How Grounding Techniques Can Help With Anxiety

If you’ve dealt with anxiety before, you know that it can be hard to get out of the cycle of panic on your own. When you’re in the midst of an anxious spiral, it can be almost impossible to snap yourself out of it, especially if you haven’t practiced. Anxiety is a complicated condition, but luckily there are ways to prepare yourself for your next bout of anxiety. One of the most popular ways to help manage panic or distressing thoughts is by grounding yourself. 

What is grounding?

Grounding is a practice that allows you to connect back to your body and the earth. Grounding is a great option when you want to feel more stable and relaxed. Taking the time to focus on your connection to your body and the earth can help you approach things from a place of stability, rather than panic. 

Grounding is kind of like taking a deep breath and resetting when your emotions are heightened. It allows you to take a break from the mass of thoughts and worries in your head and instead focus on being present in your body. Using a grounding technique can help break the cycle of anxious thoughts and return you to the present moment.

The techniques used in grounding aren’t limited to just anxiety relief. They can be helpful for folks dealing with PTSD, frequent bouts of dissociation, feeling the urge to self-harm, and for folks struggling with substance use. Since the point of grounding is to bring you back to the present, instead of getting lost in your thoughts and feelings, it can be a valuable way to calm yourself down quickly in any situation. 

What are some ways to practice grounding yourself? 

There are a lot of ways to ground yourself, and you don’t have to try them all. You might go through the list and try a few out and find one that works really well for you, or you might use a different technique every time. Here are some of our favorite grounding techniques to try when you feel anxious:

The 5-4-3-2-1 Method.

This method uses the senses to ground yourself. Find five things you can see, then four things you can feel, then three things you can hear, then two things you can smell, and finally, one thing you can taste. Make sure to say each thing out loud to yourself. 

Carry a grounding object.

You might find it helpful to bring a grounding object with you when you’re out and about. The object can be whatever you want it to be (rocks, soft fabrics, photographs, marbles, trinkets, crystals, etc.), just make sure it’s easy to grab when you feel your anxiety kicking up. Focus entirely on your object, using your hands to touch it and taking note of anything you feel with your body.

Make a hot beverage.

Focusing fully on the process, make a warm beverage for yourself, like coffee, tea, or hot chocolate. Carefully follow each step of the process. Take note of what your body feels during the process - use your senses as a guide. 

Use water.

Try putting your hands in water. Switch up the temperature and notice how that feels on your skin. How does the water feel on your fingers? On your palms? Does it feel the same everywhere, or does it feel different depending on the part of your hand that’s submerged?

Return to your breath.

There’s a reason why people say “take a deep breath!” when you’re worked up over something - it is a quick way to help you calm your body + brain down. Close your eyes and follow the count of your breath. Try inhaling for longer than you exhale, and vice versa. Notice what it feels like to change up the rhythm of your breath. 

Picture a stream.

Imagine that your brain is a river and your thoughts are leaves on the top of the water, floating past. For every new thought you have, picture placing it on a leaf and watching it float right on past. This is a great reminder that thoughts naturally come and go, and we don’t have to fixate on them. 

Wiggle your feet.

Sometimes you might not want to draw tons of attention to yourself when you’re trying to ground yourself. A fairly private way to ground yourself in a public place is to focus on your feet in your shoes. Wiggle your toes in your shoes, tense up your foot and then allow it to relax, stretch a little. How do your feet feel in your shoes? 

Get moving.

A great way to distract yourself is to use some of that anxious energy by moving your body. Movement doesn’t have to mean punishing your body for the way it looks, it’s just another tool in your mental toolkit to help yourself feel better. Explore ways of movement that feel good to you. If you have a hard time coming up with something, think back to the ways you liked to move as a child. Did you dance a lot? Jump rope? Hula hoop? Play a sport? See if there’s a way you can reincorporate that activity into your adult life. 

The Grounding Chair technique.

Sit straight up in your seat, with your feet on the ground and your hands on your knees. Start with some deep breaths, then take note of how your body feels in the chair. What does it feel like where your body is touching your seat? What material is the chair made of? Imagine the energy in your body moving through your body back into the earth. As you imagine the energy moving, relax your muscles and take note of how that feels. 

Observe your surroundings.

Whether you’re inside or outside, actively take a look at your surroundings. Are you warm or cold? Are you in nature? What can you see or hear? Describe your surroundings with tons of detail to yourself. 

Having a plan for when anxiety kicks up can go a long way toward making you feel better. Try out a few of these grounding techniques and see which ones work best for you. Then you have something to turn to when you’re feeling anxious and lost and are having a hard time calming yourself down. Make sure to practice these techniques when you’re feeling safe and your anxiety is low, so you can focus on mastering the techniques instead of calming your anxiety until you get the hang of it. If you need help creating a plan for your next bout of anxiety, our clinicians can help you find one that works for you. 

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counseling in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

6 Journaling Prompts to Help You Examine Your Relationships

It is a strange and scary time right now. 

With the spread of COVID-19 many of us are worried for our own health, worried for the health of loved ones, and we’re all facing a huge shift in our daily lives. Whether it’s due to increased professional stress (both increased work for essential workers, and loss of work for non-essential folks), health stress, or personal stress from self-quarantining–we’re all facing big life changes now. 

