The Psychology of Fresh Starts: Embracing Change in the New Year
How do you feel about change?
Some people feel strongly about change - they either love it or hate it. However you feel about it, change is inevitable in life. Whether it’s big changes, like moving to a new place, or smaller changes, like your favorite restaurant shutting down, we have to deal with changes all of the time.
With the start of a new year just a few days away, it’s a good time to think about your relationship with change.
Why is change so hard?
Change is hard because change is intertwined with grief. A lot of people don’t realize that change plays a big part in grief. Grief isn’t just an emotional reaction to death or loss, but . Another definition of grief is “the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”
One of the hardest things about grief is adjusting to the new, changed reality. When things change, even for positive reasons, like getting a new job or becoming a parent, it takes time to adjust. The conflicting emotions that you feel as you adjust to the change are often uncomfortable or confusing.
Our brains sometimes try to resist change, as a way to keep us safe from those feelings of grief that accompany change.
Change can also be frightening. Change can represent the unknown, which can be scary to contemplate. Change can also be a reminder that we don’t have as much control as we like to think. Realizing that we can’t control everything, no matter how hard we try, can feel vulnerable or unsafe. It’s hard to deal when you’re not sure what’s coming next.
Change also often disrupts our routine, which can be distressing. Our routines, whether they’re conscious or not, bring us comfort, and it’s upsetting to have that interrupted.
Even when you’re excited about change, you might deal with uncertainty, anxiety, or regret. You might wonder what life would be like if the change weren’t happening, or if you made the right choice. All of these feelings can be overwhelming.
However unpleasant change may be at times, it’s also not often helpful to avoid change. When you avoid change, it can backfire, or lead to its own complications. Avoiding change can cause people to stay in stressful situations, for example, which can have serious effects on wellbeing.
So, what can you do to feel more comfortable embracing change in the new year? Here are 6 tips:
Make a plan
If you know that a change is coming, make a plan for how you can take care of yourself during the period of change. If you’re dealing with an unexpected change, make a plan for how you can move forward now. Some things that may help with making a plan are writing lists, doing a brain dump in your journal, talking it over with friends, loved ones, or a therapist, and looking for advice from others who have gone through something similar. Having a plan in place can help with resilience, it helps you be as prepared as possible and can guide you in moments when you’re struggling.
Work on acceptance
Acceptance doesn’t mean that you approve of what’s going on. It just means that you stop fighting reality, which can add to your distress. Trying to fight change just uses up a lot of energy that you could use on helping yourself feel better. See if you can work toward accepting this change, instead of causing distress for yourself by fighting it. It might be helpful to consider the positive aspects of the change that you're dealing with to help you work toward acceptance.
Feel your feelings
Feeling your feelings sounds so simple, but it’s actually a process that a lot of us struggle with. Some feelings are uncomfortable, and it’s natural to try to avoid discomfort. Feelings need to be felt, though, to move past them. The only way out is through.
Stick to your routine as much as possible
As mentioned earlier, one of the hardest parts of dealing with change is dealing with the impact it has to your routine. To try to minimize that impact as much as you can, stick to any parts of your routines that you can. Make sure you meet your own needs and practice self-care - take your meds, get enough to eat, stay hydrated, get enough sleep, move your body, and connect with others as much as you can.
Watch out for cognitive distortions
Cognitive distortions are negative patterns of thinking. They can keep you stuck in believing negative and untrue thoughts, and contribute to your distress levels. An example of a cognitive distortion is catastrophizing, or seeing the worst in every situation. Consider if any of the thoughts you’re dealing with are cognitive distortions, and if they are, work to reframe them so they don’t control you.
Lean on your support system
When things are hard, it’s the perfect time to call in extra support from the people who care about you. Asking for help can be uncomfortable at times, but remember that everyone needs help sometimes. You’re human! Opening up to the people who care about you can help you find solutions, feel validated and heard, and remind you that you’re not alone.