6 Ways to Support Mental Health After Pregnancy Loss

Pregnancy loss is multifaceted, and it impacts both mental and physical health. In the immediate aftermath of a miscarriage, you might experience a range of emotions and urges that feel confusing or even scary. Miscarriage is a major loss, even if it’s one that people often don’t talk about. 

Losing a pregnancy can be incredibly traumatic. Grief is already a difficult emotion to deal with, but the taboo around miscarriage adds to many people’s pain and suffering. Often, people who experience a miscarriage are encouraged to keep their feelings to themselves, which makes them feel even more alone. 

Another aspect of pregnancy loss is the complicated feelings it can bring up around your body and your health. It can be jarring and immensely stressful to think there is something wrong with you or your partner that is causing pregnancy loss, especially if you’ve experienced multiple losses. 

Miscarriage can also be expensive, especially for families who are already struggling with money, because they often require medical care or even surgery. Some people struggle to take time off work to deal with the aftermath of pregnancy loss. And in a post-Roe America, losing a pregnancy can even lead to legal consequences, which can make it even harder to seek proper care for your mental and physical health. 

The period after pregnancy loss can be complicated, emotional, and intense. If you’ve experienced a miscarriage, here are some ways to support your mental health in the aftermath: 

Allow yourself to feel your feelings

Feeling the intense emotions that accompany pregnancy loss can be intimidating. Painful emotions are difficult to experience, and we often do whatever we can to avoid the painful feelings, because they’re so distressing. However, emotions have to be felt to help them pass. Trying to suppress your intense emotions can work in the moment, but they can’t be suppressed forever.

In the moment, it can be hard to remember that the sharpness of this grief won’t last forever, even though the grief might not ever go away fully. Grieving is allowing yourself the time and space to let your life expand around the grief you feel. Eventually, this experience will make up just a part of your story, even if it feels like it’s your whole story right now. You’re not doomed to feel this intensely forever. Doing your best to allow the painful feelings to come forward when you’re able to cope with them successfully can make a big difference in processing your grief. 

Remember you’re not alone

Miscarriage is unfortunately all too common, but that doesn’t make going through the experience any easier. There are probably many people in your life that have experienced this kind of loss before, even if you don’t know about it. 

Even if you’re not ready to talk to people you know about it, you can look up resources online from others who have gone through this too. You can lean on the wisdom of those who have come before you during this complicated experience without even having to talk about it if you’re not ready. 

Talk about it (if you’re up for it)

You don’t have to suffer alone, and you don’t have to keep how you feel to yourself. You’re not the only person who’s gone through this, and you don’t have to get through this on your own. As humans, we naturally seek out connections with others, and those connections can be a powerful source of support during times of grief. If you feel ready to talk about it with someone you trust, don’t hold back. 

Speaking with other people who have experienced this type of loss can help you feel less alone, and give you ideas for how to get through this tough time. Sometimes it’s comforting to talk to friends or family, and sometimes it’s helpful to talk to support groups or a therapist. 

Try distress tolerance skills 

When we’re in crisis, it can often be a painful and scary experience. Distress tolerance skills, which come from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), are designed to help you make it through a crisis without relying on harmful or self destructive behaviors. 

Some of distress tolerance skills to try include: 

• Distract with A.C.C.E.P.T.S - doing something to take your mind off of the painful emotions you’re experiencing 

• Self Soothing with the 5 senses - using your senses to bring you back to the present moment 

• IMPROVE the moment - a set of skills to reduce distress in the moment using your mind and body

• Pros and Cons - weigh your choices to help you make decisions from your wise mind

• S.T.O.P. - to help you pause before engaging in destructive behavior

• T.I.P.P. - using your body’s chemistry to lower your distress level using temperature, intense exercise, paced breathing, and progressive muscle relaxation

• Turning the Mind - opening yourself up to eventually feeling acceptance 

• Radical Acceptance - lowering your distress by accepting what is, instead of fighting against it 

Be gentle with yourself

When you’re in the midst of something difficult and traumatic, it can be hard to find the mental bandwidth to be kind to yourself. That doesn’t mean that it’s not important to be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you go through this tough time. 

It might be hard to access kindness and self-compassion all of the time, but try to spend at least a few moments each day being kind to yourself. Try talking to yourself in the mirror, or saying affirmations to remind yourself that you’re worthy of care and love. 

Acknowledge your loss however feels right

One reason why miscarriage is so difficult is that it feels unacknowledged as a “real” loss by most of the world. Pregnancy loss is something that birthing people are pressured to keep secret, both out of shame and out of grief. An important part of grieving is to find ways to acknowledge your loss in a way that honors your feelings. 

