better, but you’ll also feel more understanding toward others. 

Getting to know yourself requires self-compassion. No one wants to get closer to someone who is mean to them! When you practice being kind and compassionate toward yourself, it will be easier to apply that to others as well. Understanding yourself is the gift that keeps on giving! 

If you’re looking for ways to get to know yourself better, here are 7 ideas:

Consider your values

Have you ever explicitly thought about what you value? Not just in a partner or in a job, but in your life. It’s not something we commonly think about, so it’s okay if you’ve never considered it before! Step one to understanding yourself is to understand what is important to you. What you value is a key to what is important to you, so take some time to write down a list of values that are important to you. 

Try new things 

You never know if you’ll like something until you try! One fun way to understand yourself better is to go out of your way to try new things. Try out new hobbies or activities that sound interesting to you. See if you can find any local clubs or organizations that host events. Social media is a great place to check - often many businesses make their events public so you can easily search them and see what’s going on in your area. 

Recall what you liked as a child

What did you like when you were little? What were you instinctively drawn to? Use that as a jumping off point to get to know your adult self. What has changed since you were little? Is there anything you loved then that you don’t like now, and vice versa? If you’re stuck on new things to do or try from the last suggestion, try to use your inner child for ideas. What would little you like to do? 

Take an assessment 

A psychological assessment is a fantastic way to understand your brain on a deeper level. Psychological assessments can be done for any number of reasons, including wanting to understand yourself better. You don’t have to be concerned that you have a diagnosis, although that is another great reason to get tested. Psychological assessments can measure things like intellectual ability, academic functioning, memory and learning, language, visuo-spatial functioning, executive functioning, attention and concentration, emotional functioning, and behavioral functioning, and personality. An assessment can help provide you with a plan to guide you forward in a way that works with your strengths. 

Keep a journal

Keeping a journal is helpful for mental health in so many ways. A journal is a place where you can open up, and it can be helpful for spotting patterns in your thinking and behavior. Keep a journal for a few weeks and look back over the entries - is there anything that comes up multiple times that surprises you? Follow that thread to uncover something new about yourself. 

Learn to listen when you are communicating with yourself

There are a number of reasons why it’s tough to tune into what your mind and body are telling you. You might not be familiar with the way that your body or brain speaks to you. For example, many people have a hard time understanding their body’s hunger and fullness cues after years of restriction and dieting. When you’ve spent so long trying not to notice what your body is saying, it can be really hard to tune back in. Try to keep a note or journal entry where you notice when you are communicating with yourself. Anytime you get a gut feeling, or you hear a tiny voice in your head, try to focus on it instead of pushing it away. 

Practice mindfulness

Getting to know yourself better requires honesty and zero judgment. It’s hard to discover things about yourself if you are beating yourself up for what you find. A regular mindfulness practice can be a great way to train yourself to stop judging your thoughts. Mindfulness is all about being in the present moment, not stuck in the past or worrying about the future. There are lots of ways to practice mindfulness - you can meditate, you can journal, you can walk or dance, you can make art - anything that lets you quiet your brain down so you can simply notice what’s coming up. The trick is to just notice - not to judge or hide. Mindfulness is helpful because it can be used just about anywhere - all you need is your brain. 

If you’re getting to know yourself better, you can get an assessment at Hope+Wellness. We will leave no stone unturned to look at questions you have but also questions you don’t even know you have — so that you can walk away from the evaluation with definitive answers you are seeking, along with a personalized roadmap ahead.

3 Tips for More Effective Communication with Your Teen

What does it mean to have effective communication with your teen?

Effective communication is harder than we may think it is! It’s not how we typically learn to listen and communicate. In fact, most of us usually listen in order to respond instead of in order to really hear what the other person is saying. And while it is not usually intended to be harmful or malicious, it can cause misunderstandings, miscommunication, and feelings of being ignored, or resentment. This is especially harmful in conversation with teenagers who rely on you to be a safe space for support!

