6 Ways People Have Described What Depression Feels Like

Do you know what depression feels like?

If you have never experienced depression, it can be hard to understand what it is really like to experience it. When you hear the word depressed, likely you think of sorrow or grief, but that often isn’t how depression shows up for people who deal with it chronically. 

While sorrow and grief can make you feel depressed, experiencing depression is much more than just those feelings. 

So what is it really like? Here’s how depression has been described by those who experience chronic depression: 

The emotional equivalent of watching paint dry: 

Does this sound weird? Think about what comes to mind when you hear the phrase “watching paint dry.” Probably boredom, perhaps exhaustion. This is what people who experience chronic depression can feel in the midst of a depressive episode. They don’t feel sadness or grief, instead it is like feeling nothing at all. No matter the situation–whether it is a typical day or an experience that would typically cause a highly emotional reaction, when going through a depressive episode it is like an emotional switch has been flipped. Instead of responding as usual, you are just sort of floating through your day, going through the motions without emotionally connecting to what is happening around you. 

Like you’re waking up at 10%: 

Imagine going to sleep and waking up just as tired as you went to bed. This is how depression can feel. If most of us start our day at 100% energy, depression can cause that number to come crashing down. Maybe you have half the amount of energy you usually have, or maybe you only have 10%.  

Like your mind can’t focus on anything: 

Depression also frequently impacts things like concentration. When experiencing depression it can be hard for your mind to latch on to any one thing for an extended period of time. It takes too much mental and emotional energy, so instead of exerting that energy (which you don’t have) your mind just glazes over, which makes it impossible to concentrate. 

Like your mind + body are not in your control: 

You can see from the examples above how you can lose control of your mind in the midst of a depressive episode, it can affect your body just as equally. Depression causes lack of sleep which can lead to increased rates of illness, headaches, digestive problems, and other aches and pains brought on as a direct result of declining mental health. 

Like constantly losing your train of thought: 

Like we covered above, it’s hard for your mind to concentrate when you’re depressed. That can make those experiencing depression 

Emotional and physical flatness

One of the most common descriptions of depression is that it is an overall feeling of numbness, or feeling flat. You feel flat, and detached from everything around you, feeling no emotional impacts of your surroundings, situations, or experiences, and it is hard to enjoy things or people or situations that you typically enjoy

Once you know how depression can affect those who suffer from it, you can make more informed decisions on how to best support them. Check out this post for more tips on how to support a loved one dealing with depression. 

If you’re close with someone who is dealing with depression, it can be hard to know how to help. Remember to be kind and think about the other person’s needs and just hold space where you can. If you need more ideas for support in this area, our clinicians can help you come up with some. 

4 Ways to Support Someone Struggling With Infertility

Sometimes, someone we love is going through something we have no experience with, but we still want to support them. That’s part of having relationships with people, romantic or otherwise - they’re built on care and mutual support. That’s why it’s so frustrating when someone is experiencing something that we can’t really help with, like losing a loved one, the end of a partnership, or even struggling with infertility. 

We still have a lot of cultural taboos in the United States, and talking about mental health, especially when it comes to the mental health of folks who can get pregnant, is difficult for many. Part of why it’s so hard to talk about pregnancy loss and infertility is because it’s still dismissed and not talked about openly.  We also tend to think that carrying a child to term is an easy, commonplace thing, but for some people, it just isn’t possible. As a society, however, we usually expect folks struggling with infertility to keep it to themselves. If someone you know has confided in you about infertility, that is a very big deal - that means they trust you enough to react appropriately and support them. 

The reasons that people experience infertility aren’t always understood, which can make the experience even more devastating. Some of the factors thought to be involved are genetic defects, viral or bacterial infections, hormone imbalances, and autoimmune disorders. However, much of the time there isn’t an easy answer as to why the person is struggling to conceive. 

It’s natural to want to support the people you care about, so if you know someone who is struggling with infertility, you’re probably looking for a way to genuinely help. Here are some ways to support someone experiencing infertility: 

Practice holding space

A lot of times our instinct is to help and protect the people we love, especially when they’re hurting. However, sometimes the best thing you can do is just be there and hold space for the emotions they’re going through. “Holding space” means being physically, mentally, and emotionally present for someone. It means putting your focus on someone to support them as they feel their feelings instead of focusing on your own. 

