How to Unlink Your Self-Worth From Your Job Status
How to Unlink Your Self-Worth From Your Job Status
In the United States, we put a lot of focus on work and productivity. When we meet someone new, we often ask “So, what do you do?” right away. We define ourselves by our jobs, and so it can be damaging to our sense of self-worth when we’re not being productive.
However, in the last year, unemployment has soared due to the covid pandemic, and many people are still out of work. We often hear statistics on unemployment, but we often don’t see the reality behind those numbers. Some people are also feeling conflicted because as jobs open back up, some businesses are having a hard time hiring. After the last year, many people have decided they don’t want to work low paying service jobs where they’re treated terribly. Some people aren’t vaccinated and don’t feel safe going back to work. Some people have realized that the path they were on is no longer the right fit for them and are trying to figure out where to go next.
If you’ve been out of work for any length of time, you know that lots of feelings can come up unexpectedly about your job status. Even if you’re happy with your current situation, the expectations and judgement from other people can be exhausting.
If you’ve spent most of your life tying your self-worth to your work, you’re certainly not alone. Here are some ideas for how to cope when you feel like your self-worth relies on your productivity or job status.
Be nice to yourself
This advice is true for so many things. Lots of us are hard on ourselves without really knowing or understanding why. It’s a habit that we’ve formed, and it can be hard to break. Try to talk to yourself kindly and with compassion. If you’re having a hard time with this, imagine you’re talking to your best friend. How would you talk to them about this? Would you tell them they’re worthless because they’re not working right now? Of course you wouldn’t. Channel that same compassion toward yourself.
Ask yourself: Who profits when I feel this way?
Insecurity makes the world go round. It’s how advertisers convince you to buy things. When you notice feelings like “I”m not good enough” or “I’m only worthy when I have regular work”, try to dig a little deeper. Where are these thoughts coming from? Are they true? What is the evidence of their truth? Is this sense of insecurity trying to nudge me toward buying something to soothe my discomfort? Reminding yourself that someone is profiting off of your distress can be a helpful way to remind yourself that there’s nothing wrong with the way you feel, but you don’t have to act on it.
Use mantras or affirmations to remind yourself you are inherently worthy
We are reminded from a young age that our work is our identity. We talk about what we want to be when we grow up and focus on careers, instead of on our values or our emotional state. It takes a lot of work to undo that programming. When you notice those old messages coming up, you can remind yourself that they’re not true. It takes practice, so repeating affirmations or mantras to yourself on a regular basis can help counteract the feelings that you’re not good enough. What you say to yourself matters.
Cultivate interests outside of things you can get paid for
Your worth has nothing to do with the value you create monetarily. While everyone deserves to be paid for their labor, there’s also freedom in finding joy in things you don’t get paid for. Not everything has to be monetized. You can start a hobby without turning it into a side hustle. It’s okay to spend time on things that don’t add to your bank statement.
Participate in mutual aid groups
If you ever need the reminder that we are not alone, there are tons of organizers doing the work to bring together resources to support local folks. Even if you’re not able to donate monetarily right now to mutual aid, it can be a helpful reminder that there is help out there outside of our traditional systems of charity or government aid. We have the ability to help each other. We have this idea that if you’re not in the traditional job sphere, working 9-5, then you can’t get help, but that’s not true. Local organizations do the work every day to keep people from falling through the cracks. Can you donate time to an organization? Can you drop off some food at a local food shelf? Can you share local mutual aid requests with your network? All of these things help.
If you are not working right now, for whatever reason, know that you are still a worthy, valuable person no matter what. That will always be true, regardless of your employment status. Your worth is not defined by your productivity or the money you can make. It’s a hard lesson to learn, because we spend so much of our lives hearing the opposite is true. Be gentle and try not to judge yourself for whatever feelings come up.