So what does effective communication look like? It looks like:

• Fully listening when they talk–not just listening to try to figure out what to say next

• Feeling as though they are fully listening to you in return

• You both feel heard and understood when you leave the conversation

• You’re able to talk about how you really feel (and they are too) 

What are the obstacles to communicating effectively with our teens?

One might be schedules! Being a parent and being a teen are both busy and full of commitments that take up your time. Whether that’s work and providing for and managing your families needs, or school and clubs and extracurricular activities and social engagements–that’s a lot of time accounted for. And, being a teenager often means having a little more freedom over where you go and how you spend your time. 

So you’ll both be busy, and they will need you a little less. These aren’t bad things, they’re a natural part of growing up, but it does mean there will be less opportunity for the two of you to connect at home, so you’ll have to be intentional about the time you do share with them. 

Another barrier to effective communication is fear on the part of the teen. This could be fear of being honest, fear that being honest will lead to being reprimanded or punished. If every time your teen opens up to you, the conversation is turned into a lecture or a punishment, they aren’t going to feel like you’re a safe person to turn to. 

Why is good communication between parents and teens so important? Here are a few ways open and healthy communication can benefit your teen:

• Modeling healthy honest communication

• Improving their self esteem

• Encouraging cooperative problem solving

So how can you improve your communication with your teenager?

Don’t try to solve their problems for them:

If you’re always jumping in and interrupting your teen while they talk to you in an attempt to solve their problem, they aren’t going to see it as helpful. More likely, they are going to see it as you not wanting to listen to everything they have to say. And, they might not want advice — they might just want someone to listen while they figure out what they want to do and to validate their feelings. We all just want to be reassured sometimes! The same is true for teenagers. While you may think you know exactly what they should do to solve their problem, remember it’s their life! If they want advice, they can ask you for it, otherwise let them make their own choices on how to handle their own problems. 

Eliminate distractions:

Show your teen that when they’re taking the time to connect with you, it matters. This means don’t be on your phone or computer or trying to multitask – give them your full undivided attention! This not only increases the effectiveness of the communication between you and them, but it also helps to teach them by example how to effectively and considerately communicate with others. And it will help to strengthen your connection because you’re actually present for the conversation!  

Ask honest (not loaded) questions:

Get curious about your teens life, but don’t ask questions just to try to figure out if they are following rules, misbehaving, interacting with people you don’t approve of, etc. If your teen feels like you’re only talking to them to snoop around for information, they won’t feel trust within your relationship, and they won’t feel comfortable opening up to you. On the flip side, if they see you are genuinely engaged and care about what’s happening in their life, they will want to share it with you. 

You also might not understand everything they’re going through or why certain things are a big deal to them. That’s okay–ask questions not to express judgement but to show curiosity. You don’t understand, but you want to. 

Do you need help strengthening your communication skills with your teen? We can help support you. Reach out today to get in touch with one of our clinicians! 

5 Ways to Cultivate Creativity

5 Ways to Cultivate Creativity

How creative are you? Creativity often brings to mind artists or musicians, but there are infinite ways to be creative. You might not consider yourself creative at all, and that’s okay. We tend to think of creativity as something that you either have or don’t, but the truth is that you can become more creative. Cultivating creativity can help boost your self-esteem, improve your work performance, and leave you feeling more fulfilled. 

Every person has the ability to be creative, but we don’t always nurture that ability. Creativity is definitely seen as important to a degree, but we also prize productivity and there’s a myth that creativity can get in the way of that. In fact, the opposite is true. Creativity can help boost productivity in and out of the workplace by helping people to thinking outside the box and problem solve in new ways. 

Even though creativity is a part of everything, some people frown on creativity or think that creating isn’t a worthwhile way to spend time. We all have responsibilities and commitments, but we also all deserve to feel joy and rest. There can be a balance between being creative and being productive, if that’s what you want. Creativity itself can also help with productivity - you can see multiple points of view and approach problems from new perspectives, which can help get things done.