And while it can definitely be frightening and overwhelming, this can also be a time to do some self reflection. Taking care of ourselves is more important now than ever, and that includes our mental and social wellbeing. 

Along with making sure we’re giving ourselves lots of good foods, rest, and following social distancing guidelines, we should make time to check in with the status and health of our various relationships. 

It might seem odd–since social distancing is restricting our capabilities to be social in many ways (though not completely!)–to focus on relationships right now. But the distancing can actually help to provide us with new, useful and interesting insights to our own needs. 

Often we take our social lives and relationships for granted, and this new space and distance between all of us can help to shed some light on what types of relationships bring us comfort, which relationships are reciprocal, which are fulfilling–and which are not. 

That’s why today I’ve put together a list of journaling prompts for you to use to examine your relationships while in self-quarantine. 

Prompt: “I feel most seen + loved when…”

Knowing what makes us feel loved the most is the first step in cultivating relationships that provide those things. When we explore what makes us feel seen, known, and loved, we are giving ourselves permission to acknowledge our own needs. And then, with that acknowledgement, and the knowledge of what makes us feel the most loved, we can then share that information with our loved ones. Even if it feels silly (ex.: “I like it when you text me X times a day”) it’s important to recognize and share what makes you feel loved! Knowing and sharing your favorite ways to be loved gives the people in your life (friends, family, partners) the opportunity to express their love for you in a way that will mean the most to you. 

Prompt: “My relationships provide….”

This is a good prompt to examine the overall health of your relationships. Take a look at the significant relationships in your life (partners, close friends, etc.) What do those relationships provide? Is it support? Love? Advice? Joy? If you can’t figure out what positive things are being provided within your relationships, it may be time to examine whether that relationship has run its course. If a friendship only provides you and the friend a space to come together and gossip or talk negatively about yourselves and others, it may be time to let the friendship go. 

It also helps to examine what it is you actually want your relationships to provide. What are the needs you can meet on your own, and what are the needs you need help from others meeting? Use this as a guiding principle when forming new or evaluating existing relationships.

Prompt: “Conversations with [name] make me feel…”

Think about the most significant relationships in your life currently. Are they providing what you need? Do they make you feel supported? Imagine you just had dinner with them. What are you feeling after that dinner? Refreshed? Happy? Supported? Or are you drained? Frustrated? Tense? Taking time to examine the feelings we get after interacting with the different people in our lives helps us to determine which relationships in our lives are healthy, and which are not. 

Prompt: “I feel drained in relationships that…”

What is it that drains you in a relationship? Think back to a relationship (romantic or platonic) that has left you feeling burned out or drained. What was it about that relationship that made you feel that way? Were boundaries crossed or ignored? Was there constant negative talk? Did you feel like you couldn’t be your true self?

Prompt: “I feel tense when thinking about my relationship with….”

Is there a relationship in your life that needs your attention? Identifying which relationships leave you feeling tense can help you work out exactly what it is that makes you feel tense within those relationships. And knowing what triggers that feeling in your relationships helps inform you what you should be looking out for when forming new relationships–and what to address with those people who do leave you feeling drained. 

Prompt: “I feel relieved & supported when thinking about my relationship with…”

On the flip side of the last prompt, it’s equally important to learn which relationships make us feel our best. It can help teach you which “green flags” to look out for when making new relationships, and which needs to express in other relationships that may need some attention. 

Prompt: “I feel like the best version of myself with…” or “I’m comfortable being vulnerable with…”

What are the conditions within relationships that allow you to feel comfortable being your truest, or best self? What conditions allow you to feel comfortable being vulnerable? Feeling comfortable being vulnerable is a major part of healthy relationships, so figuring out exactly what helps you to feel like that will help you replicate that in other relationships, and will let you know what to look out for (and what to avoid) as you form new relationships. 

You may have noticed that many of these journal prompts, while about relationship reflection, actually took the form of self reflection. That’s because, in order to thrive in relationships, we first need to learn about ourselves. When we know our needs, wants, and deal breakers, we are able to show up 100% in our relationships. And when we are able to show up fully, we are able to make the most of the relationships in our lives. 

If you need some extra support in figuring out how to start your journey of self care and self reflection, we can help. Contact us today! 

therapists in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

5 Ways to Show Some Self-Compassion

Are you nice to yourself? 

You may not know how to answer this question, and that’s okay. The idea of being nice to ourselves, also known as showing self-compassion, can be a tricky one to wrap your head around. After all - you are intimately familiar with all of your flaws and shortcomings, so how can you be nice + compassionate to yourself? 

What does being self-compassionate even mean?Self-compassion is basically how kind you are to yourself. When you're compassionate with others, you are probably caring, free of judgment, kind and gentle, right? Instead of (or in addition to) turning that toward others, self-compassion is about giving yourself that same gift. 

For the most part, being nice to yourself can look like taking care of your mental, emotional, and physical needs and being gentle and understanding with yourself. It can also look like asking for help when you need it, saying no when you need to, and continuing to learn new things. 

