4 Ways to Cope with Being Disliked
4 Ways to Cope with Being Disliked
Whether we like it or not, it’s impossible to be liked by everyone. People are too different for everyone to get along all the time, so at some point we are all going to have to deal with being disliked.
One thing we don’t talk a lot about as a culture is being okay with being disliked. It often feels painful or shocking to realize that someone doesn’t like you, mostly because the default expectation is that people will like us. When you know that someone doesn’t like you, it can be confusing to deal with them in a way that doesn’t leave you frustrated or questioning your self worth.
There are lots of reasons why people dislike other people.
There are some sources of dislike, like racism or homophobia, that are never excusable. You don’t have to try to convince yourself that it’s okay or reasonable for someone to dislike you because of who you are as a person. The kind of dislike that we’re talking about in this post is the kind that we all feel from time to time.
There are some people who you just won’t get along with. You might dislike someone because your personalities don’t mesh well together, or because they were a jerk to you the last time you saw them. There are lots of reasons why people sometimes don’t get along, and learning how to deal with the discomfort that comes with that can help you in uncomfortable situations in the future.
Here’s the thing: no one on earth is liked by everyone.
It’s impossible! We all bring our own baggage to our interactions, and that is bound to cause tension or clashes at some point. It is possible to cope when someone dislikes you and learn how not to take it personally.
Here are 4 suggestions for ways to deal with being disliked by others. See if any of these feel supportive for you!
Accept that no one is universally liked
Expecting to be liked by everyone you meet is really just setting yourself up to fail. In reality no one is universally liked, and the pain of trying to be liked by everyone and failing can take its toll on how you feel about yourself and how you interact with other people.
Sometimes people just don’t get along, and it’s okay to accept that. Acceptance can be freeing in many situations, especially when you’re working on being okay with being disliked. In this instance, accepting that not everyone will like you doesn’t mean that you approve of being disliked or that you agree with why someone dislikes you. It just means that you don’t have to focus any of your precious energy on fighting against reality.
Pleasing everyone is simply out of your control. There’s always going to be someone who has a different opinion, so you might as well devote the time and energy you have to pleasing yourself, which you have more control over.
Know that it’s probably not personal
It might feel really personal when someone doesn’t like you, but often it says more about them than it does about you. Sometimes it’s tough to remember that while you see things from your point of view, not everything is about you. People react in all sorts of ways that have nothing to do with you but stem from their environment, their trauma history, their beliefs, their personality, and even from instinct.
We often cast ourselves as the main character in our lives, because that’s how it feels! When we all feel that we’re the main character though, it can cause tension because we feel like everything has to be about us and relate to us in some way. That’s not always the case. Some things are simply not about you.
It can be tricky to resist the urge to assume everything is about you when you’re thinking about how other people interact with you. It takes practice to remember that everyone is out there doing their own stuff for their own reasons, and it probably has nothing to do with you. In general it’s helpful to try to see things from another point of view, which is part of why working with a therapist can be so powerful.
Ask yourself – Do you like everyone?
Being unliked by some people doesn’t make you unlikable as a whole. It’s tempting to be defensive when someone doesn’t like you, but remember that you don’t like everyone, either. There are always going to be people who you don’t see eye to eye with, who make you feel frustrated or angry, and who you don’t like to deal with. There are even times when you just strongly dislike someone and can’t put your finger on why. We’ve all been there!
Keep in mind that if everybody liked everybody, it wouldn’t be so special when we connect with someone we care about. Also if that were true, everyone would be the same, which would be boring. Just as you have preferences about people, people will have preferences about you.
The next time you feel like someone dislikes you, remember that there are people you dislike too. We all do it, and it’s not always personal. Remind yourself that it’s okay to not like everyone, and it’s okay to be disliked.
Remind yourself what makes you likable
One reason it feels painful to have someone dislike you is because it can make you question whether you’re likable at all. It’s tempting to jump right to assuming that just because one person doesn’t like you, no one could possibly like you and there is nothing likable about you.
Taking a pause before you jump to that conclusion can help you remember what is actually true.
What do you like about yourself? What do other people like about you? Reminding yourself of the things that people do like about you can help you feel less insecure when someone doesn’t like you. Are there things that you are proud of or admire about yourself? Do people compliment you about things? Maybe keep a list of what you like about yourself on your phone or in your journal to refer back to in moments of doubt.
You could even keep a file of things you like about yourself on your computer or other device to look at when you feel that you’re not likable. Save screenshots of nice messages from people you care about, pictures that make you feel good about yourself, and other things you’re proud of to remind yourself that you are likable, even if you’re not liked by this one person.