If you’re interested in cultivating creativity in yourself, there are some steps you can take to encourage that! Here are our top tips to cultivate creativity: 

Be curious

One of the keys to creativity is curiosity. Creative folks ask questions. They want to know and understand more. Keep track of the things that make you curious. You can keep a list on your phone or in a journal to see what draws your attention. What are you drawn to? What do you want to know more about? If you’re still getting stuck, go back into your memories. What made you curious as a kid? What were you drawn to back then? Chances are, you still like a lot of that same stuff. See how it feels to explore it now, as an adult. 

Build your confidence

It can be hard to be creative if you don’t have confidence in yourself. Creating is vulnerable. You’re making something out of yourself, and it can be hard to feel confident in sharing that with others. Some folks feel impostor syndrome about creativity - where they feel they aren’t creative enough, they’re just pretending. If that comes up for you, building up your confidence is a helpful step. Set yourself up to succeed at something. If you’re nervous about sharing your creative side with others, pick one person close to you to talk about it with. Pick someone who is a big fan of yours and will be enthusiastic about it. Once you have one good interaction under your belt, it might be easier to talk about. 

Set up a ritual

Sometimes it’s hard to get in the habit of being creative when it’s not something you’re used to. Rituals can help you get in the right mindset to be creative so your brain knows it’s time to create. You can have a simple ritual like lighting a candle before sitting in your creative space, or you can be more involved. Find something that works for you. It can also be helpful to try to tap into your creative energy in a designated space. This isn’t to limit your ability to be creative, but to help you focus on creativity while you’re in that space. Is there a corner where you can set up a little table and keep the things that inspire you? Decorate the area with things that make you feel inspired or curious to stoke that creative fire. 

Be consistent

Another aspect of creativity is consistency. People that are creative are consistently committed to creativity. They make time for it, whether or not they feel like it, and whether or not they produce something. Creativity is like a muscle, and using it over and over will make it easier to access in the future. Set aside a regular chunk of time every week to devote yourself to being creative. You don’t have to have any goals other than have a good time. You don’t have to make anything social media worthy or perfect. Just enjoy yourself and the rest will follow.

Remember that failure is normal

Finally, it’s important to remember that failure is a part of life. It’s really hard to be creative when you’re paralyzed by the fear of failure or rejection. Creativity is about the journey, not the destination. So if you create something that doesn’t work out or doesn’t do well, that doesn’t mean it was a waste of time! At the very least, you’ve learned more about what doesn’t work and that can help you next time. If the fear of not being successful or good enough is holding you back, consider what it would feel like to live your whole life without exploring your creative side. That would probably feel pretty bad, right? If you’re still concerned about what people will think or if you’ll be judged, try to release yourself from the expectations of other people. Your job is to do what’s right for you, and you’re the expert on your own life. You get to decide what works for you! 

If you’re looking for more ways to expand your creativity, therapy can be a great place to explore it. Our clinicians can help you find ways to support your particular creative style, so get in touch today!

3 Coping Skills for Managing Depression

Are you finding your depression hard to manage?

For many people with chronic depression, the severity of that depression waxes and wanes. While there may be consistent symptoms you need to manage day to day, when you hit a severe depressive episode those symptoms can worsen and be more difficult to manage. 

And while regular therapy and medication are an excellent treatment plan for chronic depression, it can be helpful to have a few coping skills of your own to use in times like these when you need some extra care. 

If you’re unsure if what you’re experiencing is depression, here are a few signs to look out for: 

• Depressed mood

• Feeling empty or numb

• Loss of interest or pleasure things you used to like

• Fluctuations in weight

• Problems with sleep (too much or too little)

• Feeling restless 

• Feeling irritable

• Loss of energy

• Feeling worthless

• Excessive or inappropriate guilt

• Trouble focusing on tasks

• Indecisiveness

• Thoughts of self-harm or suicide 

When you’re in a deep depressive episode it can be extremely difficult to get yourself to do things. That’s why things like regular therapy and medication can be so important to the treatment of depression. They act as the foundation, to help provide you with steady support as you manage a chronic condition. 

But there are small actions we can take to help ourselves when we find ourselves in a dark place. While none of these things are magic cure alls–none of them are going to magically cure your depression overnight–they are healthy coping tools you can use to make it easier to get through those times. By utilizing them, while you may not be “solving” your depression, you will be incorporating actions that can help your energy levels, your care for yourself, and help you to not feel so overwhelmed by whatever symptoms you’re experiencing. 