Don’t ask, “Have you tried x?”

They have probably been working closely with their physician to figure this out - while asking “Have you tried X?” might seem helpful, it’s just unnecessary. Assume that they know their body and their medical history better than you. We often feel the need to throw out solutions when someone is in pain, but that probably won’t make the person feel better, only ourselves. 

Watch what you say in general

Feeling like they can’t talk about their experience with infertility can make the experience even more lonely. Some common responses to hearing about infertility are, “You can always try again,” "Whose fault is it?", "What's wrong with you?" “How are you paying for all that?" “Have you considered adoption?” “Maybe it’s not meant to be.” Most people who say these things don’t intend to be cruel, but these statements can minimize the grief and sorrow that the person is feeling. Instead of saying something just to say something, think carefully about how your words will be interpreted. 

Limit the baby talk

If you have kids or are expecting a child, it’s natural to want to talk about it. However, there are probably plenty of folks in your life who can handle these conversations - don’t push them on a friend who is dealing with infertility. Know that your friend probably doesn’t really resent you for your family, but it’s tough to talk about all the same. Try to be as kind and understanding as possible, and don’t take it personally if the other person needs some space from baby and pregnancy talk. 

If you’re close with someone who is dealing with infertility, it can be confusing to know how to help. Remember to be kind and think about the other person’s needs and just hold space where you can. If you need more ideas for support in this area, our clinicians can help you come up with some. 

Mindfulness To Help Anxiety

Do you ever feel like you are overwhelmed by all of the thoughts and feelings taking up space in your head? Most of us have days where we feel like our brains won’t knock it off, but for folks living with anxiety, this can be a constant battle. Your thoughts, feelings, worries, judgments, and decisions take up a lot of space in your brain, and it can be hard to focus on anything else sometimes. One way to give yourself a buffer between you and the noise in your head is to develop a mindfulness practice. 

You’ve probably heard of mindfulness before - we’ve talked about it on the blog a few times before, and mindfulness is kind of a buzzword right now, especially in mental health and wellness spaces. Mindfulness is a practice designed to teach us how to be in the present moment.  According to PsychCentral, the act of mindfulness is “paying attention in the present moment, on purpose, nonjudgmentally.” The two big things to remember when practicing mindfulness are awareness and acceptance. Mindfulness gives us an awareness of what’s going on in our own inner world. When practicing mindfulness, it’s also important to accept yourself. Do your best to shut down any judgment or negative self-talk when they come up, and just remember to focus on the present moment. 

Mindfulness helps to take us out of the mindset where we do things automatically or out of habit.

When you’re living with anxiety, you might feel like you don’t have enough time or emotional energy to change up your routines, but when you make time regularly to notice your surroundings, both internally and externally, you will start to notice patterns that you might not have seen before. Taking note of the patterns that come up for you in your daily life can help you make better decisions in the future, plan for tricky situations, and remind yourself that you are capable of doing difficult things. 

If you’re looking for some ways to practice mindfulness that can help you manage your anxiety, here are some tips: 

Make your space more mindful

When you have a set space to practice mindfulness, you will signal to your body and brain that it’s mindfulness time every time you sit there. You don’t need to use a whole room in your house for this, but if you have a cozy spot that you can dedicate to mindfulness, even the habit of sitting in that spot can help you get in the headspace to be present and aware of your surroundings, internally and externally. Try sitting in your favorite chair, or by a sunny window, or even in a corner of your bedroom. You can personalize the space so that it is ideal for your exact needs - have soft things to touch, smells that make you feel calm or grounded, play calming or happy music. 

Don’t go it alone

Anxiety is something we largely have to deal with on our own, but mindfulness doesn’t need to be a big secret! Try involving someone else in your mindfulness practice. This doesn’t necessarily have to be someone you sit down to practice mindfulness with, but it can be someone who holds you accountable to your goal of practicing mindfulness more often. When someone else knows that you’re working toward a goal of being more mindful, it can be really motivating. 