When things are going well for you, you might not even really notice your inner critic, or you might notice it and not think it’s too big of a problem. However, when things get tough (say, in the middle of a global pandemic where every hour brings new, confusing information), having a buffer between you and your inner critic can be the difference between feeling rotten and feeling okay. You can't pour from an empty cup, and especially in times like these, it's important for everyone to do their part to help everyone else. If you identify as someone who is a caretaker, you might feel resistance to the idea of taking care of yourself. Remember that caring about yourself makes it seem authentic when you care about others. You can start helping others by being kind to yourself. 

Self-compassion doesn't mean that you always need to feel great about yourself. It simply means that you don't fall apart when you don't feel great about yourself. Even when you're struggling, self-compassion lets you forgive yourself for struggling, understand that you're doing your best, and move on. So, here are 5 ways you can start to  cultivate self-compassion in your day to day life: 

Treat yourself like you're your best friend (or your younger self)

You might have a hard time being nice to yourself, but how about your best friend? Think about your inner critic, and the messages you tell yourself all the time. Would you talk to your best friend that way? Of course not! So don’t talk to yourself that way, either. If you don’t want to picture talking to your best friend, another option is to picture your younger self (any age you want, but 5-10 is a good range to start with). Would you be mean to little you? Or would you find a way to express yourself more kindly? 

Remember that everyone's thinking about you a lot less than you assume

This isn’t meant to make you feel bad, but you probably think about yourself more than anyone else does. After all, you’re stuck with yourself for your whole life! If you’re critical to yourself because of how you think others see you, remind yourself that everyone is probably thinking about you a lot less than you assume. Instead of making you feel unimportant, this can make you feel more confident in yourself moving in the world. 

Don’t believe everything you think

Just because you have thoughts doesn't mean they're true. When you notice a mean thought 

about yourself come through your mind, you can take a moment, notice it, and say to yourself 

"I'm so glad that's not true!" or "What a mean thought! I know that's not the truth, though," and move on with your day instead of getting caught up in a negative thought spiral. 

Feel your feelings

You don't have to pretend to stay strong all of the time - being compassionate toward yourself means that you won't judge whatever reaction you have. if you need to cry, scream, sleep, laugh, or do something else, that’s perfectly fine. Instead of avoiding your feelings or pretending they’re not there, lean into your feelings and be compassionate toward yourself for having them. 

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is a powerful tool to retrain your brain. With regular mindfulness practice, you can learn to judge yourself less. Instead of focusing on worries for the future, or regrets from the past, focus on only the present moment. Tune in with how you feel mentally, physically, and spiritually. Learn how your brain works when you are intentional with your thoughts. 

Even if you don’t feel like it, you deserve to feel self-compassion. If you need help bringing more self-compassion into your life, our therapists can help. Get in touch today!

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therapists in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

Why Conflict In Your Relationship Can Be A Good Thing

How do you handle conflict with your partner? 

Every relationship deals with conflict at some point or another. Both parties might not always be aware of the conflict, but conflict is there all the same. It seems wild that conflict can actually have a positive effect on a relationship, but in truth, conflict is an opportunity.  

Have you ever been upset with someone, and kept it to yourself, for whatever reason? It probably makes sense in your head - getting your feelings out in the open might hurt the other person’s feelings, leading to a conflict that you don’t feel emotionally or physically prepared for. Avoiding conflict then seems to make sense. Instead of rocking the boat and saying how you really feel, you can just keep it all inside and hope it goes away. 

That doesn’t sound like a great plan, does it? Avoiding conflict by burying your feelings isn’t actually helpful long term. Constantly swallowing your feelings for the sake of the other person is a recipe for resentment after a while. Resentment is really an emotional distance between you and your partner, so avoiding conflict for the sake of the relationship is counterintuitive, anyway. The tradeoff is basically this: have an awkward, uncomfortable, probably emotional conversation or keep it to yourself and create distance in the relationship. It’s up to you to decide if the relationship is worth the conflict to you. 

Sometimes, the conflict won’t be worth it. There’s the old saying about knowing when to pick your battles, and it applies to relationships, too. Not everything is worth an argument, but make sure you’re choosing to avoid an argument for the right reasons, instead of just to avoid the conflict. 

Conflict is inevitable, and it doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, conflict can just be a sign that there is a need for more communication. Here are some of the reasons why conflict is actually a good thing in relationships: 

Conflict leads to change

Instead of framing conflict as a fight with your partner, think about it as a tool to facilitate change in your relationship. Nothing can stay the same forever, and when you and your partner butt heads, it’s probably a sign that something needs to change. It’s a great opportunity to open up the lines of communication and see what can be improved. 

 Conflict can let you feel closer to your partner

Instead of a “me versus you” mentality, think about it as “us versus the problem”. It can feel really liberating to communicate freely with your partner, even when you know it might lead to conflict, especially if you know that conflict isn’t the end of a relationship. When you feel seen and heard by your partner, you may start to feel closer to them. 

Get to know your partner better 

One key to successful conflict is empathy. If you can empathize with your partner and try to see where they’re coming from, it might be easier to see why they do and say the things they do. Conflict also lets you see if you and your partner draw the same conclusions about a situation. Remember, just because you think it or feel it, doesn’t mean it’s true.  You might think you know the root cause of their behavior, but the truth might surprise you. 