Incorporate Gentle Movement:

Exercise is one of the most frequent suggestions for depression coping tools. But you don’t need to have a gym membership or even do an arduous workout in order to get the benefits that exercise provides. Instead, focus on movement that is gentle and enjoyable–or if not enjoyable then at least bearable. It shouldn’t be an activity you dread or struggle to accomplish. Keep it simple: go for a walk, play with a pet, turn some music on and dance a bit, go outside and garden, etc. 

Socialize:

When you’re feeling depressed, it can be very easy to self isolate. And that is for a lot of reasons! You might not feel like you have enough energy to see people, you might be feeling worse about yourself than usual which can make being around friends less enjoyable, your normal activities might not hold as much excitement for you, you might be feeling embarrassment or shame at your current state (as depression often leads us to struggle caring for ourselves and our hygiene). All of these things (and others) make being social while you’re depressed feel impossible and pointless. We understand! However, while getting started is difficult, allowing yourself supportive socialization can be beneficial! 

Think about it like taking a shower: It seems like a chore, and for whatever reason, motivating yourself to get into the shower is always arduous. But once you’re in there you realize you actually do feel better, getting clean and fresh! The same sort of thing can happen when socializing during a difficult time. While working up the energy and the motivation to do it can seem just about impossible, actually being around people who love and support you does make a difference. 

Add Small Amounts of  Variety and Joy into Your Life: 

Getting stuck in a rut can exacerbate the feelings that come along with a particularly bad depressive episode. But as we discussed above, motivating yourself to do anything while depressed is difficult! So here, we recommend baby steps. Just try to do one thing each day that is different to the day before. Maybe change the room you eat a meal in from day to day, or walk around your neighborhood with a different route. Even small amounts of variety can help mitigate that feeling of “same day, forever” that so often comes with depression, adding small amounts of brightness to your day. 

If you're looking for more support managing depression, our therapists are trained in modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) to help you move from feeling hopeless to feeling empowered.

5 Tips for Overcoming Perfectionism

Do you consider yourself a perfectionist? On its face, being perfect seems like kind of a great thing - you do everything right, there’s never a problem, and you’re happy as can be. In reality, though, the pressure to be perfect at everything you do can lead to an immense amount of pressure and distress. Perfectionism can be exhausting, but it’s possible to overcome it. 

It makes sense that we want things to be perfect. The world is a scary place for a lot of people, especially right now. On top of worrying about things like our job performance or our relationships, we’re also trying to deal with a multi-year global pandemic and facing a climate crisis. There is so much uncertainty in the world right now, and it can make you feel out of control. There’s not a lot you can do personally to end the pandemic (besides following local public health safety advice) or to fix the climate. You can’t control what the government does. You can’t control the weather, or the news, or institutional oppression, even though you may want to. So when it comes to things you can control, it’s easy to go a little overboard. You can control the way you perform your job. You control the way you keep your living space, what you eat, the media you consume. 

The problem is that perfect doesn’t exist. Everyone’s idea of what is perfect is different. There are always things at play that will get in the way of things being perfect. Focusing on perfectionism is actually a distraction. A really stressful, really high stakes distraction from the intense vulnerability or fear of not being in control. Even if you somehow manage to do everything in your life perfectly, you’d probably still find another reason to be disappointed in yourself, because the goalposts with perfectionism always change. Just when you think you’ve done it and become perfect, there’s something else to do. 

This cycle is so exhausting. If you’re struggling, know that there are some things you can do to let go of perfectionism. Here are 5 ways to shift your thinking and overcome perfectionism. 

Be curious about where it comes from 

There are other things that might play into perfectionism as well. If your caregivers demanded perfection from you in school and in your extracurricular activities growing up, it can be a hard habit to break. However, it can be helpful to interrogate where the urge to be perfect is coming from. What will happen if you aren’t perfect? Are you more concerned about letting others down, or yourself? Take some time to notice where the urge comes from. It might be helpful to journal about it or to take a walk and think things over. If the urge comes from something in your childhood, remind yourself that you’re an adult now and you get to make your own choices. It can be hard to feel like you’re letting others down, but it’s also painful to let yourself down. If it’s a need for control, try to see what happens when you let go of control for a few low-stakes things like tidying the house or responding to emails off-hours. 