Morning journaling

Mindfulness isn’t just about sitting still with your eyes closed. Mindfulness can be anything that makes you feel connected to the present moment, whether that’s sitting quietly on a cushion, taking a walk through the woods, or even washing your dishes. One way to help combat the overflow of thoughts that comes with anxiety is to spend some time each morning journaling. Write down anything and everything that comes to mind, without judgment. You can set a timer and just free write until you feel more focused on the present, or you can find journal prompts to help you get there if you need a little guidance. 

Notice your breathing 

Getting out of your own head can be really tricky. Try starting with your breath. Focusing your thoughts to the present takes lots of practice, so if you can’t stop your thoughts that is okay. Do your best to move on from each thought when you notice it pop up. Try to slow down your breath and really focus on each inhale and exhale. Close your eyes if it helps! 

Mindfulness is a great tool because you can practice it anywhere- all you need is your mind. When you have anxiety, you take it with you everywhere you go, so it’s extremely valuable to have tools you can use in the moment to soothe yourself. With practice, mindfulness will become easier and you can use it anytime you need a reset to focus on the current moment. If you’re trying to figure out how mindfulness can help you manage your anxiety, our clinicians can help you come up with a mindfulness practice that works for you. 

Learning to Reparent Your Inner Child

What is your inner child?

Have you heard the term “inner child” before? Your inner child is exactly what it sounds like: it is you, the younger version of you, still inside of your mind. Imagine that as you grow, you are not outgrowing past versions of yourself, but rather growing around them. So they are still there, inside of you. 

And that means that their dreams, their needs, their fears, are also still inside you. If your needs were neglected as a child, there is still a version of you inside of who you are today, hurting from that neglect. 

The key to healing that hurt is to tap into your inner child. Become aware of that vulnerable version of yourself, learn about their hopes and dreams and fears. And then, to heal those neglected wounds, act as both child and parent within yourself. This is called reparenting your inner child.

What does it mean to reparent your inner child?

Reparenting your inner child, as we said above, is about healing past wounds that still exist within you. When your inner child feels safe and loved and listened to, you help to rewrite your own makeup. 

If growing up you didn’t feel safe and loved and listened to, then because of your inner child, there is still a part of you holding onto that fear. And that fear has likely affected your life as an adult–even though the experience was so long ago. As the adult you are now, you are able to identify what in your inner child needs healing, and then provide them with it. This is how you work as both parent and child within yourself. 

You are the child, hurting. And you are the parent, helping them heal. 

When you start building a life that makes your inner child feel safe and loved and listened to, you are able to let go of those coping mechanisms you used when you didn’t feel safe and loved and listened to. In this way, inner child work helps you reach the future you want by healing your past wounds. 

How can you take care of your inner child?

So how do you start going about inner child work? Inner child work is a long process that involves you taking intentional time to get to know yourself, examine your emotional reactions to things, and really investigate where those instincts come from. Talk therapy is one of the best ways to do this, but there are things you can do on your own to get started or to continue work done in sessions. 

These things can include: 

• Journaling: try writing a journal entry from the perspective of your inner child; write a letter from yourself to your inner child; write after a high emotion incident, and try to explore where your feelings came from; write about something that happened recently that reminded you of a time when you were a child, etc. 

• Talking it out: ask your friends if they ever feel like they are back as the childlike version of themselves, see what experiences you have in common

• Giving into playful urges: there is a pressure to be serious and mature all of the time, but if your desires as a child were neglected, giving yourself the experiences you desired as a child but weren’t allowed can be incredibly healing

• Keep a log: when you notice your inner child coming out, if you don’t want to sit down and journal or talk it out every time, just make a quick note on how they’re showing up. Then, you can look back on all the times you’ve noticed and see what they have in common, what desire or need or fear they are expressing to you.

If you need more ideas for how to go about tuning into and reparenting your inner child, or have questions about how it could help,  our clinicians can help you. 

Daily Habits to Help Manage Anxiety in a Healthy Way

People living with anxiety know that managing it is often a daily struggle. Anxiety is a complicated condition, and like many mental health disorders, it can lead to a totally new routine in order to manage it. Remember, there’s a difference between anxiety and everyday stress; they aren’t exactly the same. One definition of anxiety is that it is your body’s response to having too much stress. When we’re feeling stressed, we can usually still function, but the hallmark of anxiety is that it interferes with your everyday functioning. That’s usually how you can tell if you stress has morphed into anxiety: is it interfering with the way you live your life? It’s normal to once in a while feel nervous or worried, but you don’t need to feel that way all of the time.

