What Parents Should Know About Teen Depression: A Compassionate Guide for Supporting Your Teen

Knowing that your teen is depressed can be scary as a parent. 

It can feel like it goes against everything you labor for as a parent to see them struggle to get out of bed, or lose interest in their hobbies, or pull away from their friends. You’re watching them lose sleep, watching their grades drop, and you want to help but you don’t know how. 

It’s a hard place to be, and the first thing to know is that you’re not alone. This is something lots of other parents have to manage, and while it can feel overwhelming, there are things you can do to help. Try to remind yourself that depression is treatable, so your teen won’t have to feel trapped in these feelings forever. 

First, how do you know when it’s time to be concerned?

Sometimes, regular parts of being a teenager can be difficult for parents because it’s such a drastic change from what they’re used to. Teens pulling away, sharing less of their interests with their parents, and spending more time privately is not uncommon for most teens. Their gaining more independence and developing a stronger sense of self, so they don’t need their parents in the same way they did as a small child.

So how do you know when they’re pulling away from you to explore their independence, and when they’re pulling away from everything because they’re depressed?

Unpredictable moods that seem to emotionally impact them as well: 

It’s easy to feel like teens are having mood swings when they get annoyed with us as parents, but feeling annoyed with their parents now and again isn’t itself a sign of concern. If your teen seems to be overwhelmed by their own feelings, like they can’t control them and it’s creating distress for them, that’s a sign for concern.  

Changes in sleep:

It’s normal for teens to need a lot of sleep, so sleeping in a lot probably isn’t a sign of concern–especially considering how early teens have to wake up for school, and how much mental and physical energy is taken up by school and extracurriculars, it makes sense they’re making the most of their weekends as time to sleep in. But have their sleep patterns changed dramatically? Are they having trouble getting to sleep, or staying asleep? Are they more than tired–do they seem groggy or fatigued even hours after they’ve woken up? Do they seem tired all the time, but are also unable to sleep? Fatigue and sleep difficulty can be symptoms of something larger. 

Drop in academic performance: 

While it may not necessarily indicate that your teen is depressed, if they’ve typically had a steady academic performance and are suddenly struggling or their grades are high one day and low the next, that indicates that something is preventing them from being able to function at their typical level. Are they struggling with a teacher or a subject? Is something happening at school that’s making them unable to focus on their schoolwork? Whether it’s because they’re struggling with feelings of depression, or another reason, unpredictable changes in academic performance can signal they need support somewhere. 

How to help: 

Remember, while what you’re going through is frightening and difficult, so is what your teen is going through. They might be confused and overwhelmed, and even feel hopeless. They may not know how to explain what’s happening to them, and it might be hard for them to admit that they need help. Your teen might be thinking things like “I have no reason to feel this way,” or “my parents are going to be so upset with me for all the schoolwork I’ve missed,” or “no one else is struggling like this, I’m such a failure.”

Internalizing these feelings of shame and fear can make it hard for them to reach out, which is why they may not ask you for help directly. That’s why it’s important for parents to be proactive in noticing these signs and offering support in ways that feel safe and affirming for their teen. Here are some gentle methods to supporting your teen through this: 

When you start to talk about what they’re going through, keep the conversation focused on their experience: 

Instead of making the conversation about how much you’re worried about them, let them know you’ve noticed they haven’t been themselves lately. Let them know you want to be there to help them feel safe and supported as they figure out what they need to get back to a place they feel good in. Make space to listen to them and what they’re experiencing, and let them know that while all the burdens they’re shouldering right now are hard, there are ways to get treatment so they won’t feel that weight forever. 

It may feel challenging to support your teen when you feel frustrated and afraid for the way their depression has been affecting them. However, your support is invaluable. Try not to be judgmental or critical, but to remain calm and compassionate.

Remember you’re there to support their needs, not fix their problems: 

It may feel passive to listen and support. As a parent, you can see what they need to do and all you may want to do is problem solve and resolve their issues for them. It is natural to feel this way. However, increasing your control over their behavior and problem solving for them can come across as judgmental, controlling, or invalidating. Your teen will need to learn how to manage their feelings and problem solve on their own. Your guidance, relationship, and support are essential during this time.