Conflict tells us what’s really important to us

What gets you upset? That’s a quick way to figure out what’s important to you. You’ll probably have to do some self-reflection on this, but when you are in conflict with someone, try to get to the root cause. Are you mad that your partner bailed on your plans? Or are you worried they don’t value spending time with you? See if you can investigate your feelings to find out what the cause of your upset is.  

Conflict lets you practice communication

One thing that is pretty universal is that we’re not as good at communicating as we think we are. A lot of times, we expect people to read our minds somehow instead of being up front about what we need. When you experience conflict with a partner, it’s a chance to level up your communication. You can figure out how to make each other feel seen, how to apologize to and comfort one another, and you can figure out the nuances of each communication style. Once you figure out how to effectively communicate with your partner, you will probably feel safer talking to them about serious or emotional topics. 

Are you ready to experience successful conflict with your partner? Get in touch with us today to find support as you and your partner go on this journey together. 

therapists in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

4 Tips to Help You Cultivate Optimism

What does it mean to be optimistic?

Being optimistic is being able to find a positive outlook–even in negative situations. 

Did you just roll your eyes a bit? It can be hard to commit to optimism. The world today is filled with natural disasters, poverty, war, and various political and social crises. It can be hard to balance all of that news–news that we now get at the speed of light thanks to social media–and still remain optimistic. And that’s not even considering the events of your daily life. 

But, as far fetched as it might seem, being optimistic can not only allow you to enjoy your day to day life more, through finding those silver linings, but it can also: 

• Boost your physical health

• Boost your emotional health

• Facilitate greater achievements

• Decrease stress

• And even increase longevity 

What makes up an optimistic mindset?

Is it just ignoring bad things when they happen? Is it ignoring the bad feelings we get? Or pretending that things are great when they’re not?

Nope. 

Optimists aren’t in denial. They don’t ignore when negative things happen, nor do they refuse to let themselves feel any sort of negative or uncomfortable emotion. The difference between optimists and pessimists, is that when such a negative event occurs, optimists allow themselves to see both the negatives and the positives. 

Let’s say you’re going up for a new job. 

A pessimist might think, “What’s the point? Nothing good ever happens to me anyway.” Then, if they don’t get the job, that thinking would just be reaffirmed. They would see the negative outcome as an inevitability, and a pattern they can’t escape, rather than a one time instance. 

An optimist on the other hand, might think, “What’s the worst the could happen? I might as well try.” And then, if they didn’t get the job, instead of thinking “See? Trying is pointless.” they might think something like, “That stinks, but this must not be the right fit for me. Let’s see what I can use from the experience going forward for the next thing I try.” 

See the difference? 

It’s not denying the unfortunate event or ignoring the feelings of disappointment. Optimism in this case is seeing that not getting that job is an isolated incident, and one that can be reflected on and learned from. 

So, how can you shift your thinking?

It would be great if you could just say, “Okay! I’m going to be an optimist now!” Unfortunately, as is the case with any shift in mindset, it’s going to take a bit more work than that. Below are 4 things you can do to start reflecting on and shifting your own mindset to a more optimistic one: 

1). Examine where you find happiness: 

One reason pessimists are pessimistic is because happiness for them is attached to some external source, rather than an innate sense inside of them. They will be happy if they have the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect partner, the perfect social life, etc. The pressure for perfection leads to stress, can exacerbate anxiety and depression, and completely hinders their capacity for happiness when things aren’t perfect. 

Instead, learning to be happy as you are–and seeing those other things as wonderful, happy bonuses–can stop the catastrophizing thinking that comes with negative events (not getting a job, a break up, etc.) 

2). Practice Kindness:

It’s been shown that being kind or helpful to others can actually improve your mood. But kindness doesn’t have to be reserved to just acts of charity, it can also be about questioning your perspective. Kindness can be just imagining that everyone is trying their best, at any given time. We all have bad days. Keeping that in mind can help you offer more compassion and kindness to everyone you interact with. If someone isn’t friendly or accommodating to you, maybe it’s not because they are rude or hate you. Maybe it’s because they are having a terrible day. 

When you allow this room for compassion for others, you are also able to start to judge yourself less harshly. And, when things do go “wrong” it gives you a new perspective. Maybe the person hanging up abruptly actually had nothing to do with you. De-centering yourself like that can help to remind you that there are things outside of your control and that all you can do is make the best of the situation you’re in. 

3). Take time to notice what affects your mood: 

Are there things that make you feel happier and more optimistic? Add more of those into your life. Are there things that drag your mood down, and make you more pessimistic? Consider how to limit those things, if not remove them from your routine completely. 

For example: are you overwhelmed by negative sentiments as soon as you log into Twitter? Maybe it’s time to cut down the list of people you’re following. Narrow it down to people who post things that don’t sour your outlook or make you feel bad. 

4). Keep a gratitude journal: 

It can be easy to overlook all the things we love about our lives. Many of the things we’re grateful for go ignored and unacknowledged until we lose them. 

Instead, take a few minutes each day and make a list of the things that happened that day that you’re grateful for. It doesn’t have to be anything big, it can be as simple as “someone held a door open for me while my hands were full” or “my coworker said I was doing a great job.”