Waking up with a ball of anxiety in your stomach every morning is not ideal.

It can leave you feeling like you don’t even want to get out of bed. That’s why it’s helpful to establish habits that you can use every day to carry you through on the days when your anxiety is spiraling out of control. It can be almost impossible to snap yourself out of an anxious spiral, especially without practice. That’s why it’s important to find anxiety-relieving methods that work for you and then practice them until they’re second nature to you. That way, the next time you’re feeling anxious and out of control, you have something to reach for to soothe yourself. 

Fortunately, there are lots of different ways to manage anxiety. Everyone’s anxiety is a little bit different, so if something doesn’t work for you, just move on to something else. Some of the popular ways folks manage anxiety are implementing lifestyle changes, starting therapy, or taking medication. Even though these methods can be really helpful, there is still stigma attached to mental health treatment and medication. Remember that there’s nothing wrong with taking medication to manage your anxiety. Finding ways to manage your mental health is just another facet of self-care. 

Since folks who live with anxiety have to deal with it every day, a natural starting place for anxiety relief is with your daily routine. You already have habits, whether you realize it or not: what do you do every day? The key to spotting a habit is that it happens almost automatically - you don’t even have to think about it. What habits are you currently practicing that you might not be aware of? Take a few days and just notice when you do something out of habit. 

It may also be helpful to point out that most of our habits reflect our needs, after a little digging. If you habitually scroll through Instagram for a few hours every day, you might be trying to connect with people socially, or numb yourself to the hard emotions you’re feeling. Do a little digging to find out the needs that your current habits are meeting. You might be surprised! 

Here are some daily habits that can help you manage anxiety: 

Rest

Anxiety can be a sign from your body that you need to take a break. When you push yourself too hard for too long, you can put yourself at risk for burnout, and then you won’t be able to get anything done, no matter how much you want to. It’s good to notice what anxiety feels like in your body so you can pay attention to which parts of you need extra rest or care. Start getting strict about getting the right amount of sleep - it’s wild how such a small change can have a huge impact. Our bodies and brains need rest to function, so making time to rest every single day is a good way to honor that need. 

Mindfulness

A lot of anxiety comes from worry about what’s coming. Mindfulness is a powerful tool in your anti-anxiety toolbelt because it teaches you how to be present in the moment, instead of focusing on the past or the future. Even taking five minutes every day to sit and notice your surroundings and slow your breath can have a valuable impact on your anxiety levels. 

Movement 

Movement is a great way to expend any anxious energy you may be feeling. Even if you’ve thought about exercise in terms of punishment until now, you can reframe it in your head as being for your mental health. Moving your body can go a long way toward expelling that extra anxious energy that you feel. You don’t have to do hardcore exercise to reap the benefits - making time to go for a walk a few times a week can make a real difference. 

Journaling

It’s hard to move through things when we don’t give ourselves enough time and space to process them. Journaling is a quick and cheap way to check in with yourself regularly about how you’re feeling. Journaling is helpful for managing anxiety for a couple of reasons. To start, the medium forces you to slow down. You can only write one thing at a time, so the process of journaling naturally makes you work through your thoughts one at a time. Journaling also gives you a place to explore the reasons behind your feelings instead of just feeling dread and anxiety. Journaling can help you identify patterns in your thoughts, which can help you find new ways to cope. 

Intentional Social Media Usage

It is so, so easy to get stuck looking at your phone and then realize hours later that you’ve lost all that time. Our phones were designed to be addicting, so don’t feel ashamed that you get sucked into a social media spiral. One way to combat that feeling is to be really intentional with your social media usage. Unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel badly about yourself. Follow accounts that show a diverse range of body types and that share your values. If you get a bad vibe from someone every time you look at their posts, remind yourself that you can unfollow. 

Anxiety is a little different for everyone, so if these ideas don’t help you, that’s not the end of the road. Our clinicians can help you come up with an anxiety management plan that works specifically for you. 