Acknowledge when they do something supportive for themselves, not just what you’re concerned about: 

Depression can result from a lack of positive experience in the environment. With the pressures of high school and college admissions, this can particularly be the case. Try to notice when your teen is engaging in healthy, positive behaviors such as spending time with friends, or going on a walk to relax and unwind. Spend quality time with them and encourage them to engage in activities that will improve their activity and functioning, such as taking a run, walking the dog, spending time with friends, engaging in a hobby. 

Encourage these opportunities without criticism or judgment. It’s understandable that your teen may be doing less of these activities, as that is a sign of depression. Gently let them know you understand, validating their feelings, while encouraging them to continue engaging in life’s activities.

Getting Your Teen the Help They Need

Try to learn more about the signs and symptoms of depression. Speak with other parents and connect with resources available to you. This can help with understanding how best to support your teen, particularly if you have not experienced depression yourself. Some helpful resources include:

• Child Mind Institute - Childhood and Teen Depression

• Parent’s Guide to Teen Depression

• Mayo Clinic - Teen Depression

• Trevor Project: a crisis intervention service for LGBTQIA+ youth.

Therapy can be a great source of support and treatment for depression. In therapy, your teen will have a safe place where they can work through their feelings and learn skills that have been found helpful and effective in managing depression. Many studies in particular, have found cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) for the treatment of depression. The journey may be difficult, but with love and care, your teen can find their way back to a steadier, happier self.

Our team of therapists at Hope+Wellness can help your teen navigate life with depression, and support them as they find ways to thrive. Whether you’d prefer a virtual appointment or to come into one of our offices in Northern Virginia or D.C., our clinicians have experience supporting college students during this time of change and growth. Contact us today to get started. 

What to Do When Life Feels Meaningless

Life is often challenging, and there are times where you might feel like life has no meaning. 

When life feels meaningless, it can be scary. You might feel like there is something wrong with you for feeling like you aren’t sure what it all means. You might wish you could go back to how things were before you started questioning everything. 

It’s normal to have questions about what your purpose is to wonder about greater meaning. We all go through times where we question if we’re on the right path or where we come to a realization or go through an experience that changes our worldview. 

Why does life feel meaningless?

The feeling that life is meaningless can develop from many things. Sometimes, a sense that life is meaningless can be accompanied by other signs of depression or other mood disorders, like feeling hopeless, sad, or disinterested in things you used to enjoy. A therapist or your primary care doctor can help you assess whether you’re dealing with something more serious, like a mood disorder. 

Questioning meaning in your life can also come from: 

• Feeling unfulfilled at work and in life

• Wondering if anything you do makes a difference

• Is there something else? 

• Going through stressful experiences 

• Struggling to figure out what it is you want 

Life means something different to everyone, so when life feels meaningless, everyone will require something different. Only you have your unique combination of experience, perspective, values, and temperament, and so rediscovering meaning when life feels meaningless will take some exploring. 

What can you do when life feels meaningless? Remember, you’re not alone, and you won’t feel this way forever. Here are 6 suggestions for what you can do when life feels meaningless: 

Reconsider what makes a good life 

There are times in life where your worldview shifts and you question what you previously believed. Often, we feel a lot of pressure to have a perfect life, and feeling like you can’t measure up can make it harder to feel like you have a purpose. 

Sometimes, reconsidering what it is that makes a good life can be a helpful exercise. What is actually important to you, and not just what you think others want to hear? What would make you feel happy and fulfilled? Where are the small places that you find joy in your day to day life, and how can you expand those moments of joy? It might take a while for you to come up with an answer that feels right for you, but don't be afraid to explore what a good life means to you.

Get to know yourself better

We all grow and change over time, and it can be surprising to realize that you don’t really know yourself that well. It can be helpful to really consider who you are from time to time, so you can feel more comfortable in your skin and confident in who you are. 

Getting to know yourself won’t happen overnight, but start with curiosity and compassion. Try writing in a journal or starting a mindfulness practice to help you connect with yourself on a regular basis. 