Practice self-care

Over time, feeling intense pressure to be perfect can leave you feeling rotten. You might feel burned out, cynical, numb, exhausted, depleted, guilty, or even physically ill. Our bodies and minds need breaks regularly to function, so if you’re not making time to care for yourself, it will eventually catch up with you. Chronic stress can lead to all sorts of physical symptoms like gastrointestinal distress, heart problems, respiratory illness, fatigue, pain, and more. Taking some time to practice self-care can go a long way toward helping you feel better and preventing those physical ailments that come from stress. 

Notice the gray

Perfectionism can also be traced back to cognitive distortions like all or nothing thinking. Perfectionists tend to think in shades of black and white. You’re either perfect or you’re a failure. Instead of thinking in extremes, notice what’s in between. Instead of thinking in black and white, try to find the gray. Is it possible that more than one thing can be true at the same time? 

Focus on what’s going right

The thing about perfectionism is that nothing will ever be perfect, so being focused on perfection can leave you focused on what’s going wrong and keeping you from being perfect. Instead of letting yourself get swept up in negativity, focus on what’s going right for you. Taking some time to redirect your thoughts from negative to positive will help your brain learn how to do that on its own. With some practice, you will have to redirect your thoughts less and less because the full picture of positive and negative will be easier for you to see. 

Find joy in the process

Another aspect of perfectionism that’s tricky is focusing on the outcome. For perfectionists, it can be hard to see anything but the end result as meaningful. For example, let’s say you work hard for months on a project with the hopes of landing a promotion. When the project is over, you find out that you didn’t get the promotion. Perfectionists will see the lack of promotion as a failure, and decide that the whole process was a waste of time. People who aren’t perfectionists might have an easier time noticing all the good things that came from the project, like learning how to manage a team or expanding your skills. 

If that’s the case for you, try to notice the process of what you're doing and find positives in it, even if it seems silly at first. Most of life is a journey. There are very few points where we look around and feel that we’re at the peak. So make sure to learn how to find joy in the journey and the destination. 

If you're looking for more support overcoming perfectionism, our therapists are trained in modalities like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help you move from feeling hopeless to feeling empowered.

How to Tell Someone They've Hurt Your Feelings

We know that  honesty + communication are the foundation of good relationships–when we’re able to be honest we’re able to be our authentic selves, which only makes our relationships feel safer and more fulfilling. 

But we also know that all relationships have conflict in them (yes even if you avoid addressing it it’s still there!) Which means that there will be times when your feelings are hurt, so learning how to communicate that is crucial for any relationship, whether it’s romantic, platonic or something else. Expressing hurt feelings is scary and vulnerable, so if you struggle with it, you’re not alone. It’s hard and it takes practice to feel comfortable with it, especially if your relationships haven’t been safe places for you to express yourself in the past. 

Telling someone you’re upset by something they’ve done takes a lot of courage, so be proud of yourself for it. It can feel like a risk–like they could be mad or upset or maybe even react unpredictably. It’s important to remember that while their feelings matter, you can’t control them and it’s not your job to prevent them from experiencing unpleasant emotions. It’s only your job to be honest about how you’re feeling and stick around to work through it if that brings up unpleasant emotions. 

So how can you tell them they’ve hurt your feelings?

First give yourself time to cool off + reflect

When you’re in the heat of it, it’s easy to get caught up in anger or irritation or defensiveness and say something you don’t mean. There may even be a desire to say something mean that will hurt their feelings, just as they hurt yours. When our emotions are heightened like that, we don’t always think clearly! That’s why taking a step back to collect yourself and calm down before addressing the issue can be a good idea. Don’t ignore your hurt feelings, but take some time to sit with them alone. Think about what it was specifically that hurt your feelings and why it did so that you know what you want to talk about when you go back to address the issue. If you’re still feeling angry or upset, you can do something like writing a letter you won’t send just to get those initial feelings out. 