Racial Justice Resources

Over the last few weeks, the Black Lives Matter Movement has become hypervisible on social media. While not a new movement by any means, the exposure we have had to racial injustice in this country over the last month has drawn more attention than ever to the work–both community based and internal–that non-Black Americans have to do. 

As attention on the movement on social media begins to die down, we wanted to share a small directory of racial justice resources. Anti-racism is lifelong work that will often feel uncomfortable. But it’s important to commit to that lifetime of learning, listening, and doing better if we ever want to see real change. 

Here are some resources that can help you navigate this work: 

Books to Read:

• Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad

• How to Be an Anti Racist by Ibram X Kendi

• Are Prisons Obsolete? By Angela Davis

• The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander

• The End to Policing by Alex Vitale

Directories, Resource Documents & Syllabi:

• Dismantling Racism Resources

• Anti-Racism Resources Doc

• Ways to Help Directory

• Justice in June Lesson Plan

• Free Intro to Critical Race Course

• Anti-Racist Resource Guide

Voices to Follow and Learn From: 

• Layla F Saad

• Decolonizing Therapy

• @urdoinggreat (Gem)

• Alishia McCullough

• Monique Melton

• @mpd_150

• @decolonizemyself

• Raquel Willis

• @brandonkgood

• @officialmillennialblack

• @kinsalehues

• Annika Hansteen-Izora

• Victoria Alexander

Things to remember: 

• Lots of intellectual labor has been provided by Black folks for free. If you are using the resources they have taken the time to put together (and have the financial means yourself) look for ways they would like to be compensated. This could be a venmo/paypal link, a link to an organization they are trying to raise money for, etc. 

• Google is your friend! Jumping into this work can be confusing and overwhelming. When you come across something you don’t understand, instead of asking for free labor from BIPOC (Black Indigenous People of Color), take time to do your own research. 

• You are going to mess up. None of us are perfect–and there isn’t an expectation that we have to be. Your character and intentions will be shown through how well you respond to & listen to criticism, rather than through magically never saying the wrong thing. 

• Allyship is an action, not an identity. You can’t be an ally without practicing allyship. This means finding ways in your life that you can help. That can be protesting, signing petitions, educating family members, donating money, etc. The most important thing to remember about allyship is that it is not one and done. To be an ally you must continually practice allyship–not just go to one protest and call it a day. 

Free, Affordable or Accessible Therapy Resources for Black folks: 

• The Loveland Foundation: provides financial assistance to Black women & girls seeking therapy

• Boris Lawerence Henson Foundation: a nonprofit organization founded by Taraji P. Henson, currently offering free therapy Up to five sessions) to BIPOC who have recently experienced trauma 

• Ethel’s Club: Mental wellness community resource that offers free & subscription mental health services for BIPOC

• Black Men Heal: Pro-Bono Quality Therapy for Men of Color by Providers of Color

If you need support, or have questions about self care in tumultuous times,  our counselors can help you. 

Processing Non-Death Related Grief

What do you think of when you think of grief? Someone you loved + lost? Sadness? Heartache? Numbness? Charlie Brown? There are no wrong answers. Grief is experienced differently by everyone. 

Grief covers a wide variety of experiences, and many of us have felt grief at some point in our lives. Grief can be felt over the death of someone, the loss of a friendship or relationship, divorce, moving, switching jobs, losing your faith, the death of a pet, anticipating a future loss, and so much more. 

Some of us might assume that grief is exclusively reserved for death, but there are lots of ways grief can come up in someone’s life.  So, if grief isn’t just the sadness that you feel after experiencing the death of someone close to you, what is it? What does it mean to be grieving? 

Dictionary.com defines grief as: “something that causes keen distress or suffering.” 

This definition works, but it doesn’t really speak to the complicated nuances of grief. Grief Recovery takes it one step further in their definition of grief: “Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”

We all experience changes in our daily patterns from time to time, and it can be a really disrupting experience. Now that we understand that grief is about more than loss of life, we can recognize the emotional process we go through during periods of extreme change as grief.