Learning to recognize and appreciate all of those small, positive things in a day can help shift your mindset. Once you start noticing them you won’t be able to stop–and soon your outlook will be vastly more positive than it was before! 

Optimism, like many mindset shifts, is a fake-it-til-you-make-it kind of deal. Even if you don’t think those tips will work, pretend you do! Try it for a day, a week, a month. See what happens when you allow yourself to focus on the positive–even if it feels fake at first. If you need support in shifting your mindset to a more optimistic one, our counselors can guide you through the process. 

therapists in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

How to Craft a Joyful Daily Routine

Are you intentional with your daily routine? Or do you find yourself just going through the motions?

When a routine feels like drudgery, instead of something you’re excited about, it can feel as though joyful moments are few and far between in your daily life. The key is working in new joyful moments into your day, either by altering your current routine, or creating a new one altogether. 

First: What Brings Joy into Your Life? 

Take a few moments to reflect on your typical day. What parts of your day do you enjoy the most? Is it enjoying a hot cup of coffee in the morning? Is it calling a friend on your commute home from work? 

Make a list of these moments. If you can’t think of them now, keep a notepad with you, or start a note on your phone to keep track of them as they happen throughout the day. 

When you have your list of things that bring joy into your day, make not of how frequently you do those things. Rate it on a scale of one to three:

• 1: rarely do you do this

• 2: you do this somewhat regularly

• 3: you do this all the time

Take a look at the things you’ve given a one or a two. Do you not do them often because they don’t improve your mood that much, or have you just not found a way to work them into your day more regularly? 

Write out how you usually spend your time each day. It doesn’t have to be super detailed, but give yourself a general outline of what goes on. Where can you add in those 1’s or 2’s? Can you shift your routine around to make more room for them? 

For example, if your favorite part of the morning is sitting and reading with a fresh cup of coffee, consider giving yourself more time to do it! Can you alter your nighttime routine to include setting your coffee maker to brew automatically in the morning, or shower at night to free up time in the morning? Maybe set your clothes out the night before so you don’t have to take time away from your morning routine figuring out what to wear. 

When you’ve found what parts of your day make you the happiest, try combining them with parts of your routine you don’t enjoy. 

For example, a friend struggled to motivate herself to maintain her morning and night hygiene routine. Getting up, brushing her teeth, washing her face, etc. It just wasn’t fun for her! So she didn’t like doing it, which made those two parts of her days seem like a burden. 

What she did love was setting aside time to listen to her favorite music, and playing with her cat. So, in order to make her routine more joyful, she combined all three! Now, when she needs to get that hygiene routine going, she puts on her favorite album. She gives herself a few minutes to sit and enjoy it (or dance around) before migrating into the bathroom while it continues to play on. And when she brushes her teeth, she plays with her cat’s laser pointer. So while she’s doing something boring, that she disliked before, she’s able to enjoy it! 

Finally, consider what is missing from your routine. 

Once you’ve identified your favorite parts of your day (and hopefully found ways to brighten up your least favorite parts) consider: is your daily routine missing something? 

Ask yourself “What sorts of things do I enjoy doing when I have free time?” 

Maybe you like trying new restaurants. Or patronizing local coffee shops. Maybe you like to learn or craft, or are a film buff. Think of your hobbies. Make a list similar to the first one, where you rank these hobbies on a scale of one to three, using the same scale.

Now, how can you add them into your routine? 

You might not be able to add in everything you want to, but you can probably make some small adjustments! If you love being outside and going to local coffee shops, find one nearby. Choose one day a week to walk there and have your morning coffee routine take place there. 

If you like to learn, think about what subjects interest you most. Even if you’re busy you can find ways to add some learning into your day. Maybe there’s a podcast on the subject you can listen to while you commute, or shower or cook. 

Or, leave some space, either in your daily routine or at least once a week, where nothing is structured or scheduled. Use that time to follow your whims and passions. What can you do during that time to bring yourself some more joy? 

Crafting a joyful routine is all about small, intentional decision making.

 Rather than just trying to get through the day and achieve as much as you can, try to shift your mindset. Think instead, what will make me feel most fulfilled at the end of this day? What will leave me feeling joyful and excited to start again tomorrow? 

Crafting a joyful routine is a wonderful act of self care. If you need help figuring out how to add more joy into your daily routine, our therapists can help. Get in touch today!

therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

Feeling Stuck? Try These 6 Things

Have you ever felt like no matter what you do, you can’t move forward? There are all kinds of reasons that you might be feeling stuck in life, whether it be in your romantic relationships, your career, your platonic relationships, or any other area of your life. When you feel stuck, you feel like you can't move forward in any way, no matter what you try. Some people feel stuck in a relationship that’s no longer serving them. Some people feel stuck in a job that doesn’t suit their talents or their passion. Others might feel stuck in their own negative thoughts. Many creative folks have periods where they’re stuck and can’t come up with any new work or anything they’re proud of.  Any way you slice it, we’ve all felt stuck over something at one time or another. 

When you feel stuck, it can seem like an endless cycle. It can feel like you’re moving in circles or even backward, instead of toward the goal you’re working for. Being stuck can make you feel burned out, less confident, and desperate to make something work. Not exactly ideal conditions to make changes in your life, right? 