Let them know you want to talk

If you’ve given yourself time to cool off and prepare, it’s only fair to offer the same to the person you’re talking to. Just give them a heads up that you want to talk, rather than jumping into a heavy conversation out of nowhere. You can say something simple like, “Hey I've been thinking a lot about X and there are some things I think we need to discuss. Is Y a good time?” This gives them a chance to compose their own thoughts and helps remove the risk of catching them unaware with a surprise serious conversation at the end of a bad day. 

Focus on your feelings

While your feelings might have been hurt by their behavior, it’s more productive for the conversation if instead of focusing on where the blame goes, you focus on the result which was your hurt feelings. So instead of concentrating on what they did or said, put the emphasis on what it meant for you. For example, “hearing you say X made me feel insecure/embarrassed/etc.” This removes “blame” from the conversation and focuses it on your feelings, allowing the two of you to come together as a team to problem solve. The two of you can unpack why it was that those feelings came up for you and how to be more sensitive to them in the future. 

Do you struggle to communicate when someone has hurt your feelings? We can help support you. Reach out today to get in touch with one of our clinicians! 

How ADHD Presents In Adult Women

How ADHD Presents In Adult Women

Did you know that women experience ADHD at the same rates as men? The mainstream understanding of Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is that it makes you hyper and unable to focus. However, that’s not the only way that ADHD manifests. Part of the reason that women are underdiagnosed with ADHD is that they typically experience symptoms in a less noticeable way. We also tend to think that ADHD is only diagnosed in kids because that’s what is the most common. It’s actually possible for someone of any age to be diagnosed with ADHD. Adults, women, and minorities might not have the “classic” type of ADHD so it’s not as obvious when it comes time to diagnose what is going on. 

ADHD can present in multiple ways.

The most well known type is hyperactive/impulsive, which includes the “classic” symptoms mentioned above. This type is more common in men. Another type of ADHD is inattentive, which is more common in women and girls. The last type is a combination of the first two types. Hyperactive/impulsive ADHD can look like fidgeting, interrupting, constantly moving, restlessness, talking a lot, mood swings, and impatience. Inattentive ADHD can look like trouble focusing, forgetting, disorganization, and lack of attention to detail.  

While the underlying disorder is the same in men and women, the way symptoms present tends to be different based on gender. 

Another reason that women are underdiagnosed with ADHD is that the symptoms are explained away as personality traits instead of as symptoms. Think of the ways we describe girls: flighty, forgetful, spacey, daydreamer. These could all be a sign of ADHD, but instead these signs are often ignored or dismissed in girls and women. Sometimes women are diagnosed with anxiety or depression instead of ADHD when they reach out for help. 

So how do ADHD symptoms present in adult women?

If you’re an adult woman and you’re wondering if you have ADHD, here are some signs to look out for:

• Feeling overwhelmed by sounds and distractions, especially loud, crowded environments

• Lack of self regulation and self-management

• Being withdrawn and shy in social situations

• A cluttered home or workspace

• A disorganized at home or workspace

• Feelings of inadequacy

• Low self-esteem

• Chronic stress

• Feeling like you forgot something all the time

• Having a hard time focusing in conversations

• Excessive spending

• Feeling like a bad friend or relative

• Having a hard time relaxing

• Feeling like you aren’t living up to your potential

• Believing your life is out of control

• Feeling shame for the way you cope

Many women with ADHD feel overwhelmed.

They feel like their lives are out of control, but they have a hard time sharing that with others. Day to day tasks may seem impossible when you’re struggling with ADHD. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed constantly by your day to day life, ADHD could be the culprit. 

Sometimes women experience co-occurring disorders with ADHD, which just means that another condition is also present along with the ADHD.