When we thinking of grief, we typically think of loss of life of some kind, but grief can be felt for a variety of reasons. Some experts call this kind of grief disenfranchised grief.  Kenneth Doka coined the term, which means “Grief that persons experience when they incur a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, socially sanctioned or publicly mourned”. 

Disenfranchised grief is the grief that comes up we feel we are not able to openly acknowledge or mourn our loss. It can be extra difficult to grieve this way, because a big part of the grief process is getting support from folks in your life, and disenfranchised grief can make you feel like you’re alone. 

Here are some situations that can lead to grief:

• Moving 

• Changing schools

• Leaving a job

• Starting a new job

• Loss of faith

• Change in financial status

• Divorce

• Change in health status

• Ending a friendship

• Loss of a home

• Infertility

• Estrangement from family

Things to remember about grief: 

Loss is not a competition 

You don’t have to prove your loss to anyone or perform grief in a certain way. If anyone gives you a hard time, that’s their problem, and not yours. Your grief is personal to you, so you get to direct your process. Some types of loss are harder for people to understand, like a loss of faith. Not everyone feels the same way about faith + religion, so folks who don’t have a religious background might not understand the unique pain that comes with a loss of faith. Remember, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. 

Talk it out

Just because you feel as though you are not entitled to publicly grieve doesn’t mean that’s the case. There’s still a lot of stigma around mental health issues in this country, but don’t feel like you have to bury your feelings of grief for the comfort of other people. You can ask permission to vent or talk about sensitive subjects, but don’t feel like you can’t be open and real about your feelings just because you’re not grieving a death. 

Actively process your feelings

As with most feelings, you can’t just bury grief down and expect it to pass. Grief is going to hurt - there’s no way to avoid it.  Even though it feels impossible, it’s important to actively process your feelings when you’re grieving. There are lots of different ways to start the process of feeling your grief. Journaling, meditation, therapy, regular movement, and making art are a few places to start. 

Take your time

Grief, unfortunately, is a long process. There’s no way around the pain of grief. Ignoring the pain will just make it worse, so its important to acknowledge your feelings. The way you feel has an impact on your health, mentally and physically, so make sure you’re not burying your feelings away. You might be feeling a whole mix of emotions, like anger, sadness, disbelief, fear, relief, numbness, devastation, loneliness, and others. Let your feelings come, without judgment. 

If you’re struggling with your grief, know that it’s often a painful process and there’s no shame in asking for help. Our counselors can help you find a way to process your grief that works for you. 

How Creativity Helps Mental Health

Why is creativity important for mental health?

Creativity in any form helps us to express our feelings. Whether that’s through writing, singing, dancing, painting, sculpting, etc., creativity gives us an outlet to be freely vulnerable and authentic. 

When we don’t give ourselves space to release our feelings, they actually can do more damage to us. Bottling things up can make us anxious, tense, even physically ill. But so many of us do it because we don’t know any other way to deal with our feelings! We don’t want to overreact to something, so we push away any emotional reaction. We don’t want to seem dramatic or weak or scared, so instead of letting ourselves explore those feelings, we just lock them up and hope they don’t bother us anymore. 

Finding a creative outlet that works for you is a wonderful, healthy way to unlock those feelings and release them without creating greater conflict in our lives. And giving ourselves the space to release those feelings gives us a chance to explore them. 

Through art, music, movement, or other forms of expression we can start to unpack and understand our feelings, and what those feelings are telling us about ourselves, our needs, and our desires. 

The benefits of creativity can include: 

1. Self discovery

2. Higher self esteem

3. Lower stress levels

4. Emotional release

What gets in the way of creativity?

It can be hard to find time for creativity. 

Work/life balance is already tricky for people to prioritize and maintain, so when we start thinking about adding more into that balance we get anxious, exhausted, and reluctant. 

It’s important to remember that giving yourself space to explore your feelings and to be creative without the expectation that goes along with our work lives (productivity, perfection, etc.) can help to recharge you and actually give you more energy.

Carrying the weight of unexplored and unexpressed feelings takes both a mental and physical toll. It makes you tired, weary, unmotivated. It can make it difficult to get through seemingly easy tasks because you are so weighed down. Learning to prioritize this type of self care can help you to show up for yourself, 100%. 