Determine your values 

One way to work your way back toward meaning in your life is to determine what your values are. When you know what is important to you on a fundamental level, it can be easier to make decisions and answer questions about life. 

For example, if you know that community is an important value of yours, you can take small steps to strengthen your community, like reaching out to loved ones to connect or attending local events to meet new people. 

Work on self compassion

It takes a lot of effort to be nice to yourself, but it’s important. There is enough negativity in the world that you’ll have to deal with, and you don’t need to add to it. Whenever you’re going through something hard, be as nice to yourself as you can possibly be. 

Sometimes feeling like life is meaningless can be compounded by not being kind to yourself and leave you even more distressed. Whenever you notice you’re being unkind to yourself, take a pause and a few deep breaths, and try to respond to yourself like you’d respond to a friend. 

Connect with something bigger than yourself 

One of the beautiful things about being a human is that we have the ability to connect with something bigger than ourselves. We can experience awe and joy and wonder, and making those a priority can help you to rediscover meaning when life feels meaningless. 

Some people connect deeply with things like nature, hobbies, religion, art, music, activism. Try to think of things in your past that have inspired awe or wonder for you. What about those experiences can you replicate? 

Work with a professional

Existential questions like “What is the meaning of all of this?” and “What is my purpose?” are difficult to answer. Working with a trained therapist can help you explore what is meaningful to you and empower you to find answers while offering support and expertise.  

Therapy can help you learn more about current patterns in your thinking that contribute to your distress and find ways to shift them into more supportive patterns. Many people find that working with a therapist helps them find a greater sense of peace and purpose. 

If you’re interested in working with one of our Washington, DC, Northern Virginia, or Maryland therapists, get in touch with our office today to set up an appointment. 

How to Motivate Yourself to Do Boring Life Tasks

Do you struggle to motivate yourself to do boring life tasks?

We know that self care is not the commercialized version we so often see. (That’s often actually a form of self soothing; providing ourselves with something nice to ease the discomfort or distress of a situation. We talk about the difference between the two a little bit here.)

But, essentially, self care is about developing a life and forming habits that take care of your physical, mental, and emotional needs. 

Which isn’t always as fun as the bubble bath, treat-yourself version of “self care” that we sometimes think of! 

In fact, many ways in which we care for ourselves are very boring chores, such as: 

• Making a grocery list of foods that fill you and make you feel good (physically and emotionally–emotionally nourishing foods are also important, there should be joy in the task of eating too!) 

• Refilling prescriptions

• Remembering to take medicine 

• Making doctors appointments when something is wrong

• Cleaning your home; making sure your space is tidy enough not to inhibit your daily life or get you sick 

• Prioritizing time with people who make you happy and leave you feeling rejuvenated 

• Finding a method/system for remembering appointments

Some of those are more fun than others–seeing our friends for example, isn’t a very hard one to motivate ourselves to do. Making doctors appointments and cleaning our house, however, isn’t really all that fun! Tasks like those, which are important to a healthy, happy, and well rested life, often go neglected because it really is just so hard to find the motivation to do those things–especially when we’re living in a world prone to burning us out already. 

And we’re now also facing the obstacles that come with the winter season. Many of us struggle even more this time of year due to the short, darker, colder days. We’re getting less sunlight and our brain is producing more melatonin because of that, which means we’re more likely to be tired all the time! 

So how can you motivate yourself to do boring self care tasks?

Stop all or nothing thinking: 

Is there a pile of dishes sitting in your sink? Maybe it’s been there for days and it just keeps getting bigger? And now, the bigger it is, the more daunting the task seems? Stop telling yourself you need to do it all at one time. Life is rarely all or nothing. 50% is pretty much always better than 0%! Tell yourself you’ll just start those annoying tasks (dishes, laundry, grocery prep, etc.) and after ten minutes or so, if you want to stop, you’re allowed to. 

