6 Tips To Help You Feel Your Feelings
Do you have a hard time dealing with uncomfortable emotions? If you do, you’re not the only one! Uncomfortable emotions are, well, uncomfortable. It doesn’t feel good to feel uncomfortable, so it makes sense that we often go out of our way to avoid feeling uncomfortable emotions. However, emotions serve an important purpose. When we avoid our feelings, we’re just opening ourselves up to more distress later. When feelings aren’t dealt with, they have a way of coming back even more intensely, and often at an inconvenient time.
Emotions are messengers, but we usually aren’t taught how to decode the messages they are sending us. Even when you do understand what the message is underneath the emotion, it can be hard to know what to do in the moment when you’re feeling a distressing feeling.
Emotions are important, which is why we have them. In fact, they can help us survive. For example, babies display their emotions to alert their caregivers that they need help, since they can’t take care of themselves. Emotions can help us make decisions and guide our behaviors, as well as influence the way we understand and communicate with others.
So, how can you make it easier to feel your feelings? Here are 6 tips to help you feel your feelings:
Identify + acknowledge what's going on
If you’re having trouble identifying what you’re feeling, try using an emotion wheel to pinpoint what you’re experiencing. We can’t feel our feelings if we don’t notice and acknowledge them, so this is an important step. As you get more practice, it will be easier to identify what emotion you’re feeling and notice it as it pops up.
Sometimes, you might get caught up in whatever the emotion is before you realize what’s going on. When that happens, take a pause and a deep breath. Naming what you are feeling gives you more information on how to deal with the emotion moving forward. You’ll also learn how to spot patterns in your emotional responses, which can be helpful.
Do a body scan
Where are you feeling this emotion in your body? Is there anywhere that you notice is more tense than usual? Do you feel hot or cold anywhere? Are there any sensations that you notice? Are you experiencing any pain?
Checking in with how your body feels when you’re emotionally activated is a helpful way to get back into the present moment. When we’re in the middle of our feelings, it can be hard to be focused on what’s happening right now. Scanning your body and taking note of any sensations can help you identify where you experience emotions in your body. This can also be another way to identify your emotions when you’re having a hard time naming them.
Validate what you're feeling
Feeling validated is powerful, even when you validate yourself. It feels good to acknowledge that what you’re feeling is okay and that there’s nothing wrong with you for having feelings. Sometimes we start judging ourselves and jumping to conclusions before taking some time to reflect and see that it actually makes sense that we feel this way.
Another aspect to this is to give yourself lots of compassion. The world is already tough enough, you don’t need to be mean to yourself on top of it. How would you treat a friend going through what you’re going through? You’d probably be supportive, understanding, and kind. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend. You deserve compassion.
Do what you can to reassure yourself
We all need reassurance from time to time, and especially when we’re feeling emotionally vulnerable. Do what you can to reassure yourself that things will be okay. It might even help to tell yourself something like “I’m here now, and I'm not going anywhere,” or “It won’t always feel like this.” We all need to have people on our side, and that includes being on our own side. Try to be the calm, adult voice of reason that your younger self needs to hear.
Give yourself options
When you’re feeling emotionally activated, it can be hard to remember what can help make you feel better. It can be helpful to make a list of things that make you feel safe in advance so you have options when you're in the thick of your feelings.
This could be as simple as keeping a note on your phone of things that soothe you in intense moments, or things that have helped you regulate your emotions in the past. You can even go as far as to make yourself an emotional distress toolbox. A toolbox could hold items like a meditation exercise, a candle or essential oil with a calming smell, fidget toys, grounding objects, or pictures of people and places that make you feel safe. When you’re feeling your feelings, take a look at the options you’ve prepared yourself ahead of time and see if that helps you as you process your emotions.
Talk to someone
One of the hardest things about talking about your emotions is the sense of shame that they can bring up. Shame is a particularly uncomfortable feeling to deal with. Shame can result in pushing feelings away when it comes up to avoid the pain of confronting it. When you feel shame, it might feel like you can’t speak about it, because that brings up all those bad feelings and body sensations.
However, shame thrives on keeping it to yourself. When you share your feelings of shame with others that you trust, shame loses its power. Seeing others treat you with compassion when you share what you feel ashamed about can help motivate you to be that compassionate to yourself.
You can talk to anyone you trust and feel safe around, like a friend, a family member, a spiritual advisor, a mentor, or even a therapist.