Ways you can add creativity in your life:

There are endless ways for you to add creativity to your life. Which is great! But it can also make it overwhelming to figure out where to start. And it means that some things won’t work for you. You might have to try a few different outlets to figure out what you really enjoy and what benefits you the most. 

To help you, I’ve put together this list of creative outlets you can try in your own life: 

1. Journaling

2. Writing short stories

3. Drawing

4. Painting

5. Making collages

6. Singing

7. Dancing

8. Playing and instrument

9. Photography 

10. Sewing 

11. Knitting

12. Embroidery

13. Making clothing

14. Acting 

15. Learning an instrument

16. Writing music 

17. Crafting

18. Cooking

If you need more ideas for how to add creativity into your life, or have questions about how it could help,  our counselors can help you. 

20 Journal Prompts for Grief + Loss

Do you take the time to journal?

Journaling can be a very valuable practice, and best of all it’s a pretty cheap way to process your feelings. You can start a journal that’s specific to your feelings of grief, or you can keep a general journal for all of your thoughts. There are also no rules on the actual how of journaling: you can journal by hand, via an app, in a note on your phone, or wherever works for you. Your journal, however you decide to keep it, is just a private space for you to write down what you’re feeling. It can take whatever form you want it to, whether it’s exploring and releasing the emotions you’re feeling, coming up with ways to cope, or tracking the things that are making you anxious. Journaling can be a fantastic, active way to engage with our emotions without letting them overpower us, especially complex emotions like grief that we don’t always have a ton of experience with. 

Grief is something that we all experience from time to time, but it’s a hard thing to talk about. It’s also important to remember that grief can be a response to all kinds of things, not just losing someone.  While most folks are familiar with the grief associated with loss or death, there are many kinds of grief out there - you can grieve after a divorce, career change, loss of a pet, or even after a move, and that’s not a complete list.  As a matter of fact, the definition of grief is not only the reaction to loss, but it can also encompass “the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.” You can also experience anticipatory grief, which is grief caused by the anticipation of a loss. This kind of grief can be the result of losing someone after a long illness, worrying about loss as someone ages, or even after anticipating the kind of loss and destruction that a global pandemic can bring. Grief is a pretty universal experience, but everyone reacts in their own way to grief. 

Journaling can help with meaning-making during the grief process. An important task during the grieving process is to figure out what your new life looks like after experiencing loss. Using a journal to work through your thoughts and feelings can help you construct a new self-narrative. If writing about tough topics like grief and loss has you feeling emotional, that’s totally normal. In fact, crying is a natural way to relieve stress and regulate emotions - it’s a physiological function that we’re born with, so if you have the urge to cry or get upset, try to allow yourself to feel those feelings. Taking the time to journal your feelings can help you explore your internal world, express yourself in a safe, judgment-free zone, and make meaning of the situation causing you grief. 

If you’re grieving and looking to start a journal, you might be stuck on where to begin. Here are some prompts to help you get started:

• Today, I miss…

• When I feel upset, I can call…

• Today, I remembered…

• This experience has taught me…

• Do I have any regrets about this situation? 

• If I could say something to you, I would say…

• What are some ways you’ve expressed grief in the past? Did they feel helpful to you?

• What feelings am I looking forward to? What feelings do I want to leave behind? 

• Write a list of activities that you can engage in to make yourself feel better

• Do I feel comfortable asking for help? Why or why not? 

• Who is in my support system? 

• Make a list of ways you feel taken care of both by yourself and by others. 

• What’s a positive memory I have of this person or situation? 

• How did this person or experience make you feel? 

• If you are grieving the loss of a person, write down a list of things specific to them that you admired. 

• What creative ways do I use to express my feelings? If I can’t think of any, what are some I can try? 

• Make a list of a few different ways you can honor your loved one or your loss.

• When I am overcome by grief, here is a mantra or affirmation I can use to comfort myself: 

• Here are five ways I can be compassionate with myself today…

• Do I know anyone else who is grieving? How can I try to make them feel better today? 