Getting started is often the hardest part, especially when the task itself is so massive it feels like even if you start you’ll never finish.  When you tell yourself “I don’t have to finish the dishes, I just have to start them” you’re easing that pressure. Chances are? You’ll realize doing the dishes isn’t actually that bad and you’ll just finish them. And if not? Then some of your dishes are clean now when they weren’t before! 

Select part of the day to be “productive”

You’re not going to want to spend the whole day on boring tasks. If it’s hard to even get yourself started, you’ll never want to dedicate a whole day to it!  Instead, find ways to split the day into productive and non-productive chunks. Give yourself a starting time (“I’ll take a look at my to do list and decide what’s realistic to get done today at 1pm”) or a cut off time (“I’ll try to get what I can done before 3pm, but after that I’m going to rest.”)

Have a “life admin” buddy

Can you coordinate with a friend who might also struggle to get some boring self care done? Maybe the two of you can have cleaning dates where you help each other clean each other’s homes, or meal prep days where you cook or grocery shop together. You could start a monthly “tradition” of getting together to go through your calendars for the month and make sure all your appointments are in there with reminders and any info you’ll need for them. While the tasks themselves might not be fun, having a friend there can add in some joy (maybe even get you looking forward to it!) or just assure you that you’re not the only one who needs a little extra help with these “life admin” tasks sometimes. 

Give yourself a reward

There’s nothing wrong with making boring tasks more appealing with a treat! Maybe when you go grocery shopping, you could stop by the bakery section and pick yourself up a fresh baked treat as a reward for getting groceries. Another idea could be to make plans with friends after appointments you don’t enjoy (see a friend for lunch after a doctor’s appointment, etc) to make them more appealing! While you might not enjoy actually going to the doctor, making it a “rule” that you get something fun in return can help make it a more positive experience overall–and might help you to stop putting it off. 

If you're looking for more support, our therapists are trained in modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) to help you move from feeling hopeless to feeling empowered.

3 Coping Skills for Managing Depression

Are you finding your depression hard to manage?

For many people with chronic depression, the severity of that depression waxes and wanes. While there may be consistent symptoms you need to manage day to day, when you hit a severe depressive episode those symptoms can worsen and be more difficult to manage. 

And while regular therapy and medication are an excellent treatment plan for chronic depression, it can be helpful to have a few coping skills of your own to use in times like these when you need some extra care. 

If you’re unsure if what you’re experiencing is depression, here are a few signs to look out for: 

• Depressed mood

• Feeling empty or numb

• Loss of interest or pleasure things you used to like

• Fluctuations in weight

• Problems with sleep (too much or too little)

• Feeling restless 

• Feeling irritable

• Loss of energy

• Feeling worthless

• Excessive or inappropriate guilt

• Trouble focusing on tasks

• Indecisiveness

• Thoughts of self-harm or suicide 

When you’re in a deep depressive episode it can be extremely difficult to get yourself to do things. That’s why things like regular therapy and medication can be so important to the treatment of depression. They act as the foundation, to help provide you with steady support as you manage a chronic condition. 

But there are small actions we can take to help ourselves when we find ourselves in a dark place. While none of these things are magic cure alls–none of them are going to magically cure your depression overnight–they are healthy coping tools you can use to make it easier to get through those times. By utilizing them, while you may not be “solving” your depression, you will be incorporating actions that can help your energy levels, your care for yourself, and help you to not feel so overwhelmed by whatever symptoms you’re experiencing. 

Incorporate Gentle Movement:

Exercise is one of the most frequent suggestions for depression coping tools. But you don’t need to have a gym membership or even do an arduous workout in order to get the benefits that exercise provides. Instead, focus on movement that is gentle and enjoyable–or if not enjoyable then at least bearable. It shouldn’t be an activity you dread or struggle to accomplish. Keep it simple: go for a walk, play with a pet, turn some music on and dance a bit, go outside and garden, etc. 

Socialize:

When you’re feeling depressed, it can be very easy to self isolate. And that is for a lot of reasons! You might not feel like you have enough energy to see people, you might be feeling worse about yourself than usual which can make being around friends less enjoyable, your normal activities might not hold as much excitement for you, you might be feeling embarrassment or shame at your current state (as depression often leads us to struggle caring for ourselves and our hygiene). All of these things (and others) make being social while you’re depressed feel impossible and pointless. We understand! However, while getting started is difficult, allowing yourself supportive socialization can be beneficial! 