Some disorders that commonly coexist in women with ADHD are:

• Substance abuse 

• Eating disorders

• Sleep disorders

• Mood disorders

• Anxiety disorders

Sometimes these disorders cause symptoms that are similar to ADHD symptoms, so it can be tricky to diagnose what’s what. As you can see in the list above, sometimes the symptoms of ADHD look like other things, like depression or anxiety. However, understanding the full picture of what’s going on is important for treatment and to start feeling better. 

The first step to feeling better is understanding what ADHD looks like in adults, especially adult women. Once you’re aware of what the signs are, you can be on the lookout for these symptoms and seek treatment when you notice them.

ADHD is very treatable, and you don’t have to be trapped in your overwhelm forever. 

If you’re interested in an evaluation from a psychologist to determine if you have ADHD (or something else), you can get tested at Hope+Wellness. We will leave no stone unturned to look at questions you have but also questions you don’t even know you have — so that you can walk away from the evaluation with definitive answers you are seeking, along with a personalized roadmap ahead. 

5 Coping Strategies to Try When You’re Feeling Anxious

Do you struggle with anxious thoughts?

Anxious thoughts can be hard to control–and when they start to spiral they only grow in their intensity which makes it even harder to pull ourselves out of that loop. We all go through times occasionally where it feels like our thoughts are running the show–like they control us instead of us just observing them–but when you live with anxiety this feeling could be happening all the time. 

So how do you manage it?

Managing anxious thoughts is hard work. It’s not going to be a simple one-size-fits-all solution. For a long term plan, talking to your therapist about treatment options, including ongoing therapy and medication, is a great idea. But anxiety doesn’t always wait until the one hour a week you’re in session. And while your therapist will definitely be able to work with you to determine what coping strategies are the most useful for you, it’s helpful to have a few already in your back pocket to try. 

It’s also important to remember that just because something works to ease one person’s anxiety, doesn’t necessarily mean it will be effective at easing yours. We are all unique, so if a recommended method doesn’t work for you, that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. It just means that there is a better, more effective way for you to manage your anxiety out there, and whichever method didn’t work just isn’t right for your specific case. 

And often, not every method will work every time. That’s why it’s helpful to have a few different ways to try pulling yourself out of those anxious thought spirals. When one doesn’t work, you can try something else instead of working harder at something that isn’t helping you. 

Here are 5 coping strategies to try when you’re feeling anxious: 

Develop a mindfulness practice

Mindfulness is a practice designed to teach us how to be in the present moment. This is great for anxiety because frequently, anxious thoughts will take you out of the present moment, and drag your thoughts through lots of hypotheticals about things you can’t control or things that may happen in the future. By practicing mindfulness, you’re practicing the skill of resisting those thought spirals in order to stay grounded in the present moment. If you’re unsure where to start, try one of these 10 mindfulness apps!

Grounding techniques: 

Grounding is a practice that is intended to allow you to connect your body back to the earth. It is similar to mindfulness, and uses many of the same skills. When you are focused on your connection to the earth (ex. how the bottoms of your feet feel resting against the ground) you are forced to stay in the present moment, just as you are with mindfulness. You can find examples of grounding techniques to try here.

Don’t take the anxious thoughts at their word: 

Your anxiety is telling you that all of those anxious thoughts running through your head are true or realistic, but stop and ask yourself: is that really the case? Ask yourself: Is this thought true? What evidence do I really have to support it? What could a different possibility be? 

Get the thoughts out: 

When we sit with our anxiety, sometimes it builds. Instead, having a healthy outlet for those thoughts can help release them, reducing their power over us and allowing us to move on instead of fixating on them. You can do this with a therapist, but a method you can use outside of session is to journal about them! Don’t worry about whether the thoughts are true or if your writing makes sense, just use the journal as a space to expel those anxious thoughts. 

Move your body: 

You might not notice your thoughts getting anxious. Instead, you might experience physical symptoms of your anxiety (sweating, headaches, stomachaches, trouble sleeping, difficulty breathing, feeling shaky, etc.) But movement is a simple, easy way to release that tension in the body. It can be as simple as jumping up and down, or turning on some music and dancing. You can find other ideas for ways to move your body to help with anxiety here. 

If you need help creating a plan for your next bout of anxiety, our clinicians can help you find one that works for you. 