However, to get out of the cycle of stuck-ness, change has to happen somewhere. When you’re frustrated and overwhelmed, it can be hard to think of the next move to make. Instead of suffering from decision paralysis, try one of these options to see if they help you move forward: 

Don't keep doing the same thing

First of all, if nothing you’re doing is working, cut it out! You are not serving yourself by continuing on with a plan that’s going nowhere. You don’t need to prove anything by continuing on the path you’ve started down. If something doesn’t work for you, you’re allowed to try something else! Giving up on your initial plan might feel like a kind of failure, but you’re really just learning how to adapt to the situation you’re in. That’s a valuable skill.

Assess how you got here

You don’t want to try to move forward and end up in the same place again. To do that, though, you need to get tough with yourself: how did this situation happen in the first place? Reflect on the decisions you made and the actions you took that led to feel stuck. In order to learn from our missteps, we need to understand them. This step is hard, but it’s crucial to make sure you don’t end up stuck in the same cycle again. 

Change your perspective 

Can you look at your situation in a different way? Sometimes, getting someone else's opinion on things can help you see things in a new light. It’s valuable to get someone else’s opinion because we all have different ways of looking at the world. Maybe a friend or loved one (or therapist!) can help you see things from a new angle or come up with some new solutions to try. It can also be refreshing to get your feelings off your chest and open up to someone. At the very least, even if they can’t help you solve your problem, they can be a source of emotional comfort and support when you feel stuck. 

Take a break

Sometimes, you just need to recharge and try again later. It’s okay to stop trying for a bit and come back to the problem later. You don’t have to constantly make yourself miserable over being stuck. You’re allowed to take time to yourself. Rest is something that many of us don’t get enough of, so feeling stuck could be your body’s way of telling you to take a break. You might also find that stepping away from the problem can clear your mind and help you come at it with fresh eyes when you’re ready to deal with it again. 

Be gentle with yourself

Who's putting the pressure on you? Is it you, or is it someone else? Or maybe both? You don't have to be perfect. In fact, you can't be. When you're struggling, beating yourself up about it only does one thing: it makes you feel worse. Instead, be kind to yourself. You’re doing your best. If you have a hard time being gentle with yourself, pretend you’re talking to your best friend. How would you help them with this? 

Remind yourself that you have options when you feel stuck

Remember: you always have options, even when you feel backed into a corner and like you have nothing you can do. You probably even have more options than you think you do. If you’re having a hard time seeing what options you have, talking to a therapist might be a great next step! Therapists have a unique perspective and can help you work through issues you’re stuck on. Reach out to us today so we can help get you unstuck! 

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therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

How to Figure Out What You Want in a Partner

From the outside, it seems as if dating today should be easier than ever. 

With various apps and online dating services, you don’t even have to leave your couch to meet someone new! But while that can be a great thing (for busy people, people who’ve just moved to town, those just starting to get comfortable putting themselves out there, etc) it also creates its own very specific set of dating difficulties. 

While on the one hand they are convenient and easy and somewhat more comfortable than going out to meet people, dating apps can also get us stuck in this online shopping mindset. You’re browsing and you see something you think you might like, but you’re not super sure, so you pop it in your cart to decide on it later. Dating apps can be a little like that. Where instead of using them as a quick and easy introduction to people you really think you’ll click with, you start collecting matches even if you know they aren’t right for you. And there are a lot of reasons people do this, but the big two seem to be: 

1. You’re not sure what you want! It seems easier at the time to collect a bunch of “maybes” and see if any of them work out. 

2. It feels like validation. It’s nice to get that notification that says you have a new match. It’s nice to feel desired, even if there isn’t any true potential there. 

But collecting these maybes doesn’t actually get you closer to finding a genuine connection that is right for you. Instead, it gets you stuck in a cycle where you’re swiping mindlessly, just looking for the relief of that “it’s a match!” notification. 

And mindless dating won’t actually help you address your needs. 

You might be lonely, and feel that any sort of dating is better than none at all. But when you have those incompatible connections with people, your loneliness isn’t actually being addressed. It’s more like you’ve thrown a bandaid over an open wound. You don’t have to think about it for a while, but as soon as the bandaid wears out, you’re right back to where you started. 

(Of course dating isn’t the only way to manage loneliness–and often it’s better to try to meet that need with something other than dating as well. Finding fulfillment on your own by taking a class, joining a club, getting involved in your community, etc. can help you feel less lonely and “desperate” when entering the dating scene.) 

A key part of dating mindfully is knowing what you’re looking for in a partner. 

Easier said than done. In fact, it takes a lot of work to figure out what your needs are, what needs can reasonably be met by a partner, and exactly how to look for the right people to meet those needs. 

So how can you start figuring out what you’re looking for in a partner?

Self reflection: 

This one will probably be the most uncomfortable of the tips, which is why I’m starting with it. When you’re trying to work out what you want and need in a partner, think back to relationships that haven’t worked out in the past. These don’t even have to be romantic relationships, they can be friendships too. Ask yourself: why didn’t the relationship work? Which of our qualities were incompatible? Did our values clash? Was there a warning sign regarding our clashing values or incompatible qualities that I can now see in hindsight? 