Think about it like taking a shower: It seems like a chore, and for whatever reason, motivating yourself to get into the shower is always arduous. But once you’re in there you realize you actually do feel better, getting clean and fresh! The same sort of thing can happen when socializing during a difficult time. While working up the energy and the motivation to do it can seem just about impossible, actually being around people who love and support you does make a difference. 

Add Small Amounts of  Variety and Joy into Your Life: 

Getting stuck in a rut can exacerbate the feelings that come along with a particularly bad depressive episode. But as we discussed above, motivating yourself to do anything while depressed is difficult! So here, we recommend baby steps. Just try to do one thing each day that is different to the day before. Maybe change the room you eat a meal in from day to day, or walk around your neighborhood with a different route. Even small amounts of variety can help mitigate that feeling of “same day, forever” that so often comes with depression, adding small amounts of brightness to your day. 

If you're looking for more support managing depression, our therapists are trained in modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) to help you move from feeling hopeless to feeling empowered.

4 Signs That Your Funk Could Be the Result of Depression

We all have times where we don’t feel like our normal selves. As humans, we’re capable of feeling many different emotions, and it’s perfectly normal to feel many of them regularly, including sadness. However, there is a difference between just having “the blues” and being clinically depressed. A lot of people are used to feeling like they’re in a funk, so they don’t think anything can be done to help. Depression is a very treatable illness, but it can only be treated if people seek help.

Here are some common signs of depression to keep an eye out for: 

• Depressed mood

• Feeling empty or numb

• Loss of interest or pleasure things you used to like

• Fluctuations in weight

• Problems with sleep (too much or too little)

• Feeling restless 

• Feeling irritable

• Loss of energy

• Feeling worthless

• Excessive or inappropriate guilt

• Trouble focusing on tasks

• Indecisiveness

• Thoughts of self-harm or suicide 

A lot of these can also be symptoms of other issues, so it can be tricky to suss out what’s a regular funk and what’s clinically concerning. Many of us have probably felt all of these at some point or another over the last year of the pandemic. If you’re in a funk after spending the last year away from your loved ones, you’re not alone! Many people are feeling a sort of covid-burnout at the moment. Here are some ways to tell if the funk you’re feeling is the result of depression:

It’s interfering with everyday functioning

The hallmark sign of something being a problem is when it gets in the way of your everyday functioning. After all, if you can’t do what you normally do in a day, that can be pretty frustrating. You’ve probably experienced times before when you had a hard time dealing with your day to day life - when you’re sick with the flu, for example, you know it’s time to lay low and get some medicine to feel better. Mental illness is just like that - it is an illness. You may need time and space to recover and feel like your old self again, but know that it’s possible. 

It’s lasting a long time

We all have ups and downs emotionally. We have hard times at work, tough situations with our families, and complicated relationships. It’s normal to feel sad, even to feel sad pretty often. However, if you’ve been feeling sad for a long time with no improvement, it may be a sign that you’re experiencing depression. Typically, our emotions come and go, good and bad. When you’re feeling something not so fun, you can hold on and tell yourself that better feelings are around the corner. If you’re not feeling any of those good feelings- like joy, contentment, happiness- and you haven’t been for a period longer than two weeks, it could be depression. 

It leaves you feeling numb or hopeless

Another sign that your funk is something more serious is if you regularly feel numb or hopeless. As we discussed above, part of being a person is experiencing feelings, all the time. Sometimes you might feel like you feel too many feelings! Depression is sneaky though, and it can often make you feel numb or hopeless. You might not feel much of anything at all, good or bad. You might feel like you’ll never feel anything other than this. Depression is wrong, though - you can feel things. You just may need more support to deal with your depression so you don’t feel so numb. 