4 Tips for Dealing With a Friend Breakup

4 Tips for Dealing With a Friend Breakup

Breaking up is hard. When we think of breakups, we often think of the end of a romantic relationship, but any kind of relationship can end. Ending friendships, or friend breakups, is especially hard, no matter which side of the breakup you’re on. Some people feel that breaking up with a close friend is actually worse than breaking up with a romantic partner. Either way, a breakup is a breakup, and it’s normal to feel pain and confusion after a relationship of any kind ends. The end of a friendship means the end of an era- no more trust, no more intimacy, no more fun. Coming to terms with this change can be really difficult. 

We have a lot of cultural messages telling us that friendship is supposed to be for life (“Best friends forever!”), so it can be a great source of shame to lose a friendship. Losing friends is also tough because it can majorly change your support network. When a romantic relationship ends, we usually count on the support and encouragement of our loved ones, like our friends and family. After a friend breakup, turning to that friend is no longer an option, which can be really hard to grapple with.

Why do friendships end? 

Friendships are like any kind of relationship - they are all unique. Some are situational, like when you work with someone. If you’ve ever left a job, you know that sometimes you don’t stay as close to your former coworkers as you did when you worked together. Some friendships come from being in the same school or town, and once one of you is no longer local the friendship fizzles. Some friendships fade away and some end with a disagreement or conflict. No matter how your friendship ended, it’s hard. Adjusting to the fact that you can’t rely on that person the way you once did takes work and time. It might be hard to open yourself up to a close friend for a while, and that’s okay. It’s a big adjustment, and it’s okay to follow whatever timeline you need. 

If you’re struggling with a friendship breakup, know that you’re not alone. So many people have been through this kind of pain, and whatever reaction you’re having is valid.

Here are some of our top tips for dealing with a friend breakup:

Update your social media settings

If you’ve gone through a friend breakup, you might even find it hard to deal with years after the fact. Friends are such an integral part of our lives that it can be tough to remove someone completely. You might still see old pictures of them around, you might be reminded of a trip you took or an inside joke you used to have with them. Social media websites might constantly bombard you with memories of years past, which can be really heartbreaking post-friend breakup. You can turn off that feature on many social sites, so if you’re in the midst of a friend breakup you might want to protect yourself that way. You can always revisit it once the pain isn’t as fresh. 

Focus on what you learned in the relationship 

Every relationship teaches us something. Some relationships teach us how to communicate, how to value ourselves, how to set boundaries, how to love someone, and some even teach us how relationships end. This might be hard at first, but focus on the good parts of what you learned from each other. Relationships aren’t failures because they end. All relationships end at some point, and it’s okay. Learning how to process and move forward from the end of a relationship is an important skill. 

Talk about it

One of the reasons why losing a friend is so hard is because there’s a sense of shame associated with it. When your BFF is no longer your forever friend, you might feel unworthy, rejected, or confused. This is because so many people keep their friendship breakups to themselves. It’s okay to talk about it and explore your feelings with the rest of your support network. Talking about it with a therapist can help you make sense of your emotions. When more people talk about the struggles they have with something, it can help us all feel less alone. 

Forgive yourself

In the aftermath of this relationship ending, you might be searching for reasons why. You might be blaming yourself for the things you did or didn’t do. You might be wondering what’s wrong with you. It’s okay to acknowledge that you played a role in the friendship ending. However, you don’t need to keep beating yourself up about it. You’re a human. You’re allowed to make mistakes. You’re also allowed to forgive yourself for those mistakes. That doesn’t mean you are going to do it again or that you haven’t learned. Forgiveness is a gift you can give yourself so you don’t feel the need to ruminate on what went wrong between you. Acknowledge what happened, admit you did the best you could at the time, and tell yourself “I forgive you.” 

Losing a friend so hard. If you’re dealing with the loss of a friendship that was important to you, know that there’s nothing wrong with you and you will get through this. Talking about it in therapy can help you come to terms with the loss and cope with your reaction in a more personalized way.

If you’re looking for support with the loss of a friendship, our clinicians are here for you.