Be truthful but gentle with yourself. The purpose of this exercise is not to punish you for relationships that haven’t worked out–everyone has relationships that end! And it’s not to make a list of all the things you “did wrong.” It’s simply an exercise you can use to look back and reflect, and take the useful information you get from it and move forward.

Decide on your deal breakers: 

(And don’t ignore them!) Are politics important to you? Do you only want to date someone interested in marriage? Are you only interested in monogamy? (Or, are you only interested in dating someone who is okay with non-monogamy?) 

Figure out what your personal relationship deal breakers are, and keep them in mind as you start dating. Then, when you come across them, even though it might feel disappointing, remind yourself that taking care of your own needs needs to be your priority, and move along. Chances are if the person isn’t right for you, then you aren’t right for them, and it’s better to part anyway. 

Fantasize a bit: 

Imagine yourself in a relationship: what needs is that relationship filling? Determine what it is a relationship will (ideally) be providing for you, and only date people whose relationship goals align with that. Think of how you want your partner to make you feel: write a list! And refer back to it as you date. Are you getting these feelings? Or are you waiting around until maybe it gets better?

Settle it with a few lists: 

It might seem oddly formal for something like dating, but taking the time to journal and write out these dating lists can be really helpful. Not only can it help you explore yourself and your needs, but it can help keep you on track as you search for fulfilling connections. Make one for non-negotiables (dealbreakers) one “nice to haves” (things you want in a partner, but are flexible from person to person), and one for shared values you want to see in your relationship. 

These exercises are all great, but should be paired with a more mindful style of dating. What does that mean? 

It means: accepting that not everyone has what you want or need (and that you won’t have what everyone else wants or needs all the time too.) It can feel discouraging, but recognizing when someone isn’t right for you isn’t a rejection. It’s accepting that your needs and values just aren’t compatible. Give yourself that acceptance and give yourself permission to move on. You won’t get what you want from a partner by trying to force it onto someone who isn’t what you’re looking for in the first place. 

It also means being clear and intentional as you go about dating. So, on dating apps, be honest about what you’re looking for! (Keep in mind, your profile should say more about you and what you’re looking for, and not be a checklist for potential partners to go through and see if they fit. You aren’t ordering a custom made partner.) Highlight the values you’re looking for, the type of relationship you see yourself happiest in, and the people who’s vision match with yours will fall into place. 

therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a therapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionate care to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

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How to Cope With Losing Relationships as a Result of Your Chronic Illness

Many people don’t understand what it’s like to be seriously ill. People often also don’t know what to do when someone is sick. If you’ve ever dealt with a loss in your life you might be familiar with this. Some people don’t know what to say or do, so instead of saying the ‘wrong’ thing, they disappear until the crisis is over. It’s not a nice thing to do, certainly, but it is a human reaction to discomfort. Unfortunately, for folks living with chronic illness, this experience is all too familiar. With chronic illness however, there is no end in sight, and because of that some relationships just don’t survive. 

What is chronic illness in the first place? 

According to the Centers for Disease Control & Prevention (CDC), “Chronic diseases are defined broadly as conditions that last 1 year or more and require ongoing medical attention or limit activities of daily living or both. Chronic diseases such as heart disease, cancer, and diabetes are the leading causes of death and disability in the United States.”

What’s important to remember is that this is NOT your fault. Your illness doesn’t make you any less worthy of friendship and support in your life. A chronic illness diagnosis can bring up a lot of different feelings at once: worry, shame, relief, fear, exhaustion, and confusion are just a few. It’s hard enough to wrap your head around your diagnosis and how that will change your life without blaming yourself for your illness. 

The sad truth is, most people don’t know what it’s like to live with a chronic illness. Even though it shouldn’t fall on the ill person to explain things, you may find yourself going over the details over your illness repeatedly to clear up the confusion. That alone can be exhausting. Some people also don’t understand how isolating illness can be. Even though it’s not okay to treat people differently after their diagnosis, it’s a common response. However, there are ways to deal with changing relationships as a result of your chronic illness. 

Set boundaries

Boundaries are basically when you tell people what you expect from them. When you talk to someone about your illness and their response to it, go into the conversation with a few boundaries in mind. Let them know what you expect of them in this situation since as we mentioned above, most people have no idea what to do when someone is seriously ill. You can make it clear that you expect them to visit you regularly, that you’d like regular time to spend together, that you are available or unavailable to talk about your illness and anything else that will help you feel supported. Sometimes people just need direction and they can adjust their behavior accordingly. 

Speak up

When someone hurts you, tell them. Most people don’t understand how their actions look or feel to others. Maybe your friend didn’t know what to say, so instead of saying the wrong thing, they figured they’d get out of your way until they knew. If this (or something like it) happens in your life, call it out! Sometimes being reminded of the way our actions impact others can be enough of a wake-up call to act differently. If you bring up your concerns and feelings

Write them a letter

Even if you never send it, it can be really cathartic to write a letter to someone who has hurt you. You can process your feelings, go over what you’d like to say, and set the record straight to the best of your ability. You can send it or not, but sometimes just the act of writing down your feelings can be eye-opening. 