People who love you have asked you if you're okay

A lot of us think we’re really good at hiding when we’re struggling, but the people who love us can usually tell. If you’ve had people who care about you ask if you’re doing alright, maybe they’re seeing something that you aren’t. You might think you’re hiding your struggle but when people know us really well they can pick up on when we’re having a hard time. Sometimes you might just be feeling a little blue and they catch you at a bad time. However, if multiple people who care about you have been concerned that you’re not yourself, they may be onto something. Know that it’s okay to ask for help! 

Dealing with depression can be a lot different than how we see it in the media. That’s why it’s important to know the signs of depression so you can tell if you’re just in a funk or depressed. If you’re not feeling like yourself and want to talk about it, our clinicians can be a source of support for you.    

6 Ways People Have Described What Depression Feels Like

Do you know what depression feels like?

If you have never experienced depression, it can be hard to understand what it is really like to experience it. When you hear the word depressed, likely you think of sorrow or grief, but that often isn’t how depression shows up for people who deal with it chronically. 

While sorrow and grief can make you feel depressed, experiencing depression is much more than just those feelings. 

So what is it really like? Here’s how depression has been described by those who experience chronic depression: 

The emotional equivalent of watching paint dry: 

Does this sound weird? Think about what comes to mind when you hear the phrase “watching paint dry.” Probably boredom, perhaps exhaustion. This is what people who experience chronic depression can feel in the midst of a depressive episode. They don’t feel sadness or grief, instead it is like feeling nothing at all. No matter the situation–whether it is a typical day or an experience that would typically cause a highly emotional reaction, when going through a depressive episode it is like an emotional switch has been flipped. Instead of responding as usual, you are just sort of floating through your day, going through the motions without emotionally connecting to what is happening around you. 

Like you’re waking up at 10%: 

Imagine going to sleep and waking up just as tired as you went to bed. This is how depression can feel. If most of us start our day at 100% energy, depression can cause that number to come crashing down. Maybe you have half the amount of energy you usually have, or maybe you only have 10%.  

Like your mind can’t focus on anything: 

Depression also frequently impacts things like concentration. When experiencing depression it can be hard for your mind to latch on to any one thing for an extended period of time. It takes too much mental and emotional energy, so instead of exerting that energy (which you don’t have) your mind just glazes over, which makes it impossible to concentrate. 

Like your mind + body are not in your control: 

You can see from the examples above how you can lose control of your mind in the midst of a depressive episode, it can affect your body just as equally. Depression causes lack of sleep which can lead to increased rates of illness, headaches, digestive problems, and other aches and pains brought on as a direct result of declining mental health. 

Like constantly losing your train of thought: 

Like we covered above, it’s hard for your mind to concentrate when you’re depressed. That can make those experiencing depression 

Emotional and physical flatness

One of the most common descriptions of depression is that it is an overall feeling of numbness, or feeling flat. You feel flat, and detached from everything around you, feeling no emotional impacts of your surroundings, situations, or experiences, and it is hard to enjoy things or people or situations that you typically enjoy

Once you know how depression can affect those who suffer from it, you can make more informed decisions on how to best support them. Check out this post for more tips on how to support a loved one dealing with depression. 

If you’re close with someone who is dealing with depression, it can be hard to know how to help. Remember to be kind and think about the other person’s needs and just hold space where you can. If you need more ideas for support in this area, our clinicians can help you come up with some. 

Ways to Cope with Depression After Pregnancy Loss

For many women, pregnancy can be a really uncertain time - excitement, fear, anxiety, hope all come into play. Many pregnancies do lead to healthy babies, but unfortunately, that’s not the reality for everyone. Although it’s still considered culturally taboo to discuss pregnancy loss, the truth is that not all pregnancies end with a healthy infant. It’s hard to imagine an unsuccessful pregnancy, but roughly 10-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. 

Pregnancy loss can mean a couple of different things. Most commonly, it means a pregnancy that ended in miscarriage or stillbirth instead of a healthy, living infant. The difference between a miscarriage and a stillbirth is based on the number of weeks into the pregnancy. A miscarriage is defined as a pregnancy loss before 20 weeks of gestation. Stillbirth is defined as fetal death after 20 weeks of pregnancy. 