Having a memorial, planting a tree, writing a letter, getting a tattoo, or wearing a piece of jewelry to memorialize your baby can be ways to acknowledge your loss and honor their memory. It’s okay to acknowledge how massive this loss is for you in whatever way feels right. 

Miscarriage can have a massive impact on mental and physical health. If you’re struggling to cope after pregnancy loss, working with a therapist can help you work through your feelings and find ways to grieve without shame. 

Our clinicians at Hope+Wellness have appointments available in our office and online. We serve the McLean, Great Falls, Falls Church, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC regions, as well as offering online services in DC, MD, VA, and all PSYPACT states. Contact us to get started.

Ways to Cope with Depression After Pregnancy Loss

For many women, pregnancy can be a really uncertain time - excitement, fear, anxiety, hope all come into play. Many pregnancies do lead to healthy babies, but unfortunately, that’s not the reality for everyone. Although it’s still considered culturally taboo to discuss pregnancy loss, the truth is that not all pregnancies end with a healthy infant. It’s hard to imagine an unsuccessful pregnancy, but roughly 10-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. 

Pregnancy loss can mean a couple of different things. Most commonly, it means a pregnancy that ended in miscarriage or stillbirth instead of a healthy, living infant. The difference between a miscarriage and a stillbirth is based on the number of weeks into the pregnancy. A miscarriage is defined as a pregnancy loss before 20 weeks of gestation. Stillbirth is defined as fetal death after 20 weeks of pregnancy. 

The reasons for pregnancy loss aren’t always understood, which can make the experience even more devastating. Some of the factors thought to be involved are genetic defects, viral or bacterial infections, hormone imbalances, and autoimmune disorders. However, much of the time there isn’t an easy answer as to why the pregnancy was lost. Losing a pregnancy is often a life-changing event for a person, and makes sense that after such a serious loss, depression may develop. 

In our culture, talking about pregnancy loss is seen as a no-no, which can make the experience even more lonely. The idea seems to be that since the pregnancy did not come to term, that there is not as much to be sad about, which is of course not true. Some common responses to hearing about a pregnancy loss are, ”It was meant to be,” “You can always try again,” “It’s better that it happened early,”. Most people who say these things don’t intend to be cruel, but these statements can minimize the grief and sorrow that the person is feeling. 

Because this type of loss is often minimized, many folks are left to get through it alone or only with their partner to lean on. People expect folks to bounce back after this type of loss faster than other types for some reason, and it can put a lot of pressure on the grieving parties. 

If you or someone you know has experienced pregnancy loss, here are some symptoms of depression to look out for: 

• Feeling hopeless all the time

• Sleep problems (sleeping too much or not enough)

• Changes in appetite

• Sudden irritability or outbursts of anger

• Constant anxiety

• Panic attacks 

• Feelings of guilt 

• Feelings of worthlessness

• Difficulty with making decisions

• Problems remembering things

• Suicidal thoughts

Women are not the only ones to feel depression after pregnancy loss. Research says that men also experience depression as a result of pregnancy loss, but on average, men recover from this depression more quickly than women. 

While there is no tried and true recipe for moving through grief, there are some ways to support yourself or a loved one after a pregnancy loss. 

Medication

Depression is a serious condition, and sometimes it can only be treated with medication. There is nothing shameful about taking medicine for your mental health, just as there is nothing shameful about taking allergy medicine when you have allergies. Medication can be an extra leg of support for you as you work through this loss. 

Therapy

Therapy is an opportunity to work through your feelings about this loss. If you want, you can search for a therapist you can see with your partner. If you’re not up for seeing someone in person yet, there are many opportunities for online therapy so you can get the help you need where you are. 

Be gentle with your body

You might feel out of touch with your body after this experience, and that’s okay. Do your best to look after your body with kindness during this time.  Nourish it with foods that appeal to you and make you feel good. Move your body if that feels good to you. Try to establish a sleep routine to make sure you get enough rest. 

Find a Community

Community can be invaluable after a loss. Knowing that others have gone through what you are experiencing can help you feel less lonely. You won't have to justify your feelings or your pain to anyone there, and you can lean on each other when you need to. 

If you or someone close to you is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. For more support in recovering from pregnancy loss, the counselors at Hope+Wellness can help. Contact us today to get started. 

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Hope+Wellness is a psychotherapy practice serving the Falls Church, McLean, Great Falls, Vienna, Arlington, Alexandria, and the greater Washington DC region. We provide individual therapy to children, teens, and adults with stress, anxiety, and depression. Our practice is in-network with BCBS and provides Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness and acceptance based therapies, and other top, premier evidence-based treatments. Call, email, or schedule an appointment with us online today. We’re happy to help!