You don’t need to write something for every one of these prompts, just pick one or two that speak to you and start there. You don’t have to write anything profound or perfect - just write what comes to you and try not to judge yourself too harshly. If a lot of complicated feelings come up while you do this, know that that’s okay. Journaling is a fantastic tool for self-reflection, but it can be an emotional process, especially when you’re journaling about something as emotionally fraught as grief, so be gentle with yourself. Remember, you’re doing this to help yourself feel better, so don’t make yourself feel worse during the process.

If you need more ideas for journaling prompts or questions to ask yourself as you go through the grieving process, our counselors can help you reflect + work through your grief in a way that works for you. 

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therapists in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

4 Ways to Add Mindfulness to Your Daily Routine

What does it mean to cultivate a mindfulness practice? 

We’ve touched on mindfulness on our blog before, specifically how mindfulness can help with stress relief. But how does one go about cultivating their own daily mindfulness practice?

If you’re totally new to mindfulness and don’t want to branch out on your own yet, a good place to start is with a mindfulness app. We’ve got a list of ten right here that can help guide you through developing your own mindfulness routine. 

But you might not want to use an app. Part of the reason people love mindfulness so much, is that it helps them to be in the present moment without extraneous distractions. And if you find yourself clicking back and forth between different apps mindlessly every time you pick up your phone, a mindfulness app might not be the best way to go about creating your mindfulness practice! 

So how can you get started on your own mindfulness?

There is no one right way to be mindful, or to practice mindfulness. You don’t need a specially designated mindfulness or meditation space. The most important thing in mindfulness is the switch from your doing mode to you being mode, whatever that looks like in your life. 

Switching over to your being mode is all about tuning into your different senses and engaging with the present moment. To do this, ask yourself questions like: 

• What sounds am I hearing? Where are they coming from?

• What can I smell? Where is that smell coming from? What does that smell make me think of?

• What is around me? How is my body interacting with my environment? 

• What can I see around me? What have I been overlooking?

• How does my body feel? Am I sore, tired, aching? Do my limbs feel heavy? In noticing this, do I now want to stretch?

• Where is my attention going? Am I staying in the present moment, or are my thoughts wandering? Why might I be having trouble keeping my attention at the present?

You can use these questions to get you started at any point in your day. If you’re looking for more structure in your mindfulness routine consider: 

Setting your alarm for five minutes earlier than you normally wake up: 

You don’t need to spend a lot of time on mindfulness. Like most self care, mindfulness is more about the quality of your practice than the quantity. Giving yourself five extra minutes at the beginning of the day is a perfect way to ease into mindfulness. You don’t even need to get out of bed to do it! Take those five minutes to lay awake in bed, engaging with your senses, asking yourself those mindfulness questions. 

Add mindfulness into mindless tasks: 

What do you normally think about when brushing your teeth? Or washing your dishes? We do these things on autopilot, so your mind probably wanders out of habit. Find these small mindless moments throughout the day, and see if you can refocus. Use them as opportunities in your regular routine to add a bit of mindfulness. What does your toothpaste smell like? How do the bristles feel on your teeth? How does your arm feel brushing? What do you hear while brushing your teeth? Or how does the soap and water feel on your skin while you wash your dishes? 

Enriching an activity you already enjoy:

What’s something you like to do every day? Do you love cooking? Going for a walk after work? Pick one of these things you enjoy, and try to do them mindfully. Put your phone away or turn it off so you aren’t tempted to get distracted. When your mind wanders, be gentle with yourself, and redirect your attention back to what you’re doing. If you’re cooking: what are you smelling? What are you hearing? What do the smells, tastes, sounds, sights, make you feel? If you’re on a walk: what’s happening around you? Is it windy? Can you hear neighborhood pets or kids playing? Is the traffic loud?  What colors are you seeing? 

Adding mindfulness to your bedtime routine: 

Just as with your morning routine, adding in a few minutes of mindfulness can be a great way to end your day. When you’re all ready for bed, find a comfortable position and sit for a few minutes. How are you feeling? What feelings has the day left in you? Focus on your breath, breathing in and out slowly. Not only can this help you focus on mindfulness, but it can also help you relax, which is perfect to help you ease into restful sleep. 

If you're looking for support as you develop a mindfulness practice, or if you're not sure where to begin, contact us today for help!

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counseling in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!