The reasons for pregnancy loss aren’t always understood, which can make the experience even more devastating. Some of the factors thought to be involved are genetic defects, viral or bacterial infections, hormone imbalances, and autoimmune disorders. However, much of the time there isn’t an easy answer as to why the pregnancy was lost. Losing a pregnancy is often a life-changing event for a person, and makes sense that after such a serious loss, depression may develop. 

In our culture, talking about pregnancy loss is seen as a no-no, which can make the experience even more lonely. The idea seems to be that since the pregnancy did not come to term, that there is not as much to be sad about, which is of course not true. Some common responses to hearing about a pregnancy loss are, ”It was meant to be,” “You can always try again,” “It’s better that it happened early,”. Most people who say these things don’t intend to be cruel, but these statements can minimize the grief and sorrow that the person is feeling. 

Because this type of loss is often minimized, many folks are left to get through it alone or only with their partner to lean on. People expect folks to bounce back after this type of loss faster than other types for some reason, and it can put a lot of pressure on the grieving parties. 

If you or someone you know has experienced pregnancy loss, here are some symptoms of depression to look out for: 

• Feeling hopeless all the time

• Sleep problems (sleeping too much or not enough)

• Changes in appetite

• Sudden irritability or outbursts of anger

• Constant anxiety

• Panic attacks 

• Feelings of guilt 

• Feelings of worthlessness

• Difficulty with making decisions

• Problems remembering things

• Suicidal thoughts

Women are not the only ones to feel depression after pregnancy loss. Research says that men also experience depression as a result of pregnancy loss, but on average, men recover from this depression more quickly than women. 

While there is no tried and true recipe for moving through grief, there are some ways to support yourself or a loved one after a pregnancy loss. 

Medication

Depression is a serious condition, and sometimes it can only be treated with medication. There is nothing shameful about taking medicine for your mental health, just as there is nothing shameful about taking allergy medicine when you have allergies. Medication can be an extra leg of support for you as you work through this loss. 

Therapy

Therapy is an opportunity to work through your feelings about this loss. If you want, you can search for a therapist you can see with your partner. If you’re not up for seeing someone in person yet, there are many opportunities for online therapy so you can get the help you need where you are. 

Be gentle with your body

You might feel out of touch with your body after this experience, and that’s okay. Do your best to look after your body with kindness during this time.  Nourish it with foods that appeal to you and make you feel good. Move your body if that feels good to you. Try to establish a sleep routine to make sure you get enough rest. 

Find a Community

Community can be invaluable after a loss. Knowing that others have gone through what you are experiencing can help you feel less lonely. You won't have to justify your feelings or your pain to anyone there, and you can lean on each other when you need to. 

If you or someone close to you is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. For more support in recovering from pregnancy loss, the counselors at Hope+Wellness can help. Contact us today to get started. 

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Hope+Wellness is a psychotherapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

How to stop social media from making you feel bad about yourself

When you think of self care practices, do you ever consider your social media? 

While social media is great for so many things (keeping up to date with friends who live far away, finding new music or movies or other cultural events, staying on top of local events, just to name a few) it’s not something we should use mindlessly. 

And for every positive aspect of social media, there’s an equal and opposite negative action. Yes you’re able to keep up with friends, but do you remember that their lives aren’t as perfectly curated or posed as they seem on social media? Do you forget to check in with loved ones because seeing a facebook update makes you feel like you’ve already caught up? Do you get stressed from the information overload that can come with mindless social media scrolling? 

Just as with all other social interactions, social media requires a bit of intentional effort. We have to find out what works for us and what doesn’t, and we have to learn to take a step back when things aren’t working. But because social media is so ingrained in our culture, it’s easy to forget that this effort needs to be put in. 

If you’re finding yourself feeling bad more often than you’re feeling good when you use social media, it might be time for some major social media self care. Below are our top 4 tips for how to practice self care with your social media:  

1. Curate Your Feed

Who are you following on twitter or instagram? When you scroll through your feeds do you feel at ease, or anxious? Because we are able to take in so much information and content in a short time with social media, it’s important to make sure we’re being careful with exactly what kind of content we’re consuming. If you find yourself constantly frustrated or upset at a certain account's posts, remind yourself there is no social obligation making you follow them. 

