11 Blogs to Help Practice Skills Needed for Self Love
Self love is a constant series of practices.
It is made up of things like learning to care for your physical, mental, social, and emotional needs. It involves learning to give yourself compassion and curiosity, to treat yourself with kindness, and challenges you to show up as your most authentic self–asking for what you need and being clear about how you feel.
None of these things are easy because most of us aren’t taught how to do them, and are instead taught to repress our needs and ignore our feelings. But the more we learn to practice them, the easier they become for us, and the better we can show ourselves love and care.
While February is usually a month honoring romantic love, we’re taking some time to spotlight the hard work that goes into self love, and providing a roundup of tools to help make the various practices of loving ourselves easier.
Tools to help you practice self compassion:
Quieting Your Inner Critic by Living your Values
“Your inner critic is that voice in your head telling you that you’re not doing things right or that you’re not good enough. This voice puts you down, demeans you, and can make you question your judgment or decision making and doubt yourself–if you can’t do anything right, how can you know that you can trust your decisions? This is where your values come into play.”
Read more on how learning to identify and live in accordance with your values can help you quiet your inner critic here.
What Internalized Messages Do You Still Believe About Yourself?
“...while they may feel like undeniable qualities about ourselves, these internalized messages actually came from outside influences. They are the result of how we, as children, are able to interpret and understand the world around us, and the way we’re expected to behave in relationships.
These messages then become core parts of our self view, how we’re unconsciously able to connect with and relate to others, how we navigate social situations and relationships, etc. These messages, when they aren’t explored and questioned, can muddle our true beliefs about ourselves, and lead us to believe we are less lovable,safe, and valued than we really are.”
Read more about where internalized messages come from, and how you can work to explore and change them here.
6 Ways to Cultivate Self-Compassion
“Simply put, self-compassion is being nice to yourself. The idea of self-compassion is drawn from Buddhism. Being kind to yourself might sound really simplistic, but it can be a lot harder than it sounds. Many of us have a voice in our heads that chimes in when we mess up. That voice is called the Inner Critic, and it can be hard to notice it sometimes. There are times when we’re so immersed in beating ourselves up that we don’t even consider that there’s another option. However, there is always another option. Being kind, gentle, and understanding to yourself is always a choice you can make, it just takes practice to remember that that’s an option.”
Read more about what self compassion is and how to practice and cultivate it here.
Self Kindness: Why it Matters & How to Cultivate It
“Refusal of self kindness can be a sort of survival technique–if you have a history of being emotionally neglected or abused, being mean to yourself first may have been your route to survival. Once you’re out of an environment where that protects you, however, it begins to erode rather than strengthen your emotional safety and connection to others.”
Read more about what self kindness means, why it feels hard and how to practice it here.
Tools to help build your sense of self worth:
5 Ways to Improve Your Self-Worth
“Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves in the moment. Self-worth, on the other hand, describes knowing that you are a person of value who has worth, no matter what your self-esteem looks like. Self-worth is a broader term and is generally more permanent than self-esteem, which can vary based on circumstance. Self-worth comes from within, whereas self-esteem comes from the world around you.”
Read the full blog for more on what self worth is and how to practice cultivating it here.
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
“But it isn’t just us that [comparison] it harms. Too much comparison can also be damaging to your relationships. When you’re constantly putting yourself up against someone else–out of either admiration or jealousy–you’re not seeing the other person as a full person. You’re only seeing the one thing that is provoking an emotional reaction out of you (a picture of their vacation, a post about their promotion, etc.) It can lead to jealousy, even resentment in your relationship.”
Read more about how comparison holds us back and how we can learn to resist it here.
How to Practice Reaching Out After Self Isolating
“The only way to heal our loneliness is by connecting with others–but like many unhelpful patterns, loneliness can become familiar, and the threat of the unknown can feel greater than the threat of loneliness. And the longer we self isolate, the harder it becomes to reach out to people. We feel shame at how long it’s been since we reached out, or fear that our loved ones will be upset with us–or worse, have no desire to have us back in their lives now that we’ve been out of them for so long. All of these things make it harder and harder to break out of self isolating once you’ve begun.”
Read more about why it becomes hard to ask for help when you need it, and how you can practice small things to make it easier for yourself here.
Tools to help you practice caring for yourself:
How to Tell the Difference Between Avoidance and Self-Care
“Sometimes, doing something can be avoidance in one context and self-care in another. For example, if you have a deadline coming up to apply for a program, it’s probably not productive to spend all day playing video games. Those actions keep you from doing what is on your mind. On the other hand, if you’ve just finished up a big project and need to blow off some steam, playing video games can be a perfect outlet.”
Read the full blog and learn to practice telling the difference between avoidance and self care here.
3 Tips for Cultivating A More Positive Relationship With Yourself
“The word relationship calls to mind our connections with others–with romantic partners, with friends, family members, coworkers, neighbors, etc. But you have a relationship with yourself as well–and it’s the longest relationship you’re ever going to have! That alone makes it worth it to spend intentional time reflecting on your relationship habits and where you want your relationship with yourself to go.”
Read more about why it’s important to work at a more positive relationship with yourself and how to do it here.
5 Practices for When You Feel Off and Don't Know Why
“When we’re not feeling good, the best thing to do is to tend to whatever it is that’s causing it. But when we don’t know why we’re feeling off, it can be hard to figure out what self care practices would be helpful, and which would be nice but ultimately ineffective in helping you address the problem.
While much of self care relies on regular habits–refilling your prescriptions, taking your medication, feeding yourself with food that nourishes your body and soul, making intentional space for relationships, finding joyful and gentle ways to move your body, taking dedicated time outside of your comfort zone, etc–we can still do as needed self care in addition to all of these wonderful habits when we need a little extra care and intention.”
Read more about why it can be hard to figure out what you’re feeling and how to practice it here.
How to Make a Coping Skills Toolbox
“However you cope, it can be helpful to make a coping skills toolbox to use when you’re upset or emotionally activated. Keeping a dedicated container with some helpful items and reminders inside can make a big difference when you’re having an unpleasant emotional experience. Everyone is different and copes differently, so the suggestions we have for a coping skills toolbox are just a jumping off point.”
Learn more about what a coping skills toolbox is and how you can build one here.