Therapy is a wonderful, vulnerable and sometimes difficult process. 

It can be incredibly rewarding to go through when you commit to the process, but that doesn’t make it an easy thing to do. There is a lot of vulnerability involved in learning to trust your therapist, and building a relationship where you can spend intentional time talking about your fears, things you feel ashamed about, skills you want to work on to improve the relationships most important to you, conflicts you wish you showed up better in, etc. 

It takes a lot of bravery and a lot of patience with yourself. You might say something you’ve never shared with anyone, or bring up something you’re particularly sensitive about, and your therapist might respond in a way that hurts your feelings. 

Sometimes, even if you’re doing great work and you typically leave therapy with a new understanding of yourself (no matter how small), you might start to feel a little dread come up at the thought of going to your next session. 

If that feeling comes up, it’s important to take a step back and get curious about it. Your initial reaction might be to cancel it, but before sending your therapist a text or an email letting them know you “can’t make it” ask yourself a few questions to make sure that’s really what is best for you. 

When did this feeling start?

Was there something that came up between your last appointment and now? Was there something you didn’t handle well and don’t want to talk about? Or, was there something said in your last appointment that made you feel unseen, unheard, or abandoned in some way? While obviously never the intention, therapists are just human and might respond incorrectly once in a while. It can be extremely beneficial for the relationship to address and explore it–and doing so in therapy can give you practice in a safe space for when similar conversations need to take place in your day to day life.  

Where in your body are you feeling this the most?

When your feelings are so strong, it can be hard to figure out exactly what it is you are feeling. But our emotions don’t show up just in our minds, and learning how to connect the body sensations you’re experiencing to your feelings can help you decipher what is happening for you and what you need. For example, maybe you get nauseated when you’re anxious, or feel a certain type of headache when you’re frustrated. If you can identify what it is you’re feeling, you can use your next appointment to explore it–where it’s coming from, how it’s showing up, what you and your therapist can do to prevent or address it in the future, etc. 

 How often does this feeling come up?

Having the occasional feeling of not wanting to go in and do some hard emotional work is not a red flag in itself. Modern life is very busy, and it does take a significant amount of energy to show up in therapy, not to mention the logistical time it eats up. If you’re having a super busy week where it feels like there’s not enough time to get everything done, of course you’re going to wish there was one less thing on your plate. Or maybe you’ve had a couple unexpected expenses, and you’d rather save a little bit of money this week. 

But, if you’re constantly feeling dread before going to your appointment, there could be a deeper issue. You might not feel the safety you need with your therapist to get into the work that would help you the most. Depending on why there’s a lack of safety for you, it’s up to you to decide if it’s best to address the issues with your therapist, or let them know it’s time for you to move on and find a better fit for your care needs. 

If you’re looking for support in the process of finding a therapist, contact us and we can help personally match you to a therapist based on your needs.