Have you heard of the tidying method from Marie Kondo? The basic idea is that you decide what sparks joy for you from your possessions, and get rid of those that don’t. You can do the same thing with your social media feeds! While you scroll through, think to yourself, is this account bringing joy? Is it adding something positive to my life? Unfollow or mute accounts that aren’t. It will help keep your social media as a positive space, and leave you less anxious or tense after scrolling. 

2. Be Intentional with Your Social Media Presence

There is this idea that if we stay plugged into social media all day long, we’ll be better informed. But really, all this does is feed into our own anxiety and create a compulsion to keep checking and checking and checking our feeds. And when we’re too busy checking our feeds, we’re not actually engaging with the life, culture & experiences around us! Social media, after all, is meant to be a platform where you share parts of your life, not the main way you live your life.

So, like curating your feeds, taking time to decide which platforms spark joy can be hugely beneficial. You don’t actually have to be on every social media platform. Decide which ones actually add joy to your life. Do you like instagram because you can keep up with local events, or see how friends far away are doing? Or does it stress you out to see pictures of what everyone else is doing because it makes you get caught up in the comparison game? Leave the platforms that leave you upset after visiting them. 

3. Use it After Leaving Social Events

There is often a compulsion to keep everyone updated with everything you’re doing as you’re doing it. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to share a picture of you and your friends! But try to keep your social media time to the times when you aren’t otherwise socially engaged. Do your best to be present when at a party or event, and wait until you’re back home to share a post about it. That way you’ll be able to focus on actually having a good time wherever you are instead of just making it look like you had a good time on facebook. 

4. Take a Break

Sometimes, what you need is a good old fashioned social media vacation. You don’t have to delete your accounts, but try deleting the apps off of your phone. See if you can stay off them for a week. When we’re so used to being “on” all of the time, it can be hard to imagine a total break like that, but it might be just what you need. It will help to remind you that the satisfaction you get from scrolling through your social media feeds isn’t the only way you get social satisfaction in your life. And when you do get back on the apps, you’ll be able to keep it in perspective and moderate your time a bit more than before. 

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Hope+Wellness is a psychotherapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!

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4 Tips for Coping with Depression

Everything feels harder when living with depression. You drag yourself out of bed and force yourself to get through the day. Friends invite you to go out, but you find yourself preferring to stay in. You try to participate in your usual activities, but they no longer spark joy. Around you, everyone seems to know where their life is heading, and what it all means. You feel empty, as if life is meaningless.

Depression can be tough to live with, but the good news is that there are ways to manage symptoms and improve your life.

Get active

Emotions and behaviors are related. For example, when you’re feeling depressed (i.e., emotion), you may prefer to isolate from friends and family (i.e., behavior). In this way, emotions can lead to behaviors. However, the opposite is also true. This means that engaging in behaviors and positive activities such as spending time with friends, can lead to improvements in mood. Try it out — create a list of positive activities to do when you’re feeling depressed, and get active.

Improve Sleep

Research demonstrates strong associations between sleep and mood. For instance, depression is linked to insomnia and sleep disruption, and individuals with insomnia are at higher risk for depression. Improvements in sleep hygiene can thus help, including having a regular sleep routine, turning off electronics an hour before bed, and implementing regular sleep and wake times.

Increase Social Support

Depression can make you want to isolate from others, but the opposite — spending time with friends and family — is what can actually help. Spend time developing stronger connections with others and get help and support.

Challenge Negative Thinking

Negative thinking is a hallmark feature of depression. Oftentimes depression can cause you to believe these thoughts and over identify with them. It is thus important to begin identify negative thoughts, to challenge and replace them with more balanced or positive thoughts. This can be tough to do since depression can color your thoughts and mood. However, treatments such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can help either manage negative thoughts or form new perspectives on them.

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Victoria Chialy Smith, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. She provides individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!