Learn about grief

Grief isn’t just for death. You can grieve any type of loss - including the loss of the life you had before your diagnosis. When you lose friendships as a result of your illness, you also experience grief. Grief is universal - at some point, everyone will feel it. Do some reading about grief to familiarize yourself with the grieving process so you know what to expect. Remember to be gentle with yourself and that there’s no wrong way to grieve. 

A chronic illness diagnosis can be totally life changing, and not just from a medical perspective. Since chronic illness is longer term than acute illness, it tends to ripple out and effect even more of people’s everyday lives, including their relationships. If you find your relationships changing as a result of your chronic illness, remember to be gentle with yourself - none of this is your fault. If you need more support in coping with these changing relationships, our therapists at Hope+Wellness can help.  

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therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a psychotherapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionatecare to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

Well Rounded Wellness: Exploring the Health Benefits of Spirituality

What is well-rounded wellness?

We’ve talked a bit before about the link between physical and mental wellness. And research is now showing that there is a significant mind-body connection; meaning our mental health can influence our physical health, and vice versa. 

So we know that health isn’t just one or the other. It’s not physical or mental, it’s a combination of caring for all of the different aspects of ourselves. But within this mind body connection, there’s another aspect often left out of the conversation: spiritual wellness. 

This aspect of wellness asks us to address our beliefs, our values, and our connection to the world we live in. It is often linked very directly with our mental health; spirituality can help with feelings of anxiety, depression, stress, listlessness, lack of purpose, etc. And in being so linked with our mental health, we see that a well rounded sense of wellness has to include the whole picture: mind, body, and soul. 

What is Spirituality?

For some, spirituality might be religion. Whether Judaism, Catholicsm, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Sihkism, etc, religion, no matter the denomination, is an expression of spirituality. 

But spirituality doesn’t have to be expressed through an organized religion. 

At its core, spirituality is about connecting with your world. It’s about finding your values, and finding ways to live your life with them in mind. It’s about finding your purpose, your connection to others, your connection to the world around you. Spirituality, whatever form it shows up in, is how we make sense of the time we’re given in this world. 

What is spiritual wellness?

Spiritual wellness is just like any other type of wellness: recognizing and meeting needs. The variance lies in what those needs are. You might need a structured religion, a holy text. Or you might need something more fluid, a spiritual connection to the earth or your own intuition. 

Spiritual wellness just means that you are asking yourself the question “What does it mean for me to be spiritually fulfilled?” and then doing your best to incorporate practices that help you achieve that fulfilment. Those practices might include things like: 

• Meditation

• Prayer

• Yoga 

• Community gatherings

• Volunteer work

• Journaling

When finding what feels right for you, please remember to be culturally sensitive. While mental & physical health do benefit greatly from spiritual exploration, it’s important to remember that while some spiritual practices are meant to be shared, others are intended as a sacred part of a closed culture. Please do your research if you are exploring spirituality or religion outside of what you are familiar with. 

How does spirituality improve our overall wellness?

There are many ways spirituality helps our overall wellness. A few include: 

Improved Sleep

Because most religions have some sort of mindfulness practice (prayer, meditation, yoga), the health benefits of mindfulness are also true of the health benefits of spirituality! And research has found that those with a steady mindfulness practice get better, more restful sleep than those without. 

Boosted Physical Health 

Spiritual practices not only help our mental and emotional health, but our physical health as well. Having those steady practices helps give us a regular mindfulness routine which not only improves the quality of our sleep, but has also been shown to lower blood pressure, and strengthen our immune system. 

Improved relationships

Spirituality often centers on the idea of connection, and often requires (or benefits from) some sort of community involvement. And when we are committed to a community, that means we are attuning ourselves to be mindful of others wants and needs, as well as strengthening our own skills in communication–simply through practice! And these skills aren’t restricted just to your own spiritual community. They become habit, and make it easier for you to handle conflict and communication with other people in your life. 

Decreased symptoms of anxiety and depression

When you explore and commit to your own spirituality, you feel a stronger sense of connection. To yourself, your friends and loved ones, your community, your environment, etc. This feeling of connection helps to lower the risk of depression. And spiritual practices like meditation, prayer, and yoga help to increase our mindfulness, and in doing so decrease our stress and anxiety levels. 

Improved coping skills

When difficult life events occur (sudden illness, relationship trouble, death of a loved one, etc.) spirituality helps to give us a guidebook on how to manage what seems unmanagable. Take, for example, the death of a loved one. While traditions vary across religions and spirituality, the thing that links them all is that there is some sort of tradition or ritual that accompanies grief and loss. This can help facilitate the grieving process. Rather than pushing those difficult emotions to the side and ignoring them, spiritual or religious traditions help us to face them. And the traditions or rituals that go along with those occurrences helps us to feel like we are in control of our own grieving, or emotional journey. Without these traditions it would be much more difficult to grapple with uncomfortable emotions (like grief) and the feeling of being untethered and out of control would just make things worse. 

Incorporating spirituality into your life is a great way to round out your wellness practice. Keeping a holistic view of wellness (mind, body and soul) reminds you to take stock of your needs, and find enjoyable ways for you to fill them, without sacrificing your health in other areas.  And, in fact, can help you to improve both your mental and physical health! 

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therapist in falls church, mclean, tysons corner, merrifield, arlington and vienna, va

Hope+Wellness is a psychotherapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide compassionatecare to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!